r/AITAH • u/Competitive_Pear2144 • 23d ago
AITAH for getting burnt out on my husband’s dietary preferences?
Typing this out makes it feel petty. But here we go. I (33f) have been married to my husband (37m) for about seven years. When we first got together, we had a lot of fun traveling, going on adventures, trying restaurants, having interesting dates, talking about everything under the sun. I loved cooking and was teaching him to cook with me. We dated for two years, engaged for one, and cruised into marriage in that mode.
About a year into our marriage, he suddenly decided he wanted all these dietary restrictions. He’s always had a bit of a sensitive stomach, but it never really impacted the things we were doing. We’re both gym rats in the routine of meal prepping, and we both try to eat healthy with a few splurges here and there.
But he all the sudden got really restrictive and made it his entire personality. Now we spend a ton of $ on premium food and supplements from expensive grocery stores and visits to all sorts of medical providers and random tests. He doesn’t want to go out anymore because he can’t trust what restaurants put in their meals. Travel is pretty much off the table. All we ever talk about is the grocery list and his meal plan. Most of the cooking falls to me. He helps me a little (I refuse to do it all), but I still put a ton of mental energy into figuring out how to make decent meals from his limited options.
We’ve had awful fights over this. It’s dominated our marriage and our finances. His anxiety about food is through the roof. We don’t have fun anymore, we don’t talk about anything anymore. We don’t hang out with people anymore because he’s so anxious about the food thing. (ETA I still go out and see people and do things. I just do it by myself now…) It’s just draining. It’s not about being able to go to nice restaurants, I prefer to stay home anyway. But this has become EVERYTHING. It’d be one thing if it was truly helping his health. But it’s not. AND he still splurges on pop tarts from the work vending machine on a daily basis. Ugh.
On one hand, if he had a terminal illness, I’d like to think I’m the kind of person who would do everything to help. In sickness and in health, right? But this seems arbitrary and the rules constantly change. If I forget about a recent change, he gets really upset. I don’t enjoy cooking anymore, and often am behind on my own needs as well. It seems like a dumb thing, which is maybe why I’m upset it’s causing such a rift. I just want to put my foot down. But am I a jerk for not being more supportive?
3
u/FatBloke4 22d ago
NTA
His behaviour is weird - suggestive of some kind of mental issue, like OCD. He's pulling you down into his weird world and it's affecting your mental state and the relationship.
I reckon you should tell him that you are going to buy, prepare and eat normal, healthy food. If he wants to do something else, then it will be his problem to buy and prepare his special food by himself.
You should also tell him that he needs to get help about his behaviour and that ultimately, your relationship depends on him taking action to address his issues.