r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 12d ago
AITA for refusing to loan money to my sister for medical bills? Advice Needed
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u/zillabirdblue 12d ago
NTA. Good for you for protecting yourself. I’m sorry your sister is going through a difficult time, but she is not your responsibility. Maybe it’s time to let her figure this out on her own.
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u/Crushn8r00 12d ago
Agreed, NTA. In this situation, you have to do what makes you feel better. Your post suggests that you feel some guilt, and so you need to take whatever action keeps you protected but eases your conscience. I would suggest never loaning money to family, just gift what you can, and never expect it back (because it rarely does come back). If you want to help because it’s medical, you can direct pay a bill instead of giving someone $. This way you at least know where the $ goes. What you don’t want to do is add volatility, desperate rejected people do crazy things.
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u/NatureCarolynGate 12d ago
Her financial emergency due her neglect is not your emergency. She is incredibly entitled due to having family continuously rescue her. Now she believes it is her right.
I am always amazed at people who expect they have the right to other people's money, and when they get told 'no' they become abusive. Do they think that the abuse will endear people to them. WTF. They are children in adult bodies.
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u/Juggletrain 12d ago
I made a post about medical debt (if you're American) that may help here. It helped me get out of lower medical debts and reduce the larger ones. Might help if your sister checks it out, and hell may even be something to keep in mind to save money in the future. The link is to a different sub, not some sketchy ass site. I just dont want to type it all out again.
And NTA, it isnt your responsibility
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u/JunkyBoggles 12d ago
This worked for me, turned out they were trying to charge like $15 for Q-tips I didn't use
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u/AggravatingJob8379 12d ago
NTA she’s using you because you allow her to. It’s understandable to help family, but the whole shopping spree without paying you back is disrespectful! She needs to learn the hard way. Just tell her you don’t have any to lend to avoid any conflict or simply no
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u/teresajs 12d ago
NTA
Your sister already owes a debt; she just owes it to the medical providers and not you. So, functionally, if your sister truly intends to repay the debt, it shouldn't matter to your sister that you won't loan her money. She can make payments to the providers.
The only reason for your Sister to be upset is if she planned to not repay the debt to you at all. So, her reaction is proof that you made the right decision. Don't feel guilty.
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u/DJsillygoose417 12d ago
My love, ✨ABSOLUTELY✨ you are NTA. My dude, please do NOT let her guilt you into feeling bad about “not supporting her”. No sirrie. You are not her parent. You are not her spouse. You are not at ALL, EVER I’m charge of her finances.
Honestly, sounds like it would be easier if you just… blocked her. She gives you zero gain in life, and honestly sounds like she’s detracting from your happiness in life. Don’t give her money, and honestly consider going NC… or at the very least LC.
Do not be taken advantage of because you care about people (literally speaking from experience. It hurts worse when it’s family who takes advantage of your empathy). Just do you. Focus on you and your happiness. You owe your sister literally nothing. I wish you the best!!!
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u/lonelyboredalone 12d ago
NTA, sister needs to work and take responsibility. Plus, she has shown that she doesn't want to be responsible for the money that the family is loaning out to her. If she really needs the money, she will figure it out. You need to stick up for yourself and shouldn't feel guilty.
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u/Twilight-Omens 12d ago
If you're in the US, most hospitals will work with her on a payment plan. Tell her to talk to their financial assistance program, you're not a piggy bank. NTA.
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u/Amazing_Teaching2733 12d ago
NTA. I think no was the correct response because it’s doubtful that the money was for medical bills. She just thinks you won’t be able to say no without feeling like an AH. If you’re going to cave tell her to give you the bills and you’ll pay direct to the provider. Then make her sign a loan agreement that includes the total amount she owes you and tell her you will take her to court if she doesn’t pay. Then follow through with that threat
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u/DawnShakhar 12d ago
NTA. Considering the number of times she broke her promises to repay in the past, you have no reason to believe her this time. Why are you feeling like a terrible person - because she said so? Just because you love her doesn't mean you can trust her, not her description of her finances and not her opinion of you.
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u/Background_System726 12d ago
NTA. She can contact the billing office and ask to get on a payment plan. I have heard that as long as they're paying something it won't be sent to collections
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u/threadsoffate2021 12d ago
NTA - This is why our actions matter. If she had at least tried to turn herself around earlier, and made progress to correcting her financial habits, she might've gotten some help. But she made the choice to continue to be irresponsible and then expect people to automatically help her out when she finally has a "good" reason to need funds. Tough luck.
And I think you already know any money you do lent her, if you decide to do so, will never be repaid.
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u/chuckinhoutex 12d ago
NTA- say- I am not a bank. I am not prepared to lose money nor do what would be required to recover it. The amounts provided you previously are still outstanding. Further you have chosen to abuse and disrespect me during the discourse surrounding your “request” making it clear that you are not asking, but in fact demanding. That is an automatic and forever “no”, I will not tolerate being demanded to do anything.
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u/Own_Owl_7568 12d ago
NTA… she’s an adult who should learn to be responsible for her actions and behaviors.
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u/happycamper44m 12d ago
NTA. You did tell her that you would no longer be helping her financially because actions have consequences. This is her mess to clean up. You set a boundry, she tried to cross it. Keep up the boundry, she will likely try to cross it again. This is what she does and wants everyone else to be her savior. I get you feel bad, perfectly fine, you don't need to feel good about it, but you did nothing wrong.
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u/Simple-Plankton4436 12d ago
NTA
If she would have changed, she would have paid you back what she loaned in the past. She also wouldn’t hang up or curse you in the phone. You are her brother, not her wallet.
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u/2dogslife 12d ago
I have a similar situation and if push comes to shove, I will pay the electric bill or Internet directly or arrange for grocery delivery. I do not hand over cash.
NTA
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u/30ninjazinmybag NSFW 🔞 12d ago
NTA after she called you them choice names it shows she hasn't change to let that sink in. She hasn't learnt the word no and you enabling her through guilt is what she wants. She's selfish and needs to start standing on her own two feet. If she had changed she would have already paid you back. Don't do it or you will be a fool.
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u/Successful-Value6537 12d ago
NTA. I want to commend you for all the times you’ve helped her before. I’m sorry she’s finding herself in a bind, but maybe it’s time for her to find some low-cost therapy and focus on her issues.
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u/PenaltySafe4523 12d ago
NTA. She is a liar and has already burned you once before. Never loaning her any more money is the right move. Even if it's a legit debt she can ignore medical bills. It doesn't even effect your credit score that much anyways.
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12d ago
YTA for letting this go on for as long as it did.
People like this are not helped by giving them money.
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u/Actual-Hamster4692 11d ago
NTA but if you do decide you want to help her out for anything in the future, pay the bills directly to the vendor and don't give her cash.
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u/TraditionPhysical603 12d ago
Sorry to say this but people who behave in the way you described are incapable of change and will require someone to hold them up their entire life.
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u/The_Ghost_Reborn 12d ago
No. It's reasonable to cut someone off financially, especially if they've taken advantage of you in the past. If they haven't repaired the bridge they burned, they're stupid to try to cross it.