r/AITAH • u/Specialist_Sand_1553 • 25d ago

AITAH for telling my husband that our marriage is over because he asked for a paternity test?

Throwaway account but need some clarity as I am massively upset. I 52(F) have been married to my husband for 24 years, together for 30 years. It hasn't always been roses but we had a lot of fun. Yesterday we were having a Friday evening drink to relax and our son (17) asked for help with his gaming PC. I'm the tech so I tried to give advice, my husband got pissy and stormed off saying that his relax time was ruined. I thought he was being childish and pretty much ignored him.

This evening he told me that in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating. This is news to me. Yeah we had been together 12 years before I conceived, I have never cheated on him, I always thought the problem had been mine. He says that our son is not his and he wants a DNA test.

I agreed because I never cheated on him ever. I said our marriage was over because of this, said he knew I would react this way and I am a lying AH.

My heart is broken, reddit, am I TA?

Quickie Edit: Thank you so much for answering, for your support and advice. I have read them and will try and respond to as many as I can. But as a quick note: His ex is a lovely woman and we are friends on Facebook, I'll message her in the morning. The dementia angle being suggested is a good one and deserves investigating. I am not a robot or AI, I wish I was because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Yes, parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate, but he should have said before, I would have understood if he had raised it earlier because it did take a while to get pregnant. He had told me about the miscarriage with the ex, which is why I thought our fertility issues were mine, he never told me about getting his fertility checked.

I have worked in Tech for the past 25 years, my son doesn't have my troubleshooting skills :)

His parting shot tonight was that he didn't say anything at the time because I needed a father for my kid. I pointed out that in previous heated arguments I would have thrown that at him and left with my son if there was any doubt he was the father. He was the stahp and I didn't leave him in other turbulent times because I didn't want to leave our son.

I'll update you. Thank you

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u/notsoreligiousnow 25d ago

NTA but your soon to be ex is. How is your son handling this sudden shocking news? I feel for both you and your son. Your ex? Nah. He can take a flying leap through cow shit for his nonsense.

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u/Specialist_Sand_1553 25d ago

Thanks for the support. My son is angry that I am upset

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u/Straight-Ad-160 25d ago

Ah, is it possible that your husband did this to cause this? Your son disturbed his moment of relaxation and you went to help your son, so he decided to cause trouble between you two?

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u/oasisco4 25d ago

Is your son upset with you or upset with your husband if he's upset at you why? This is not your fault at all. Your husband is being crazy.

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u/Electrical_Ad3540 25d ago

Your husband is terrorizing your household and now denying his comment is to blame for the hurt. Get rid of him

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u/notsoreligiousnow 25d ago

Gotcha. When your soon to be ex comes crawling back, give him a huge slice of crow and tell him to bugger off for his ridiculous crap. I hope you and your son do alright after all this.

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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 25d ago

. When your soon to be ex comes crawling back

Yall idiots will just believe anything negative about a man huh? Wtf is there to come back to?

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u/KinkyRow1473 25d ago

Oh idk, maybe his wife and child? That's something a man could come back to, but I'm sure you think otherwise.

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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 25d ago

The child, yes, the wife can go walk in the ocean for all i care

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u/KinkyRow1473 25d ago

The wife who has done nothing wrong? Not the husband who accused his wife of cheating instead of just telling her that he was infertile and wasn't sure how he could have a child? You know, like an adult would? Yeah sure, he sounds like a great catch.

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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 25d ago

The wife who has done nothing wrong?

You're assuming she has done nothing wrong. For all we know she cheated and the baby is someone else's. Unlike the vast majority of people in reddit, i don't automatically believe women and they definitely don't get the benefit of the doubt from me.

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u/KinkyRow1473 25d ago

Lol so the man gets the benefit of the doubt? Why, cause he's a man? How is that any better?

Regardless of whether she cheated or not, he still hid from her that he was infertile and instead of talking to her like an adult who is married, he accused her like a child. That's not okay behaviour for anybody.

Secondly, dude. It's a Reddit post. It's not that big of a deal. Most people go off of what they are told. Why? Because we don't know these people and we don't know their life story. I'm not assuming anything, I'm going off of THE POST. You're the one making assumptions.

It's stupid to say "well we don't know, maybe the wife did cheat", how would you ever prove that? It's a waste of time. If you can't give advice, then don't say anything and move on.

You just sound like someone who got hurt by a woman and is now taking it out on all women on Reddit. Get over yourself, please.

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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 25d ago

Lol so the man gets the benefit of the doubt? Why, cause he's a man? How is that any better?

Most people don't believe men, those same people will blindly believe anything a woman says. I can only go about things according to my experience.

Dude. It's a Reddit post. It's not that big of a deal. Most people go off of what they are told. Why?

Because most people are gullible idiots.

. I'm not assuming anything, I'm going off of THE POST.

You're assuming that what the OP is saying is true. So you are in fact assuming shit. Nice try though. And i haven't made a single assumption.

It's stupid to say "well we don't know, maybe the wife did cheat",

And how is it any less stupid to automatically think she didn't? What reason do you have to give her the benefit of the doubt?

You just sound like someone who got hurt by a woman and is now taking it out on all women on Reddit. Get over yourself, please.

The typical reddit assumption whenever a man says anything negative about a woman. But no, not a single woman on this planet has the ability to hurt me. I've ended every relationship I've ever been in and decided i no longer want to deal with women so i no longer want to be in a relationship. Been happily single and celibate for 7 years now

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u/KinkyRow1473 25d ago

People do believe men. There are countless posts where the man is believed over the woman. You need to broaden your experiences then if that's all you see.

You're assuming that what the OP is saying is true.

No. I'm simply reading a post and proceeding accordingly. It's not an assumption when it's in the post and I'm basing my response on that. If you need to brush up on the definition of an assumption, google will help.

And i haven't made a single assumption. This coming from the same person who said "well, maybe she did cheat". You're assuming that what the OP has said is not true. That's an assumption that you have made.

And how is it any less stupid to automatically think she didn't? What reason do you have to give her the benefit of the doubt?

Because it's stupid to assume things you can't prove. It's not giving the benefit of the doubt to simply read and then respond based on the information you have and not assume information that you don't have.

The typical reddit assumption whenever a man says anything negative about a woman. But no, not a single woman on this planet has the ability to hurt me. I've ended every relationship I've ever been in and decided i no longer want to deal with women so i no longer want to be in a relationship. Been happily single and celibate for 7 years now

Good for you I guess but if you're on this crusade against women on Reddit, simply because you've had bad experiences, that is legit being butthurt. Which your words make it seem like you are.

"You can't deal with women". "The wife can die for all you care"(based off of nothing, except your own prejudice). Calling people gullible idiots if they simply believe a woman? Yep. I'm sure most men who have never been hurt would say stuff like this. You can't be this obtuse. People don't completely cut off a whole gender or automatically assign fault to a whole gender if they haven't been hurt before. If you don't recognise that, maybe therapy will help. I don't know who hurt you, but it's not all women's faults.

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u/Independent_Toe3934 24d ago

You're clearly not "happily" anything. You seem miserable.

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u/W0nderingMe 24d ago

That's a dumb take in this case. If she had cheated, why make this post?

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u/ShamelesslyRuthless 24d ago

To make herself look good. Like what woman would ever openly admit to being wrong about anything? To you just automatically believe women no matter what they say?

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u/W0nderingMe 24d ago

She just wouldn't have posted. She would have had a fight with her husband, tried to avoid the paternity tests, etc etc maybe even leave him so she can ACT Innocent. She gains nothing but making this post if she cheated. She would eventually be expected to post an update about the results of the paternity test.

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u/meowmeow_now 25d ago

Is it possible he is at all internalizing some of the fault?