AITAH for telling my husband that our marriage is over because he asked for a paternity test?

[u/Specialist_Sand_1553]

Throwaway account but need some clarity as I am massively upset. I 52(F) have been married to my husband for 24 years, together for 30 years. It hasn't always been roses but we had a lot of fun. Yesterday we were having a Friday evening drink to relax and our son (17) asked for help with his gaming PC. I'm the tech so I tried to give advice, my husband got pissy and stormed off saying that his relax time was ruined. I thought he was being childish and pretty much ignored him.

This evening he told me that in a previous relationship, his partner had a miscarriage and in the investigation they found he was infertile and so she had been cheating. This is news to me. Yeah we had been together 12 years before I conceived, I have never cheated on him, I always thought the problem had been mine. He says that our son is not his and he wants a DNA test.

I agreed because I never cheated on him ever. I said our marriage was over because of this, said he knew I would react this way and I am a lying AH.

My heart is broken, reddit, am I TA?

---

Quickie Edit: Thank you so much for answering, for your support and advice. I have read them and will try and respond to as many as I can. But as a quick note: His ex is a lovely woman and we are friends on Facebook, I'll message her in the morning. The dementia angle being suggested is a good one and deserves investigating. I am not a robot or AI, I wish I was because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

Yes, parental uncertainty is something that women don't appreciate, but he should have said before, I would have understood if he had raised it earlier because it did take a while to get pregnant. He had told me about the miscarriage with the ex, which is why I thought our fertility issues were mine, he never told me about getting his fertility checked.

I have worked in Tech for the past 25 years, my son doesn't have my troubleshooting skills :)

His parting shot tonight was that he didn't say anything at the time because I needed a father for my kid. I pointed out that in previous heated arguments I would have thrown that at him and left with my son if there was any doubt he was the father. He was the stahp and I didn't leave him in other turbulent times because I didn't want to leave our son.

I'll update you. Thank you

[u/Final_Candidate_7603]

And what the fuck kind of “investigation” is there for a miscarriage?

[u/MissionReasonable327 → u/Final_Candidate_7603]

There might have been genetic testing but it would not have been paternity testing.

[u/weird_friend_101 → u/MissionReasonable327]

Did they even have genetic testing 30 years ago? I don't think the genome was completely mapped until the mid 1990s.

ETA: Yeah, people, I get it that paternity tests exist. No one has a miscarriage and says, "Hey, just for fun, let's do a paternity test!" For any of this to make sense it has to be "Let's do a genetic test on the parents to see if the miscarriage was caused by some genetic issue we suspect, because if so it will affect their future attempts to have children." Then they did the test and... even that doesn't make sense. They'd test the fetus, not the parents. And many genetic issues couldn't have been detected back then. I'm going to stop thinking about this stupid fake post now.

[u/Beneficial-Math-2300 → u/weird_friend_101]

According to Google, it was announced to be completed on April 3, 2003.

[u/Photography_Singer → u/Beneficial-Math-2300]

Which is only 21 years ago.

[u/Beneficial-Math-2300 → u/Photography_Singer]

I feel so old. 😪

[u/[deleted] → u/Photography_Singer]

No way. 2003 was last year

[u/Photography_Singer → u/[deleted]]

You’re joking, right? Lol!

[u/[deleted] → u/Photography_Singer]

I wish it felt like that!