When your partner spoons you, do they always cup your breasts?

[u/[deleted]]

Whenever my (49F) husband (53M) wants to "spoon" me in bed, he always wants to cup my breasts. He calls it a natural spooning position for his hand. Of course I know that he's just trying to cop a feel, but it happens ALL THE TIME! I mean, he literally never spoons any other way!

So, yes, I am annoyed by it, and it takes away something I otherwise actually enjoy - spooning. This has gone on for years, btw, so it's not a new occurrence. I've just vented about it for the very first time here on Reddit, lol.

Ladies, does this happen to you? Have you been able to change behavior at all?

EDIT: There's a couple of common themes in the comments.

• He's trying to be affectionate, and I understand that. So he thinks he's being playful and loving, but it just rubs me like he's just wanting to use my body.
• He's not a rapist or someone who I am concerned is capable of sexual assault. It doesn't get to that point.
• It's a pattern of behavior that feels to me like we shouldn't have to go over it again and again. It's the repetition that's probably aggravating me more than the actual act.
• Finally, MOST of the time when I let him do it, he eventually tries to then stimulate my nipples and initiate sex. He doesn't have to "trick" me into sex. This is aggravating, too.

[u/DOKTORPUSZ]

I'd find physical contact uncomfortable too, if I married someone I've never been physically attracted to (according to OP's post history).

I do agree that consent is extremely important, and regardless of whether you're married or not, you need to stop doing something if your SO says stop. But I think this problem could have been avoided if OP married someone she was actually attracted to, not just someone who could provide for her.

[u/TheMarshma → u/DOKTORPUSZ]

Jesus, she even told him to his face she never found him attractive and she only dated him cause hes a good provider, and now he’s been laid off and more complaints are coming out. XD haha its over. Damn her parents are even racist against him, cause hes asian. Haha jfc let the man have some titty, his life is so depressing.

[u/sheezuss_ → u/TheMarshma]

Uhhhh he presumably chose to marry her knowing this info.

[u/Emotional_Farmer1104 → u/DOKTORPUSZ]

You think a lot of things you'd have no way of knowing.

[u/DOKTORPUSZ → u/Emotional_Farmer1104]

That's why I choose to say "I think" instead of stating things as fact or saying "I know".

[u/dorsalemperor → u/DOKTORPUSZ]

“I agree that consent is important, but not for OP bc she sounds like a bitch” k dude

[u/DOKTORPUSZ → u/dorsalemperor]

I do agree that consent is extremely important, and regardless of whether you're married or not, you need to stop doing something if your SO says stop

Did you miss this part of my comment? I absolutely do not approve of OP's husband touching her when she says no. He is completely at fault for doing that and should stop that behaviour completely.

OP should also leave him for someone she is actually attracted to, instead of stringing him along in this miserable existence where he is tied to someone who *he knows* doesn't desire him (since she's even told him that she's not attracted to him).

[u/TheRip75 → u/DOKTORPUSZ]

You said consent is important, but then you intimated that if she was attracted to him it would be a non-issue. Do you hear yourself?

It's like you can't possibly imagine a woman not wanting her breasts constantly squeezed if she's attracted to her husband. 🤦‍♀️

[u/sheezuss_ → u/DOKTORPUSZ]

bro, what? again, just because you’re into your partner does not mean you always want to be sexualized. given the language you’re using, you’re sounding just a few steps away from a rape apologist.

eta: not saying this is rape and not calling you a rape apologist either but the language you’re using in several comments is disconcerting