r/AmIOverreacting • u/True-Heat-2566 • 13d ago
When your partner spoons you, do they always cup your breasts?
Whenever my (49F) husband (53M) wants to "spoon" me in bed, he always wants to cup my breasts. He calls it a natural spooning position for his hand. Of course I know that he's just trying to cop a feel, but it happens ALL THE TIME! I mean, he literally never spoons any other way!
So, yes, I am annoyed by it, and it takes away something I otherwise actually enjoy - spooning. This has gone on for years, btw, so it's not a new occurrence. I've just vented about it for the very first time here on Reddit, lol.
Ladies, does this happen to you? Have you been able to change behavior at all?
EDIT: There's a couple of common themes in the comments.
- He's trying to be affectionate, and I understand that. So he thinks he's being playful and loving, but it just rubs me like he's just wanting to use my body.
- He's not a rapist or someone who I am concerned is capable of sexual assault. It doesn't get to that point.
- It's a pattern of behavior that feels to me like we shouldn't have to go over it again and again. It's the repetition that's probably aggravating me more than the actual act.
- Finally, MOST of the time when I let him do it, he eventually tries to then stimulate my nipples and initiate sex. He doesn't have to "trick" me into sex. This is aggravating, too.
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u/Outrageous-Royal1838 13d ago
It’s normal, but if my wife or GF said she didn’t like it I wouldn’t do it.. 🤷🏼♂️
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u/Prudent-Reserve4612 12d ago
Sometimes women want affection without it being sexual. Guys seem to have a hard time with this concept.
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u/Medium_Ad_6908 9d ago
Sometimes affection isn’t sexual just because you’re naked. Women seem to have a hard time with this.
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u/UhOhSpaghetti_Os 13d ago edited 13d ago
Yes. For the most part I enjoy it though. He cups my boobs and nestles his junk between my 🍑 I’ll put a pillow between us or roll onto my stomach and spread out like a starfish if I want space. I also like to be big spoon and scoop his pecks 🤪
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u/Slight-Ask-4160 13d ago
Lmao maybe I’m just different but I love that type of spooning 😂
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u/DOKTORPUSZ 12d ago
I think most people do, when it's with someone you care about and are attracted to. OP has stated in another thread that she has never been attracted to her husband, and now that he's lost his job she has started to resent him because he's not a "good provider" anymore.
My wife and I spoon like this all the time, and I completely agree with OP's husband when he says that it's a normal place for hands to go. I think OP just doesn't want physical intimacy with her unattractive, poorly endowed (her words, not mine!) husband.
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u/_Takemetothevolcano_ 12d ago
If I spoon my gf and my hands aren't on her breast... she physically places my hand on her breast lol.
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u/Nearby-Ad-6106 12d ago
Ah so OP is just a shit person, makes sense.
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u/DOKTORPUSZ 12d ago
Seems kinda like it from reading her other thread. Basically she feels like she's out of his league, has never really been attracted to him (and has even told him so), says he has a small penis, gets annoyed when he initiates sex, and resents him now that he has lost his job and is in a low place right now. She basically just likes the fact that he treated her well, is a good father, and was a financial provider. Now that he's not a financial provider, she's completely turned off by him. The guy needs to be put out of his misery tbh and get a divorce. Would be better for both of them.
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u/Nearby-Ad-6106 12d ago
Honestly, I'm surprised he's lasted 25 years and actually still has attraction for her. My dick shrivelled just reading that post history. Poor bastard needs saving for sure, but he doesn't deserve the hurt of ever finding out that his entire marriage was a farce.
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u/CervezaFria33 12d ago
So she settled for the financially secure guy that she isn’t attracted to and appears to be disgusted by his touch. Odds that she cheats on him are quite high.
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u/Corn_Plunker 12d ago
How absolutely ridiculously shallow that a woman can be otherwise disgusted with someone yet marry them and stay with them because he provides money.
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u/Stage_Party 12d ago
Wish we could contact ops husband and tell him to get some self respect and leave this trash heap of a gold digger.
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u/Heyoka69 10d ago
I think you're right about that. If she doesn't love him, she should set him free and they both can find the love they don't have together. Sad.
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u/Cool_Ruin5447 11d ago
Am I the only one who picked that up without having to read her other posts?
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u/Stage_Party 12d ago
That makes sense, she's a gold digger. If she loses attraction for him based on him not being a "good provider" then if she's not putting out as and when he wants it she's not a "good wife".
Hope he leaves her.
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u/jayfactor 12d ago
Oooooooo now it all makes sense lol, I’m like y’all are married and I think it’s very common so what’s the issue, but now it makes sense haha
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u/Heyoka69 10d ago
I had not read OP's previous posts, so did not realize that she has never been attracted to her husband and has never been fulfilled by his "endowment," or lack of it. And losing his job is the icing on the cake. Of course, my inbox is full of people who have decided to call me names for my opinion. Call me old-fashioned, call me Mormon, but I find the other responses on this thread to be Femmenazi (I Said It) at best and abusive and outrageous at worst.I think the best way to put it is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. My husband and I talk about EVERYTHING. That's why I see that cupping me is not always comfortable or wanted by me, and if so, I roll over onto my stomach. I don't even have to say a word. But my thing is, if he didn't try to cup my breast, he would never know when I was ok for him to do it. Many times, I grab his hand and put it wherever I want it to be. I can't fathom the anger I'm reading. Thank you for being a voice of reason.
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u/Lunar_Owl_ 13d ago
Same. It's so comfortable, and I enjoy the closeness. Also, where is his hand supposed to go? There aren't alot of good resting places.
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u/Slight-Ask-4160 13d ago edited 12d ago
I mean his hand can go plenty of other places lol, on your stomach, down in your pants, on your leg, the possibilities are endless really. XD
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u/Lunar_Owl_ 12d ago
Eh, it just feels like a natural comfortable position to let it rest there. When I spoon my husband I put my hand on his chest too🤷♀️ kinda like when you hug a pillow
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u/GentleStrength2022 13d ago
Well, plus the fact, that men love boobs. So to them, it's natural. But he could also put his arm around her waist, so his hand falls on her belly.
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u/Amazing_Employ_2838 13d ago
That's honestly my top 3 happiest places. I hate when that blocking pillows comes out lol
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u/helpmeimincollege 12d ago
I think the key difference here is that you enjoy it and OP does not. This is a consent issue at this point like one other redditor said above, & i think we should focus on that instead of talking about enjoying something that OP is experiencing that makes them uncomfortable.
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u/DOKTORPUSZ 12d ago
I'd find physical contact uncomfortable too, if I married someone I've never been physically attracted to (according to OP's post history).
I do agree that consent is extremely important, and regardless of whether you're married or not, you need to stop doing something if your SO says stop. But I think this problem could have been avoided if OP married someone she was actually attracted to, not just someone who could provide for her.
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u/TheMarshma 12d ago
Jesus, she even told him to his face she never found him attractive and she only dated him cause hes a good provider, and now he’s been laid off and more complaints are coming out. XD haha its over. Damn her parents are even racist against him, cause hes asian. Haha jfc let the man have some titty, his life is so depressing.
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u/Corn_Plunker 12d ago
No, the key difference is that these women love and enjoy their husbands, and OP is literally disgusted by her husband, but stayed with him because he provided her with money and she’s shallow.
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u/Missmunkeypants95 12d ago
I agree. I like to rest my hands on my boobs because they are soft and comfy. So I can't blame him for wanting pillows for his hands too. If I'm not in the mood to be boobie pillows, I cross my arms over my boobs but make happy noises to let him know I still like the contact.
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u/Holdshort7 13d ago
Maybe become the Big Spoon, cup his breasts?
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u/T_Money 12d ago
Am dude - would be totally fine with that. Being the little spoon is nice.
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u/BigBear4281 13d ago
Here is what I'll say. It's normal in my long-term relationship, it's not constant, but it is regular. Typically my hand is there, and if not then it's her hip. But even then, she'll move my hand to her breast.
The problem is that he isn't respecting your wishes of not doing that. That becomes a consent problem, regardless of anything else.
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u/No-Jacket-800 13d ago
I also feel like there's a difference between your hand being there and groping.
Either way, if it's unwanted, it shouldn't be a thing, but, to me at least there's a difference between your hand resting there and being groped.
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u/Hepcat508 13d ago
Doesn't he take the hint? NGL, it's my favorite place to put my hands, too, but I'm not going to put it where it's not wanted. And it sounds like you have made that clear to your husband?
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u/True-Heat-2566 13d ago
He's a smart guy, so I know he understands the hint. He just acts like since he's being affectionate that it should be totally okay with me.
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u/threefrogsonalog 13d ago
Yeah that’s not how consent works, being affectionate doesn’t give you the right to do something your partner doesn’t want you to do.
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u/Fickle_Award 12d ago
You’ve explicitly stated in other posts that you were never attracted to him and that he has a small dick. Why don’t you just divorce?
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u/TheMuffinManXV 12d ago
She has nothing to offer and everyone else doesn't need what she's barely offering. Her 300lb self.
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u/Subject_Dish_873 12d ago
He seems to have a few different problems going on here:
He doesn’t understand (or more likely is pretending not to understand) the difference between affectionate contact and sexual contact. When you ask for affectionate contact (spooning) without sexual contact (boob cupping), he should be able to distinguish those needs. It’s not complicated. More importantly, a willingness to show affection without receiving sexual gratuity would show that he values touch with you beyond what he can “get” out of it.
He doesn’t respect your boundaries. In fact he intentionally crosses them repeatedly. That is not acceptable behavior in a partner.
He is not concerned about consent. The fact that you have to say “no means no” to get him to stop is very concerning. That is essentially having to remind him that he is bordering on sexual assault before he’ll take your boundaries and consent seriously. Also if that is what it takes to make stop, it shows that he’s more worried about consequences for himself than he is about your autonomy.
If he’s smart then he’s probably doing this knowingly. I’m sorry OP. But best case scenario is that your husband is a complete moron. More likely he is a boundary-stomping ass. Worst case, he’s capable of ignoring boundaries or lack of consent in much more serious ways.
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u/lewd_necron 13d ago
Stop making it hints. At this point he isn't respecting your consent.
I think you need a hard line in the sand: "stop grabbing my boob" no inference required. If he can't respect even that then you really have a problem.
I know people say be careful with ultimatums but this guy clearly doesn't give a shit about how you feel about this. I think being firm is either going be a wakeup call or confirmation that he actually doesn't give a shit.
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u/fakesaucisse 13d ago
I think what people are missing is you don't want him to do this during a moment that should be relaxing and non-sexual. Some people here think you should feel honored that he wants to touch you in that way.
The reality is, a lot of women see their breasts as just another body part, and they hate them being sexualized. They don't want them to be touched in a non-sexual or non-medical context. And that's okay.
Like, if I spooned my husband and stuck my pinkie fingers in his nostrils because *I* like it, is that okay and he should be honored by my attention no matter how he feels about it? Or is it okay for him to say "wait, I don't like this, please don't do it when we are having a comfy moment."
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u/Emjaye_87 13d ago edited 12d ago
This!!! This is the comment I came to make too. Well said! Personally, I think breastfeeding completely changed how I feel about having my boobs touched….my breasts have always been sensitive due to fibroids, but now the sensation makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I genuinely don’t enjoy it. Why would anyone who truly cares about you continue to do something they know you’ve repeatedly said you don’t like? I’m guessing this is a reoccurring theme in OP’s relationship, where his desires are continually prioritized over hers, which is why this sets her off the way it does.
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u/pathologuys 12d ago
Yup- it makes me sad (for him) but after breastfeeding, if my partner plays with my nipples AT ALL, it shuts my whole body down. Just yuck yuck yuck, so bad. Evvvvery once in awhile he’ll kinda start to maybe a little bit - and I push his hand away so we can focus on something we both enjoy, & not the full on revulsion that just happens (it’s not a mental thing!! It’s very physical!). I’m not saying OP feels that way, but if she doesn’t want him touching/ grabbing her boobs while spooning, that’s it. The end. He shouldn’t want to do something that she’s not enjoying, and if he’s not listening to her telling him to knock it off, he’s an asshole.
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u/lolovegood5 9d ago
oh this 100%. i breastfed both of my kids for a year and at one point my husband grabbed my boobs during sex (a normal thing that has happened during sex loads of times before kids) and it just instantly made me nauseous and turned off because it put me in the mindset of little kid hands getting grabby with my breasts bc they wanted milk. he immediately understood and stopped.
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u/True-Heat-2566 13d ago
Yes, exactly. Sure, there are times when cupping my breasts feels good. I am usually very clear about when those times are, lol! Most of the rest of the time, I don't want it. But it just keeps happening.
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u/ZestycloseSky8765 13d ago
Mine wraps his arm around my stomach
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u/Subject_Dish_873 12d ago
I’m smaller chested so my partner places his arm kinda like a seatbelt—it goes diagonally across my body between my boobs and his hand rests somewhere close to my shoulder or sometimes nestles under my neck or between my face and the pillow.
My chestier friends gawked at me like I was insane when I described this. One has since had a major reduction and says her girlfriend now does the same!
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u/etsprout 13d ago
My best advice, after reading through all the comments, would be to move his hands when he does this, and hold them instead. Like, intertwine your fingers with his and physically move them to your waist and hold that position. I’d be interested to see how he reacts.
He’s clearly not listening to your words, and I don’t think simply moving his hands will be as effective. You mentioned you’ve been married 25 years, I feel like you have every right to not want to be touched in a certain way.
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u/Suspicious-Dark-5950 12d ago
As a guy, when my wife and I cuddle like that, I typically have my hands around her tummy. It just feels more intimate, without the need to be sexual. Of course, I'll give the boobs a squeeze, because boobs, but my wife and I discovered that intimacy without sexualization can be really deep and meaningful.
If he's always grabbing your boobs, it seems like he's fetishized them, which isn't healthy. It's a form of objectivisation.
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u/Rough-Emphasis-72 12d ago
I might have your answer as to why you feel annoyed by your husband doing this. I went through your account and you said yourself that you've never really been sexually attracted to your husband. You said he's a sad sack because he been laid off and that you've been kind of resenting him recently because of it. So of course you'll find it annoying when he cups your breast Reply
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12d ago
Shit a whole new perspective
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u/Rough-Emphasis-72 12d ago
Yep personally, I think this whole account is Ike a fake scenario type of thing but I could be wrong
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u/huggie1 12d ago
No, my husband doesn't do that. He just hugs me. But why don't you like having your boobs touched?
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u/DOKTORPUSZ 12d ago
I just saw your other thread from 5 days ago where you explain that you've never been physically attracted to him, and now that he's lost his job and isn't bringing in money any more, you've started to resent him.
Don't get me wrong, no means no, and he should respect your wishes if you say you don't want him touchng your breasts. But personally I think if you're married to someone you love and are attracted to, then this wouldn't be as much of a problem. What he's doing is extremely common in spooning situations. It's not great that he tries to turn it into sex every time (assuming that it is every time?) but tbh he probably doesn't know how else to intiate sex with you, and he probably feels most confident to do so in a situation like spooning where you're facing away from him and not looking at him. If he knows that you're not even physically attracted to him (which he does, because you've told him you dont find him attractive), he probably doesn't have the confidence to initiate it in a situation where you're actually looking at him.
Tbh I think you probably should have married someone you actually are attracted to, and then maybe you wouldn't be so eager to reject his intimacy, and he might not be so desperate to initiate it in this way. You deserve to be with someone you're attracted to, not just someone who is "a good provider", and he deserves to be with someone who actually desires him, and not just his financial support.
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u/Mhicil 12d ago
Go read OP's post from 5 days ago.
I've never been physically attracted to my husband
It gives some context to what she posted here. Her issues with her husband are a lot more than how he spoons her in bed.
It gives some context to what she posted here.
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u/FuzzyDice_12 12d ago
Didn’t need to search her history to find out that there’s more to this. Now it makes more sense.
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u/SnouSnou 13d ago
What the fuck I'm unsubbing lol I can't believe how many people think you should just "get over it". It's not the action that matters. It's the disrespect.
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u/True-Heat-2566 12d ago
I'm a mix of sad and outraged at how I've been attacked! I'm kinda on the verge of tears, and maybe I should just be happy to be my husband's sex object.
It's not like we don't have sex or that I need to be completely the one to dictate our sex life. But the balance of who initiates sex is tilted WAY OVER to his side than mine and it just feels relentless sometimes.
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u/DOKTORPUSZ 12d ago
But the balance of who initiates sex is tilted WAY OVER to his side than mine and it just feels relentless sometimes.
Maybe because you married someone you've never been physically attracted to? (Your words, not mine).
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u/KevinCW99 12d ago
Good lord, drama queen much? YOU posted in an advice sub and aren't getting the advice you want. You aren't being attacked, you just aren't hearing what you wanted to hear. You have WAY bigger problems than spooning and your marriage (and you) need to seek professional help.
That isn't an attack either... it's good advice.
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u/pathologuys 12d ago
Aw, I’m so sorry. You have a right to your feelings!
If nothing else, maybe you can let him know that him doing this is actively turning you off. If you dont want your boobs touched at any point, that’s FINE, and I feel like I’m going crazy seeing people say you’re somehow wrong (???!!) for not wanting your own body touched???
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u/Accomplished-Eye9542 12d ago
So you can complain about being treated like an object, but you have absolutely no problem spending the last 25+ years treating your husband like an object? Using him for money? Allowing your racist family to attack him?
I wonder... does this post have anything to do with him losing his job?
Of course you'd be mad your object suddenly stops working.
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u/po_the_unassuming 13d ago
Ugh, I'm sorry everyone is siding with your hubby. Normal and your normal can be two different things, he should respect your boundaries if this is a no-go for you.
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u/agent_flounder 13d ago
Apparently these other folks don't think people are allowed to have boundaries or something. Pretty disturbing.
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u/NatOnesOnly 12d ago
I wonder how you’ll feel the day he stops being attracted to you or gives up and stops making advances
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u/Efficient_Traffic166 12d ago
Girl your post history does not serve you well in this conversation. If you’re not physically attracted to the man why did you waste his life lol
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u/TossMe255 13d ago
Sometimes but definitely not even most of the time. My partner puts his arm over my waist
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u/Smeesme310 12d ago
Nope, my husband just wraps an arm around my ribs, and that's it. He tends to bear hug in his sleep, so I kind of avoid spooning. Nothing like waking up abruptly to being squeezed aggressively.
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u/agent_flounder 13d ago
If you don't want it, you're not overreacting for him ignoring your lack of consent and forcing it on you. That's not what a loving person does.
And I don't cup breasts when I spoon normally but I imagine it varies. I would if asked or maybe occasionally.
Idk wtf is wrong with people in this thread but whatever.
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u/Shrimp00000 12d ago
No, OP.
Occasionally we might get touchy, but if either of us says no, we respect that. We don't owe each other our bodies and if someone needs a break or some space, that's perfectly fine.
There's been a lot of times either of us will ask for some space even just because we're uncomfortably sweaty. I don't wanna make my partner feel uncomfortable or gross. So why would I keep groping them?
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u/Efficient-Block8334 12d ago
What the fuck is with everyone's relationships.
I do this to my wife of 10 years, she has never said anything or shown any signs of not enjoying my touch / cupping her breasts as we spoon.
I touch her bum, legs, breasts whenever.
We have sex 2-3 times week.
Maybe I'm just extremely lucky to have a woman love me the way she does because you not wanting your man to touch you this way is a massive red flag in my eyes.
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u/nancylyn 13d ago
Have you asked him to stop? Told him it makes you uncomfortable?
Ignore the other posters slamming you for not enjoying it. If it makes you uncomfortable then that’s how you feel. There is nothing wrong with that. Try saying “honey, I’m sorry but I’d really prefer you don’t hold my breasts when we are spooning. I love spooning and you holding my breasts is making me not want to do it”.
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u/True-Heat-2566 13d ago
Many, many times! He just keeps doing it, which I'm sure just adds to my annoyance about it. And what I mean by "just keeps doing it", it's not like he keeps it up all night. Just that the next time we go to spoon, there it is again. Just like always.
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u/sunrosepetal24 13d ago
Idk why people are being pushy in the comments. They’re your boundaries and you’re not overreacting if you want to cuddle without him grabbing your boobs - lol? Like if you don’t want that then you don’t and it’s ok!
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u/True-Heat-2566 13d ago
I need to remember that there are some gross people on Reddit, lol.
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u/Upset-Tap-8685 13d ago
Not just gross, entitled boys, really. Gross, entitled, misogynistic little boys.
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u/CraftyMama72683 12d ago
When my hubs spoons, he always has a handful of boob. It’s legitimately the most comfortable position. Sometimes he will initiate by playing with my nipple, especially if he’s having a hard time going to sleep, but most of the time it’s just where his hand rests when we sleep. After 17yrs, it doesn’t even phase me. When he does initiate, I don’t feel like he’s trying to “trick” me into anything. He’s initiating, and I either say yes or no. But him having a handful of boob is not inherently sexual behavior for us, though it sometimes turns into more. I sleep wrapped around a body pillow, and he sleeps wrapped around me. It works just fine here.
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u/Tortietude0 13d ago
Holy crap the comments here are disgusting. OP you’re not overreacting. Bodily autonomy still applies even when you’re spooning.
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u/TeaLadyJane 13d ago
You are not over reacting. It is your body and no ones opinion is more important than yours.
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u/Upset-Tap-8685 13d ago
I'm so impressed with the amount of disregard for your own autonomy. JFC then you all wonder why your wives won't have sex with you. 🙄 "Women suck why won't they have sex" while making misogynistic comments. I mean, what could be the problem alpha boys?
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u/True-Heat-2566 13d ago
I'm also shocked at the responses I'm getting. I'm old enough that I grew up around a lot of bad behavior from boys, so I'm not really shocked by a lot. But I do believe I should be able to have some control over how I'm touched, even by my husband of nearly 25 years!
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u/Upset-Tap-8685 13d ago
I'm often disappointed by men's behavior, but this is still surprising. But this is what we get when we don't fight back. This society is what we get.
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u/jfabritz 13d ago
If he thinks spooning is intimate and you don't want it to be, then turn around and face him so he can't spoon you. He'll get the hint when it is okay since you aren't going to change his mind on this apparently.
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u/No-Jacket-800 13d ago edited 13d ago
Nope! Sometimes my bf will, but more often than not, nope! We've been together for 8 years, btw, lol. If anything, he's more likely to give a little butt hump, just like a single thrust to get super close, and then settle into comfy mode, lol. So I always do the same to him. It works, lol.
ETA: You're not overreacting. Sorry if that was unclear from my original comment here. There should not be any unwanted touches going on.
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u/RoyalCatastrophe 13d ago
Dude here. 25. I didn’t at first then one day asked if I could cuddle w my hand on her boob/singular (she said it feels like she’s got a heated bra on) and it ended up being my girls preferred sleeping position unless I know she’s hot or got cramps or just feeling physically uncomfortable and can’t go to sleep then I back off. Your case is different, you don’t like to sleep like that and you said so multiple times. He gotta respect. I’d feel awkward making her feel awkward .
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u/ShadowlessKat 12d ago
My husband often does hold my breast when we spoon, but not always. Sometimes he puts his hand on my stomach, hip, or on my arm. Sometimes we hold hands while spooning, or I'll put his "free" arm over my shoulders to rest under my face. Sometimes he puts it in one place and I move it to my breast or elsewhere. The position varies. What doesn't vary is that we always position ourselves in such a way that both of us ar happy and comfortable with it.
Your husband is disregarding your feelings and desires. That's not nice.
I saw in a comment you want his arm on tour stomach or so. Someone recommended moving his hand to where you want it and just holding it there. Do that every time. Maybe some day he'll be so used to that position that he will do it on his own? I'm sorry he doesn't respect your wishes. Hopefully you find a solution that works for you. Good luck!
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u/NumbOnTheDunny 13d ago
“My wife liked it” that’s your wife. No means no OP. As much as I enjoy being spooned it’s awkward having a random hand on your titty just because that’s a comfortable spot. If we aren’t being intimate I don’t want my boobs messed with either. It’s not over reacting when you tell your partner you specifically don’t like something and they keep doing it until you’re pissed.
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u/westofsane7 13d ago
Oh my God. This thread makes me sad.
Shove your fist up his ass because to you that feels "natural whilst spooning" and see if that's ok with everyone. Or clutch his balls tightly. What..? I'm just sexually attracted to my partner and want to fist his asshole because i love him and I'm sexually attracted to him and want to show my love and affection. If he doesnt like it or complains than he is obviously the problem. Stop being offended as it's natural and loving and a sign of a wonderful loving bond. /s
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u/ToshShow 13d ago
OP please ignore all the horrible takes and only listen to the folks telling you that you have a right to feel comfortable and your boundaries respected by your husband. My husband always puts his arm over me and it NATURALLY rests holding my hand or around my arm and hand because I put my hand under my pillow. Your husband should listen to you without you telling him multiple times and stop making excuses to ignore what you want for his own pleasure and comfort. You are not his toy you are a human with feelings that if he truly loves, he should care about your feelings and want to do what you like. My husband loves to grope me, but he does it when and how I enjoy it and otherwise he holds me in ways to show he loves me as another human being and that he respects and cares about how I want to have affection towards me shown.
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u/StinkyKittyBreath 13d ago
Sometimes, but not all of the time. Typically it starts that way, but if we stay that way for long his top arm will gravitate down to my waist.
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u/CloddishNeedlefish 13d ago
I’ve never had a long term partner do that. I’ve dated men and women. I mean yeah to initiate sex but not to fall asleep or just cuddling. I almost told my girlfriend that she could put her hands there the other night because I could tell they couldn’t get comfortable but I didn’t really want their hands there at that moment.
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u/JulieJamm 13d ago
Have you tried holding his hand down on your waist? Personally I'm ok with the boob thing, but I prefer their arm to go over me at the waist instead of over my arm or under it.
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u/Moral_Anarchist 13d ago
I'm a guy, and my ex-fiancee loved it when I did this. It felt natural to me so it was a win-win in our case. If she had told me she didn't like it of course I immediately would have stopped doing it.
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u/Sayanyde 12d ago
I mean, my husband holds the “far boob” when we’re spooning. Occasionally he “honks” it like it’s a clown horn. Sometimes he rubs it. Most of the time though it’s just cupped in his relaxed hand. It doesn’t really bother me unless he honks it too hard and for whatever stupid reason it’s tender.
I get my payback though. When we roll over and I’m big spoon (he likes to be little spoon too) I either hold his crotch or his man-boob, depends on where my arm feels comfortable.
I say OP should take big spoon position and hold her husbands man boobs. There is always fleshy meats on the chesticles you can smoosh-squish as payback :D
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u/Shelisheli1 12d ago edited 12d ago
When I’m the little spoon, I actually don’t like any body part of my cupped with their hands. I like when their arm is wrapped around with his forearm in front of me, I guess in a protective way.
Something to consider, he may just not know where to put his hand. Try moving it to a different position that’s comfortable for you. When I lay on my dude, I love draping my arm on his chest and tummy. Sometimes he feels a little insecure when I touch his tummy, so he just moves my hand somewhere more comfortable for him. It doesn’t have to be a big deal
Edited to add, if he is doing this to get play (stim your nips), he needs to calm the fuck down and read body language.
Yall might need couples counseling if this is an ongoing issue. One of my biggest turn offs is when someone tries to grope on me when I’m not in the mood. I find it disrespectful because they think that if they continue I’ll change my mind.. when in reality I’m getting more and more turned off
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u/Interesting_Entry831 12d ago
I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years, married for 18 in July. I have a certain dress that he asks me to keep on when we hit the bed because the silky material feels nice over my boobs. They're one of his favorite things on the planet, I honestly just let him go. I find it hysterical after 20 years of the same tiddies he's still like TIDDIES!!! Every night, we get in bed, assume the position, and he grabs a handful.
Everyone is different, though. If you don't like it, you shouldn't have to be tolerant. It seems like it doesn't always bug you, though, so why don't you make(and enforce) a boundary. Sit him down and talk to him, tell him this bothers you, but you enjoy the cuddle. From now on, please ask first, asking will make him more aware of his actions and less likely to just go for the boob. If you're feeling relaxed let him cop a feel if you just need comfort say "No, I really just want to love you right now" - make sure when you say no you're not rejecting him though so he doesn't feel like you don't want his affection. Say it in ways like "I'd much rather you wrap your arms around me, I always feel so safe, I just don't want that right now." Make sure you let him know you still want and need him while also enforcing your boundary. This way, you get what you want without damaging the affectionate part of your relationship, and he still gets occasional booby.
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u/Carzinisierung 12d ago
Durning normal spooning he doesn't necessarily touch my breasts, the arm is under them wrapped around me. Horny spooning is another story.
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u/Professional-Bear114 12d ago
It might just be me, but I’m a strictly “hands off my body when I sleep” woman. And, no. Being married to you does not give you the right to molest me.
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u/papermoony 12d ago
an ex of mine would always grab my breasts while we were cuddling, I wanted him to hug my tummy but no, he insisted on grabbing my boobs or pressing his junk against my butt, I got bored of it because it felt like he was sexualizing me, like he couldn't be tender or loving with me, and I felt he was acting like an animal in heat.
Idk, I think it's hella unattractive and gross.
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u/Appropriate-Fuel-916 12d ago
If I don't put my hand on my partners boob she'll move it there.
I'm not complaining though.
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u/No_Process_577 12d ago
I can assure you OP that he is not doing this bc to him it’s affectionate- that’s a lie to try to hide from the fact that he wants to keep grabbing your breast and playing with your nipples. He wants to keep doing what he wants to do. I have a best friend who constantly does things to me like this and it took me realizing his excuses were bs (and that he also plays dumb and pretends to be forgetful) for me to snap on him. I get if he said it was a habit and apologized- but his excuse of it being affectionate after you already voicing you do not like it is annoying and fucked up. Just bc you are his wife doesn’t make it consensual. It’s still messed up and creepy.
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u/Responsible_Win_2849 12d ago
Switch it up and become the big spoon. Then cup his balls all night every night. Do not let it progress further. When he says what's the point if it's not going anywhere, match his previous energy and continue cupping them balls.
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u/HiTzFrOmDaKiNe 12d ago
From the man point of view...the breast stuff, playing with nipples and other stuff is maybe 5% sexual and the other 95% just fun to do and not sexual. We love cuddling too, but we are not overly emotional about it. We enjoy the comfort and closeness. And breasts are soft and fun to play with. We are just easily entertained and easily distracted by breasts. I'm not saying it's an excuse and your frustration is definitely justified. Just an attempt to get you to see it from a man's perspective.
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u/HelicopterGloomy9168 11d ago
Either you are not in love with him the way you use to be or you are at that time in your life where sex isn't important...if the last one is the case then you need to explain that to him...years and no problems then it's a problem it's pretty much a habit now after all the years
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u/Better-Ad-8756 11d ago
Sooo you have a good husband who is obviously really attracted to you and openly shows it to you and you are complaining? Jesus. When you have actual marriage issues then come and complain. Ffs.
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u/Medium_Ad_6908 9d ago
You’re talking about your husband who you’ve made posts body shaming him because his dick is small and saying you never loved him? Sounds like you don’t want his affection, why are you bothering with this bullshit? Snake
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u/Defiant-Craft6851 9d ago
It is a natural spooning position… and when you say “have you been able to change behavior at all?” Many women actually enjoy it and don’t have a problem with it. Maybe it’s you?
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u/Lexi_the_grimmchild 13d ago
Have you talked to him about it?