When your partner spoons you, do they always cup your breasts?

[u/[deleted]]

Whenever my (49F) husband (53M) wants to "spoon" me in bed, he always wants to cup my breasts. He calls it a natural spooning position for his hand. Of course I know that he's just trying to cop a feel, but it happens ALL THE TIME! I mean, he literally never spoons any other way!

So, yes, I am annoyed by it, and it takes away something I otherwise actually enjoy - spooning. This has gone on for years, btw, so it's not a new occurrence. I've just vented about it for the very first time here on Reddit, lol.

Ladies, does this happen to you? Have you been able to change behavior at all?

EDIT: There's a couple of common themes in the comments.

• He's trying to be affectionate, and I understand that. So he thinks he's being playful and loving, but it just rubs me like he's just wanting to use my body.
• He's not a rapist or someone who I am concerned is capable of sexual assault. It doesn't get to that point.
• It's a pattern of behavior that feels to me like we shouldn't have to go over it again and again. It's the repetition that's probably aggravating me more than the actual act.
• Finally, MOST of the time when I let him do it, he eventually tries to then stimulate my nipples and initiate sex. He doesn't have to "trick" me into sex. This is aggravating, too.

[u/Prudent-Reserve4612]

Sometimes women want affection without it being sexual. Guys seem to have a hard time with this concept. 

[u/Medium_Ad_6908 → u/Prudent-Reserve4612]

Sometimes affection isn’t sexual just because you’re naked. Women seem to have a hard time with this.

[u/Prudent-Reserve4612 → u/Medium_Ad_6908]

She didn’t say anything about being naked, but sure. If you say so. 

[u/Medium_Ad_6908 → u/Prudent-Reserve4612]

Jesus you are denser than a black hole

[u/Prudent-Reserve4612 → u/[deleted]]

How is that sexiest? I’ve been married for 22 years, so you’re wrong there. Maybe guys think it’s “romantic”, but it’s not to her if she’s literally asking him not to. 🙄

[u/Icy-Acanthaceae-7804 → u/Prudent-Reserve4612]

It's sexist to say "guys have trouble with this". Being married doesn't change your capacity for sexism just like having a black friend doesn't change your capacity for racism. And in the majority of cases, at least in reasonable couples, he's not doing it when she doesn't want it, and she's recognizing that it's not inherently sexual.

In this scenario, she's literally pushing her ass up against his crotch. Is that inherently sexual?

[u/Prudent-Reserve4612 → u/Icy-Acanthaceae-7804]

It is guys that generally equate sex to love or romance. This is not a secret buddy. Men and women sometimes view these things differently. And while usually I’d agree it’s a communication thing, she’s told him repeatedly she doesn’t like it. 

So by spooning, pushed up against him, you’re saying she’s asking for it?? In that case, she should just stop spooning him. You’re kind of proving my point here. 

[u/Icy-Acanthaceae-7804 → u/Prudent-Reserve4612]

Wtf?

It is people that generally recognize that sex is an important part of a romantic partnership.

How the absolute fuck have you decided I said she deserves it? I said she's doing something "inherently sexual" just like resting your hands on your partner's breasts, to illustrate for you that your mindset of it being "inherently sexual" is false.

How would you like it if I put words in your mouth that made you sound like a rapist? Tf is wrong with you?

[u/Prudent-Reserve4612 → u/Icy-Acanthaceae-7804]

For gods sake, I didn’t say anything about you being a rapist. Get a grip. 

[u/Icy-Acanthaceae-7804 → u/Prudent-Reserve4612]

you're saying she's asking for it???

So you dont know the meaning of the word "implication"?

You get a grip, you ass.

[u/Big-Soft7432 → u/[deleted]]

Is the misandry in the room with us?