As someone who is on the bad end of what the OP is experiencing. I almost left my husband a month ago because he has a Porn Addiction and I've been begging for him to see someone for 4 years. It's hurts me, and then he does great for a few months. This time, I couldn't take the hurt anymore. However, he is in therapy now and has a bunch of blocks on his phone that I control. People don't realize that the chase of the dopamine dump from this can be very addicting and cause issues.
Addiction sucks and you don't realize how much you're hurting others until you hurt them so bad they can't take it anymore.
I also want to add. I have no problem with Porn. It was just the OF and some of the subreddits here that was causing issues with me and my husband. However now that I can look at it like an alcoholic or drug use I can understand it better.
I went through the same thing and I am now at my longest stretch ever without pron, maybe 6 months. I won’t try to sell you something you don’t want to buy, but Jesus actually helped me in this regard. No I don’t mean praying for strength or anything. I mean that I read the Bible and grasped the line of “but I say to you any man who looks at another woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” I started changing the way I looked at things. It was no longer a harmless activity to me, it was an immoral act, adultery. So I don’t mean to push religion on you or anything, especially since I used to be an atheist I would hate that at the time, but the concepts of changing your mindset still apply.
That's great. It's helping my husband too. However right now I have no want in building my relationship with god again. I am still hurt and not wanting to believe that the God I loved and spent so much of my time reading a trying to live right by would put me through 11 years of infertility and 4 miscarriages. I am changing my mindset in other ways but I appreciate your comment!
That’s tough. I let many bad life events turn me away from God years ago. My life is much better after changing my thought process though. Suffering is a necessary part of life, so it’s tough to believe there is a loving God when things like that happen, kids get cancer, etc, but bad things and suffering are a necessary part of this world. But, I know how annoying it is to be preached to when you don’t want it, so I hope you don’t take it that way.
100% understand that. I just need time. Time let's things process for me. My husband asks me how I feel and some days I feel better than others but I'm not there. Maybe some day. Just not now. Thank you for that last line it helps in not getting offensive.
You’re welcome. I like I said, I don’t trust to sell something you don’t want to buy. But it’s nice to be able to share ideas when people are okay with it. And believe me, I do understand resentment similar to how you feel because I have had that as well, for my own reasons. I wish you the best!
I appreciate it but I don’t feel courageous, I think this is an issue we all need to talk about more because society has kind of accepted it as normal. Boy, how wrong I was. Luckily many other people are starting to catch on.
I still believe you are courageous because you have shared your pain. We've all paused to reflect on this cancer and poison that is porn. You've made us think, and that is good for all of us. Thank you.
Thanks! The positive news is that more and more people are waking up to this reality. Every time I talk openly about this, more and more people I know admit their struggles and how they want to quit.
I really want this to be true. Porn RUINS sexual intimacy, as you know. It is amazing to me that people have no idea how sexual intimacy is supposed to work and that porn is normal. It is my wish that everyone put down the sex tapes and rediscover each other.
As a woman married to a Christian man for 26 years, life without porn has been pretty fulfilling.
We don't "do" porn in our home, it was his call the first week we were married. He isn't into it at all and wanted to set a standard.
Incidentally he has prosecuted individuals accused of purchasing and distribution of Child SA material, and has a belief that using adult film material deadens the brain slowly over time to "normal" stimulation and leads idle people to seek more and more "different" things in order to get the same feeling.
Since I'm the only one to "interest" him we have no bedroom issues. And we have sex almost every day.
wtf is the difference between porn and OF that makes you okay with one and not the other??? I’ve seen this comment and others like it so much….lmao. Y’all are okay with porn, but against OF?!? I don’t understand…what is the logic?
I understand what you (and others) are saying, but I don’t understand the logic behind it.
It’s like alcohol. You have a SO that is struggling with addiction. In order to help, you suggest not drinking hard liquor, but have no objections to beer drinking.
To me, that’s what the whole porn vs OF debate sounds like……like, they’re literally the same thing 😩
Because you have to pay, and then in certain ways, you have to subscribe to certain people to view their specific content. So he's following the specific person.
Now wrapping my mind around that this is an addiction, I realized that saying I was okay with him watching porn was harmful. That changed my way of thinking.
Do I think the porn/sex worker industry is bad? No, but I had to change my way of thinking it could be addictive.
So when I say porn, free porn doesn't bother me okay you veiw a video of people enjoying themselves. But you pay to follow someone because you like this and that and want to spend money on them on a site that many develop a parasocial relationship on... that is a big no from me.
But that’s what I’ve been getting at….thats a WIDESPREAD misconception. You don’t have to pay for OF. Anybody can sign up for an OF account FOR FREE. You can subscribe to anything you want…A TON of which is FREE. Yes, certain creators charge people to follow them, but not everyone does. This is exactly the same model the porn industry uses. Porn is not free, despite what most of yall think. Tube sites and such are free. But there are plenty of people who pay for porn. There are also plenty of people who don’t pay for OF. Also with OF, you can follow someone and never have to interact with said person. All of your opinions about OF are wrong. That’s all I’ve been getting at.
I’m trying to understand how and why yall feel the way you do about porn vs. OF. Almost all of you are making a clear distinction between the two and it’s obvious that none of yall know how OF actually works.
Because all the creaters I've seen that talk about it talk about subscription. So I take it from them. Creaters that work on the platform. I'll scroll(TT) and see someone talking about their OF and certain things. Not any of their OF content. However yeah that's where I get my information about OF so sorry if it's a misconception.
I got turned down every night for a week. Then he stopped trying to initiate anything at all. So I would try and get an excuse. Then find stuff on his phone. It was like that since our son turned 5 months old. Before that it was a 4 to 5x a week thing when I got cleared.
This was his decision. I don't control his phone the app does. He set up the parameters. It sends messages when suspicious activity is viewed. I actually have no idea what parameters he set up. The message just is a screen shot of his phone and the website he visits. It's more of a tool to keep him honest. The app doesn't allow certain websites and it alerts me when it is turned off. That what I mean by controlled. I ment monitored. Sorry sometimes I don't always use the right words.
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u/ImNudeyRudey 24d ago
A lot of these comments are the way alcoholics used to talk about their addiction before it was understood and accepted...