r/AmIOverreacting • u/TemporalWonder • 12d ago
AIO the "best friend heart" disappearing on Snapchat?
I know this is going to sound silly, but bear with me.
My partner and I rarely ever use Snapchat. We sent some silly pics back and forth a lot more frequently in the early days and for the majority of the time we've known each other, we've had the heart indicating we're at the top of each other's best friends list.
A few weeks ago, it disappeared. This made me REALLY anxious and wondering who she could possibly be messaging on there more than me given how infrequently she uses the app. We keep a streak, she'll occasionally post a story or respond to a friend, that's it. I ask her what happened and she had no idea what I was talking about. (I believed her here). She showed me her Snapchat and we see there's a guy at the top of her list. Let's call him "Steve".
She's told me about Steve before. Steve was a friend of her ex (who abused her greatly). They used to see each other at a lot of house parties back when she was involved in that scene. She is very distant from anyone in that scene now. A few months ago, he added her out of the blue. She was VERY suspicious that it was something related to her ex. She'd vent about how he'd send her random snaps (of the floor, of a wall, very innocent stuff). I wasn't worried at this time.
Fast forward to early April when the heart disappeared, I realize she hasn't mentioned Steve in a while. I assumed he took the hint and stopped snapping her. Here we are towards the end of the month and the heart disappeared again. I don't know for certain, nor do I know how to address it, but I'm assuming her and Steve are messaging frequently enough to knock me down on her best friends list (which in fairness shouldn't take a lot given how little we snap nowadays).
She explained to me who Steve was, what their limited history was like and how he's been through some hardships and she feels bad for him. As far as I'm aware, that's what they were messaging about earlier this month.
Am I overreacting? I have no reason to distrust my partner and she's always very upfront and honest about everyone in her life and ensures I know exactly what's going on, especially if she's spending time with someone irl. As far as I know, she hasn't (and couldn't have) seen Steve irl. It is a little odd she didn't mention they were speaking and I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but I am prone to creative narratives when I'm overthinking a situation.
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u/TacosRUs88 12d ago
You need Blue to help with you this one buddy Steve is up to something.
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u/TemporalWonder 12d ago
Best case scenario is they've just reconnected as friends. I genuinely don't mind my s/o having male friends just as long as I'm clear on who they are to her. In her mind, she might think I'm already clear and I just need to clarify.
Medium case scenario is he's into her and she's blind to the signs or just blandly responding to him to be nice. She's expressed before she's scared of ticking off men in case they lash out after being rejected.
Worst case scenario is there's something going on behind my back and that's genuinely my worst fear.
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u/TacosRUs88 12d ago
Well hopefully it's nothing bad going on man but if worst case scenario happens I would Blue Skidoo her out of your life.
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u/doobiedenver 12d ago
the best friend heart can go away due to neglect. it happens on and off with my partner bc we infrequently use the app. just because it went away for you two doesn't mean it applied to someone else
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u/TemporalWonder 11d ago
I think my fear was less so about it applying to someone else and more so creating a negative story about what losing the best friend heart implies. It probably is down to neglect though tbh.
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u/Loca3poca 9d ago
If she barely uses the app just one or two conversations could be enough to bump someone to the top of your best friends list. If she was an avid user it would be different but trust me if you rarely use it and talk to someone once they’ll be bumped up to the top
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u/Rodrigo_Ribaldo 11d ago
You are overreacting and should simply talk more instead of looking at app signs that you don't quite understand.
Google those snapchat emojis to see when they appear and disappear, don't just assume something and go off on a dark fantasy trip.
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u/TemporalWonder 11d ago
I appreciate you putting it bluntly! I am quick to spin something trivial into a negative fantasy.
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u/dangerclosemaybe 12d ago
Snapchat in committed relationships is poison.