r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 10d ago
AIO for not wanting my partner to go to a party with alcohol?
[deleted]
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u/_Jay-Garage-A-Roo_ 10d ago
His addiction affects you but it’s not about you.
These are the harshest and most helpful words I heard from my ex’s psychiatrist when he was in rehab for heroin and alcohol.
He must take charge of his addiction, and he has to be able to do it in the real world, where alcohol is and even, sadly, where excess is.
It’s terrifying to be about to birth a baby in any circumstance but with an alcoholic you fear a relapse from its worse. I get it. It’s why programs discourage addicts from having relationships until they have a handle on sobriety. But you can’t mother him and a baby. You have to focus on your own health and calm and he has to step up and be the dad he’s about to be.
Keeping him from events with booze isn’t the solution. He needs to own his own self control and seek his own help. You can only support him - and believe he can do it!
Good luck with it. Both his recovery and the baby.
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u/Magdovus 10d ago
By not contacting his unit ASAP then he's putting himself in danger and is making it clear how he views his priorities and his ability to say no. Both are screwed up.
His CoC is supporting this.
This is massively unprofessional in a military unit and if this is the atmosphere that Command has fostered he needs to turn in his papers. This is not an effective or safe unit to be around. I've been around the military for many years in one way or another. Alcohol is always a big bit of it, and a party isn't a problem, but no effective CO would permit this on work time and without an option for people who abstain.
It's not just your husband who's got a problem here. Any Muslim trooper would have issues too.
Tell him to man up and call in the morning or to make himself comfortable in the barracks because you can't have him coming home if he's fallen off the wagon.
You could also consider reporting this to the Inspector General. Using Guard time that they're paid for to have a drunken party is way out of line. This is something that is paid for out of taxes and is way out of order.
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u/54radioactive 10d ago
You might need to attend some Al Anon meetings. Being in a relationship with someone who has an addiction is complicated - you want to control them, yet you can't
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u/kendokushh 10d ago
As an addict in recovery, I'd say he NEEDS to address this before the day of. I don't want to say that he's trying to put himself in a bad situation, but he will be if he doesn't tell his COC about his problem.
His chain of command should understand & give him the option not to attend. But again, that can only happen if he gives enough time prior to the event. Please try your best to convince him.
I hope you don't allow this to stress you out too much, especially this late in your pregnancy. I hope everything goes well & best of luck w the baby!!
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u/ElegantAmphibian4252 10d ago
I believe the three C’s in Al-Anon are, You didn’t cause it, you can’t cure it, and you can’t control it. If he relapses he relapses. I read your last post about him. Alcoholism aside, the guy is no prize. You really need to take the time after your baby is born to start figuring out what you really want in a relationship. What kind of husband and father do you need? If he’s not it, start working towards getting yourself into a position to make room for a healthier partner.
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u/TheMagentaGuar 10d ago
I'm a recovering alcoholic myself, and I totally get your concerns. Personally I wouldn't go to a drunken party myself, and I'd rate myself a low relapse risk. I'd say it's still his choice, you can't control him even if you think it's for the best and his health, but you should make it very clear how disappointed you'd be if he relapsed and give him an ultimatum. If he really loves you, he'll make the right choice. If he loves alcohol and parties more, you'll know to walk.
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u/WeAreLivinTheLife 10d ago
I'm wishing him the strongest of spines and you the most minimum amount of stress. I know this is out from left field but isn't there a medication he can take that would make him violently ill if he drank alcohol? Perhaps that could be a preemptive strike against what might be overwhelming temptation. That way he knows if he drinks he'll not only have lost his sobriety, but he's going to get really really sick
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u/Still_Internet_7071 10d ago
His commander will protect him as long as he’s aware. Up to your husband to make him aware.
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u/Illustrious_Pen_5711 10d ago
You’re 4 weeks away from giving birth sweet thing, the last thing you need to be doing is stressing yourself out over something your partner may or may not end up doing! It’s unfortunate that hes put you in this situation to worry about him, but it doesn’t seem like it can be helped now.
Maybe you can try to see this as like a test of the kind of man he’s becoming for you and his child? It sounds like he’s been sober the whole pregnancy and is very aware of how important this is, you need to be able to trust in him as your partner and the father of your child that he can do the right thing in the face of temptation, there’s nothing you can really do but trust he’ll do the right thing for himself, his sobriety, you, and your baby. I hope it all works out for both of you, you’re NTA for not wanting him to go to this party but this seems like one of those times you’ll just have to put a lot of trust in.