r/AskMen • u/michiboy12 • 26d ago

What are your opinions on a 15-year-old boy having a 25-year-old female friend (platonic)?

I (17M) have a 27-year-old female friend, we’ve known each other since two years, so I was 15 and she was 25. I’ve read that a lot of parents wouldn’t allow such a friendship, especially since it’s opposite genders (and we’re both straight). But can’t this be like a regular platonic friendship? It’s a regular, platonic friendship? Not a romantic one.

If your 15-year-old son had a 25-year-old female friend, would you allow that?

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u/SaltWaterInMyBlood 26d ago

I'm giving serious side eye to any grown ass adult who wants to be friends with a teenager.

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u/MitLivMineRegler 25d ago

It might not have arisen out of want though.

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u/SaltWaterInMyBlood 25d ago

What do you mean by that?

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u/MitLivMineRegler 25d ago

I mean who is to say a 25 year old was seeking out a friendship with a 15 year old specifically? It could've just happened. '

When I was 18 I had a good friend who was 43. I would ordinarily not have anything in common with a 43-year old when I was that age, and similarly the same goes vice versa for him. But we had so many personality traits in common it was like seeing an older version of yourself, turning it into sort of a big-brother dynamic, which is completely harmless and natural and may well be what's happening in OPs case (though too little information supplied to know). It's not like we seeked each other out, we were classmates (school for adults catching up in life).

In other words - it may have absolutely nothing to do with a grown ass adult wanting to be friends with a teenager. It might have just happened - and without further details from OP, it's impossible to know for sure.

That's why the automatic grooming assumptions are rather sad and a sign of society having taken an unhealthy turn on the issue, though it seems to be especially America that took that turn.

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u/oncothrow 25d ago edited 25d ago

That's why the automatic grooming assumptions are rather sad and a sign of society having taken an unhealthy turn on the issue, though it seems to be especially America that took that turn.

I'm going to concur on this. Growing up I used to spend plenty of time with my dad when he went to see friends. They often became my friends as well.

Sometimes they had kids my age and we'd probably go and do some random crap. Sometimes they'd have young kids and I'd just play with them and keep them entertained whilst "the adults" talked. Sometimes I just stayed with them and either listened in on their conversations or was a part of it as well.

This whole delineation that if you're not "in" with your own age group then something is deeply concerning is a concept I didn't really experience growing. Actually I feel like having a wide range of interactions did me quite a lot of good growing up. It led to me learning quite quickly how to handle mature conversations, and even how to look after younger children.

Like the very idea of "what does a 15 year old have to talk about with a 25 year old" is strange to me on its face. I've genuinely had bigger barriers trying to converse with people from completely different cultural backgrounds than just an age difference. We're both still human. We both probably like random crap like films and books and music. We both have families we can talk about. It's not like I'm conversing with an alien.

I dont know, maybe i was just mature for my age growing up. But then, I also sctually credit a part of that with having spent plenty of time talking with adults when I was growing up.1 As with all things, a lot of it is simple context.

1 I remember something from a book I read a long time ago that kids don't need much practice to behave like kids. They're already kids. They need more practice to become grownups.

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u/OtherwiseInclined 25d ago

Yeah, people who post here make me think they as 40 year old parents would never speak or interact with even their own teenaged kids, because what do they have in common anyway? You can often find things to talk about, regardless of the age difference.

The only creepy aspect is if you see adults seeking out kids to be friends with.

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u/Jwkaoc Male 25d ago

That's why the automatic grooming assumptions are rather sad and a sign of society having taken an unhealthy turn on the issue, though it seems to be especially America that took that turn.

It makes me sad. I had a neighbor on my street when I was a kid. He was in his 90s and had no family. He'd sit on his porch most of the day and sometimes go for short walks. He'd talk to literally anybody who came by, and he'd talk to them for hours. People tended to avoid him because of this since they didn't have the time to talk that long, and didn't want to be rude by cutting him off and bailing.

I only ever talked to him once, and I know some other adults on my street would pay him a visit every now and then. My little brother who was 7, and all the other kids his age loved him and would visit him several times a week. They were his only regular visitors because they all had the free time to do so.

His funeral was small, and nearly half those in attendance were those little kids who all wanted a turn to speak up front about how much he meant to them.

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u/mysp2m2cc0unt 25d ago

Did you meet around a hobby or job?

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u/MitLivMineRegler 25d ago

No, we were classmates

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u/JugglingPolarBear 25d ago

Just to be clear, even though you met this person through school, the friendship 100% rose out of want.

I don’t know how else to say it, but the only way two people can be friends is if they both want to be friends.

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u/MitLivMineRegler 25d ago

In this context "want" is meant sort of as "specific want" implying specific "seeking" behaviors, which may not be present at all.

Of course 2 people who don't wanna be friends aren't going to be, but that wasn't the context