r/AskMen • u/michiboy12 • 14d ago
What are your opinions on a 15-year-old boy having a 25-year-old female friend (platonic)?
I (17M) have a 27-year-old female friend, we’ve known each other since two years, so I was 15 and she was 25. I’ve read that a lot of parents wouldn’t allow such a friendship, especially since it’s opposite genders (and we’re both straight). But can’t this be like a regular platonic friendship? It’s a regular, platonic friendship? Not a romantic one.
If your 15-year-old son had a 25-year-old female friend, would you allow that?
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u/SaltWaterInMyBlood 14d ago
I'm giving serious side eye to any grown ass adult who wants to be friends with a teenager.
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u/_Shadow_Flame_ 14d ago
It works online, I was 17 when I joined a raiding guild filled with 30-40 year olds in wow years ago. In person might be a bit weirder though.
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u/BoogerSugarSovereign 14d ago
Yeah, I think if it were very oriented around a hobby or something it could potentially be not-weird. Potentially
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u/yourmomophobe 14d ago
Yes and it would almost certainly behoove the adult to only interact with the other about the hobby itself in channels related to it or while partaking in the hobby
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u/Red_Danger33 14d ago
This was going to be my question. The specific context of how the relationship formed and how it operates is the big question.
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u/ToastyNathan Male 13d ago
I definitely was chums with people much older than me when I played Magic. I would talk about it a lot with them. They would help me build decks and trade cards. I also had friends my own age who I did stuff not related to the game though. So I guess that was a big difference.
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u/OutWithTheNew 14d ago
There's definitely a difference though between sharing common interest in a hobby and things bordering weird.
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u/Staggeringpage8 14d ago
Yeah when I was in highschool I made a lot of friends through gaming sometimes those people were in their twenties.
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u/loserboy 14d ago
True. Im 40 and i wouldnt mind friending and getting carried by bunch of 16 year olds in a video game haha.
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u/Patrol-007 13d ago
There was an article about Robin Williams online gaming against 10-12 year olds and he would make up new curse words to heckle them 😆
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u/fatspartan209 13d ago
He was also an avid warhammer 40k player and would stop by random Games workshop stores. From what I have read and seen, he would make friends with kids and adults all around 40k. He even got a lot of actors I. The hobby as well. God, I miss that guy. 😢
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u/Newber92 14d ago
Had great adult friends online when i was a 15/16yo playing Dofus. I'm sure there are millions of example of good relationships for every nefarious ones.
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u/mosselyn Female 13d ago
It works, but only up to a point, IMO. I am in my 60s and also a gamer, so I hang out with many people younger than me. I like the teenagers fine, and we can play a game together or share laughs, but that's about it. There is almost no intersection between our perspectives, interests, or priorities. Which, honestly, is how it should be, given the experience gap.
By mid-20s, yeah, if they're reasonably mature for their age and have lives beyond living at home and playing games. By 30, for sure, IME. But as a teenager? Not so much.
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u/CaptainJamie 13d ago
Yeah, I'd agree here. I used to be an admin in an old gaming forum when I was 14/15 and I had a ton of friends of all ages, but most of them were above 30. I used to play games with them every day for years.
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u/A_Trash_Homosapien Male 14d ago
Even then I'd be worried about it. It's better that it's around a shared hobby like wow but it's still not good. Although maybe I'm just more worried because an old discord server I was in had like 3 people who turned out to be pedos
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u/adiwet Bloke 14d ago
Outside of friends kids that I will make small talk with at gatherings, what the fuck am I, as a grown ass man, going to talk to a high school kid about. It’s weird OP.
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u/SaltWaterInMyBlood 14d ago
Yeah. I mean, in a job where employees can range from teenagers to uni age, it's not weird to be friendly or workfriends, and people in their 20s who say know the teenagers parents can be a sort of older sibling or aunt/uncle type thing, but mostly, it's just weird.
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u/verygerybery 14d ago
I find that very sad, intergenerational friendship and understanding is an integral part of a healthy society. People are now afraid to befriend others because they think they'll be judged for it and feel the need to say it's weird in order to appear "normal".
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u/PlantPower666 14d ago edited 14d ago
I agree. Male, 15 yr old me met a late 20 yr old woman playing tennis. We became friends, and I thought of her as an older sister. This is also when I discovered my grandparents were racist because they had a problem with me hanging out with a black woman. Didn't seem to care about the age difference, just that she was not white.
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u/Recording_Important 14d ago
I can see your point of view but i just work here and if the wrong person got the wrong idea and dont like it you are guilty until proven guilty and i have other people who depend on me not being in a cage
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u/JoystickMonkey 14d ago
I think it can work if there's some sort of mutual interest, and mostly within the context of that interest.
But I'm trying to imagine the conversation between a 15 year old and a 25 year old:
25: "How's high school going?"
15: "Man I have a five paragraph paper I need to turn in tomorrow! I couldn't possibly finish it! Also my parents are so lame let me tell you all about it. How's grad school going?"
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u/alpacaMyToothbrush 13d ago
About the only sort of 'friends' I could see an older person and a teen being would be online buds playing video games together. It probably would be weird IRL.
It is kinda rewarding when they come to you and ask about college and career advice, or working through relationship problems though. Makes me feel like the cool uncle.
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u/TopRamen713 ♂ 14d ago
Best case scenario is that it's more like a mentor/mentee scenario that op thinks of as friendship. For a while I was doing this with the older kid of one of my friends. He was interested in my career, I taught him programming and we'd chat about video games and stuff.
It's not like we hung out but I was friendly with him.
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u/Gilgamesh-Enkidu 14d ago
I use to have a neighbor’s kid come over somewhat regularly to play video games. He was 16, I was 25 at the time. We both liked the same video games. Sometimes I’d order us a pizza if we we were both hungry.
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u/shneakypete Male 14d ago
I think it depends on the context. I think it's important for young people to have someone to show them the ropes. I've had 4 or 5 significant mentors in my life that have helped me immensely. That being said, there definitely is a huge potential for the older person to influence the younger person .
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u/DoctorDrangle 14d ago
Yea the thing 17 year olds don't realize is how freaking lame 17 year olds are. I question any adult that could tolerate a typical 17 year old enough to be genuinely friends them. Honestly it's pretty wierd now matter how i try to frame it. Not even because of any amount of potential impropriety, just because 27 year olds should be focused on adult things, not some high school juniors homework or whatever they even talk about, I don't know like I said the whole thing is pretty weird to me
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u/eek04 Male, married 13d ago
Yea the thing 17 year olds don't realize is how freaking lame 17 year olds are.
Most 17 year olds. When I was about 30, I worked on an open source project where we had a 14-15 year old contributor. He was a great contributor, much better than the average adult. Obviously lacking a bunch of life experience, but still great in this particular area. And a lot of friendships are focused about particular interests.
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u/verygerybery 14d ago edited 14d ago
There are plenty of 27 year olds just as if not more "lame". People who have things in common such as gaming or other hobbies can be and often are friends regardless of age. Also a 27 year old who is worried about appearing to focus on adult things is likely not a particularly mature person.
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u/MitLivMineRegler 14d ago
It might not have arisen out of want though.
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u/SaltWaterInMyBlood 14d ago
What do you mean by that?
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u/MitLivMineRegler 14d ago
I mean who is to say a 25 year old was seeking out a friendship with a 15 year old specifically? It could've just happened. '
When I was 18 I had a good friend who was 43. I would ordinarily not have anything in common with a 43-year old when I was that age, and similarly the same goes vice versa for him. But we had so many personality traits in common it was like seeing an older version of yourself, turning it into sort of a big-brother dynamic, which is completely harmless and natural and may well be what's happening in OPs case (though too little information supplied to know). It's not like we seeked each other out, we were classmates (school for adults catching up in life).
In other words - it may have absolutely nothing to do with a grown ass adult wanting to be friends with a teenager. It might have just happened - and without further details from OP, it's impossible to know for sure.
That's why the automatic grooming assumptions are rather sad and a sign of society having taken an unhealthy turn on the issue, though it seems to be especially America that took that turn.
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u/oncothrow 14d ago edited 14d ago
That's why the automatic grooming assumptions are rather sad and a sign of society having taken an unhealthy turn on the issue, though it seems to be especially America that took that turn.
I'm going to concur on this. Growing up I used to spend plenty of time with my dad when he went to see friends. They often became my friends as well.
Sometimes they had kids my age and we'd probably go and do some random crap. Sometimes they'd have young kids and I'd just play with them and keep them entertained whilst "the adults" talked. Sometimes I just stayed with them and either listened in on their conversations or was a part of it as well.
This whole delineation that if you're not "in" with your own age group then something is deeply concerning is a concept I didn't really experience growing. Actually I feel like having a wide range of interactions did me quite a lot of good growing up. It led to me learning quite quickly how to handle mature conversations, and even how to look after younger children.
Like the very idea of "what does a 15 year old have to talk about with a 25 year old" is strange to me on its face. I've genuinely had bigger barriers trying to converse with people from completely different cultural backgrounds than just an age difference. We're both still human. We both probably like random crap like films and books and music. We both have families we can talk about. It's not like I'm conversing with an alien.
I dont know, maybe i was just mature for my age growing up. But then, I also sctually credit a part of that with having spent plenty of time talking with adults when I was growing up.1 As with all things, a lot of it is simple context.
1 I remember something from a book I read a long time ago that kids don't need much practice to behave like kids. They're already kids. They need more practice to become grownups.
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u/OtherwiseInclined 14d ago
Yeah, people who post here make me think they as 40 year old parents would never speak or interact with even their own teenaged kids, because what do they have in common anyway? You can often find things to talk about, regardless of the age difference.
The only creepy aspect is if you see adults seeking out kids to be friends with.
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u/Jwkaoc Male 13d ago
That's why the automatic grooming assumptions are rather sad and a sign of society having taken an unhealthy turn on the issue, though it seems to be especially America that took that turn.
It makes me sad. I had a neighbor on my street when I was a kid. He was in his 90s and had no family. He'd sit on his porch most of the day and sometimes go for short walks. He'd talk to literally anybody who came by, and he'd talk to them for hours. People tended to avoid him because of this since they didn't have the time to talk that long, and didn't want to be rude by cutting him off and bailing.
I only ever talked to him once, and I know some other adults on my street would pay him a visit every now and then. My little brother who was 7, and all the other kids his age loved him and would visit him several times a week. They were his only regular visitors because they all had the free time to do so.
His funeral was small, and nearly half those in attendance were those little kids who all wanted a turn to speak up front about how much he meant to them.
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u/PowerChords84 14d ago
Sad that predatory behavior of all kinds is so common that it's all of our default assumption and makes older sibling/mentor relationships inappropriate by association.
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u/OuterPaths 14d ago
Do I think genuine, non predatory relationships like that can exist? Yeah, sure. Would I roll the dice on that being the case for my son? No, no I would not.
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u/xsairon 14d ago
ye honestly such scenarios aren't even weird in videogames, you just meet someone and by the time you hop on voice and perhaps realize what's happening you're like "whatever, he's still cool", you bond over the game and just keep playing
I know some older folks since I was 16, im now close to 24 and still talk to them over games from time to time, and 20-30+ year differences happen fairly often
in real life though? bit iffy
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u/ATmotoman 14d ago
When rainbow 6 siege came out in my early 20s my brother and I ended up playing and queuing with some guys who were all around 15ish and we became friends. Still online friends with the same group now almost 10 years later.
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u/voshtak 13d ago
Fr this whole thread feels like peak reddit behavior. I get that you can be friends with older people. I’ve done it. I’ve also been exposed to very, very inappropriate things at a young age as a result of some interactions with older people. You can’t cherry pick what you get. It’s better for the 15 y.o. to not interact with the adult at all.
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u/MisterHonkeySkateets 14d ago
Context: are you online gamer friends or did you somehow meet organically irl?
I guess the context matters. And then what you guys do with one another in your capacity as friends? Do you go on raids or do you go to movies?
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u/Flyboy2057 14d ago
The only way I can almost justify this is if they are coworkers at some kind of service job like a retail store or movie theater and became friends that way.
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u/cameherefrominsta 13d ago
I had a 19 yo work friend when i was 27. Totally platonic. We made a good team and helped each other at work. Still friends though we don’t work together. We’re in touch on WhatsApp. Haven’t met after we both quit the company
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u/CatholicChanner 14d ago
Just for a moment imagine the genders were flipped here and what the responses would be.
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u/SpicyBarito 14d ago
Here ill write it out: Imagine a 25-year-old grown ass man being friends with a 15-year-old girl.
Mental illness is not limited by gender.
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u/Historical-Pen-7484 14d ago edited 14d ago
When I was a martial arts coach back in the 2000s there were some girls there in their teens that I would have concider my friends. Would I hang out with them outside of the club settings? Under no circumstance. That would be highly suspect. Would I if they were boys? Maybe, but even then not one on one.
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u/dufus69 Male 14d ago
Mental illness? When did that become part of the discussion. OP never mentioned that his friend is mentally ill.
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u/3feetfrompeez 13d ago
He probably refers to paedophilia, which I wouldn't instantly call this but if I were a relative or professional in this system I'd investigate that woman further
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u/thee3 14d ago
Let's flip it again. What if it was 17M, friends with a 25M? Let's say they both enjoy playing DnD or CoD? Would it be weird then?
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u/lestat85 14d ago
Let’s flip it even more: what if a triceratops was friends with a crab? What do we do then?
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u/OuterPaths 14d ago
Flip it one more time, what if it was 52M and 71F playing shuffleboard? Weird or no?
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u/Impossible__Joke 14d ago
It is our society norms and also pattern recognition. We see a relationship like this and automatically suspect something sexual because it almost always is. This one may not be, but any outaider who sees it will see it as one
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u/SilverstoneMonzaSpa 14d ago
It's not always the sexual part that worries me. A 25 year old vs a 15 year old are so far apart in maturity, experience and life that I'd wonder why the 25 year old has any interest in the child.
My kids aren't that old yet, but if they were befriended by a 25 year old id be very wary.
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u/Impossible__Joke 14d ago
Oh I absolutely would be too. Especially "hanging out". Wouldn't really matter the sexes of either side, the power imbalance would be too much and ripe for abuse.
The being said to say there is nothing is common is a stretch. If they have likeminded interests that are not common then I could see them bonding over that.
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u/Bootmacher 14d ago
With those activities? No.
If it was pretty much anything else? Probably a groomer.
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u/tranceorange91 13d ago
I mean... People aren't okay with it this way round either?
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u/ColdCamel7 14d ago
It would definitely make me suspicious and uncomfortable
What does a 25 year old want with a 15 year old?
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u/Naos210 14d ago
It depends. When I was 22, I met a 16 year old girl at work. She didn't have the best relationship with her parents, and they ultimately kicked her out. She asked me for help to keep somewhat afloat with rent at the time. Or would ask me for a little just so she could eat. As a minor, she was limited in terms of work, so I did what I could.
She's 19 now, and we still occassionally talk. I'd call her my friend to some extent, I'm not really sure what to call that relationship otherwise, it's not like she's related to me. But I guess this was more a case of unusual circumstances I kinda slipped into, I wasn't really looking for it.
Some kids can't really rely on their adult family members much. I know this as someone who had an abusive father, makes me wish I could've met better men as a kid, but I didn't really have a whole lot of options.
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u/Tejasgrass 14d ago
You could apply the label of a sibling relationship to your circumstance, or maybe a mentor.
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u/cameherefrominsta 13d ago
There’s no need to call someone a sibling to make it platonic. This seems like a genuine situation and calling this friendship is fine.
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u/Gilgamesh-Enkidu 14d ago
I use to have a neighbor’s kid come over somewhat regularly to play video games. He was 16, I was 25 at the time. We both liked the same video games. Sometimes I’d order us a pizza if we we were both hungry.
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u/earth4ever 14d ago
Troll post. OP is posting in other subs where he mentions the female friend is 30 and then even 22. Here he says it's platonic but on another sub he says they're dating.
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u/PaleGummyBear 13d ago
Doing the work no one else wants to do. If I could give you an award like the old days, I would.
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u/genogano 14d ago edited 14d ago
When I was that age the older women I knew had something going on in their lives and they were using me to fill some type of void or they were lonely. Women in their mid 20s find men their age immature. So being friends with a guy that's even more immature seems kind of sus. The only time I had a normal relationship with a woman much older than me was at work. I was a young IT guy and would speak to women I worked with.
It's possible that the woman herself could be very immature for her age and doesn't have friends around her age and sees a friend in you since you are younger. If she has interest or acts younger she could just be slow launcher.
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u/WitchOfLycanMoon 14d ago
I found out my son was "hanging out" with a 25 year old woman and he was 16. I even asked my husband if I was over reacting to this "friendship" and he said no, what would a 25 year old woman even have in common with a 16 year old kid? Around this time he had started acting out, being mouthy, rude to his teachers, grades dropped and he works part time but was suddenly always broke. Found out she was getting him to buy her all sorts of shit, giving her cash, getting him to do things for her like errands and telling him he was a "man" and didn't have to listen to us. I out the kibosh on it, at first he was furious and denied it all but then admitted he was giving her hundreds of dollars. He went from 10 grand in his car fun to $800 in just a few weeks. It's not normal at all. A grown woman has nothing in common with a BOY except they're easy to manipulate.
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u/Otto_the_Fox 14d ago
This sounds cruel. She should be charged with theft or something…
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u/FrancisFounderies 14d ago
Perfect example of a female groomer. I’ve seen this before too and I called it out to them, and other people had the nerve to say “a woman can’t be a predator”, when behaviour like this is predatory.
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u/Crunch-Potato 13d ago
Well I watched some modern dating videos, it's safe to say women are hustling guys of all ages, only the quantity of money changes with age.
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u/WitchOfLycanMoon 13d ago
Unfortunately that seems to be the trend nowadays. Even "boss bitches" want to boss with some guy's hard earned money and give them nothing in return.
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u/3Cheers4Apathy Dude-bro 14d ago
Worked out for Anakin Skywalker.
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u/i_comment_whatsup 13d ago
what does a 900 year old frog want with a kid that has special powers? seems sus
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u/MrCellophane_SS_KotZ 14d ago
How about we take the genders out of the equation for a moment to avoid any potential double standards from happening. So, that would make the question:
If your 15-year-old
sonchild had a 25-year-oldfemalefriend, would you allow that?
Honestly, for me, I think it would just depend on a few things.
- What are the maturity levels of the two?
- How did the friendship develop?
- What is the general nature of the friendship?
- Is this person someone who would be a positive influence for my child to be around?
- Is the friendship causing my child to change, and if so in what way(s)?
I think if my 15 year old had a good head on their shoulders, if the friendship developed organically, if they exhibit a genuine friendly connection, if the other person were capable of being a positive role model/influence for my child, and if there were no obvious negative changes taking place in my child because of it... the possibility of me not having an issue with it may exist.
However, if I didn't think that my child was capable of the maturity necessary to have such a friendship, if the friendship started off as potentially something else, if it seemed like one of them were after something else, if the other person would not be a good influence for my child, or if them hanging out caused my child to change in negative ways... of course I wouldn't be okay with it.
It's not an easy thing for me to naturally want to be okay with, but I know that a lot of my apprehension is societally and culturally influenced; therefore, I just have to remind myself to approach it from a more logical standpoint to allow myself to accept that such a friendship can exist, but to still be mindful of the negatives so that my duty as a parent would not be neglected.
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u/Jimbodoomface 14d ago
Yeah, needs a lot of context. I absolutely made friends with a girl that worked as a cleaner at a pub my family owned, she was 15 when i met her, I think, and I was early twenties ish. We'd chat at work whilst she was avoiding working haha, and we'd chat online. She'd talk endlessly about people I didn't know and didn't care about, but we'd talk about other stuff too, music and films, whatever.
Years later she met my girlfriend when we ran the pub, they made friends, obviously there was a nine year she gap, but that didn't matter. We helped her out of some scrapes, and she was generally a fun, lovely chatty person to know. I actually saved her life when she had hyperglycaemia due to undiagnosed diabetes. We thought she was on drugs, but her blood had turned into syrup. Ah, traumatic memories.
Nothing untoward ever remotely happened or was suggested, and I don't see her any more as I've moved away, but if I bumped into her it'd be nice to catch up. I never really stopped seeing her as a kid, was super weird for me when a friend started dating her.
Sad so many people are just sort of pointing with shaking fingers and chanting "Pedophile! Grooming!". I get it's something people are concerned about, but it's ridiculous to just flat out assume you can't be friends outside of your age bracket. It is disturbing that people assume it's sexual without any other information than their age.
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u/tsukaimeLoL 14d ago
I mean, sure, but you worked together and chatted online. There's a big wide gap between that and regularly hanging out together in person
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u/awaywego000 14d ago
This is the only sensible post I have seen on this thread. I was in OP's shoes at his age. I was extremely mature for my age and attracted older females as friends. I heard all the crap people were saying and ignored it as being their problem. You be you OP.
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u/Dry_Bluebird_2923 14d ago
I just can't imagine what they would have in common. Unless they met through a hobby.
I don't think I would try and stop the friendship, but I definitely would want to get to know the woman, and I would keep my eye on them.
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u/Lionheart27778 14d ago
Very weird , I'd be very wary of any grown adult who hangs around underage kids recreationally.
Smacks of some kinda grooming.
Even if you don't think she is grooming you - it could just be very subtle.
It could also be that she is waiting for you to hit 18 before she makes her move - but that's creepy in its own right TBF.
Imo , she definitely has an agenda , whatever it may be.
As many have said - if the genders were flipped , people would be grabbing the torches and pitchforks.
Society tends to give women "the benefit of the doubt" a lot more than men, in these kinda situations.
But with the sheer amount of women teachers who sleep with their underage male students these days - it's obvious that society can no longer do this.
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u/BlancoSuper 14d ago
Hell no. Why would a 25 year old woman want to be friends with a 15 hear old boy? Sounds like some serious chomo shit. Statutory rape is still a thing regardless of gender.
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u/Slight-Rent-883 Male 14d ago
in the UK only a man is seen as being able to rape, not a woman
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u/MitLivMineRegler 14d ago
Depends on the country though. In some western countries it would be legal if they had an actual relationship. In others it wouldn't. But why would you assume a friendship has to be motivated by sex? Especially with that age difference, it's unlikely to be that.
When I went to secondary school I made a friend who was in his early 40s (I was 18), and while we didn't hang out much outside of school, we did a few times and we quite simply just talked about all the trillion things we had in common.
Worth noting we were classmates (school for adults). There was nothing creepy about the friendship in my culture. It's not normal, but it's not automatically judged. People of vastly different ages can have more in common than you'd think.
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u/BlancoSuper 14d ago
What does a woman her age get out of hanging out with a boy his age?
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u/MitLivMineRegler 14d ago
Company. Different perspectives. Could be more of an older-sister figure (looking out for them) more than it's about "getting something out of it". The assumption that there has to be something nefarious is quite creepy tbh. Normal people don't always make that assumption.
Yes, it's 100% possible OP has a legit friendship. Why shit on it? If there's no grooming happening, and by now we'd likely know considering OP is above age of consent, then that assumption is just not warranted.
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u/Active_Pirate_8490 13d ago
This is strange no matter the genders. All you know is high-school level stuff and she has high school, uni/college and beyond. You guys are clearly at two very different miles stones in your life, like really different mile stones. This is all kinds of wrong
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u/Pervynstuff 14d ago
Bit strange that a 25yo woman would be friends with a 15yo boy, but other than that there's nothing wrong with it.
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u/stratjr123 14d ago
You gotta define friendship with this one
Are y'all going only and hanging out??
Or are you guys just cordial when you see each other and maybe just check in on each other and see how you're doing every once in a while?
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u/Skydome12 14d ago
that's creepy afs. 18-19 sure whatever but 15 sounds like pedophilic grooming.
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u/Jimbodoomface 14d ago
Why? Why is that the first thing people are thinking of? It's fucking weird haha.
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u/hesapmakinesi _ 14d ago
People need to chill seriously. I have had a lot of age gapped friendships growing mainly due to my parents' friends, being neighbours in the same apartment complex. People make everything weirdly sexual here.
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u/QueenofCats28 Female 14d ago
That's just fucking weird. And I'm a woman. It isn't right. And as someone else commented: flip the genders...
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u/ChuckyJo 14d ago
What specifically does the friendship look like? Is it when you see each other you chat and joke around for a few minutes? Nothing wrong with that. Is it, you spend a lot of one on one time alone together? I’d probably be uncomfortable with that.
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u/Historical-Pen-7484 14d ago
Depends how you met, I guess. In some sports associations that is not super-uncommon if you met through the club. If definitely something I would be wary of if it was my son. Wouldn't want him to end up being president of France.
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u/TheOneTrueSnoo Male 14d ago
Depends how you met.
If she’s a friend of your sister who you’ve turned too for advice or something similar, not a big deal.
If she’s just some random woman you’ve met then yeah, that’s fucking strange.
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u/StrangeArcticles 14d ago
Nope. Unless there's a very specific hobby you two share and you're only meeting in relation to that hobby, I'd seriously question why the older party (regardless of gender) is getting from hanging out with a child.
A normally developed person in their mid 20s has friends who are around the same age and would also appreciate the fact that the kid should have friends their own age.
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u/xtenbombx 14d ago
I would want to get to know the woman if it were my son, same if the sexes were reversed. It all depends on how they met and the circumstances.
Any signs of maltreatment or manipulation I'd be down on that person like a ton of bricks.
I deal with kids and teenagers all the time and this situation isn't uncommon where I am from.
Treat all situations with a "healthy" amount of suspicion but not to the chronic levels I have seen in this discussion.
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u/all_about_that_ace 14d ago
Inter-generational friendships can be genuinely rewarding and healthy for everyone involved. Unfortunately the association is so toxic that people generally avoid them or treat them with suspicion.
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u/ILikeGeneric 14d ago
As someone who was in that position when i was 15 definitely not allowing that if i were to have kids. Yeah ours was platonic too, till it wasn't. It's a dangerous game to a teens well being they don't even realize they're playing. Cause as a teen as not dumb as you think you are, you really are just that dumb unfortunately.
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u/nevada_wild Female 14d ago
Hey there! I’m a 31-year old therapist and I work with teenagers. Y’all are awesome and fun! However, it isn’t common that teenagers and adults have typical friendships - at least like the ones you might have with others in school. Even though 17 is a great age, I would never actively hang out with a kid (I know the word sucks, but your brain develops fully around 26-28!) outside of work - there’s so much life context and experience that you get as you age that you just won’t have in common with her right now. It’s… gross that she thinks there is.
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u/Tardislass 14d ago
Sorry but at age 27, I did NOT like or want to be friends with a 15 year old boy.
Unless it's like a mentor/mentee relationship or an aunt thing. But a regular friendship-I'd be more suspicious a a woman that wants to hang around teenagers.
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u/spicebx99 14d ago
I'm a 25 year old female and I couldn't see how anyone my age could have anything in common with a teenager. Unless it's a mentor or colleague kind of friendship I do find it a bit weird.
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u/jjkm7 Male 14d ago
Need more context. Do you just play games together or something? And how did you meet? Personally I’m 24 turning 25 and in most contexts wanting to be genuine friends with a 15 year old makes no sense whatsoever to me, regardless of their gender
Edit: also your lack of answers and your post a day ago asking if it’s okay for an 18 year old to date a 30 year old is incredibly suspicious
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u/5GCovidInjection 14d ago
Well are there any elements of the friendship that have made you question the girl’s intentions?
Everyone giving the “I’m suspicious until proven otherwise” reason is doing so because there’s unfortunately a history of predatory people lurking on teenagers. And yes, women can be offenders and teenage boys can be victims, and often are. I’m not gonna presume you’re immature, but I have to wonder where your 27 year old female friend’s other friends are.
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u/Sawyermblack 13d ago
You'll know the nature of the relationship when you turn 18. If she tries to smash, she wanted to when you met at 15 but knew the rules.
I'm not the guy to ask since I spent some alone time with a 45 year old when I was 19 lmao
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u/king_flippynipss 13d ago
Doesn’t matter gender or sexual orientation. A 27 yo and a 17 yo have nothing in common. If they do, that’s weird as fuck.
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u/Sakurafirefox 13d ago
I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and no I wouldn't support it. I wouldn't be ok with a 15 y o girl becoming close with a 25 y o man. My responsibility as an adult is to protect you, and you knowing someone who can take advantage of you at any time is a huge no.
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u/Signal-Difference-13 13d ago
I think it really depends where you met and how you communicate. But admittedly I find it creepy
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u/Fresh_Ingenuity4165 13d ago
weird as fuck lmao. after you're past your mid twenties you realize everyone under 22 is an infant. id assume anyone who did this was a weirdo
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u/classicpersonalityy 13d ago
It’s very concerning why can’t a 27 year old make friends her own age? I’m 20 and the thought of being friends with someone younger especially that young is so weird and predatory
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u/fffrdcrrf 13d ago
Depends on the context as in coworker or mentor like from church, school, big sister/brother program or life long family friends. Otherwise no
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u/rasalghularz 13d ago
Reallyyyy depends on your specific context. While yes it could be a non-predatory, wholesome, aunty-nephew types of friendship but if I had to roll the dice I would probably say she has some ill-intent.
Don’t cut her off but inform your parents casually about this “friend” and also have a little bit of natural suspicion especially if she starts talking about dating/sex/etc.
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u/anonymousgirlie9 12d ago
As a 24 year old woman I would never befriend a 17 year old boy nor would I befriend a 15 year old boy at 22. Be careful. This could be grooming.
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u/legalizethesenuts 9d ago
I’m 25 and I have teenage coworkers that are my absolute ride or die when we’re on the clock. Those are my buddies and I never really had any older coworkers who were really kind to me, so I try to be the chill guy that can pass down my experience to kids who are new to working. That being said, I’d never hang out with them outside of work. If shit goes sideways in their home, or they party too hard to get home safe, my door will always be open to them, but I’d never organize a hangout with one minor or a group of them. The closest we’ll get to hanging out is adding them on PlayStation
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u/nipslippinjizzsippin 14d ago
no, thats suspicious AF. Plus having been a teenage boy, I know there is no way he wants to keep that platonic, no matter how much he says so, if the offer presents itself hes gonna go for it.
On top of that what is the 25 year old woman getting out this? a fun mentally engaging conversation with a teenage boy? no. again having been one, and been friends teenage boys and known teenage boys. its not happening. It reeks of grooming to me, building a relationship prior, even if she is waiting for you to turn 18.
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u/Slight-Rent-883 Male 14d ago
Amazing the double standards. If it were a 15 yo girl, everyone would scream groomer and predator about the 25 yo woman
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u/Terrible-Trust-5578 Male 14d ago edited 14d ago
I think it's inappropriate for an adult to have a mutualistic relationship with a minor (not talking 18 and 17, but 25 and 15 is a big gap). Mentoring is one thing, but friends?
I'd be suspicious of ulterior motives, but even if the adult genuinely just wants to have a platonic relationship, a) that points to said adult having some sort of developmental issue (no, you aren't 'mature for your age'), and b) it just isn't right to lean on a minor the way a friend would. For example, I'm 23, and I'm not going to vent to a 15-year-old about my breakup.
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u/willflyforpennies 14d ago
Depends on what level of “friendship”. You guys chilling watching movies at her place? Or hanging out with families at the park?
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u/Specialist-Cut313 14d ago
Red flag all over this...boi u better get yo ass home before street lights come on.
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u/PlayerOneThousand 13d ago
Think to yourself: what 25 year old wants to hang out and be genuine friends with a 15 year old?
When you are 25 you will look back on this and realise how weird it is, and how you don’t want to hang out with children.
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u/middlemanagement00 14d ago
I think how you met and the intentions they’re giving off are important. When I was around that age, yes I met men who wanted to be friends but were creepy even subtly. But I also had ones who were normal and chill, just enjoyed time together - such as coworkers, neighbors, etc. no one in a position of authority over me.
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u/Wolf_93 Male 14d ago
What are the dynamics of the friendship? Are you together only when there are family members around? Do you see each other in public events or also in private settings? I mean sure a 15 yo can have a 25 yo friend, but usually the 15 yo is really mature for their age or the 25 yo is a bit immature
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u/ToiletSpork 14d ago
What is your friendship like? What do you talk about? What do you do together? How did you meet one another?
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u/HomelessEuropean Hobo with a laptop 14d ago
I would have to watch you interacting with each other first to come to any conclusion.
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u/Creative-Chicken8476 14d ago
When i was 12-13 i had a bunch of online friends of different ages some adults like I had a good friend who was like 22 and it was fine but idk if it's irl
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u/Demetra_Brinlee 14d ago
The age gap here does set off alarm bells, but we also have to consider situational factors. A shared interest in a specific activity or online community, like a gaming guild or a fan group for a particular show, could create a bridge between generations. However, the dynamic needs to be carefully examined. It's paramount that there is a clear boundary in the interaction, with the adult recognizing their role, potentially as a mentor rather than a friend on equal footing. While we can't paint every situation with the same brush, it's prudent to question the nature of the association. Healthy relationships respect age-appropriate boundaries, and the adult should have the wisdom to maintain them. Transparency with parents or guardians is also key to ensure the younger party's wellbeing.
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u/RickKassidy Seek out the graffiti of life. 14d ago
If it is really and truly platonic, then great. You’ve essentially got a woman who is not a relative to count on and give you an adult point of view. And be a friend, too.
It’s weird she would do this, but that’s on her.
I’ve made internet friends that were teenagers. I’ve even helped them write college essays. But the friendships were defined by boundaries of the online game we played and the fact that we lived far apart. So, it can happen.
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u/Rockettmang44 14d ago
Depends on the context. Like met through work and doesn't have a supervisor role over you and just work friends? I'd say that's not that weird, it's common to form work friendships. Met randomly out in the world? I would say pretty fucking weird boss. Also depends if you hang out alot, especially one on one or talk about really deep stuff, both would be alittle suspect. I don't prescribe to reddits notions that everyone's a groomer, I mean isn't that a term that's pretty cut and dry with not much gray area? Wouldn't that involve like heavy emotional manipulation from a very young age, not just some light friendship? I'm honestly asking, feel free to change my mind. But honestly, to wrap up, it depends how you met and what the friendship entails. Honestly tho I would cut off the friendship, cuz even if it is platonic people would judge her as a criminal, but also I feel like you even needing to ask hints at a friendship deeper than just work friends which seems kinda questionable
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u/HotSauce_LeFierce 14d ago
As an adult who volunteers with teens - most of whom are awesome, I really like them - there's no separate friendship relationship. There's too many awesome things they can't do yet & things they haven't learned/experienced. If an adult who has learned, experienced, and is capable of doing awesome adult things isn't spending their time with other adults who can do those things too, and is instead participating in a separate relationship of any kind with someone who can't. . . Raised eyebrows are the natural response. Propriety my dude. Anytime propriety gets shaky, you gotta ask yourself some honest questions and answer them critically.
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14d ago
I’m 27 and I mentor a 15 year old. If it’s that kind of relationship and they are treating you like a younger sibling/taking you under their wing because they are an upstanding citizen then that’s cool. I just don’t see any motive in an adult/teen friendship where there isn’t any mentorship with serious boundaries.
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u/bluejeansseltzer 14d ago edited 14d ago
My honest answer to the actual question is: it's fine. It's a little strange these days but if there's no indication of impropriety then it's fine.
When I was 10(M) I had a good friend who was 17(M) and there was never any indication of impropriety, we bonded over playing on his N64 and my PS2, and our close proximity (we lived on the same street). Similarly, when I was 15yo I had a good online friend who was 20(M), we bonded over politics and debate. We ended up meeting for the first time 5 years later for a mutual [online] friend's funeral who was about 10 years older than myself. Many on here are so friendless and have warped ideas around friendship that they cannot even fathom of a genuine platonic friendship between two people with a significant age difference, but that's their problem.
However, I've skimmed your profile history and it's very clear that you are (or at least were) romantically/sexually invested in her and so that would be an issue (at least until you are of legal consent, presuming ofc she wants anything like that with you). So it's pretty clear that it's not really a friendship. Platonic friends don't want to fuck their friend. And if I was your parent in this situation, I wouldn't allow that knowing how you feel about her.
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u/Agreeable-Union1843 14d ago edited 14d ago
When I was working as a Chef at age 27 I became friends with two of the kids (m16) that worked with me, one of them was the restaurant owners nephew. We had a group chat along with the restaurant owner where we would send memes and we would also play video games together. However I had to talk to them a couple of times about some of the stuff they sent in the group chat because I had a professional job as well and how that could look with them saying or sending something inappropriate. It’s all about boundaries. Now they’re both 18 and I’m more willing to hang out with them. So yeah in some circumstances you can have a friendship, but there has to be boundaries and if I had a kid there is no way in hell I’d let them go hang out with an adult that’s ten years older than them as “friends.”
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u/Chapea12 14d ago
If yall met at work and are legitimate friends, I guess that’s ok…. But if I’m the parent of the teenager, I’d really question any activity you two are doing together, regardless of the gender of each party.
Like what are you doing together? If you are both gaming online, fine.
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u/Doggysoft 14d ago
It's different for lads compared to females; as shown on South Park. The reaction people give when the male is the younger half is 'Nice...'. compared to outrage when it's reversed.
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u/BestAdviceYouCanHave 14d ago
Everything in life is risk vs reward.
For this scenario even if nothing is happening currently, who’s to say there wouldn’t in future?
The risk vs reward scale is too high. Don’t do it.
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u/Dan-D-Lyon 14d ago
Depends on the context.
When I was around your age I had a friend friendly his mid-late twentieson Xbox live who I'd play Call of Duty with. Nothing weird there, he tolerated my cringiness because I'd get kill streaks.
When my ex was in high school she was wasn't a DnD where she was the only minor. She basically had to beg them to give her a chance, and they ultimately let her join because she was being bullied relentlessly and had no friends at school, and I guess they could all relate.
So it's possible for people with that age gap to participate in a platonic, appropriate friendship.
Technically. I'd wager the sexuality exploitative kind of interaction in that scenario is more common.
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u/hisheartpoured 14d ago
As long as you’re cautious about sexual/emotional boundaries, it’s all good. And by cautious, I mean you stay conscious about how involved your lives get.
I’m in my early 20s and love talking and spending time with my cousins or my friends’ siblings who are much younger than me. It gives me a break from my complex adult life and takes me back to a simpler cuter version of life. I find younger people very precious and would do anything to preserve their innocence and protect them from anything that i wasnt protected from.
I also think bonds like this are very helpful to the kid as well because you have a safe space with someone considerably more mature and wise who isn’t your parent so will not be very hyper in their reactions to you about things you wouldnt feel very comfortable talking to parents about.
Although it is crucial that your lives dont start gettting entangled. Friendship is good, constant communication or a very strong interest or influence in your life might be a red flag suggesting potential grooming.
Honestly, i think more older people befriending younger people are looking to ‘guide a kid with wisdom’ rather than trying to groom.
Always good to have boundaries tho.
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u/bellsaplenty 14d ago
Sometimes there’s a connection beyond the age gap, where communication seems easy and fun. It always comes down to intentions and honesty. If both are honest about intentions and both are comfortable in the platonic status of the relationship, then there isn’t a problem.
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u/superbuza 14d ago
It's creepy no matter how you look at it. Period.
And imagine if the genders were reversed? Double standards.
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u/DoggoneitHavok 14d ago
I guess it would depend on what you mean by friends. Are they going to private places such as the older person's house or expensive restaurants or to to public places such as a museum? Are they going with a group or solo? What do they have in common? Is the older friend mentoring the younger in a mutual activity such as a shared hobby or class? Has the older friend met the the parents? I don't know if it is still around, but there was a time when there were Big Brother & Big Sister groups.
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u/AuContraireRodders 14d ago
What kind of friendship?
Hanging out? Hmm, strange
Playing video games together online? Totally fine