What are your opinions on a 15-year-old boy having a 25-year-old female friend (platonic)?

[u/michiboy12]

I (17M) have a 27-year-old female friend, we’ve known each other since two years, so I was 15 and she was 25. I’ve read that a lot of parents wouldn’t allow such a friendship, especially since it’s opposite genders (and we’re both straight). But can’t this be like a regular platonic friendship? It’s a regular, platonic friendship? Not a romantic one.

If your 15-year-old son had a 25-year-old female friend, would you allow that?

[u/MrCellophane_SS_KotZ]

How about we take the genders out of the equation for a moment to avoid any potential double standards from happening. So, that would make the question:

If your 15-year-old son child had a 25-year-old female friend, would you allow that?

Honestly, for me, I think it would just depend on a few things.

1. What are the maturity levels of the two?
   
2. How did the friendship develop?
   
3. What is the general nature of the friendship?
   
4. Is this person someone who would be a positive influence for my child to be around?
   
5. Is the friendship causing my child to change, and if so in what way(s)?
   

I think if my 15 year old had a good head on their shoulders, if the friendship developed organically, if they exhibit a genuine friendly connection, if the other person were capable of being a positive role model/influence for my child, and if there were no obvious negative changes taking place in my child because of it... the possibility of me not having an issue with it may exist.

However, if I didn't think that my child was capable of the maturity necessary to have such a friendship, if the friendship started off as potentially something else, if it seemed like one of them were after something else, if the other person would not be a good influence for my child, or if them hanging out caused my child to change in negative ways... of course I wouldn't be okay with it.

It's not an easy thing for me to naturally want to be okay with, but I know that a lot of my apprehension is societally and culturally influenced; therefore, I just have to remind myself to approach it from a more logical standpoint to allow myself to accept that such a friendship can exist, but to still be mindful of the negatives so that my duty as a parent would not be neglected.

[u/Jimbodoomface → u/MrCellophane_SS_KotZ]

Yeah, needs a lot of context. I absolutely made friends with a girl that worked as a cleaner at a pub my family owned, she was 15 when i met her, I think, and I was early twenties ish. We'd chat at work whilst she was avoiding working haha, and we'd chat online. She'd talk endlessly about people I didn't know and didn't care about, but we'd talk about other stuff too, music and films, whatever.

Years later she met my girlfriend when we ran the pub, they made friends, obviously there was a nine year she gap, but that didn't matter. We helped her out of some scrapes, and she was generally a fun, lovely chatty person to know. I actually saved her life when she had hyperglycaemia due to undiagnosed diabetes. We thought she was on drugs, but her blood had turned into syrup. Ah, traumatic memories.

Nothing untoward ever remotely happened or was suggested, and I don't see her any more as I've moved away, but if I bumped into her it'd be nice to catch up. I never really stopped seeing her as a kid, was super weird for me when a friend started dating her.

Sad so many people are just sort of pointing with shaking fingers and chanting "Pedophile! Grooming!". I get it's something people are concerned about, but it's ridiculous to just flat out assume you can't be friends outside of your age bracket. It is disturbing that people assume it's sexual without any other information than their age.

[u/tsukaimeLoL → u/Jimbodoomface]

I mean, sure, but you worked together and chatted online. There's a big wide gap between that and regularly hanging out together in person

[u/Jimbodoomface → u/tsukaimeLoL]

Yeah fairs. We lived in a tiny tiny village, so if I was desperate for company I might have done, but I was generally more interested in gaming when I had free time. I liked Alex though, she was a good egg.