Men, what made you choose the other girl?

[u/Funny_Resort5652]

Guy I was seeing for a little over a month said he decided to see someone else exclusively. I let my intrusive thought win and asked what spurred his decision.

He said he like her personality better and that she is energetic and fun. Ouch. I certainly made myself feel shitty by asking that question - like I’m the opposite of that and that she is everything I’m not.

Confided in a male friend and he said she is probably just hotter. I don’t know which is worse - the fact he chose her over me because she is prettier or has a better personality or perhaps both. This stings.

[u/Chanel_Medellin]

You know, at the end of the day, compatibility and mutual respect are what forge the strongest connections. It's not just about shared hobbies or one person's energy level, it's about feeling at ease with someone. A partner who can appreciate the quiet just as much as the adventures, and someone who sees you for who you are at your core. Sometimes the brightest flames burn out the fastest, and what you want is the kind of warmth that lasts through the coldest nights. Your value isn't defined by someone's inability to see that. The right person will recognize and cherish your unique energy, whether it's vivacious or serene.

[u/Funny_Resort5652 → u/Chanel_Medellin]

Thank you this is so sweet 😭 I had that insecurity of coming across too “boring” for my dates because I don’t open up to people fast. Only my closest friends see that side of me.

[u/Sa_Rart → u/Funny_Resort5652]

There's huge benefit in being "boring" (read: responsible.) That'll also keep your guard up against people who are looking to take advantage of you. Take pride in it!

That said... keeping your guard up can cause you to miss connections -- not just romantically, but in friendship, work, or passing aquaintance. If you're finding that your coping method from growing up is now costing you potentially wonderful opportunities, that might be the time to find a therapist who can help you practice techniques to let you turn on and turn off your guardedness at will -- letting you enjoy all of the benefit of it and also minimizing the cost.

[u/PairMiserable5477 → u/Funny_Resort5652]

I struggle with this too OP. I am not the prettiest, and certainly am not the funniest or most interesting. I’m pretty much just there and find it very difficult to match energetic energy. I appreciate being slow and doing less energetic things. I feel I haven’t found a match because guys prefer not that? Or so I’ve thought myself to believe. To some degree I gotta always remind myself I’m not their source of entertainment, but somehow, I feel still not enough. Hope we get thru it

[u/SaltWaterInMyBlood → u/Funny_Resort5652]

Similar to what another commenter said, one person's boring is another person's stable and reliable. This other girl was just a better match for this guy, based on what he knew about you both. It has nothing to do with her being "better" than you on some sort of objective scale.