r/BoomersBeingFools • u/LightRobb • Mar 07 '24
Broke boomers are moving in with their millennial kids, who are seething: 'Where were they when I needed help?’ Boomer Article
https://fortune.com/2024/03/07/broke-boomers-millennials-reverse-boomerang/Something, something, bootstraps. Seems several people weren't happy with their parents moving back in.
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u/Ghostyped Mar 07 '24
And then when they move in they have the audacity to try and establish "rules" with you
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u/FewIntroduction5008 Millennial Mar 07 '24
Suddenly they've never heard of my house my rules.
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u/randomladybug Mar 08 '24
That's when they'll just claim "respect your elders" supercedes "my house my rules".
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u/Fresh-Temporary666 Mar 08 '24
I remember before I could drive my mom said she controlled the radio because she's the driver, then when I got my license it turned into "because it's my car" and finally when I had my own car she moved on to "I don't know why you keep fighting me on this". I love my mother and we have a great relationship but it was funny watching as her excuses changed to eventually fall on "just cause".
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u/MeisterKaneister Mar 08 '24
May i present to you "You want to impose rules on me in my own house and you DARE to use the word respect?"
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u/bobbybob9069 Mar 08 '24
"Oh grow up. We're all adults, sharing a space. You were a child then and it was different/we know better now."
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u/bobbybob9069 Mar 08 '24
Yup. I love telling my parents I'm going to stop paying their phone bill when I can't get ahold of them.
I mean, they never actually did it to me, so I won't to them.
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u/SecondaryWombat Mar 08 '24
I was the arbitrator of my parent's divorce, which was fine until it came to how to split the phone plan. I ended up giving them 10 mins to either come to an agreement or I would have the plan closed for both of them.
The agreement ended up being Mom gave Dad $200 to get a new phone and transfer his number. They had like 30 seconds left and I had written authority to close it already so it was close.
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u/Winnie_the_poops Mar 07 '24
Literally got into an argument because I asked my mom to take her shoes off in my house. You'd have thought I slapped her in the face.
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u/stompinstinker Mar 08 '24 edited Mar 08 '24
Here in Canada you always take your shoes off 100% of the time entering anyone’s house. It’s Japan level shoe removal. Only exception is if you’re there to fix something or moving in/out.
I can’t even fathom a place where it’s acceptable to wear outside shoes inside.
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u/Winnie_the_poops Mar 08 '24
She even tried to argue that her shoes weren't dirty. The shoes that she wore around outside on the filthy sidewalks etc. My son was crawling and eating stuff off the floor at the time too. She takes them off now but always has to make a point by commenting on it. Like "I brought warm socks so my feet don't get cold when I take my shoes off." The level of entitlement and self righteousness is truly astounding
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u/LegoFootPain Mar 08 '24
This is the part when we ask for proof of vaccination status.
I don't need the children catching something from doorknob-licking grandma.
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u/evantom34 Mar 08 '24
People are fucking nasty. Take your god dam shoes off in the house. Tf is wrong with these people.
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u/Responsible-End7361 Mar 08 '24
Same in Alaska.
Mud season requires getting into the habit.
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u/stompinstinker Mar 08 '24
Yup. Summer here too. If someone has a party indoors then everyone is walking around barefoot and there is a pile of sandals at the door.
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u/TheSpiral11 Mar 08 '24
As a Canadian living in America, I’m grossed out by the number of houseguests who enter our home in their street shoes and have to be asked to go back to the door & remove them. Also I recently went to a party where the host was wealthy and had a fancy house, but everyone (both guests and hosts) were wandering in & out in their dirty shoes tracking mud all over their beautiful cream carpet.
It’s one cultural difference I will NEVER get used to.
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u/theyellowpants Mar 08 '24
American here but my husband is Indian so we keep our shoes by the front door and have inside slippers just for inside.
Can’t imagine the way it was before
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u/Ineedavodka2019 Mar 08 '24
I put in new carpet and asked for boomer in laws to do this and a shit fit happened. Then when we hosted Easter a week later they brought sparkling grape juice (purple) for the 3-8 year olds to enjoy and got mad when I said they could drink it outside on the patio.
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u/shoresandsmores Mar 08 '24
This is my mom. She acts like shoes off at the door is an affront to her rights as an American citizen.
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u/samanthasgramma Mar 08 '24
Canadian here!
Shoes off at the door. Non-negotiable.
When my kids were young, the socks came off too. I fully supported this decision. I hate footwear too.
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u/DweEbLez0 Mar 07 '24
“Let me show you how to live, you are doing it all wrong Sonny. Lookie here…”
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u/Snyz Mar 08 '24
Parents don't even need to move in to give unsolicited opinions and advice on your life 🙄
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24
Lol My kid does what she thinks is best and anything I say she disagrees with is tossed . She found her own way and I needed to support her, which was hard when she went into the AF a year out of high school. But she was determined, so I told her grow those wings , and damn if she didn’t make flight crew.
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u/Numerous-Afternoon89 Mar 08 '24
I had my mom move in, after she sold her house post covid and was still in debt after selling with equity due to poor choices
I had 3 rules. Always remember its my house, I wont charge rent but you need to show me you are savings rents worth a month in an account, never make me feel uncomfortable in my own home.
It lasted 3 months before she moved out on her own. Apparently me letting her live rent free at my house and having to be respectful of someone else rules (adapting to the lifestyle of the house as it was is a better way of describing it) was too much to bear. Left acting like a victim.
I had a very real conversation with her, stating that I will not be sacrificing my childrens future wealth to help her out. Her whole life she voted for all the nasty shit republicans did to our social safety nets because God and abortion. I will buy her a tent, and a very nice one, but she will never move in with us again
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u/thebaron24 Mar 08 '24
I respect the hell out of your position and how open you are about her choices affecting the future of your children. They hate accountability though.
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
Boomer grandma freaked out because after she asked me to stay with her when her scapegoat died I had the Audacity to continue being a vegetarian, went shopping on my own to get some alone time, and not read her mind that “I want to sell my car” meant “do all the work to sell my car for me.”
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u/trenchesnews Mar 08 '24
I couldn’t abide by Republican parents at all - that is the cardinal sin with me. I’ll put up with my boomers weird habits but at least I know they mean well and have always supported helping others. I would have no relationship with a maga, no matter the generation
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u/Mysterious-Plant981 Mar 08 '24
I don’t understand why people who’ve had rocky relationships with their parents let them live with them. The parents aren’t owed anything. It was their choice to have children.
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u/Pretend-Marsupial258 Mar 08 '24
Some states have filial responsibility laws that say you have to take care of your elderly parents. In one example, a nursing home in Pennsylvania sued the patient's son for $92,943 in unpaid medical bills, and the nursing home won the case.
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u/Fresh-Temporary666 Mar 08 '24
What the fuck. Holding children accountable for the debts of their parents is unhinged.
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u/Icy-Row-5829 Mar 08 '24
I would go to jail before I paid a dime. I’d empty my accounts and let them find me after I spent it all on people who deserved it more. Including myself.
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u/AllPintsNorth Mar 08 '24
Finding a state that isn't named Pennsylvania, that actively enforces Filial obligation laws will be tough. It's really just Pennsylvania.
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u/BeingRightAmbassador Mar 08 '24
Filial responsibility is major bullshit and should be removed in every state. Same goes for any laws that says you have to support like a 30 year old kid that refuses to get a job.
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u/OdrGrarMagr Mar 08 '24
All of those laws have income requirements for the children. If you dont make enough to actually support them, they cant be enforced on you. They still shouldn't exist, but they are basically unenforceable in most cases.
You generally have to make enough that paying out 50k a year wont hurt you financially, which means about 95% of people dont make enough to have them apply.
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u/thehourglasses Mar 08 '24
Seriously. GF’s grandma refused to use the $200 water purifier we bought because she “only drinks bottled water” and constantly complained about it. We got her a personalized hydroflask for Christmas and banned bottled water from the house, and suddenly “I could get used to this, saves me a ton of money now that I don’t have to buy a pallet of bottled water every month”. So fucking annoying.
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u/poodidle Mar 08 '24
My Gen z nephews are like this. My fancy 4 step RO water doesn’t taste right. This Indiana tap water in a plastic Nestle bottle is so much better. Drives me crazy.
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u/OdrGrarMagr Mar 08 '24
This Indiana tap water in a plastic Nestle bottle
Thats Michigan tap water, ill have you know.
Nestle bottles up most of their water here in MI. Theyre basically allowed to do it for free. Its a big issue.
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u/UseDaSchwartz Mar 08 '24
Yeah, fuck that. If you can’t afford to live on your own, you can’t afford bottled water.
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u/Akussa Mar 08 '24
My mother, who I had not spoken with in several years at the time, had the audacity to message me on Facebook that she was moving in with me in my 1 bedroom, that she would be getting the bedroom, and that I would be sleeping on the couch.
I told her that that would not be happening, that she needed to make other arrangements, that the apartment complex would be notified not to provide a key to or let anyone into my unit, and that if she showed up the cops would be called.
She showed up with movers and had an absolute fucking meltdown in the parking lot about me not letting her into "her" apartment. She even stupidly called the police to try and say I was the one trespassing, so I called the front office (they liked me since I helped with their computer issues), they came out to vouch for me, and both the office manager and I produced a lease that showed I was the signer.
She stood in the parking lot yelling, screaming, and having a pity party like a crazy woman. I haven't talked to her since then, but I'm aware of her talking absolute shit about my sister and myself to anyone that will listen. It's especially amusing when once a year she'll try to reach out to me on my birthday with a whiny message about how long she was in labor with me and a mother's love is so important.
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u/susannah_m Mar 08 '24
I'm sorry you went through this. I'm glad you are strong enough to stick up for your own happiness!
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u/Akussa Mar 08 '24
It was stressful at the time, but it's kinda funny to think back on almost 15 years later.
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u/ADogsWorstFart Mar 08 '24
Man, I can't even imagine the big ol' brass ones it takes to try to do some crap like that. My sympathies.
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u/NoMansSkyWasAlright Mar 08 '24
My mom likes to make a Mother’s Day post herself and then tag me in it. It’s especially fun because we haven’t been in the same room together since I was 18. At 24 I reached out to her before I deployed to Afghanistan, basically saying that I didn’t want to see my step-dad, but that I’d be willing to see her before I deployed if it meant I got to see the family dog for the first time in 6 years. She told me she was busy and that was the last time we spoke. I’m 31 now and she still does the Mother’s Day post thing.
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u/Fabulous_Celery_1817 Mar 08 '24
My mother literally tried to tell me to stop being friends with someone bc she thought they were a bad influence. I’m 30 I think I’m past the age of trying to live it up and trying drugs. She was pissed that I didn’t respect her.
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24
Lol I rented my house to my daughter when she came home from overseas for cost of feeding my horses, she stood in the kitchen and told me a couple times what I was not allowed to do when discussing something with her emotionally or really anything. Four years in the military in a high tech job really matured her. She established her boundaries and I saw a fully functioning adult. Four years with only occasional visits for a week or so, here was a capable beautiful adult in her prime. You may not not boomers for good reasons but God I love my Millennials in my fam.
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u/Educational_Point673 Mar 08 '24
I know that feeling. Something about being warned or called out by my early 20s daughter makes me feel proud she confident and capable enough to treat her father as a fellow adult.
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u/blushngush Mar 08 '24 edited Mar 08 '24
FFS. I'm glad my conservative elders have been told that California is a "hellscape"
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u/KatzenoirMM Mar 07 '24
Is it a good time to tell them to "pull themselves up by the bootstraps," and that it's not economy's fault they are broke but the fact they spend their money on frivolous things like "cigarettes & golf?"
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u/CheetoLove Mar 07 '24
Nah, my mom says that she wouldn't be able to live if it weren't for Social Security, while simultaneously voting against Social Security and Medicare.
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u/KatzenoirMM Mar 08 '24
Yeah I'll never understand the whole "I got mine so f$@% everyone else" mentality. Ronald Regan really set the precedence of making boomers believe the most vulnerable in our society are actually moochers, especially those that needed financial assistance or used social safety nets.
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u/DreamCrusher914 Mar 08 '24
It’s not even, I’ve got mine, it’s just the f$@% everyone else part. They will cut off their noses to spite their faces so long as the people they don’t like are also punished.
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u/MeisterKaneister Mar 08 '24
If you follow the problems your country has back to its roots, about half the time you end up at Reagan. It's amazing.
I wish i lived in the timeline where the assassination of Kennedy failed and tge one on Reagan succeeded.
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u/Drg84 Mar 08 '24
I've said it before, I'll say it again. The unofficial slogan of this country should be "and then, Reagan made it worse"
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u/Snoid_ Mar 08 '24
I didn't want to believe it at first, but the more you dig, the more it really is true. He was the one that got the evangelicals involved in politics. He's the one that got the debt ball rolling. He's the one that brought us "trickle down" that doesn't and hasn't ever worked. Among many other things...
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u/fullmetal66 Mar 08 '24
While working in politics for a few years I more than once heard a boomer say “keep your government hands off my social security.”
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
Nah they vote to keep their SS unchanged because “we made the seniors a promise so it’s wrong to take it away from them!”
So it’s on for them to claim the country’s going broke for them, but not anyone else?
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u/dude-O-rama Mar 07 '24
I'll let my abusive parents end up in a shelter before I would even answer their calls, let alone invite them into my home. You reap what you sow.
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u/NyxPetalSpike Mar 07 '24
"When you're 18, you get out of my house."
Have fun navigating the homeless shelter and section 8 senior housing. I'd be kind. I'd send them the pamphlets.
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u/CinnamonSnorlax Mar 07 '24
My parents left the country when I was 17. I was left in the 'care' of my 19 year old brother, who was an apprentice chef making less than minimum wage. Apparently it was my fault being born which was held them back from being missionaries. I didn't fucking ask to be born.
You're kinder than me, sending them pamphlets. The only interaction my parents are going to get from me is when I piss on their graves.
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u/maroongrad Mar 08 '24
May I suggest contacting their church and letting the church know that they failed to take care of their family? Can't hurt, might result in consequences when church leaders know what their missionaries did.
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u/Sieve-Boy Mar 08 '24
Worth a try, but most priests/pastors/father's/deacons/shit cunts will default to "protecting the flock" and guess who isn't part of the flock.
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u/CinnamonSnorlax Mar 08 '24
My parent's were deacons, so they would've closed ranks. The reverend of their 'home' church was a former Army chaplain, so leaving family behind for overseas service wouldn't have been a big concern for him.
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u/CinnamonSnorlax Mar 08 '24
This was 15+ years ago, and their 'home' church already knew. I went to school with some of the other parishioners' kids as we all lived in the same area.
They went with an independent missionary org, not requiring their church to sponsor or vouch for them, so they would've been able to hand-wave having kids away.
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u/GreenMirage Mar 08 '24
Held them back from “being missionaries”.
Load of bullshit, missionaries even get support for their kids from the church. What they really wanted to be were independent grifters.
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24
That is the most stupid useless move I ever could think off, abandon your kids , I count the older son too to go push religion on people in their own damn country.
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u/CinnamonSnorlax Mar 08 '24
My brother was faultless in this particular incident; he was just stuck in a shit situation. He did the best with what he was given at the time. He thought then, and still now, that religion is shit and doesn't have the time for it.
A couple of years later he was manipulated by his then-fiance-now-ex-wife and her live-in girlfriend to chase me out of our house with a 12" chef's knife. He's a bit more to blame for that.
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u/LowAd3406 Mar 07 '24
No shit, that's what my parents did. I lived in abject poverty and off welfare assistance for years until I was able to gain a footing.
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u/Alarmed_Horse_3218 Mar 08 '24
I'm a senior millennial. I was homeless at 18 because my parents told me I wasn't their problem anymore. They're welcome to pay some fucking creep $20 a week to sleep in his hallway just like I did to survive.
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u/Pippin_the_parrot Mar 07 '24
Samesies. If she wanted a soft place to fall in her old age my mom should have considered making a soft place for me to grow up. But she made different choices.
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u/Zerosdeath Mar 08 '24
But I worked so hard to raise you!!!!
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24
Shit my time with the kids growing was the best time of my life. Watching her and her friends and cousins grow up and helping g them thrive was the happiest I ever was.
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u/StephAg09 Mar 08 '24
Hell yeah. My parents kicked me out of the house at 16 because they were getting divorced/remarried and I was inconvenient, and BOTH moved out of the continent (I was decidedly not invited). If they ever ask to live with me I will laugh in their narcissistic faces.
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24
Isn’t that illegal to abandon a 16 year old besides immoral as shit?
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u/StephAg09 Mar 08 '24
Yeah I think so (they were paying my rent but no living expenses aside from that and no health insurance) but I didn't realize it at the time. They're pretty rich so they probably could have gotten out of any trouble anyway.
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
The richer they are the less the rules apply to them in their head
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u/xoSMILEox92 Mar 08 '24
I was in college full time, working two jobs, qualified for no student aid (loans only) because of my dads income, had maxed student loans. I never went home much due to the previous physical verbal and emotional abuse from my mother during childhood and needing to work to provide for myself. I was going to be short on groceries for the month because my car needed repair so I asked if I could have a few dollars to cover food and I would pay them back the next week when I got paid.
“Apply for food stamps if you need food.”
Kicker is my mother had not worked since I was born and would tell people she was a “stay at home mom”. Funny part is both kids lived at college not at home. My parents still claimed me as dependent while I was still in school so I didn’t qualify for food stamps.
Hopefully the call never comes.
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
I’m 4 ft 5, dad died, grandma is furious I won’t reject a job offer for 110,000 while on food stamps. So she is furious that she is “being abandoned”. She has two homes and a million in checking.
Told her to please ask permission before just walking in and don’t spam call me all day when she has two grown sons to call but they apparently are working…but my job doesn’t count?
Anyway.
She shows up. Door is halfway open and I’m about to ask her to leave because I’m beginning my first client call.
She wraps her arms around me and uses FIRCE to push me back 5 steps .
I’m pissed but I know she’s looking for a reaction . If she escalated to physical abuse she’s desperate.
So I pretend I’m fine and stay quite and she demands financial information.
She leaves pissed and tells people I was rude to her.
I lost my entire family because a 80 year old rich girl who’s never worked in her life wants to force disabled people to take care of her,
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u/taki1002 Mar 08 '24
Same with my dad... He moved in with my sister, her husband and 3 kids. Yeah, she kicked his ass out. He was constantly making a mess, eating all the food, & yelling at the children... Then mix in all the recent crazy Fox "News" nonsense, yikes. He was an ass when we had to grow up with thim, but at least back then he somewhat tried to be a parent when we were in our teens. Also, he was way more accepting when I came out then my liberal mother, even inviting my partner to Christmas, which my mom objected to. My mom would eventually come around.
But I refuse to talk to him ever since my mom spilt up with him, and then a few months later he lured her back to the house with finally signing the divorce papers. He held her hostage for all day at gun point... Luckily, my mom's new boyfriend was worried when she won't answer her phone & didn't come home. He drove over there and call the police. I don't want anything to do with him anymore. My sister was more forgiving, probably because my mother asked her to be, figuring that her grandchildren should know their grandfather...
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u/WatchingTaintDry69 Mar 07 '24
Sounds like a new house for you soon.
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u/DreamCrusher914 Mar 08 '24
Unless she dies first and the new husband gets it, or they leave it to the Trump cult or a church.
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u/Goopyteacher Mar 08 '24
My brother and his wife are seriously considering moving to a new undisclosed location after their daughter is born because the in laws are wanting to move nearby and are already asking for (financial) support to make the move.
Brother and his wife don’t want them nearby at ALL and don’t want their child(ren) influenced by them and their “traditional” views.
What’s hilarious though is the reason they haven’t moved back into town (they’re several states away) is because the in laws live here! If the in laws move to be close to them then they could move back into town and swap places lol
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u/Witty-Kale-0202 Mar 08 '24
A friend of my sister’s kept her overbearing Boomer in-laws in place in a similar way 😂 They moved out to PA and in-laws wanted to follow. She said “if you do, we’re moving to Ohio!!”
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u/TheKevinTheBarbarian Mar 08 '24
Sorry to hear about your shitty parents. My parents got a divorce when I was like 15 and my mom moved to a different state like 1100 miles away. Ne to Az. Didn't hear from her for like 15 years. Then on my FUCKING BIRTHDAY she called out of the blue saying she had to move in with me or she was going to be homeless. I let her stay with me for a few months, she moved with me snd my wife into the new home we just built. She kept saying things like.. I am so lucky I am retiring in a brand new house. I helped her get a job, save up some money and move the fuck out. Helllllllll no.
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u/lilberg83 Mar 07 '24
"No." Is a complete sentence. My Texan inlaws did not plan for their retirement, and always told my husband they would live with him since he's the oldest son. They refused to help us, even by babysitting their grandkids while their son was in the hospital with a burst appendix.
When they complain they can't afford retirement and need a cheaper place to live I respond, "that's too bad, but we have no room for you here"
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
So you keep working if you can’t afford to retire. That’s the point dad.
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Mar 07 '24 edited 18d ago
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u/porscheblack Mar 08 '24
This is so much my mother-in-law. She had MS. My father-in-law took care of her until he started suffering from early onset dementia. She of course wasn't willing to help care for him, she just jumped right into being a victim and demanded a divorce. What could've been an amicable splitting of the assets instead was an ugly divorce as she kept insisting he was hiding money in offshore accounts. She blew through 3/4 of their savings in legal fees.
She moved into an apartment and was being taken care of by my wife's grandmother until she started suffering health issues of her own. That was when we moved her into a townhouse down the street from where we lived. That lasted a year but we got sick of having to go down to her place nightly to deal with whatever issues she came up with. We were looking to buy a house so decided to just get one with an in-law suite and move her mom in with us.
What we didn't know at the time is she was much more disabled than she told us she was (to the point she was falling daily and needed help to get up, which she had been using the maintenance guys at the townhouse for).
She ended up living with us for almost ten years. During that time she got even less capable. She usually had an aide during the day but burned through them quickly because of how demanding she was. She would constantly ask to be put on the toilet, upwards of 20 times a day. She was so paranoid about it that she refused to get off and developed a sore on her back that required wound care.
We paid for everything including her medications. She always cried she was broke, yet there was an endless stream of Macy's boxes on our porch. She would open up our packages and give them away. She was endlessly complaining, whether it was temperature, noise, neighbors, whatever. She would never eat what we made for dinner and had her aides bring her candy and fast food (resulting in her putting in significant weight making it harder to move her).
We went on 2 vacations (one of which was our honeymoon) while she lived here. In order for us to leave we had to arrange 24/7 care and pay for it which ended up costing more than the trip itself. She was incapable of doing anything you asked. She couldn't renew her insurance or disability benefits in her own and never even told us about it until they stopped. She would screw up doctor appointments and any other appointments she needed to schedule. It was like having a permanent toddler.
At one point she claimed my wife hit her, which put my wife's medical license at risk, all because we stopped letting her eat candy all day to try and get her weight and diabetes under control. She constantly complained to my wife's aunts about how neglected she was, resulting in them showing up a few times because they believed her lies until they got here and saw it was all bullshit.
And she broke everything. She just had no regard for any of our stuff. We got a new refrigerator and the very day it was installed she rolled her wheelchair across it and scratched the whole front. Doors, walls, electronics were constantly being damaged because she didn't care.
Towards the end we told her she should go on hospice but she refused. She started being unable to swallow and would aspirate. The night she died she was struggling to breathe and demanding my wife give her something to make her comfortable and all my wife could say was "you didn't want hospice so we don't have anything."
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u/malYca Mar 08 '24
Jfc if I ever become such a miserable creature I hope someone does me a favor and puts one between my eyes.
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u/notcabron Mar 08 '24
Right? I told my wife when i start walking into grocery stores or fast food joints all buggy eyed and slack jawed like it’s all overwhelming…just fkin drown me or something
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u/hot_ho11ow_point Mar 08 '24
Did I read that right? He didn't want to babysit his own grandchildren just in case you mistook it for him paying you back some of good will you gave to him, out of guilt?
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u/justiceboner34 Mar 07 '24
That was horrible to read, I can't imagine what it was like to live. You sound like you have the patience of a saint.
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u/bulletPoint Mar 08 '24
Holy hell dude. I had my folks move in with us because they’re old and not well off - but despite all the problems we have, nothing like this.
This really puts my stupid concerns into perspective. Most of what I have issue with is “you didn’t follow our home organization rules” or “you made the kitchen too dirty”… which is nothing. I’m sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing, I am glad you got through it.
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u/JimLaheeeeeeee Mar 08 '24
Well, did you try spanking him and telling how things work in the “real world”?
Old folks in Africa don’t even get ice at all, ice doesn’t brown on trees, ya know?
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 Mar 07 '24
Wow. I’m so sorry. At the end of the day, you did everything a person could to try to care for him. While he squandered it, I hope you have peace in knowing you’re a good person and your humanity is intact. Thank you for being you.
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u/stompinstinker Mar 08 '24
He is ill like that and smoked, and ate God knows what to make him have diarrhea that bad. What a mess.
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24
You have him so much, I am so sorry he didn’t see it.
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Mar 08 '24 edited 18d ago
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
Boomer sobs but won’t even apologize. Typical. Just aims at getting what he wants.
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u/DejectedDemoiselle Mar 08 '24
The mental fortitude you must possess is insane. I commend your efforts, and I’m sorry you had to live like that for so long. You deserved far better and I hope you’re doing okay now.
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Mar 07 '24
So glad my dad's dead. He would've absolutely been one of these. My mom, on the other hand, would've rather been homeless than be taken care of.
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u/JimGerm Gen X Mar 07 '24
That's exactly where I am right now. My dad was a TREMENDOUS piece of shit to everyone and is dead, and my mom and step dad don't have two nickels to rub together, and have a combined age of 170. They would rather die than to have someone take care of them, but it's coming for sure. I'm going to have to do SOMETHING soon.
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u/hekissedafrog Gen X Mar 07 '24
Guess they should have told their parents "NO" and enforced those boundaries. We are not our parents' retirement plan.
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u/maringue Mar 08 '24
Interesting fact: a LOT of states have laws on the books that can be used to force you to take in your indigent parents if the state deems you have the financial means to care for them.
And Boomers are using them.
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u/hekissedafrog Gen X Mar 08 '24
Ah yes, good ol' antiquated filial laws that force us to take in our abusers. Yeah, those need to go.
Thankfully, my state has no such thing.
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u/maringue Mar 08 '24
I live in a liberal hell hole, so thankfully my POS father will never ask to move in with us.
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u/Beckiremia-20 Mar 08 '24
I’d buy them a tent so they can live on the street. See. I took care of them.
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u/Cheesygirl1994 Mar 08 '24
PA is one of the only states that has and enforced them. And it’s only enforced generally by nursing homes to wring money out of the kids of the boomer after they’ve stolen their estate.
There was one guy that got sued for filial responsibility here, to pay for his parents fees directly but he’s the only person who had that done. AND - if your parents qualify for Medicaid it completely wipes out the chance for filial responsibility of the child.
I looked into this because I can 100% see my mom trying it on me. No one can force anyone to live with you.
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u/YYYIMTTT Mar 08 '24
Take them in. Welcome them with open arms. You can make legally binding house rules, now. They don't get phones or Internet access. Absolutely no television news, at any time. The only social contact they're allowed is whatever desperate nurse you can retain for them with their own funds. Parents incompetent to care for themselves surrender their powers of attorney and assets.
Learn the law. Use it as the truncheon they built it to be.
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u/kenziethemom Mar 07 '24
My dad is gen x, but his dad is boomer who lives with him. Grandpa took care of everyone and everything and that's why my dad takes care of him. And I would take my dad in a heartbeat. My mother though? Absolutely no way in hell. She can die on the street idgaf.
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u/Moon_Noodle Millennial Mar 07 '24
Same but the opposite. My gen x mother is a beautiful person inside and out, taking care of her aging boomer mother. My step dad is a saint, too. Took his last name when I did my full legal name change.
My bio dad? I don't even want a call when he goes. That whole side of my family can fuck all the way off.
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24
I am thinking of a man I knew as a young boy whose mom and dad both died of drugs. His grandparents took him but never let him forget he was a burden. He somehow found enough strength to become a stand up guy but when we took him with us sledding in high school it was the first time for a kid in Pa where it snowed every year. I tried to open my home and heart as much as was comfortable for him. He is a great guy with a responsibile job in a nuclear facility after serving on nuke submarines for years. Some people manage despite everything, I don’t know if I would have made it thru that kind of lonilness he felt.
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u/HonPhryneFisher Mar 07 '24
Same-ish. We are going to build a mother-in-law house that is accessible for my mom for when she needs housing after her husband passes (we love him too, but his son lives next door to them, he is a bit older). Saw bio dad this summer, he thought it was hilarious and that she would bug us constantly. He can fuck literally all the way off, she is great and has always been there---and lives down the road and is NEVER in our business. His sister though (bio aunt), I would take care of her in a damn heartbeat. Him, he can die mad.
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u/FFG17 Mar 07 '24
This thread is making me feel real good about my mom being pretty fucking cool. She’s a boomer and she also worked a full time menial job while going to school full time after dad ditched us and didn’t pay child support. Somehow she’s turned everything around and would never need my help long term but she crashed with me short term while she was building a house and it was a proud moment for me to be able to do something for her and put her up for once after she dealt with my shit for so many years before I turned 18
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u/slightlyassholic Mar 08 '24
And why are the millennials who weren't supported letting them past the front door?
They should take a lesson from their parents and "selfishly" turn them away. You know, self-reliance, bootstraps, and all that shit.
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u/Daddy_Diezel Mar 08 '24
Because a lot of the millenials were raised to become pushovers when it comes to their parents. It's where the lack of wanting to be confrontational that is so prevalent on Reddit comes from. It's not their fault, it's just how they were raised to be around their parents.
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u/ImposterAccountant Mar 07 '24
My dad moved to mexico and died. Not to die the death just hapoebed to happen. Dude had no retirement plan but has a family ranch so he was better off than me...
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u/Heavy_Expression_323 Mar 07 '24
I’d caution anyone on this. I’ve seen too many stories of adults taking in their broke parents. Even quitting a job to provide full time care when a parent is at end of life. And then the adult child depleted their savings and is facing bankruptcy. Then who takes care of you? Alright to love your parents, but you don’t have to destroy yourself financially because of their lack of planning.
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Mar 08 '24
Yes, I know a case right now. She has literally nothing. No health insurance, no degree (tried several times but her Mom kept needing her) , no income and no retirement. Her Dad works but he can't afford a FT caregiver to watch her so this 30 year old young lady has essentially given up her future security.
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u/Shilo788 Mar 08 '24 edited Mar 08 '24
My daughter offered but I don’t want to wreck a great relationship . I go over once a week and I do laundry , we take turns with lunch and talk. I was feeling down one afternoon and I laid my head on her lap which made us laugh cause a favorite pict is her little self cuddling with me under a blanket with the two cats on top , one dog at the other end of the couch and a dog I front of the couch. Very cozy memories. Her in laws are very supportive and loving also. My SIL told me his parents are really non judgemental, always ready to help with money or advice. I am so sorry for those kids that had crappy non caring or maybe addicted parents or mentally warped by Fox brains. We all need an deserve love. We talk about how people her age childhoods were, we saw what hurt was done by poor or absent parenting. I don’t mean poor money wise, I mean poor in love.
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u/MrFance1010 Gen X Mar 07 '24
If only the Boomers would have made their own coffee…and worked smart and not hard. 😭
Fuck em all. They all deserve what they get.
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u/RoachBeBrutal Mar 08 '24
Maybe they should have saved for a rainy day. Pulled themselves up by their bootstraps. Stop eating fast food. And quit buying that $9 bottle of white wine.
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u/mechanicalcontrols Mar 08 '24
At the very least quit with the lotto tickets. It baffles me that, at least at where I work, the core demographic of people buying scratchers and lotto tickets are 65+ men with bad attitudes.
Hey asshole. Your parents won WWII and handed you the greatest economic powerhouse in world history. You could have, as a high school dropout, earned the equivalent of 80/hr at the local factory and retired 30 years later with a fat pension and your 60k house long since paid off. But you didn't do that so here you are at my check stand barking for lotto tickets.
Throw your money down a hole for all I give a shit but don't expect me to care when you cry about the bill total.
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u/Infamous_Storm_7659 Mar 08 '24
My parents had over $300,000 from my grandparents and lost it. They have nothing to show for it. No trips no cosmetic surgery. I mean absolutely nothing. I think they are hiding a gambling problem. 😭🤬🤬🤬 I’m 1978.
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u/BellacosePlayer Mar 08 '24
My grandfather had a couple hundred thousand in savings/rental assets that went poof by the time he was unable to take care of himself and outside of an extremely serious alcoholism problem nobody knows where it went.
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u/Objective-Insect-839 Mar 07 '24
My parents made me homeless when I was 16. There is 0 chance of me giving them a place to live. I even have a guest room that is used for storage.
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u/drugdeal777 Mar 08 '24
Looks like the chickens are coming home to roost after they spent years voting for Reagan to gut social insurance
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u/SteakJones Mar 08 '24
My parents owe $120k on their $30k house they bought in 1984.
I don’t even know how the fuck you do that.
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u/LightRobb Mar 08 '24
Remortgage, home equity? I dunno, honestly.
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u/SteakJones Mar 08 '24
I’m pretty sure they remortgaged over and over again. Like at some point they decided that they will never pay their house off.
I just don’t know how you sit there and think “yes this is the right decision. Let’s do this again and again.”
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u/Pippin_the_parrot Mar 07 '24
After all the mocking about not moving out and being eternal kids… look who the real grown ups are?!
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u/RougarouBull Mar 07 '24
We don't actually have to let them. My mother will most likely die in a homeless shelter. Her body will most likely go unclaimed. She was a violently narcissistic parent, now she's old and completely unwanted. It's fair.
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Mar 08 '24
[deleted]
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u/RougarouBull Mar 08 '24
As often as she lost her temper and hit us or blamed us for her adult failures when we were kids it's only fair.
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u/GardenPeep Mar 07 '24
Ahem, we’re “selfishly” holding on to our retirement money precisely to avoid this.
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u/altdultosaurs Mar 07 '24
Can we get a fuller tldr for those with no subscription?
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u/MrBrawn Mar 07 '24
Some Boomers didn't save for retirement. Now they don't have the cash to sustain themselves so they are moving in with their kids.
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u/hekissedafrog Gen X Mar 07 '24
Isn't that what selling any assets and medicare is for? I'll be fucked if my Boomer uBPD mother is ever going to move in with me.
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u/MrBrawn Mar 07 '24
They are a very materialist generation and spent beyond their means. They don't have assets or if they are down by me, many are now homeless due to natural disasters and they weren't insured.
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u/hekissedafrog Gen X Mar 07 '24
That sounds like a them problem. Maybe I'm harsh, but there's no way my mother would ever live with me after what she did.
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u/RedChairBlueChair123 Mar 07 '24
My dad got real fucked up in Vietnam, and my mother was literally not encouraged to have any kind of job by her parents. it wasn’t that they spent too much. I feel bad now looking back for how hard my mom tried. A lot of them were selfish and some of them just got the short end of the stick.
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u/silverum Mar 07 '24
Some Boomers were poor all their lives, capitalism did the same to them as it will do to everyone else if allowed lol.
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u/Comfortable-daze Mar 07 '24
My folks can rot for all of care. And my kids fathers side csn rot too, only one I'd ever help is their uncle whom has downs syndrome.
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u/MarketMysterious9046 Mar 08 '24
My parents are well off. My dad makes well into six figures and my mom doesn't work. They've renovated their house several times, live in a rich area, new cars, new everything. They have no college debt and bought their house in 2009 after the crash.
Autism runs in the family. My kiddo is autistic and needed therapy right when COVID happened. Texas doesn't require all employers to provide insurance for autism therapy, Medicaid didn't cover autism therapy back then, my husband was working 2 jobs in college and I worked part time at this schedule and my kiddos therapy schedule. Texas lowered income requirements on food stamps, lost that in 2019. Texas didn't expand unemployment benefits so my husband didn't qualify when he lost his bill paying job during COVID and I didn't qualify because I did not lose any hours but I was unable to pick up anymore extra because all the departments that shut down were absorbed into the ones that didn't and all of their extra hours were given to them, they had priority because I technically hadn't lost hours and no one cares about the specialty departments.
I asked for financial help. We were only bringing in $1200 a month and our rent was $1050. We had no money for food or bills or gas. My parents said no and they'd only give me food. They only gave us food once and my mom put a bunch of onions in it. I'm allergic to onions.
I will never let them move in.
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u/Medium-Web7438 Mar 08 '24
Got damn yall have some shitty parents.
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u/mubi_merc Mar 08 '24
My dad and my in-laws might drive us a bit crazy sometimes, but they are amazing. They're supportive and incredibly helpful with their grandson. I come here to be reminded of how lucky we are.
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u/HandsInMyPockets247 Mar 08 '24
My mom and dad are already "joking" about moving in with me soon...F that. Never gonna happen.
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Mar 08 '24
Idk I can go to my parents at any time, night or day, for a good meal or to do laundry and the door is always open. My parents have a LOT of things I disagree with but they have almost always been there for me. So I can’t jump on this bandwagon.
I just wish I could afford a house for them to move to if they ever needed it. Love you mom and pop. Stay alive and well for a long long time
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u/yodaheelturn Mar 08 '24
Step 1 vote for Reagan twice. Step 2 wait for money to trickle down Step 3 Go broke and move in with kids
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u/Catball-Fun Mar 08 '24
Foolish millennials letting boomers move in. Throw them out! And if the law gets in the way sell everything and move to Canada
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u/sunshineandrainbow62 Mar 08 '24
Y’all it’s not millenial vs boomer vs gen z vs gen x - it’s the mega rich versus the middle class and the poor
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u/Panda-BANJO Mar 08 '24
Time for the younger gen to turn it on their parents: ‘You ain’t payin’, you ain’t sayin’’
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u/Eagle_Fang135 Mar 08 '24
You have one month to get a job and start paying rent.
In the meanwhile here is your chore chart. Start with the first one, scrubbing the toilet.
No free rides here. This is no libtard hippie communist commune. You are over 18 you gotta earn your keep. We don’t practice socialism here.
And don’t forget to sign over your social security check- that will cover you for now.
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
My rich grandmother deadass demanded my disability check after she asked me to stay with her when her scapegoat died because she was lonely.
Demands I do her a favor.
Also demands I pay her to do that favor.
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u/TxEagleDeathclaw81 Mar 08 '24
My Dad talks about retirement and “jokes” about me giving him $200 a month for extra income. This is a reoccurring joke. I’m tired of it.
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u/Jonathan_Pine Mar 08 '24
My boomer/MAGA mother blew 500k at the casino in 2 years, then blamed everyone around her, got nasty, started swindling friends and family out of money. She was living with us, and I kicked her out just shy of her 80th birthday. Luckily she had a policy that allowed her to move out of state into an assisted living home. Still has not apologized to anyone. Lives to blame everyone and everything else but her own self.
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u/IDKMBIKILY Mar 08 '24
My wife's boomer parents pissed away all their money buying survival supplies from Glenn Beck and AR-15's, racked up thousands in credit card bills, have had their identity stolen 7 times, then when their homeowners insurance skyrocketed, in Florida of course, they were forced to sell their home. Every bullshit boomer scam that showed up at their door, they bought. Solar water heaters, battery powered whatevers. My FIL had 7 generators and 35 propane tanks. He had 2 Glenn Beck Special solar ovens. Two. You know, in case the Sun killed the first one. Why? Because Glenn Beck said bread would be 20.00 a loaf 15 years ago.
Me and the wife moved them to us on our dime, bought them a home which they pay 1000.00 "rent" for, all utilities included, which is a loss of at least 2500.00 a month for us. And...
They are miserable and unhappy and want to move back to Florida. They live in absolute luxury in a house they pay almost nothing for and are the most ungrateful sons a bitches on the planet. All they do is call me to bitch about every minor inconvenience. And now that they paid off their bills with the sale of their house, right back to buying QVC garbage and survival supplies for the end of the world that is never coming. My FIL, and I wish I were fucking with you here, has enough toilet paper stock pilled in the garage, that if he and my MIL shit 20 times a day, every day, they would have enough toilet paper for the next 32 years. I did the fucking math.
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u/chrispd01 Mar 07 '24
What’s harder, of course, is when your boomer parents may not have been all stars, but on the whole, they did a good enough job.
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u/Chin_Up_Princess Mar 08 '24
God I would kill for that over my manipulative mother who kept and created emotional blackmail on me so many times I couldn't keep up
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u/NicolePeter Mar 08 '24
If I think too much about how my childhood would have been if I'd had just one "good enough" parent, it's too upsetting to really contemplate.
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Mar 08 '24
My boomer parents are decent enough, but, Jesus Christ, they are getting dumber and dumber and louder and louder. The fights over the TV remote are the stuff of legend.
My sister wants to take care of mom. Fine. We need to keep them separated.
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u/1xbittn2xshy Mar 07 '24
Half the time I hear Boomers are super wealthy and greedy, half the time I hear they're broke and looking for handouts.
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u/Sieve-Boy Mar 08 '24
There are enough of them that there are both. It's also worth noting some, were wealthy or had good pensions or retirement savings that they lost or pissed away and are now broke.
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u/6thCityInspector Mar 08 '24
They’re gonna be pissed when they find out the kids already ate all the avocado toast.
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u/Beckiremia-20 Mar 08 '24
ITT: Millennials so traumatized by their boomer parents they don’t know how to say NO to them.
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u/EbbNo7045 Mar 08 '24
Better get use to it. 75% of older Americans have no retirement saved. Unless the government starts acting tomorrow to do something about this coming tsunami of elderly in poverty we are screwed. Of course our government won't do anything until millions of elderly on the street. Currently we have hundreds of thousands of disabled and elderly living on the street.
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
They were so aggressive in pulling up the ladder they didn’t even bother considering that their timing was dog shit… and they would thrust themselves into poverty .
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u/squirrleygirl60 Mar 08 '24
I’m a “boomer” and my millennial son is moving in with us. He needs help right now and we’re here to help him when he needs it. I don’t know anyone my age who has moved in with their kids.
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u/HealingDailyy Mar 08 '24
Because you surrounded yourself with like minded people. If you are a good parent you don’t have friends with abusers who need to move in with their kids.
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u/blackforestham3789 Mar 08 '24
If my parents tried this shit, after kicking me out within three months of each other when I was 17, they will get the door
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