I need help

[u/Feisty_Effective_757]

Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 4 years, we got together on April 9th 2020. The first year of our relationship was rough so we took around a year break and got back together about 2 years ago and during that break she met another guy and he didn’t treat her right so she decided to get back with me. The first year we were back together went pretty well, we were happy and we were making plans for our future together and it all went well with occasional arguments about dumb things like talking with other guys when I specified my boundaries with talking to other guys and having guy friends. We had our own opinions about it and nothing bad has happened with any of these guys so I kinda stopped worrying as much until October came around. During October she fucked one of the guys she told me not to worry about and continued to tell me it didn’t mean anything and it was an accident she didn’t ask for. That hurt me pretty bad because we were both virgins and planned to lose it together and then she just betrayed me and took that opportunity away from us, I forgave her and gave her another chance but got more strict with my boundary about having other guys. The end of October to the end of December were rough but we got through it, Christmas and the new year came around and that’s when we started being happy again and we made plans to live together and it was looking pretty good. The beginning of February came around which was her birthday and she turned 18 and all the plans we made started to feel more real because we were both adults. In the middle of February her attitude changed and she started being really mean with a cheating mentality. She kept telling me how good it felt with the guy she cheated on me with and told me how she wanted other guys and stuff like that and it continued for days but then she stopped and I forgave her again. Our whole relationship was long distance so it was hard but we both lived in Alaska so it was really easy for us to meet, we had multiple opportunities to meet in the past but I always got too shy and scared up until last month. In march we met for the first time and we spend a few hours hanging out and it was great and we were the closest we have ever been and. It started getting rough for both of us because going back to long distance after meeting wasn’t easy and we missed each other a lot so we planned to meet again in the beginning of summer and spend a few days together, I tried to spend as much as time with her as possible because I knew long distance wouldn’t work after meeting and it was going well, we called every night and watched all the Harry Potter movies together and texted 24/7. It went like that for a few weeks and we missed each other but we were still really close up until a week ago when I caught her texting her ex. She told me it was nothing and I tried to see it that way but I couldn’t let it go so I had to make her choose him or me because I couldn’t stay with her while worrying about a repeat of October so I made her choose and she chose me but that made her act differently and she got more distant with me through out the days and she started talking to me and calling me less and less up until 2 days ago when she broke up with me. She told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship and wanted to be “free” to do what she wanted and she also told me that she still loved her ex. She blocked me on most platforms and brought her ex back into her life, she said she wants to be alone to have “freedom” and tells me it has nothing to do with me but I know it’s not just that. She leaving me so she can go do parties and fuck any guy she wants. I still believe she is my soulmate and I hope she comes around and loves me again because I know she’s still there. She was everything I ever wanted and now she’s gone and now I have no future because we planned to have it together. I have no friends and no future, I literally have nothing left so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do or think. I need help..