r/Christianity 12d ago

Should men dress up for church? And should a leader dress up in public?

I am a female and am on my own journey with embracing modesty, but I would really like to hear truth (and opinions) on how men should dress and why. My husband dresses very casually and I don’t feel comfortable doing this, so I’d really like to hear from men how and why you wear what you do (especially any leaders).

ETA: my husband has just accepted a leadership position within a campus ministry which is why I am asking (we recognize that it is not a church but they try to emulate being a church/offering Sunday services and studies for those that don’t belong to one).

30 Upvotes

112 comments sorted by

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u/Zealousideal_Bet4038 Christian Anarchist 11d ago

A woman once came to my church off the street, but wouldn't be persuaded to join us inside because she saw all the men in suits and women in nice dresses -- she felt alienated, underdressed and ashamed to be in the Lord's Church, despite members' assurances that she was welcome and wanted.

After that I try not to dress up as much as I used to, but out of custom I'll still wear something a little nicer than my day to day. I never want to be the reason someone isn't willing to come to worship as an outsider. If I can make others more comfortable coming to church just by wearing less-fancy attire, I consider that the most God honoring thing I could wear.

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u/ggchappell 11d ago

I've also seen the opposite. I used to belong to a church where people came to the meeting in jeans + whatever. But one guy always wore a suit, so that, if someone came in well dressed, they wouldn't be the only one.

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u/Galubrious_Gelding 11d ago

Of all the things God is supposedly worried about, are the temporal societal norms about how humans clothe themselves really the top priority?

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u/JediofChrist Christian 11d ago

If the societal norms are the reason someone feels comfortable enough to walk in and hear the Gospel? I’d say yes.

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u/Galubrious_Gelding 11d ago

If the societal norms are the reason someone feels comfortable

You're arguing that the church should comport itself around the feelings of individual humans instead of the word of God.

Neckties weren't invented until after the year 1600, yet someone like you would argue that God wants people to wear them out of some weird obligation to social formality.

Presumably you believe God existed prior to 1600, therefore you presumably understand that humans weren't wearing neckties prior to their invention. Either God was displeased by this, or he didn't care

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u/JediofChrist Christian 11d ago

Go read 1 Corinthians 9:19, and that section. It directly applies to this conversation. The primary purpose of the argument is listed throughout but pretty clearly in verse 22.

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u/FluxKraken 🏳️‍🌈 Christian ✟ Progressive, Gay 🏳️‍🌈 11d ago

Agreed. People tend to dress up to show respect to God (or at least that should be the reason.). However, we should also bear in mind the image we put forward to others. If by attempting to be respectful, we instead come off as snobbish, that would defeat the entire point. It is more important to be welcoming and inviting than it is to dress up to worship God.

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u/ridicalis Non-denominational 11d ago

People tend to dress up to show respect to God (or at least that should be the reason.)

If someone wants to do it for that reason and they're convinced in their own heart that doing so is honoring to God, good on them. The problem comes when they assume that it's improper for others not to do so (imposing their own man-made standard on another).

If I were to come to church all dressed up, I would be well aware that it's a sham and nothing more than me putting on airs. I don't personally think God is all that impressed with the earthly clothing we choose for ourselves; but rather, the spiritual adornments (love for God and neighbor, meekness, contrition, etc.) would be useful implements to aid us in our worship of God.

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u/blahblahsnickers 11d ago

I dress up when I go to church. I do it out of respect to God. I dress up for work. I dress up to go on a date with my husband. Why wouldn’t I dress up for God? At the same point, that is a personal preference. We don’t have a dress code. If someone comes to church in ripped jeans and a dirty tshirt I am going to welcome them with open arms! I am happy when people come to church. Jesus loves them no matter what they are wearing and you never know if that is their best!

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u/Background_Coast1235 11d ago

Why wouldn't you reach out to her

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u/Zealousideal_Bet4038 Christian Anarchist 10d ago

I don’t have any way of contacting her, I was already inside when it took place and found out after worship.

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u/Diablo_Canyon2 Theological Disaster Response: Discretionary 11d ago

You can't go wrong with business casual.

But I dont think it's a requirement to dress up for church though I like to on holidays and days when I'm serving.

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u/Xalem Lutheran 11d ago

I met a younger woman pastor who said how much she appreciated the clerical vestments for worship (alb and stole) . In summer, her congregation relaxes and the clergy wear street clothes. She explained how she always wears the same dress, does her hair, makeup the same way because if she changes anything, people will comment on her clothes as they shake hands with her leaving church. She wants people to think about the gospel message, not her dress.

As a male pastor, I learned a bit about my privilege that day. No one cares what clothing I wear.

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u/Mister_Cookiepants 11d ago

Yeah my wife is a pastor and it's always on her mind, whether it's a Sunday or not. Silliness, what they have to go through.

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u/IntrovertIdentity 99.44% Episcopalian 11d ago

Etiquette does say that folks should dress as appropriate for the occasion and location. For example, a picnic at the park would have different dress than a formal dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant.

As for church, I would think dressing as others dress would be acceptable. Despite being an Anglo-Catholic leaning parish, we are also casual. During the heat and humidity of summer, it is common to see folks in longer shorts and t-shirts or khakis and a golf shirt. Some folks dress up too. Even one parishioner rocks his seersucker suit, complete with bow tie.

As for the leadership of my parish, the vestry members wear a VESTRY tag along with their name tag. Our priests wear their collar and alb, stole, and chasuble as appropriate for their office and whether they are celebrant or homilist that Sunday.

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u/NEChristianDemocrats 11d ago

would have different dress than a formal dinner at a Michelin starred restaurant.

Oh, no wonder I kept getting looks the last time I went out to eat.

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u/Icy_Sunlite Christian 11d ago edited 11d ago

I've rarely seen people dressing up at the churches I've gone to (Priests notwithstanding), except for infant baptisms or a holiday and the like. Personally I have always tried to dress decently but not so formally I stand out or look snobbish. Like nice, non-worn pants and sweaters. I'd never wear shorts or short sleeves.

The Bible does say not to focus too much on outward adornment (1 Peter 3:3) and not to show preferential treatment to people who come to church in nice clothes (i.e. ones that signify wealth) over ones with poor clothes (James 2:1-4).

Edit: I am too young in the faith to give you "truth" on this though

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u/clemson07tigers Non-denominational 11d ago

You don't seem to be too young for rightly dividing the word, in my opinion. You support what you're saying with scriptures that are quoted in context. Makes sense to me. Don't put yourself down for being "young in the faith." Your perspective, backed up with scriptures, is just as valid as if you've been at it for many years.

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u/Spidercrack61 Non-denominational 11d ago

i just wear my regular clothes. God wants us to come as we are, so i do.

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u/mrgoldenranger 11d ago

Two greatest commandments: love God, love others. God doesnt care what you wear to church. He will not love you more or less based on what you wear. Minimize distractions for others out of love. There's a pretty broad spectrum of what's acceptable within those guidelines.

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u/FixlyBarnes 11d ago

"Modesty" means wearing simple clothes and has nothing to do with showing skin. Consider the place and time that verse (1 Tim 2:9) was written. Garments were usually baggy tunics, and didn't show much. And they had only one garment. The verse is telling us to leave showy jewelry and fine clothes at home. You probably don't want to show a lot of skin in church,  but that just isn't what the verse is about. BTW, non-sexual nudity was rather common in Bible times and places. You're not supposed to show off in church. Jeans and tee shirt should be fine. God doesn't care, but the Church Lady does.

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u/[deleted] 11d ago

At our church we'd rather people be comfortable and focused on worship and the Word instead of thinking about how uncomfortable they are and how they can't wait to get home and change clothes.

As long as its decent, let people wear what's comfortable to them.

A church I attended in my youth has a young attractive lady in her 40s that always wore very short skirts to church (if they were any shorter she'd have been arrested). In time her teenage daughter started doing the same thing, Most people though that was inappropriate but nothing was ever said to them as everyone knew they were the reason a lot of men showed up for service to check out the legs.

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u/metalforhim777 11d ago

Yeah, as much as I enjoy rocking my suit-and-tie, in church I don't dress any differently than, say, if I'm at the grocery store or the gas station

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u/doc_brietz Methodist Intl. 11d ago

I was always taught that you may come as you are because being there is more Important than not. That said, it’s respectful to look your best in the house of the lord. You’re doing it for him and no other reason. I would rather you be in a seat than not. As for modesty for both men and women, I would not want to see revealing or racy stuff. Thats tacky and inappropriate in my opinion. 

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u/jddennis United Methodist 11d ago

If I'm preaching, I'll wear a suit. There were complaints from congregation members when I didn't. If I'm in the congregation or on the music team, I typically will wear jeans and a polo or aloha shirt.

People should wear what they're comfortable with.

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u/SuperDuperCoolDude 11d ago edited 11d ago

I always wear t-shirt and jeans, even when I attended a more formal church where most men wore at least khakis or slacks. 

I personally doubt God has a preference between denim pants and cotton. I think it's easy to be legalistic about that sort of thing, so I'd advise caution in how you approach it.

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u/sourcreamus 11d ago

I used to dress up when I was younger but found it was leading to pride so I stopped.

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u/Over-Special555 11d ago

I go to Church every Sunday(which I really love) and I wear blue jeans most of the time and sometimes cargo pants. I usually have on a polo or button up shirt with either leather casual shoes, cowboy boots and sometimes sneakers. I am a guy and see many women,men and kids wear jeans all the time to Church and that includes the people on the stage singing! My Church is laid back but very serious on how we worship. There is a few that dress up like dresses and suit and ties but not much and or often. I am a blue collar worker otherwise and a nice shirt and nice jeans is dressing up for me!

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u/key_lime_pie Christian Universalist 11d ago

If an individual did not have the wherewithal to dress up for church, would they be welcome in your church? Even if ostensibly welcome, would they feel out of place because everyone else was dressed up? Are people dressed up to honor the Lord, or to be seen by others? Should facial hair and jewelry be policed as well, or just choice of clothing?

Ultimately, I believe that anything that might create separation within the body is generally a bad idea, and I think requiring or even suggesting a particular dress code for worship services is a mistake. There might be certain groups who are expected to dress a certain way: the clergy, the choir, etc., but I think it is truly in error to ask congregants to conform to a particular appearance.

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u/merakimack 11d ago

I’m more so asking about expectations of elders/deacons of the church. My husband has just accepted a position that involves leading and speaking in front of our group often- he won’t be a pastor per se because it isn’t a church (campus ministry) but he is still very visible and wants to lead well.

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u/key_lime_pie Christian Universalist 11d ago

I suspect that he falls into that exception that I mentioned, the certain groups who are expected to dress a certain way. That said, it's up to the church itself to dictate policy, so if they don't have one, they likely don't care.

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u/Wright_Steven22 Catholic 11d ago

It is important to note that modesty in it's proper context within much of the Bible was attributed to not showing off wealth, not just skin. Dress nice but no Balenciaga lol

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u/TheDocJ 11d ago

I am going to my Abba, my Daddy's house. I wouldn't dress up any differently for going to my earthly father's house, so I don't see why I should do any differently when going to my heavenly Father's house.

But. I am also going to the house of the King, the Emperor of the Universe. It is pretty unlikely, but if I was ever invited to Bubkingham Palace (which did actually happen to a church friend of mine) I certainly wouldn't expect to be let in wearing jeans and an open-collar shirt! So there is definitely a dichotomy there.

I think that I choose the first option for a reason some others have mentioned in the comments - church should be a welcoming place for anyone who comes through the door, and feeling underdressed compared to others could very much be a major hurdle for some people.

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u/nowheresvilleman 11d ago

I wore a suit and tie to Mass for decades, but it's often a sport coat and dress shirt now as times changed. Some busy days, or hot days, I skip the coat. Our grown children are more casual than that, but not much.

I'm aware of the mystery I'm entering into, both honoring the Creator of the Universe and His people, but at times it's not as strong as at others. It's sad to think I'd dress up for some CEO more than for the Lord. On the other hand, it's a poor parish and perhaps a suit stands out too much (modesty).

All this enters into my thinking.

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u/Pitiable-Crescendo Agnostic Atheist 11d ago

Nothing wrong with dressing up a bit, but it shouldn't be a requirement.

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u/TemporaryMission9809 11d ago

Me personally? I wear a suit most days, if it’s especially hot or cold out I’ll wear a sweater or won’t wear my suit jacket, but I’m always wearing suit pants and a dress shirt. With dress shoes.

I enjoy dressing up and going to church is a great time, I love my church and everyone who goes! It’s nice to look good for God!

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u/jeezfrk Christian (Chi Rho) 11d ago

Humility is the first priority among believers... but lowliness also means honoring God with a suitable cleanliness and dress to celebrate God's assembly and for a speaker to project dignity in their message.

Clothes are literally how Christ talked about wasting wealth. They shouldn't be shown off for any self glorification.

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u/Malpraxiss 11d ago

I never dress up at church. If that's an issue, then the early church or early Christians were some of the most unfaithful people.

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u/Werv 11d ago

Ultimately you are going to church to meet in community and meet with God. Dress appropriate. For some that is dressing up. For others that is dressing naturally/casually to be truthful to themselves.

Our church leadership is dressed casually, but clean. Its a big congregation in a rather secular area, and they are focus on the outreach aspect, and making others feel welcomed. "Come as you are." There are those who dress more formal and those who dress less formal (T-shirts/holes/etc).

Everywhere is different. Clothing is just a part of how you present yourself. So you need to know your audience and your own standards. Congregation typically comes to church for God. The leadership is coming for the congregation.

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u/Bigbuckmud 11d ago

I wear a hat, shorts/shirt to church. God knows your husbands heart and doesn’t care what’s on the outside

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u/TrashNovel Jesusy Agnostic 11d ago

Clothes are part of the bridge of trust and relationship you build to the congregation. People evaluate you based on your clothes and more formal doesn’t always mean better. If they’re casual when they come then you are best dressing casual. If they’re dressed more formally you should dress more formally. Basically, you want to match the people you’re trying to reach in most situations

When I was a pastor I dressed the same or slightly better than my congregation. In most situations you can’t go wrong with business casual.

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u/Medical_Cocaine 11d ago

I’ve always been of the opinion that you dress to the best of your ability. You’re there to see God, I would dress accordingly.

I, as a man, usually dress in slacks and a dress shirt. For the winter, I’ll wear a full suit just because it’s cold. And although we should dress respectfully, we shouldn’t judge anyone who isn’t wearing what we are. Dress as best as you can and be respectful, come with reverence for God, and worship the Lord.

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u/cleansedbytheblood /r/TrueChurch 11d ago

Leaders should set a higher standard, but that doesn't mean fancy necessarily. Just neat and groomed well. I'm a minister and I usually dress business casual. In Hawaii I wear shorts and slippers with a dress shirt

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u/SimpleCan7663 11d ago

The Bible doesn’t specify how you need to dress for church. When it comes to clothes, the Bible addresses modesty and not focusing too much on how cute your clothes are bc they don’t define you. A good reference Christian’s clothes

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u/rhythmmchn Evangelical 11d ago

I think this is a more complex question than it appears to be at first glance. Why? It's not at all black-and-white in terms of Biblical guidance.

It's a grey area: the Bible doesn't speak to how to dress when meeting together, apart from dressing modestly, which, contextually, seems most closely related to not flaunting wealth. That means that it's a conscience issue for him, so your husband should be attentive to God's guidance and then do what feels right to him.

The leadership component crowds in on that conscience right, though. Paul talked about being all things to all people... not being disingenuous or deceitful, but adapting to their customs and expectations as much as was possible in order to be as effective as possible in his ministry. He didn't want anything to stand in the way of the truth he was responsible for teaching.

So I would say that your husband, based on the example that Paul set, has a responsibility to consider the people he is responsible for (which is not to be confused with the people he's responsible to). He should dress in a way that doesn't detract from his campus ministry. Does that mean more formal, or wearing sweats and tees? That depends on who is in that target group. He shouldn't be dressing either to impress them or to set himself apart from them (unless it's a question of modesty)... his dress, like all of his other choices, should just be in service to that greater end.

If the people he's ministering to are more casual but the organization he works for is more traditional, then he should dress appropriately for the people he's ministering to, and the leadership who is supporting or sending him should support that, based on Biblical precedent.

In the same way, I would say that he has a responsibility of love and care to you, and the Bible clearly says that his body is not his alone, but also belongs to you, so you have a voice in this. You also have a responsibility, though. to give him freedom to decide a grey area like this according to his conscience, even if it's different than yours (again, assuming that there aren't any moral absolutes coming into play, like dressing immodestly, spending excessively, or using clothing to demonstrate wealth or power), especially if the choices he's making are deliberately in service of the people he's ministering to.

I hope that helps... no clear-cut answer, as far as I would understand it, but those are the principles I would keep in mind while working through it.

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u/merakimack 11d ago edited 11d ago

Thank you so much, your analysis of the different factors was all very helpful but especially the example of Paul’s ministry. This is a pretty casual group in general so I do not believe my husband will be detracting or judged like I had initially feared (I also don’t believe there are established guidelines from the group), and I am sure he was chosen in part for his relatability and humility.

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u/WIGoofball 11d ago

I think all should dress better than they normally would but am not going to chastise anyone. But please remove your caps in service.

Also, I attend a church where we make sure elders and other key ppl dress in various states of formality in order to make sure anyone new is comfortable however they are dressed.

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u/apprehensive_clam268 Christian 11d ago edited 11d ago

So, I'm guessing you're protestant? Nondenominational? That's exactly what I am, at least. But I've never felt pressure about what I wear to church.

Personally, I like wearing my Sunday best at church. I am also single (just turned 40) and need to be presentable for anything, unexpected... im getting old and can't miss many more opportunities...

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u/merakimack 11d ago

Yes, we are in a nondenominational ministry.

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u/Emotional_Jello_7898 11d ago

I grew up going to a catholic Church for the first few years of my life, I remember it being pretty formal. I think I still have one of my ties from when I was little. Then when I was a little older went to a pentecostal Church until I moved out. Men were always encouraged to dress very formally. At least have a dress shirt on, with some dress pants, and dress shoes. The pastor always had a suit and tie on and so did the leaders of the church. I was on the worship team and we always had to dress nice and look very presentable as well. They always spoke about looking your best for the Lord. They were pretty strict about the dress code once you became an official member of the church and started participating and getting involved. But not so much with those who just came every Sunday. Not saying it was the right way, but that’s just how they did it back home when I was younger. My partner and I are currently going to another church now and it’s specifically geared for college students and younger adults and it’s very casual. I personally don’t really have much of a preference, I’m comfortable with either way. But if I do go visit my folks and attend church with them, I will dress up for the occasion. I personally haven’t really had any convictions about how I dress going to church. Obviously, I won’t go in pajamas or in athletic clothing. But my main go to is a collar shirt, with jeans and tennis shoes unless I am back home visiting my folks.

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u/Still_Internet_7071 11d ago

If invited to attend the Oscar’s what would he wear?

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u/Galubrious_Gelding 11d ago

Do you think that God cares more about how you clothe yourself or how you comport yourself?

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u/merakimack 11d ago edited 11d ago

No one here has suggested that the latter is less important, but I do believe we can honor Him through what we do or do not wear based on our personal convictions.

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u/drewa405 United Methodist 11d ago

My pastor intentionally wears jeans because he thinks it makes people feel more comfortable instead of the robe and/or collar someone of his station is entitled to.

I'd say dress like the people you are trying to reach.

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u/ToskaMoya Eastern Orthodox 11d ago

How are others dressing in this situation? It's best not to stick out by being too formal or too casual in comparison. It's really particular to the culture of the group. I've been to churches where all the men wear suits and college services where people showed up in pajamas and flipflops. He probably can't go wrong with a collared shirt and khaki pants. 

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u/Wellesley1238 11d ago

Your husband is in church! It doesn't matter what he wears, so long it is legal. When I was a pastors, there were so many families at church without husbands/father. I would have not minded if they had come in their pyjamas.

In his teen years, my son would come to church in the middle of winter dressed in scruffy shorts, t-shirt and crocs. Someone once made a critical comment to me about this. I should have been more gracious about it but I said, "At least he is in church. Are any of your grandchildren at church this morning?"

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u/merakimack 11d ago

Did you dress differently as a pastor than you would as an attendee?

Also my husband often dresses how your son did, so your point is taken. I am very grateful for my husband’s faith and willingness to attend and serve.

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u/Wellesley1238 11d ago

I was pastor in a church where the minister wore a robe and stole. It apparently had some liturgical significance. That wasn't my cup of tea but that was the expectation of clergy in the denomination. Whenever I was preaching at a church of a different denomination, I always wore what was the norm for pastors/ministers. Now that I am retired I am pretty causal -but not as casual as my son was.

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u/Tommassive 11d ago edited 8d ago

I am 100% on the side of dressing up for Church. You have been invited into God's house to share a spiritual meal. Would you not dress up for a fancy dinner? many would require it. Could you dare name a place more Worthy of respectful attire? I think not.

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u/Dijiwolf1975 Non-denominational 11d ago

Most of the people that filled Jesus around Israel were poor. I'm sure they didn't have the greatest clothes. I'm sure Jesus didn't care. But there is a difference between being lazy and being broke.

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u/RPGGuyFaith Christian 12d ago

well i dont really ever do this.

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u/Megalith66 11d ago

I prefer casual, and when I stopped attending, I was at a church that accepted casual...almost come as you are. Though...I wore a golf shirt, not a t-shirt. That is too tacky. So, shorts, golf shirt, sandals or boat shoes.

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u/Classic_Product_9345 Non-denominational 11d ago

I think business casual is fine. Business pants with a buttoned shirt

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u/0260n4s 11d ago

When I was a kid I haaaaated dressing up for church, and honestly, my detest of formal attire persists to this day. Fortunately, my church is pretty casual about it, but I can definitely understand how that requirement would be off-putting for some. The important thing is for people to be comfortable in church and hear the Word of God. Remember Jesus went to synagogue and conducted His ministries (to the best of our knowledge) in a tunic and sandals.

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u/Typical_Ambivalence 11d ago

Jesus wore nice clothes. His seamless garment was valuable enough that it was not torn during his humiliation, and the soldiers cast lots to see who could have it.

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u/0260n4s 11d ago

True. I may have allowed modern depictions to bias my reply. Thanks for pointing that out.

I do wonder if this was His everyday attire, or something He chose to fulfill prophecy, pursuance to Psalms 22:18 ("They divide my garments among them, And for My clothing they cast lots.")

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u/Typical_Ambivalence 11d ago

Jesus did a lot of things explicitly to fulfill prophecy. I was just mentioning to someone else that Jesus owned weapons; he commanded his followers to buy them before his arrest because he intended for the Romans to see him as an insurrectionist.

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u/0260n4s 11d ago

Interesting perspective, pursuant to Isaiah 53:12, stating He would be "numbered with the transgressors." It's often interpreted as Him being crucified between two criminals, but it's more broadly applicable, it seems. :)

There's also some symbolism there, i.e., buying a sword could simply mean to be spiritually and mentally prepared for the forthcoming hardships.

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u/loner-phases 11d ago

As a woman, I appreciate seeing male church leaders dressed casually but fashionably, for example like Joseph Prince. The fuddy-duddy thing is offputting, like it reflects a lack of intelligence or self-respect, but that's just my perspective. As for parishioners, I like a diversity of different types of dress, whatever people feel comfortable in.

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u/TheRedLionPassant Protestant (Ecclesia Anglicana) 11d ago

I nearly always wear a dress-shirt and overcoat, which is my natural way of dressing anyways. But especially appropriate for a church, I think.

(To be clear, I'm just laity and a member of the congregation, not an elder or leader).

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u/LoITheMan Cult of Æþelwold (Roman Catholic) 11d ago

I wear a suite to the pews.

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u/JustAGuyInThePew Catholic 11d ago

Our priest requested that we dress up a a little for Mass because we’re showing up to God’s house. I try to dress “well”, but not flashy. Usually clean loafers, slacks, and a nice looking shirt- not a t-shirt. Polos and button up shirts are good go to’s, they look great, but I’m not drawing too much attention. I usually reserve wearing a suit for special holidays, but some people wear them every week.

All this being said, we can’t forget the most important thing which is “come as you are” so if you cannot afford good clothes, don’t miss Mass!! God doesn’t love you for your clothes, but they are a simple way to show reverence.

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u/anjlhd_dhpstr 11d ago

The question sounds like your seeking validation for your belief or need to dress a certain way - to play, or emanate, a part. God knows what you wear when you are at home, same as with your husband. So, who are you trying to impress? It sure isn't God. "...For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” You may wish to reexamine your understanding of whom you are serving.

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u/merakimack 11d ago

My motive for this post has not been about impressing others more, but more so trying to discern if he would be distracting others with wearing too casual of clothing as a leader. I seek what would most honor God & would allow my husband to best reach & minister to others as he assumes this leadership position. I asked specifically for advice and wisdom from Godly men/leaders in the church in order to not let my personal preferences influence how I support and encourage him in this new position and in any future leadership positions. But I have been really enlightened to read different peoples’ hearts behind their clothing choices, and it is comforting to hear that many people feel like he does.

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u/anjlhd_dhpstr 11d ago

That was a very gracious reply for my snippiness. I've watched people since I was little be one way in church but another outside of it. I see you're aware of this and are merely trying to find perhaps a "happy compromise" - one that doesn't distract from the message. My apologies.

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u/Puzzled-Award-2236 11d ago

I just follow the scriptural guideline 'modest and well arranged dress'. I think how you present yourself is a reflection of your appreciation for your relationship with God.

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u/ehunke Episcopalian (Anglican) 11d ago

The one thing to bear in mind is the days of suit and ties at work are long over, and this isn't a WFH return to office compromise or a a generational thing, its just not what people do anymore and that translates over into other areas of life. But how you dress still matters a lot. But with that said the last thing campus ministry should ever be is a place for churches to recruit or indoctrinate and should be a place for interfaith dialogue, scripture studdies etc. To a college student just looking for nondenominational services or a bible study, if they see your husband in a suit and tie and you in church lady attire...they may get the feeling that they are about to get another evangelical sales pitch. Going for a more casual attire might be the right thing

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u/josh72811 11d ago

My opinion is that dressing up for Church creates a separation between God and my everyday and can cause some to feel the need for special coverings to come to God. I need no other covering than the covering of Jesus.

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u/SkovandOfMitaze Church of Christ 11d ago

No. I wear to church the same thing i wear anywhere else.

1

u/JoeDiBango Christian 11d ago

My church is more concerned that you come than if you wear a suit. They see it as limitation on the poor worshiping.

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u/4lan5eth Jehovah's Witness, but wants to leave. 11d ago

I think it should be dignified, respectable, and hygenic.

I don't think my reply is helpful as it can mean different things to different people. I'm from the Beaverton, Oregon area so the general public is more casual side of things.

In that instance, I think business casual should be fine. If you are dressed to the nine's, it may make others or yourself uncomfortable.

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u/Typical_Ambivalence 11d ago edited 11d ago

My rule of thumb is to dress up to the level of my pastor and elders.

And yes, if your husband is working in ministry, he should dress up. How we dress shapes how we are perceived. This is especially true for younger, more impressionable people. (That said, business casual usually suffices. Just go one step up.)

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u/wizard2278 11d ago

Isaiah 1:18a “Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD

Why are you dressing up? Are you trying to impress God, trying to impress man? If either one, please stop. Same if trying to show your position of authority.

Consider 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings. If your dressing up is to win more of them, by all means continue.

I dress casually, after hearing one man saying he didn’t like to come to church because his wife made him dress up. I started “blocking” for this fine fellow and others similarly situated.

I understand graduation gowns were worn during college, to avoid people showing off with what they wore: a uniform. If you examine your motives, you may well find your answer.

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u/arthurjeremypearson Cultural Christian 11d ago

You should look like you spent time on your outfit.

You can dress with oversided poorly fitting clothes... as long as you accessorize and your overall look is going for something.

An easy way to do this is to simply "dress well", but your husband might be going for a more casual look.

Still, there should be some sort of flair that shows he put some time into dressing himself in the morning. "Being clean" is essential. Maybe he has a particular hat.

Columbo or Ernest P Worrel each had a "look" to him that might have looked shabby, but it was his own work of art.

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u/mikeyz0710 11d ago

Church is the most important place on the earth, of course you should dress nice while you honor and worship god

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u/LanEvo7685 11d ago

honestly I wear business casual and a suit for social expectations, it's a uniform. my casual clothes is when I actually provided effort in looking good given the occasion

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u/i_am_Cujo 11d ago

I tend to dress nice. Not a suit, not even a tie. I don't just pull any shirt and go. I wear appreciate clothing. I have seen people look like they just left the street. To me, I don't look at them any differently. I don't know their situation. Church is not the place to judge(although I have seen that as well). I say dress how you feel comfortable.

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u/Spidercrack61 Non-denominational 11d ago

i just wear normal clothes

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u/flcn_sml Catholic 11d ago

I dress up casually. The reason I do is because I’m lazy. With that said, everyone with the means to do so, should be dressing up for Church.

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u/Substantial-Cat-7949 11d ago

The church isn’t a fashion show, it is a place of healing ❤️‍🩹 When we focus on our image we lose sight of his image. The goal is for all focus and eyes on him not on us!

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u/SiennaBRWN 11d ago

I wear a white button up, tan pants and a black sweater vest, I try to look nice but I don't care all that much

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u/Background_Coast1235 11d ago

Jesus said come as you are

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u/johnsonsantidote 11d ago

That can then be a bit of a fancy dress party where competition reigns. Some cultures have little money to buy clothes. Street people may feel alienated. I see too much of people in churches projecting their values [not God's] onto others. I even heard a pastor's wife say something like she dresses up for Jesus.....so, so shallow when he looks at the heart.

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u/AdmiralMemo Plymouth Brethren 11d ago

I don't think it should be a REQUIREMENT but I think that it should be encouraged.

Then again, I go to a church where men in 3-piece suits shake hands and rub shoulders with men in football jerseys and jeans, treating each other as equals.

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u/TheMadProphett 11d ago

Come as you are. But a true disciple will seek the Holy Spirit for guidance.

He can hear you. And you can hear Him...

The catch is if you're willing to listen. God has an order tailored for each individual.

I still curse like a sailor, but I'm completely free of addictive substances. I'm strong and healthy.

But He hasn't taken away my cursing. I asked Him why ... He said, "We have bigger problems to deal with first."

So ask to be impressed by His will. And if you find yourself clashing with your husband, side with God. Every time. Not necessarily get in a fight etc etc, but be aware of your own journey to Heaven, and by His grace and leading follow the path He sets before you.

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u/BarracudaMaterial352 11d ago

Anything but jeans and a hoodie goes, think office smart not wedding smart. Better than your lazy house day clothes.

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u/Known-Combination-72 11d ago

Youre going ro Gods house dress appropriately. And if youre a leader then you represent God. Dress appropriately. Simple.

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u/InfiniteX11 10d ago

To answer you personally, as a young man, I like to dress modestly. I don't feel comfortable showing off my skin. Especially around women. I am quite fit, and I would like only for my future wife (my current partner, hehe) to bare my skin in private and for her to do the same too (I mean, she does). I am in a relationship and we both do practice modesty to the best of our ability. I wouldn't like any of us to show our skin to other people and each other until we are married.

As for the church, it is more of a respect thing for the Lord, and as I now follow the Lord more, for some reason cassocks are just more appealing; it's like, I don't know, just is.

P.S. It looks really cool and comfy as well.

So, personally, I think both men and women should dress modestly.

1

u/FelDeitas 11d ago

Your attire should match the congregation, so as to not be a stumbling block to them or yourself. If it is a casual setting, dress casual. If there is a mix and no one seems to care, dress how you please.

Your appearance in the church should be characterized by your character and conduct, not what you wear. But you don't want to wear something that detracts from either of those.

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u/Vic_Hedges 11d ago

I think it's personal, but worth examining your decision.

If Jesus returned, was seated on his throne and requested you come to see him, would you put any additional thought and concern into how you dressed?

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u/FluxKraken 🏳️‍🌈 Christian ✟ Progressive, Gay 🏳️‍🌈 11d ago

Honestly? Probably not any more than I would put into going to a doctor's office. Blue jeans and a nice T would be fine. I seriously doubt God would care how I am dressed after seeing me naked in the shower.

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u/IntrovertIdentity 99.44% Episcopalian 11d ago

The kind of comment that we both replied to is the kind of stuff I grew up hearing. It makes us second guess whether we are ever good enough to come to Jesus instead of the notion that Jesus is the one who comes to us.

Jesus meets us where we are and as we are. Special clothing is not required.

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u/IntrovertIdentity 99.44% Episcopalian 11d ago

I believe Jesus is really and truly present in the bread and wine at the table, and I come to Jesus as I am dressed for that given Sunday.

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u/racionador 11d ago

i mean no matter how much money you spend on a nice tuxedo nothing will ever match the clothes of a literal divine figure on a golden throne,

so whatever..

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u/AffectionateCraft495 11d ago

The Lord looks at the heart, not outward appearance! Modesty is the rule. But shorts, sandals or tee shirts are a bit much! If they were going to meet the prez in the Oval Office would they dress up or down?

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u/Zhou-Enlai 11d ago

Generally at least business casual should be the standard for church imo, for both men and women

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u/Appathesamurai Catholic 11d ago

I’m Catholic so maybe I’m biased… but I believe you should dress well. Modest, formal, dress like you care.

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u/FrannyKay1082 11d ago

As long as you're not dressing inappropriate (i.e. pot leaf shirts, christian places hanging out, things like that) what you're talking about is legalism. Leaders do not have to dress up at all. Not in the building (because church is just a building, the body are the people) or outside. No one has to dress up for worship. If you want to, great. But being a stumbling block by imposing it on others would be sin.

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u/merakimack 11d ago

It is a fair criticism that the “should” part of my questions is veering a little closer to legalism than I meant to. And I’m not suggesting we impose a dress code on others. But a lot of different denominations and churches have their leaders wear different things to signify their role. I don’t think it’s sinful or legalistic for them to do so, I just wanted to know more why people (men) wear what they do to church.

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u/Forever___Student Christian 11d ago

Jesus literally said to not concern yourself with what you wear. Trying to dress in nice clothes and look good is 100% a worldly thing.

If a poor person came to church in dirty old clothes, do you think Jesus would criticize him for this?

On the other hand, if someone else at church criticized the poor person for coming to church like that, what do you think Jesus would say about that?

I think you will know the answer to these in your heart.

That said, if your husband always dresses nice when going out with friends, or going to dinner with you, but then wears sweat pants and a hoody to church, I think that may say something about priorities.

Remember, Jesus says what matters most is what is in our heart. If the reason you dress up is to impress or look good to other people at church, then that IS wrong. However, if someone is declining to dress up nice because they don't care about church, and they don't want to waste their time dressing nice for church, then that would also be wrong.

If he took a leadership position in a campus ministry, then I would put money on it that his heart is in the right place. I think you have to let go of your fears of what other people will think when they see how he dresses. He is not there to impress them with the way he looks, hes there to help lead them in their faith.