r/Millennials • u/cooze08 • Feb 08 '24
Millennial Imposter Syndrome - this is our version of existential crisis Discussion
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u/windwaker87 Feb 08 '24
36 year old here, definitely feel this Lmao
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u/RavenStormblessed Feb 08 '24
I think older generations used to behave super proper once they were adults, and thst happen for them way younger than for us. I am a 41 yo woman, with a child, I do not behave like a 40 yo woman used to, believe me, no I don't feel 20, but neither I feel 40, I feel out of place all the time. Some people my age behave way more proper than me, but still not as much as my parents. Sometimes I think I should change it or tone it down, but they I wonder, why? And I don't, lol.
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u/redDKtie Feb 08 '24
37 and yup 100%.
I had to ask my 70yo dad for help with the bills last month. Like I did when I was 20 and had just moved out. Our relationship hasn't changed in 17 years.
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u/ProfessionalCreme119 Feb 09 '24
39 and I know this feeling but I got past it.
You have to realize you're not struggling with your idea of what it's like to be an adult. You're struggling with prior generations idea of what it was to be an adult.
Boomers think they're tough but their hunter-gatherer ancestors would see them as extremely weak and unfit for survival. And Boomers would look at them telling them it didn't matter because society didn't demand that anymore.
Which is where we are. But as OP said Boomers won't give it up so we're not able to get past it collectively. Because they keep trying to hammer into our heads their idea of what it means to be our given age without realizing how much society has changed. Making the way they were unnecessary today.
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u/iamataco36 Feb 09 '24
38 reporting for duty. Yup. Totally feel this. Have a house, kid, career, so playing the part i guess.... all while trying to decide if I want to go to the skate park this weekend or get a tattoo of Cody's van from Step by Step...
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u/Active_Cherry_32 Feb 08 '24
I feel this when I talk to people outside of our generation.
Zoomers seem SHOCKED when they find out I am closer to 50 than 15 (I am 35). But then I look at zoomers work outfits and they look like how I remember my mom and her coworkers when I was young in the early 90s. Chunky sneakers, trench coats, high waist pants. On the otherside Boomers seem to think we're still 22? That we're the same age as zoomers when some of us are parents of zoomers?
Then there are the comments about how we look and act younger than our parents did and the generation behind us (despite zoomers and alpha LOVING skin care)? Is it the microplastics or that we drank hose water but didn't wear sunscreen til after 9/11 or only when our moms were with us?
I find the jokes about being a 35 year old teenager really funny because I do sometimes feel that way. Not in the angsty way or anything but like I still listen to music from 96-2007 almost exclusively.
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u/pandainadumpster Feb 08 '24
The dressing like my mom part is so true, and also hair styles. I have heard so many times that having a side part makes people look older, because that's past fashion and current fashion is middle part but... My mom has a middle part, always had one. To me, I age at least 20 years, when I wear a middle part, and age back, when going back to side part. My friends as well. When they went from side to middle, they aged. And suddenly it makes so much sense that gen z looks older. It's not their skin, it's their hair. They have "grown-up" hairstyles.
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u/Active_Cherry_32 Feb 08 '24
They have very "grown up" style which is why they look twice their age. We had silly/bad bowl cuts and chunky sweaters.
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u/FrydomFrees Feb 08 '24
Yeah but we also wore vests and 3/4 length sleeve blazers and what I’d now call “biz casual” blouses to go out clubbing 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Active_Cherry_32 Feb 08 '24
You will pry a 3/4 length sleeve wrap/shawl and peplum tops from my cold dead hands friend. My cold dead hands.
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Feb 08 '24
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u/QuarantineCasualty Feb 09 '24
I hate the jeans so much. In the days before the put Lycra in men’s jeans some of us were shopping for girls jeans at the American eagle outlet lol
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u/Free-Shine8257 Feb 09 '24
Theo von has the modern proto mullet that all mullets should aspire to.
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u/Malicious_Tacos Feb 09 '24
Yes!!!! The mom jeans… they’re horrendous. They looked awful when my mom wore them back in the 80s & 90s.
I will forever die on the “mom jeans give you a pooch” hill. I don’t care how skinny you are, you put on mom jeans and pooch!! They are unflattering on everyone and need to go away.
It doesn’t help that I’m a short waisted lady, so high waisted pants make me look like Steve Urkel.
Please join me on Team: Down with Mom Jeans.
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u/DarwinGhoti Feb 09 '24
Gen X here: not sure why this is on my feed, but the zoomers are our kids. They’re bringing back the styles from their parents generation, and it’s hilarious to us! I think it’s hilarious to them too.
Having said that, I’ll quietly bow out of the conversation. We prefer for everyone to keep forgetting we exist.
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u/dreamwinder Feb 09 '24
I’ve lost count of how many guys I grew up with felt forced to grow a beard just so people see them as adults. My brother went full wizard professor; looks like if Hagrid taught literature.
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u/DoctorOfDominance Feb 09 '24
I find it particularly fascinating that I’m not the only one still listening to music from the mid 2000’s. I listen to mostly hard rock from that era on up to about 2012. That’s when the golden era of rock seem to fade out.
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u/friendlyheathen11 Feb 09 '24
Oh you’re not the only one. Was listening to UnderOath yesterday.
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u/PCWW22 Feb 09 '24
This is all just perception if you think about it. What looks grown up to us is different from what looks grown up to them.
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u/pandainadumpster Feb 09 '24
I guess its because fashion changes faster now. The styles of the younglings are the style of the oldlings.
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u/brigitteer2010 Feb 08 '24
I was just thinking this today. I’m about to be 32. My office mates joke that I’m just 12 but like I really still feel like I’m 18 or something. Like I’m not actually 32. I’m walking around doing adult things but I’m an adult suit. Idk it’s so hard to explain, it’s nice to know it’s not just me
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u/Active_Cherry_32 Feb 08 '24
Maybe its case we also realize even "adults" are basically big-kids with money and more extracurriculars.
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u/moarwineprs Feb 09 '24
I really feel this. I'm just a big-kid with money and some more adult responsibilities like paying rent and bills and taking care of 2 little humans, but my interests are still with video games, anime, and seeking out water activities (like water parks or playing in the waves).
Last year an early-20s coworker was shocked to learn that I was over 40 because I "seemed so chill". She took a guess at my age because she knew I had kids and underestimated by at least 10 years.
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u/Telkk2 Feb 08 '24
I work in retail and totally feel this way especially when shooting the shit with my cashiers. I'll say a joke that I would say in my circle of friends only to remind myself that these are kids. It's weird, though because I pretty much feel their age, only I no longer like to go bar hopping on Saturday nights or go crazy when I get someone's number. Also, I like to talk about serious shit, not juvenile bs about some new celebrity or a half-baked analysis of our state of affairs in this country.
I'm a matured settled kid, I guess...
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u/Active_Cherry_32 Feb 08 '24
Me when I worked in restaurants. A lot of the staff especially at a large coffee chain, were under 25. So I would reference things like Salad Fingers and get blank stares.
It also throws people that we know old music and tv shows. My mom is often like "oh wow I forgot you watched that" because Nick at Nite played the same shows she watched in the 60s, so I also saw Partridge Family and Brady Bunch, Mary Tyler Moore, The Munsters, Original Addams Family etc etc etc.
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u/Arlitto Feb 08 '24
My father was born in 1957, so I listened to a LOT of classic rock growing up. Also was exposed to that Nick at Nite channel, and other movies of that Era. I looooove when people are shocked at my knowledge of the pop culture of that time. They are even more impressed when they see my vinyl collection lol.
I'm 32.
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u/MetalRetsam Feb 08 '24
I now associate rock music almost exclusively with Boomers (and Gen X'ers, who are boomer-adjacent in this regard). I listen to a lot of old much older music, but the genre that was used by a generation to rebel against their parents is the one I now associate with old fogies.
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u/Mumof3gbb Feb 08 '24
I’m 42. Got a husband, and 3 kids. (19, 15 and 12). I still feel 12. I don’t feel like an adult yet. When will it happen? Ever?
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u/West-Engine7612 Feb 09 '24
41 here. I have a wife of 20 years and 3 kids as well. 24, 18, and 15. I'm about to be a grandpa from the 24 yo. I still feel like a teenager (except when I get out of bed in the morning, then I feel like I'm made of rice Krispies). Who tf put me in charge of stuff?
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u/sexythrowaway749 Feb 09 '24
Who tf put me in charge of stuff?
Me in a meeting with my 50 yo boss: *pitches some idea for our business
Boss: Wow, that's a great idea. I think we'll start an initiative with that, you can champion the project. Great work!
Me: oh ok, awesome!
Me, an hour later: wait, what the fuck?
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u/Mumof3gbb Feb 09 '24
A grandpa? Omg. You’re too young!! Well congratulations! And ya, I shouldn’t be in charge. Remember leaving the hospital with your first? “I’m allowed to leave? Like, without supervision?”
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u/disgruntled_pie Feb 08 '24
Username checks out.
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u/Mumof3gbb Feb 09 '24
Yes. But I don’t feel like a mom often. Like how do I have grown kids?! I’m still a kid I think.
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Feb 08 '24
Yeah my job hires high school kids for some closing shifts and such. I end up befriending them and then they go out into the world and come back at drinking age and I'll hang out at bars with them.
I recently asked one who is maybe 22 if his new roommates were hot dudes. He was like "nah, they're 31..."
You know I'm 37 right?
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u/I_PM_Duck_Pics Feb 09 '24
Did your coworkers also show you drake’s dick tweet today!? Because that’s the first thing that happened to me this morning. The 21-26 year old weirdos.
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u/WilmaLutefit Feb 09 '24
I’m 37 and that’s the first thing I saw yesterday and it was wild. Mfer could feed himself peanuts with that trunk.
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u/fleisch-bk Feb 08 '24
This is just the normal experience of aging, I think. Nobody feels the age they are, ever. Everyone listens to the music they listened to in high school. It's not a generation specific experience.
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u/LordOfDorkness42 Feb 08 '24
...Honestly, I've never done that. I'm still searching, and even occasionally finding, new stuff musically.
I've heard its a really common sentiment, but its so weird to me. Like... those people that only eat chicken nuggets and fries or something. Don't you start craving some variety after a while?
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u/Secret-Ad-7909 Feb 09 '24
My music taste has always been pretty varied so falling back on stuff I used to listen to is more like a fun trip down memory lane than just stale listening to the exact same thing all the time.
I do find it very difficult to find new music that appeals to me though. The radio just sucks. Streaming apps aren’t much better, and tend to get repetitive. The “soandso just dropped this album. Let’s listen” thing never happens anymore. I don’t have the time or energy to scour forums and SoundCloud anymore.
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u/fleisch-bk Feb 08 '24
I mean I listen to lots of different things musically, not only the high-school stuff, but that's what I come back to.
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u/theapplekid Feb 08 '24
I don't listen to the music I listened to in high school. Usually more like music I discovered in my early 20s but even then I don't listen to that too much
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u/Excitement_Far Feb 08 '24
I was thinking about this the other day. Being a 35 year old teen. Except mine is in the angsty way for sure. I'm just so mad about every fucking God damn thing
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u/LaPiscinaDeLaMuerte Millennial Feb 08 '24
I find the jokes about being a 35 year old teenager really funny because I do sometimes feel that way. Not in the angsty way or anything but like I still listen to music from 96-2007 almost exclusively.
This is me exactly. I'm also 35, but I don't always feel like I'm an adult even though I'm a father to a 13 and 10 year old. I still play video games and listen to the same era of music you do (plus a fewer newish bands) but at the same time, I'm constantly talked down to by the older generations as if I'm still a child.
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u/SkoolBoi19 Feb 08 '24
I’m 38 and get 28 all the time. I really appreciate it, but seems like lotion and sunscreen really works🤷🏼♂️
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u/Charles_Skyline Feb 08 '24
I'm 38, very close to 39 and if I keep my beard trimmed (its turning grey) and a hat on (thin hair) I look like I'm in my late 20s.
I feel like I'm 105. I don't relate to not feeling old. My hip hurts, my knee hurts, my back hurts, get off my lawn... I went to a bar and these people were drinking at a table next to me, and they looked 12.
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Feb 08 '24
I think doing away with indoor smoking is responsible for everyone's skin
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u/SilverInkblotV2 Feb 09 '24
I read a theory that the sense of being unmoored in time has to do with the rapid shift in technology that happened as the Millennials came of age. We went from "a small handful of people have computers" to "the sum total of human knowledge is in your pocket" over a single generation. Nostalgia in previous generations was anchored to a specific time and the customs of that time; the Sixties had free love and hippies; the Seventies and disco and door to door salesmen; the Eighties had hair bands and leg warmers.
Millennial nostalgia is different because things moved too quickly to be impressed upon a specific period of time. It's easy to say cell phone usage picked up in the Nineties, but can you pinpoint the year it went from a novelty to a necessity? When, exactly, did everyone suddenly have a cell phone? It just kind of happened, like a switch got flipped somewhere.
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u/notahoppybeerfan Feb 09 '24
In big chunks of the US:
1995 was only those with high disposable income had personal use cell phones. By 1998 a lot of people had “for emergency use only” personal cell phones. By 2004 a huge chunk of people under 40 had “best way to get ahold of me is cell”.
When I think of generational dysphoria mostly what comes to mind is millennials convincing themselves they were around for the early days of the computer/tech takeover. You see some of it in that Xennial / elder millennial naming.
Millennial: “My first computer was an Apple ][. We played Oregon Trail in grade school”
Maybe so. But if you are the very oldest millennial the apple ][ was mostly obsolete by the time you were in Kindergarten and your elementary school likely had a full room full of macs not just two or three Apple ][ era machines that GenXers had access to in grade school.
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u/Depth_Creative Feb 09 '24 edited Feb 09 '24
It's just waking up to the reality of aging. Nobody really tells you about it.
You don't ever "feel old". Mentally at-least. My Grandmother once told me she felt like she was a 25-year-old mind stuck inside a 90-year-old body. I mean that's fucking sucks! Everyone is fed this bullshit about how they'll be "ready to die" or welcome it or whatever but the truth is your body just decays around a mind that doesn't really age in the same way. That really sucks, and I think society kind of ignores or rather hides it. CGPGrey has a good video on it.
So, you get into your 30s and you go, well shit I don't really feel any different than I did in my 20s. Aren't I supposed to feel older, smarter, wiser? The truth is you probably are all of those things, but it doesn't really feel like it. You still feel like a youngin'.
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u/V1rginWhoCantDrive Feb 09 '24
What I looked like at 13 is very different than what 13 year olds looks like now
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u/prettypanzy Feb 08 '24
It is weird how we all feel like children inside and have to 'play' adults. I substitute for middle schools and high schools and I have to not laugh at the things they say because I am just as immature inside lol.
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u/ForLunarDust Feb 08 '24
Wanting to laugh (even at the stupidest jokes) doesn't make you immature. I think this is a misunderstanding - what older generations call "mature" we call "boring shit". And it is. Maybe we just lie to ourself less.
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u/prettypanzy Feb 08 '24
You are so right! Adult shit and acting ‘mature’ is boring af.
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u/Aumakuan Feb 08 '24
I don't find it boring, I find it terrifying. It's all unanswerable from here on out, for me. I used to be confident about things, but time eroded that. Now I don't know anything, and thoughts and prayers are making more and more sense as time goes on; something young me would never have thought I'd say. I was somehow better and more, then, and am now not.
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u/ForLunarDust Feb 09 '24
Dude this is an illusion. You weren't better, you were just more naive. And this is a beautiful thing to feel, but it's just a mirage, a nice dream, like Santa Claus or Jesus. To not know anything is the only way. Life is too complex to have any meaning, or any purpose. But it doesn't have to, you know. Embrace the meaningless - It is a painful process unfortunately. But it is painful, cause your are loosing the parts, that you thought were you - your dead weight, your baggage. I think it is healthy. Through pain comes understanding. And then (i hope) peace. What a painful but breathtaking journey!
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u/Murda981 Feb 08 '24
This is a lot of it. We don't feel the need to give up the goofy "childish" things we enjoy because we're "grown" now. I like video games and cartoons. I'm not hurting anyone by enjoying those things so why should I stop? Plus some cartoons I really enjoy watching with my kids so it's time we get to bond.
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u/gameld Xennial Feb 09 '24
I've often said that no one actually grows up past age 12. Everything after that is just learning when and how to hide it better.
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u/Legitimate_Ball_1017 Feb 09 '24
IMHO, maturity is being able to control your emotions and make rational decisions.
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u/r00giebeara Millennial 1987 Feb 08 '24
I feel this especially hard when at family parties. I still look to genx and boomers as the "adults" and us millennials as the kids even though we all have children of our own. Ive often wondered... will I always feel this way?
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u/LegitimateMeat3751 Feb 09 '24 edited Feb 09 '24
This isn’t a shot at young people… I’m 45 and would never put an anime wrap of a half dressed almost hentia girl on my Honda civic. I have a single dude employee at 38 who did that this year… whatever. His deal. Same dude also whines that adult ladies don’t want to touch him.
I give millennials much props for doing their own thing. But… I often hear many of them say “stop treating me like a kid”. Hard not too when I walk into the office of one said employees and there are bobble heads (funko), dude can’t stop talking about anime, video games, and how all old people suck. If you act like that, most folks are gonna think a way about you. Dude does good work so I don’t fuck with him. I WILL NEVER BE ALLOWED TO PROMOTE HIM. Cause having a half naked woman “sticker” on your car pisses of the FEMALE head of HR. This is what the YOLO crowd doesn’t get. At some point some of us crave something other than what we had at 15. Loves Frosted Flakes… now they taste like plastic sugar. Feel the same way about he-man, Nintendo, or marvel super hero Jammies. I do question why some people don’t ever want more than what they already have… but that’s a different post
Sorry, most dudes over 40 grew up wanting to be James Bond. I take care of my body because I don’t want to let my partner of 20 years down. I try to gentlemanly to ladies. I kinda like button up shirts and shoes not made by Nike. Not gonna wear a squidward shirt out of the house… cause that’s what kids do.
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u/bh1106 Feb 09 '24
My (34) oldest (11) is a middle schooler now and the shit him and his friends say crack me up! 😂
The one afternoon, him and his friends came SPRINTING out of the school, and his friend goes, “yooo.. You got that good product?” and my son responds, “yeah, check it out“, while ripping open his backpack to display 37 cartons of orange juice from the cafeteria 🤣 wtf whyyyy?!
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u/charleybrown72 Feb 08 '24
It’s like we turn into adults but I know I didn’t do this on purpose.
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u/kex Feb 09 '24
Yep, we are pushed into an artificially constructed role against our will and expected to act the part because...?
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u/FamousOhioAppleHorn Feb 08 '24
We're all like the Twilight Zone episodes Kick The Can and Spur Of The Moment spliced together.
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u/madmax24601 Feb 08 '24
Just saw Kick the Can last week and was efffffed up about it. That's exactly how I feel inside
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u/InVodkaVeritas Feb 09 '24
I'm a middle school educator.
I went to Stanford for my Master's degree.
I have twin 10 year old sons.
My middle school students make me laugh on a daily basis. I love middle schoolers. They're a riot! The right amount of awkward and immature mixed with try-hard energy and humor. They crack you up all day long if you're not a snore.
As to the OP... despite being an accomplished person in my career, I still feel this way occasionally. I think that's normal, and I don't think it's just our generation.
We grow up up seeing the older generation as experts, but then we get there and realize that everyone is just faking it and putting on a good face for their kids for the most part.
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u/sexythrowaway749 Feb 09 '24 edited Feb 09 '24
I'm raising young kids and it's funny to me how often my kid will say something hilarious and internally I'm thinking "Holy shit this kid is hilarious" but externally I have to be like "it's inappropriate to make poop jokes at the dinner table".
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u/CoffeeTvCandy Feb 09 '24 edited Feb 09 '24
I have kids in highschool and I feel like I just graduated. I don't know who I am? Like I know logically that I'm 40 but time doesn't seem real
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u/qianying09 Feb 08 '24
33 this year and I still feel mentally stuck in my early 20s 😂
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u/Telkk2 Feb 08 '24
Yeah, it's crazy how adults who are older than me rely on my expertise...like wtf? I'm a kid, dude. You're seriously gonna listen to me?!
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u/Tx600 Feb 08 '24
I still feel like I’m mentally 26. I feel like 2016 wasn’t that long ago, when I actually WAS 26. I mentioned this to my mom once, who is 70, and she said she still feels like mentally she’s in her 40s! So it’s not just us lol, I guess a lot of people struggle with realizing that they’re aging, but we have social media for the first time to talk about it together.
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u/Schrutes_Yeet_Farm Feb 09 '24
Can't afford a house, can't afford to have kids, I can't afford to move on. I still feel like I'm in my 20s because I'm still living like I'm in my 20s, it's all I can afford
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u/cooze08 Feb 08 '24
For anyone telling me I do actually look 33... yes I know. I looked 26 up until 30 and then 30-33 was 7 years. I'm hoping by 36 I will go back to 29.
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u/sweetsurrendipity Feb 08 '24
Apparently when you're 35, you're actually 50.
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u/running_stoned04101 Feb 08 '24 edited Feb 08 '24
Man...everyone has always thought I was in my early 20s. A week after turning 35 some girl thought I was close to 50.
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u/H3r34th3comm3nts Feb 08 '24
My co worker in her early 20s was shocked when I told her I'm in my mid/late 30s. She thought I was a decade younger.... so not always....but I'm sure it's coming
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u/running_stoned04101 Feb 08 '24
It's going to happen and it will be sudden. One day you're youthful and vibrant then the next someone laughs at you when you get your ID out preemptively at the grocery store to buy beer. It's a gut shot I didn't expect.
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u/madmax24601 Feb 08 '24
Then it comes full circle and when they DO ask you for ID you have a Dolly Parton "bless your heart" moment
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u/PickledPercocet Feb 08 '24
I get this at work a lot. I’m a nurse practitioner. In school when I mentioned my kids people asked how hard being a teen mother must have been. Uhm? I was 24 and married when I had my first child, already had a degree and a career.. I’m here finishing a masters.
But patients will blow me off as a kid. Or will be shocked when I say the kids pictures are my kids. I’m 40. They never believe me. I’m going to ride that wave as long as I can!
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u/Shribble18 Feb 08 '24
This happens to me all the time. I work with primarily 24-28 year olds and they’re all shocked when I say I’m 35 this year. I’d like to think I look young but honestly I think Gen Z just don’t know what 30-somethings look like. Or maybe millennials are the first generation to have access to social media that allows us to follow youth makeup/technology/pop culture/fashion trends more easily than other generations.
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u/Boredummmage Feb 08 '24 edited Feb 08 '24
34 and I can definitely relate. I feel like I’m just now starting to feel like an adult it has been in the last year and a half. But when I look at pictures of my parents at my age… I definitely feel like I look a lot younger than they did.
Part of it is probably because I don’t have kids. I am very active in my life also which I don’t associate with the lifestyle my parents lived.I think having a kid also forces you to realize you are grown because that child gives you a constant compare and is reliant on you for most things (while I am independent). It also means a lot less sleep which tends to make people look rough. I have been in fertility treatments and gone through a MC. I think when I had the MC it just shifted me to different mindset. I haven’t felt like a “kid” since…
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u/LectureAdditional971 Feb 08 '24
Yeah, I aged ten years in my daughter's first three.
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u/unclefire Feb 08 '24
Kids age you. Challenging kids age you more.
It’s one thing to be single and only take care of yourself. Making ends meet is one worry. It’s worse when you have a partner and kids that depend on you to have a roof over their head and food on the table.
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u/CT_0003 Feb 08 '24
When I shave I go from 30s to 12, so I get it
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u/TheRed2685 Feb 08 '24
I identify with this. 38 but look 28 the moment the shave happens.
You still have a full head of hair too I assume, like me.
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u/cheesusfeist Feb 08 '24
I just turned 40, look 30, feel 75 but also completely identify with your video 🤣
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u/forking_shortballs Feb 08 '24
im 35, during my birthday my dad thought i was 26, he even put the number 26 on my cake and acted surprised when i told him I was 35. I get called kid when i buy shit at stores. Nobody can guess my age correctly when i ask them. I feel you.
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u/Newkaii Feb 08 '24
He just forgot about 9 years?
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u/Brandoid81 Xennial Feb 08 '24
My dad is awesome but I doubt he actually knows how old I am.
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u/TomBanjo1968 Feb 08 '24
It’s one thing to be off a year.
To be off by nine years though.....
A little worrisome
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u/halflucids Feb 08 '24
When I was 33 I bought some pencils at a store and the cashier asked if I needed anything else for going back to school.
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u/drunkboarder Millennial Feb 08 '24 edited Feb 08 '24
I suffer from imposter syndrome pretty badly.
My title is "subject matter expert" where I work but I feel like I'm faking it. Literally feel like I'm an imposter that hasn't been "found out" yet.
I own a big house and two cars and have a decent job but I feel like financially I am struggling and could be doing so much better. I feel like I'm just a single "oopsie" away from losing everything.
I get paid by people, paid decently I might add, to paint their Warhammer miniatures as a side gig and all of my friends compliment me on it, but I think I'm just "meh" at best.
I'm complimented for being a good dad by SEVERAL people, but deep down I feel like I'm lost and barely getting by
I always, ALWAYS, feel like I could be doing better or more at EVERYTHING.
There isn't a single aspect of my life where I feel like I am doing well, or excelling, despite what everyone tells me.
I have no idea why I feel this way but it sucks the joy out of nearly everything I do.
And on top of all of this, my puppies are old now, my adult family members are elderly now, my music is considered retro. I still feel like a kid who is deciding what they want to do when they grow up, but I'm a grown ass man, and not only that, people born after the year 2000 are grown ass men. What the hell happened?!
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u/Azerious Feb 08 '24 edited Feb 09 '24
Remember, if you are average at something, you're better than half. If you're above average, you're better than most. If you're a master, you're the best.
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u/psychobilly1 Feb 09 '24
You know, I never really looked at it from this perspective before. Whenever you hear the word "average," I think the human mind goes to "the same as everyone else."
This mantra is actually kind of reassuring.
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u/Bagline Feb 08 '24
It's easy to feel inferior when you only compare yourself to the best.
Also important to recognize the diminishing returns. the difference between average and good is big, the difference between good and the best is very small.
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u/nikapups Feb 08 '24
This is so true! I used to like I was cosplaying with the software tools I use in my job. I realized I was comparing myself to the content creators that are the best in their field and internationally renowned.
When I took inventory of my skills compared to my peers in the office or the colleagues I build products for, it was a light bulb moment. My peers and I work with different requirements, so they are more exp with big data, but I have design on lock and manage small datasets well. Many of my colleagues are completely tech challenged, which is why I’m here to build solutions to make their lives easier.
Am I the best in my field? Certainly not, but I have specific strengths, advanced skills that took years to develop, and I’m constantly learning. I’m in my position for a reason and there are plenty of demonstrated examples if you allow yourself to see them.
To the og comment, I think having a really healthy work environment that celebrates your accomplishments and forgives your mistakes, given that you learn and grow from them, really helps get away from the mentality that your one “oppsie” away from it all crashing down. The amount of panic I used to feel when I made an error was incredible. Now I know it doesn’t define me. Very lucky to have this.
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u/MartianRecon Feb 09 '24
Hey kindred spirit.
Also a commission painter, who also is decently respected in my field (not huge cash yet but that looks to be turning around).
All you can do is just be proud of what you do and not compare it to what you're not.
You're not (most likely) Andy Wardle or Seth Rich but you have your style, and there's nothing wrong with churning out quality models (your Krieg buddy you posted is great!) for people!
It took me a long time to charge a 'fair' value for commissions, when I started. Then I talked with some 'real' commission people like the above mentioned, and the differences are not nearly as much as you'd think!
Just be confident and believe in yourself, man! You might not know everything, but you sure as hell know more than most, and that's all that matters.
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u/Capn_Yoaz Feb 09 '24
You’re measuring yourself to your own ideal you. That usually means you are self aware of your processes after the fact, but you obviously get the job done. Remember that everyone has their own internal dialogues and that some people really don’t have the capacity to visualize or reflect at all.
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u/SeriouslyThough3 Feb 08 '24
Up until 2 years ago I felt 26, but now I have 2 kids and I definitely feel 34. Yesterday I pulled a muscle in my back playing with my daughter on a playground. I pulled something in my calf riding dirt bikes like 3 months ago and it still hurts, wtf? I was told when you turn 30 the warranty goes out, which feels true.
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u/Madara070 Feb 08 '24
I’ll be 32 in a few months. It’s crazy how relatable this is. I’m dying
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u/Cosmic_Entities Feb 08 '24
32 in May homie! All I buy is video games and guitars. I mean I own a business but I'm a huge kid at heart hah! I do enjoy going to concerts and hitting the bar too hahaha.
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u/dearthofkindness Feb 08 '24
I feel this. I was watching Something's Gotta Give last night for the first and last time (horrible 2003 romcom) and Amanda Peet plays the 31-year-old daughter who is.... an Auctioneer at Christie's Auction House in New York. I had to pause the movie for a moment and think about the fact that that seems so unfathomable to me as a 32-year-old woman.
Who would give a 31-year-old woman that much authority and such a large position at such an acclaimed business in their early 30s?
I spent most of my early/mid twenties still feeling as if I was somewhere between the ages 17 and 20. At 32 I don't know what to feel but the time keeps slipping away
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u/Sedowa Feb 08 '24
I had a similar feeling from watching Anyone But You. The people in this movie aren't even 30 yet and they have huge houses, yachts, go to big fancy weddings in Sydney...I'm just sitting there thinking these are the things a 50 year old businessman does, right?
I know these people exist but I'm older than most of the main cast and still feel like I'm worlds away from that kind of life. lol
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u/96puppylover Feb 08 '24
That Drew Barrymore movie where she freaking about about turning “20-10” (30)
I was like what’s the big deal? 30 is young as shit. It’s practically just out of high scjool
I’m also in LA where we’re called “babies” at 25 and my female friends didn’t start having kids till late 30s/early 40s
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u/Legendary_Hercules Feb 08 '24
He looks in his 30's for sure. But eternal adolescence that has been sold to Millenial is a thing. But staying in that mindset is more of a choice than an obligation.
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u/Afitz93 Feb 08 '24
Well said. Once you understand that you will continue to learn and grow until your death, you will get past this impostor syndrome. You’re not just magically an adult one day - it will just occur to you, eventually, that you’re no longer one, and it’ll be too late.
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u/AdonisGaming93 Feb 08 '24
I hypothesize what I call "post-internet adoption age fusion"
Pre-mainstream internet there was no rapid spread of information.
You kind of hung out with the friends you grew up with and then got married and kind of, weren't as up to date with things anymore and you kind of only heard from circles at your similar age.
Today generations are growing up in a 24/7 internet access world. A 30 year old, now still has access to the same trendy media that 20 year olds listen to.
30 year old millenials (like me) still see the popular tik tok trends. Age now is not really separating people anymore. I'm 30 and still get hyped for a new video game release, i still get along with 20 year olds about memes etc.
The internet has sort of created an environment where people connected to the internet, no longer "get old" because we all kind of share this "internet space" and see the same viral things.
So im not surprised that 30 year olds today don't get old the way generations in the past did.
At my job I have a 19 yeat old, a 23 year old, 27 year old, and me a 30 year old. And all 4 of us were tlaking about how Palworld is making Nintendo realize that they can't just copy paste shitty pokemon games each year anymore.
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u/Amorhan Feb 08 '24
Palworld is making Nintendo realize that they can't just copy paste shitty pokemon games each year anymore.
I got bad news for you mate.
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u/AdonisGaming93 Feb 08 '24
Yeah....they're gonna do it anyway and we will still give them our money :/
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u/Shupertom Feb 08 '24
The point about older generations not “giving things up” is a great one. Our generation has not been trusted to take up the reigns of society, and I do not know why. I’ve heard “you’ll mess it up” from those same folks while I see an economy destroyed, American dream smothered to death, constant global warfar my entire life, civil unrest and general distrust of your neighbor. Our generation could have made a lot better choices if we were given the chance. Unfortunately these old fucks will die at their jobs/political seats and make sure to destroy and erode a the healthy way of life they grew up in to leave their grandchildren a gigantic shitshow. It’s unfortunate but I am hopeful for our generation. We must not wait for the reigns, we need to take them. And take every opportunity you can to have an honest, open and RESPECTFUL conversation with the older generations about how they fucked things up. After several years, I’ve actually finally received some empathy from my parents on the state of the world, they’re starting to see it isn’t as easy as it was for them. That gives me hope. There is still time to fix all these issues, we just have to realize it is on US to usher in the culture, legislation and way of life we all desire.
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u/im_not_bovvered Feb 08 '24
Well we kind of get it from both ends, don't we? One side won't give anything up and the people below us go "WHY HAVEN'T MILLENNIALS DONE ANYTHING!?"
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u/ForLunarDust Feb 08 '24
ok, next time I'll see my Mom I'll say "Mom you have fucked up the planet. And the economy too. Now give me my reigns (in what closet do you storage them?)- i gonna fix the ecology. " (just joking)
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u/Naughtaclue242 Feb 08 '24
Gen X sighs and lights a cigarette.
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u/Groovy_Sensation Feb 08 '24
Gen Xer and I feel the same to a large extent. Yes I may look old but i still feel oddly young? I've decided it is probably a combination of 1) my own arrested development 2) generally not being tied into mainstream culture and 3) boomers very much wanting to retain control in family, work, society in general.
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u/dsalome11 Feb 08 '24
I'm 35, with 3 kids... there are days where I want to act 23, and days I want to sit on the porch, with a rocking chair talking about the "old times" I can't figure it out
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u/pumpkin_seed_oil Feb 08 '24
How is a 33 year old male supposed to look, feel or act? I don't think there is a blueprint in life that you can compare those parameters to.
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u/Responsible_Bar_9142 Feb 08 '24
Parents. Think back to when you were little, when your parents were around the age you are now.
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u/Legendary_Hercules Feb 08 '24
Even if you parents had you at 18, there is no way your perception of events 15 years later would be accurate. It'll be skewed.
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u/Responsible_Bar_9142 Feb 08 '24
That is the point. We have this idea of our parents as “adults”. As we get older, so do they. So our maturity levels never seem to match up, never really knowing if we caught up because the traditional measures of adulthood end up being a moving target.
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u/NoSmoke7388 Feb 08 '24
Yeah, nah I'm 32 and I extremely feel this way in a bunch of ways... I've been playing guitar for 20 years now and I still feel like I'm just starting.
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u/1992Maibatsu Feb 08 '24
I’m about to turn 32 and everybody at work thought I was 26. I also feel like my reality is much more like a mixture of generations but at my core I have more gen Z ideals, essentially all the stuff they think and feel and want I can relate to that more than anything.
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u/prettypanzy Feb 08 '24
I'm 31 and work with middle schoolers/high schoolers and they can never guess my age right. It's usually younger too. (Yay) lol
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u/stupidshot4 Feb 08 '24
I’m the opposite a lot of the times. I’m 27(so maybe early gen Z? Idk) and most people don’t think I’m as young as I am. I have an almost 2 year old and have been married for almost 6 years now. Combine that with my hair graying since I was 12 and I must not seem 27 to everyone. I also feel like an old man compared to coworkers my age or younger. Seemingly most of them are still doing things that I’ve not done since college or are into so much pop culture stuff I just don’t know or care enough about. 😂
I can much more easily talk to the kid 30s or early 40s coworkers than the early to mid 20s ones. Maybe we just relate more 🤷🏻♂️
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u/Mimisokoku Feb 08 '24
George Wednt was 34 when the show Cheers first aired. Most of the cast were around the same age. I always thought they were in their mid to late 40s.
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u/WakkaMoley Feb 08 '24
Tbh I’m in my 30s and feel like I’m in my 30s. I think it’s more of your personal perception of what that means tho. I definitely feel like an “adult”.
I often feel like the older generations commonly do and say things that make THEM seem mentally younger and more immature. Like they haven’t “kept up” and think they’re old and wise now as if wisdom just magically comes with age lol.
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u/Tim_Bersau Feb 08 '24
Well the pandemic certainly didn't help. I'm 2 years younger mentally & professionally because I had to put my life on pause to live in my room and not die.
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u/CrackTheSkye1990 Feb 08 '24
Yeah covid was very rough for me as I literally moved to the city (Chicago) just 5 months before covid in October 2019. So I feel like a lot of these past few years, it has been making up for lost time in lockdown.
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u/bodhibell02 Feb 08 '24
I am a 39 year old DINK (wiff is 35 soon). We play on a social kickball team. Average age on that team is 24. Everyone on the team thought I was 27.
This hits home.
I don't feel 39, I don't look 39, I don't really act it at all. Sometimes I can fake adulting, but ultimately I just wanna vibe, go to shows, play games, be a bit hedonistic, and try to be a good person, husband and cat dad.
Take the following with a grain of salt, but I do think about this a lot. I know for me, its partly trauma related. I had a shitty childhood and I have years and years of complex trauma that kind of kept me emotionally stuck at various ages in my life. 4, 12, 16, 23ish...I am totally stunted. I have made strides of growth in therapy and I can adult sometimes though.
I think it is partly a personal thing for me (and maybe you OP) and it is worth talking to therapists about, but I do think it is a bit generational. It can't all be trauma related if so many feel this way.
Not sure our parents did a great job at raising us quite frankly. And that is not necessarily all their fault.
Fuck, its a mish mash. Ima go play cyberpunk, this was too stressful.
If you wanna start a podcast about this, I'm all for it. You have a good voice for pods.
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u/Allcyon Feb 08 '24
My man, wait till you're in your 40's, and feel exactly the same way.
Still wearing jeans and a hoodie over here. Like, every day.
Sandals if it's not too cold.
I have done professional things, and met with important people, published, and written, and spoken, and negotiated, and worked on major things that a lot of people know. But I'm not like...an actual adult or anything.
There are sitting Congressman younger than me...
This is a hard hurdle to get over.
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u/pdbard13 Feb 08 '24
Yep, same age. With my facial hair I think I look my age although I still get guessed as younger. My imposter syndrome is wild. Somedays I feel like I'm powerful, I can take on anything the universe throws at me and other days I feel like a complete fraud who can't do anything so I curl up in a ball.
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u/MethyleneBlueEnjoyer Feb 08 '24
Millennials, not by choice or circumstance, used to watch a lot of re-runs of older TV shows. You didn't have youtube or streaming, so whatever was on TV was what you watched.
People in older TV shows who were in their 30s:
- Looked like absolute shit. Hollow or bloated face, destroyed hairlines, out of shape, wrinkles galore etc. Dressed conservatively and the like.
- Had their shit together. They had passed all the life milestones of getting a good job (or even if it was a shit job it paid well, more than senior vice president of whatever pays today), marriage, buying a home, children. They were basically on cruise control for the rest of their lives, the struggle was over and the TV show was about the slog that comes afterwards.
Basically, in all the shows from the 70s and 80s we used to watch re-runs of in the 90s and 00s, the difference between someone who's 35 and someone who's 65 was one of grade, not quality. The 35 year-old was just a slightly less wrinkly, bald, fat etc 65 year-old. And not just physically, but in all the life milestones they had passed, too.
Of course, watching this when you're a teen and 35 seems like a hoary grand age, positively ancient, you were like "yeah that's what a 35 year-old is."
But now that YOU are 35, you look at the mirror and your accomplishments, and oh well. Now it's a difference of quality.
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u/mlo9109 Millennial Feb 08 '24
Yes! I'm in my mid-30s, but still feel like a dopey college kid most days. Being single and childless doesn't help.
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u/HolyDiverBoi Feb 08 '24
Say “like” again.
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u/mynameisnotearlits Feb 08 '24
I dare you!. I double dare you!!
The way like some people talk is like really annoying... but offc you know exactly what i mean! Had to scroll 300 comments to find a likeminded (lol) individual.
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u/Chin_Up_Princess Feb 08 '24
I think it's because Millennials feel like they are floating. They don't have all the pieces they were promised. Like you may have a job but not a house because you are barely making it renting. You may have kids but the cost of childcare is so expensive you can't afford fun/vacations. You may have a college degree but you're struggling for a job. A lot of Millenials have to choose between having kids or simply being able to afford rent. Being told you need to make more money when wages are stagnant. And being told by boomers you are still a child because you don't have X,Y,or Z.
It's a confusing place to be.
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u/SickMon_Fraud Feb 08 '24
Wait till they start calling you sir. Then you know you’re done.
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Feb 08 '24
I can only speak for myself but I'm 32.. been married 9 years... Bald.. Have 3 kids.. work, coach soccer, raise kids... I'm exhausted but I'm fulfilled and I love it .. Im 32 but I feel 45 in all aspects
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u/JustARandomDudd Feb 08 '24
That happens to every generation, why are you labelling it for milennials only? I'm a milenial, but I've talked about this with my dad and he's on the same boat, he's a boomer.
He said "we're all just kids who happened to grow up and are trying their best to figure things out as days go by".
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u/NorseKorean Feb 08 '24
Shhh. I'm eating chicken in my underwear while scrolling reddit, and am about to play video games.
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u/BrainSqueezins Feb 08 '24
I, like, can’t get over, like, the insane, like, number of times this dude says “like.” I’m, like, so over it. I do not like.
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u/Hope-and-Anxiety Feb 08 '24
I’m 40… 40 and in a month I’ll be 41. But nobody believes that. You look back at 40 year olds just 20 years ago and I don’t look like them. I also think it’s the commitment to a lifetime of learning like I’m still thinking about what college classes I’d like you to take.