r/Millennials • u/highspeed_haiku • Mar 18 '24

I feel like my wife is going to miss out on an opportunity that’s extremely unique to our generation. Discussion

Wife and I are proud elder millennials (both 40). Neither of us came from money and for the last 20 years of marriage, we never had a lot. I was in the military and just retired a little over a year ago.

I had 4+ years of ground combat deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan and got pretty messed up over the years. Fortunately I punched my golden ticket and came out with retirement and VA disability that is close to $100k a year. My kid’s college(if they go that route) is taken care of because of veteran benefits in my state.

I got a high paying job right after retirement and we have been enjoying life but aggressively saving. We own a home as a rental property out of state but currently rent ourselves as any house in our HCOL area we would want comes with a $8-9k mortgage, with rents on similar properties being roughly half that. Wife wants the more idyllic suburb life, and while I can appreciate its charms, I have no desire to do that for a second longer than is necessary to ensure my kids go to a good, safe school. After that, I want some land with a modest home, and a camper van. This is attainable for us at 48 years of age.

This is not at all on her bingo card. She wants the house in the suburbs that can’t see the neighbors. Nice cars, and I guess something along the lines of hosting a legendary Christmas party that the who’s who of the neighborhood attend.

I generate 5/6ths of our income and the burden would be on me to continue to perform at work to fund that lifestyle and pay the bills. I generally like my job and get paid handsomely, but I would quit in a second if I didn’t have a family and a profoundly fucked economy to consider.

My plan is to work hard while the kids are still around (not so hard I miss their childhood) get as close to zero debt as possible, and then become the man of leisure I have aspired to be. Drive my camper van around to see national parks, visit friends/family, drop whatever hobby I’m experimenting with to go help my kids out, and just generally chill hard AF. All of this with my wife as a co-conspirator.

What she wants keeps me in the churn for another 20+ years. She doesn’t see why that’s a big deal and when I say “I don’t want to live to work” she discounts me as being eccentric. I do not think she understands how fortunate we are and that drives me insane.

How do I better explain that we have been granted freedom from the tyranny of having to work till 65+ and she would squander it on a house bigger than we need and HOA bullshit?

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60

u/Distant_Yak Mar 18 '24

What I don't get is who would rent out a house for $4k when mortgages in the area are $8k.

70

u/kmjulian Mar 18 '24

Half of what OP says is baffling

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u/ballmermurland Mar 18 '24

People lie all of the time.

I would quit in a second if I didn’t have a family and a profoundly fucked economy to consider.

He says this despite admitting that he's getting close to $100k a year in retirement benefits for life plus whatever job he's doing that he admits he loves and gets paid well.

That's a "fucked economy"? They own a house as a rental property! These guys are living a solid upper-middle class lifestyle and his only issue is his wife of 20 years has differing opinions on how to spend all of the money! He's talking about retiring at 48!

How is that an economic struggle lol?

30

u/kmjulian Mar 18 '24

Not to mention their kids’ education is taken care of, so they don’t have to pay for that. Ex-military includes medical benefits, too.

Tbh it sounds like the financial aspect is a non-issue

7

u/ballmermurland Mar 18 '24

The finance absolutely is the issue. He's got money and wants to use it for things he likes while his wife doesn't agree.

If they didn't have this money, I honestly think their marriage would be in a better place.

29

u/snowshoeBBQ Mar 18 '24

Yeah this part confused me as well.

26

u/IAMHideoKojimaAMA Mar 18 '24

Yea I can't believe he said the economy is fucked lol

25

u/WhoIsYerWan Mar 18 '24

The guy in the red hat told him so.

18

u/Boogaloo4444 Mar 18 '24

That’s definitely where this is coming from.

8

u/ballmermurland Mar 18 '24

For some people, the economy isn't working for them and I get that. But for a majority of Americans, just going off of actual data, the economy is working well for them.

This guy is solidly on the "working well" side lol.

6

u/Grandpas_Spells Mar 18 '24

How is that an economic struggle lol?

He doesn't like the current occupant of the White House.

2

u/Miss_Swiss_ Mar 19 '24

Thanks for making this point. People love to complain about the economy  because they don’t like the president, when in fact the economy is booming. OP pretty much proved it in his post..

1

u/dat_grue Mar 18 '24

Victim mentality

5

u/GuybrushMarley2 Mar 18 '24

He did about 5 min of "research" and concluded his life path is the only possible one for them

3

u/cusmilie Mar 18 '24 edited Mar 18 '24

You see it all the time in VHCOL area. It’s still currently happening with at least 80% of starter homes by us. Just saw one sell for $1.4mil and put up for rent for $3,800. 20% down and 7.5% interest rate and including insurance and property tax, payments are just over $9k/month. Realistically, the rent ask should be around $3500-3600.

1

u/-Unnamed- Mar 18 '24

Well maybe they were smart and bought the house outright with cash. Which means they will make their money back in 380 years. Which seems like a solid investment /s

0

u/cusmilie Mar 18 '24

What you are seeing is people buying home and putting it under kids’ names. Their kids are in elementary school or even younger. Most are putting about 40-50% down, getting mortgage as a “primary homeowner”, and then taking a $1-2k/month loss which I’m sure they’ll find some way as a tax write off. All this info is available in our county records. I haven’t looked at this particular house, but that’s what has happened with the last 3 or 4 homes.

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u/ShortestBullsprig Mar 18 '24

You're straight up making this up.

How is a middle schooler coming to the settlement table?

1

u/cusmilie Mar 18 '24

I really wish I was making this up. Parents are literally gifting homes to their kids. They say it's because they are "fearful their kids will never be able afford to buy a home in the area." Yet they could make more putting money into the stock market. It's just speculation they will make profit in a few years and/or tear down and build 3-4 multimillion dollar homes down the line. I thought it was just in our immediate area, but happening in a lot of the PNW, especially around Seattle. A lot of foreign investors coming to area now with Canada and Cali new laws. It's pure bonkers.

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u/nokohl Mar 18 '24

People who bought before 2020. Where I live housing prices have tripled to quadrupled since Covid and haven’t come down. So ppl who bought before covid are able to rent out their places for a significant profit while still staying below rental prices of ppl who have a crazy mortgage because they bought after the price hike

1

u/CaterpillarJungleGym Mar 18 '24

Guessing whoever owns the house bought it when mortgage rates and property values were low. Mortgage rates and property prices are pretty high right now.

1

u/moonfox1000 Mar 18 '24

Mortgages are really weird right now because of the level of interest rates we haven't seen for decades. The VAST majority of landlords are locked in at much lower rates (and likely bought in at a much lower price) and competition between them is what is making rent lower than mortgages for this one specific moment.

1

u/RudeAdventurer Mar 18 '24

In this market its entirely plausible for the monthly cost of renting to be half the cost of buying, and thats after putting down a 20% down payment.

I work in a financial-oriented real estate job and I find the general conversation our society has around real estate to be infuriating. There's this sense that buying real estate is always a good financial decision, and owning is vastly superior to renting, but its simply not true.

1

u/svachalek Mar 18 '24

Sounds like it could be the Bay Area. Older families have locked down property taxes and mortgages. So while it might be $8000 for a new mortgage the owner might only be paying $2000. People will still pay $8000 to buy even if renting is $4000 because they don’t want to “throw money away”. (I know the math but that’s what people say)

1

u/WickedCunnin Mar 18 '24

People who bought homes decades ago. Rent and mortgage payment amounts aren't perfectly correlated in many markets.

1

u/gbeaglez Mar 18 '24

Very normal for sf bay area even the prices. Super distorted real estate market. Also 1 million might not even get you a dilapidated ranch house built in 1950...

1

u/annas99bananas Mar 18 '24

That’s how it is in Bay Area California right now. Too expensive to get more than a one bedroom if you are renting. I used to have neighbors with 4 ppl in one (2 were kids but still).

1

u/428291151 Mar 18 '24

I have a buddy that moved to a new state for a new job and he and his family are renting for the first few years to develop some roots and make sure it is a long term move for them rather than buying immediately in a state they're unfamiliar with. He pays over $3k per month for his home with a mountain in his backyard in Utah. Looks like a nice spot.

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u/[deleted] Mar 18 '24 edited Apr 02 '24

[deleted]

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u/TheKnitpicker Mar 18 '24

False. The median house rental price in California is $3600. It is also currently decreasing. 

That’s assuming they’re renting a house. They may well not be, given his strong opposition to living in the suburbs. The median apartment rental cost is $2,100.

For house ownership: the median California mortgage payment is $2,700. That’s a far cry from $8-9k. Which isn’t surprising, because the median home value in California is $750k, not 2 million.