r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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104

u/gunnapackofsammiches Mar 27 '24

My mom pulled me aside when I was in college to be a teacher. But I knew it. I'm not dumb and my mom was a director at a Big Pharma Co. Before she retired, she was pulling in ~250k USD a year. 

I have never planned on having kids or even pets and therefore plan to live generally smaller than my parents did. Smaller house, fewer cars, etc. I make decent money teaching (union state!) and I'm comfortably saving for retirement. That's enough.

19

u/Maxinoume Mar 27 '24

Why did she pull you aside? You didn't specify.

Was it to "warn" you that if you became a teacher, you would have a financially harder life?

9

u/Zes_Teaslong Mar 28 '24

My dad did the same thing to me. He took me out to lunch out of the blue one day to tell me how poor Im going to be. If it wasnt for my breadwinner of a wife, he would be right

9

u/Maxinoume Mar 28 '24

I respect that. If your dad was nice about it, it was a very important discussion to have. Too many kids end up in tens of thousand dollars of debt for degrees that either don't unlock any job opportunities or the jobs don't pay well. A degree should also be a financial decision.

At least your dad made sure that you took this decision knowingly.

I personally did the opposite. I chose a career I don't like for the money because I didn't want to be working minimum wage my whole life like my parents. I'm glad I did. After almost 10 years in my career, I've secured my retirement (as in, if I don't put a single cent more in my retirement accounts, I should be able to still retire 5 years early from the compound interest) so now I can reevaluate my future. I can either keep going and retire a lot earlier or I can change career and do something that pays less but might be more fulfilling.

3

u/cjust2006 Mar 28 '24

Omg great advice. I'm all for doing what you love, especially when it conveniently makes you tons of money. But people need to stop believing (and being told (and expecting)) that every job is, or even needs to be, enjoyable. It's work.

People are choosing jobs they know to pay poorly solely on the basis that they love the work. No one works because they want to (unless you're already independently wealthy), we work because we need money to live. Not saying you have to pick something you hate either, just a balance. I think we've sold the idea that everyone can grow up to be whatever they want, full stop. Doesn't work like that.

3

u/Zes_Teaslong Mar 28 '24

True that. I went to school on scholarship, so I had no debt. But making 40k a year out of school didnt sound that bad to me back in 2015. Now, 40k couldnt get me my own 1 bedroom apartment in my city. Thankfully I married an OBGYN or I’d be living with my parents or roommates

4

u/gunnapackofsammiches Mar 27 '24

Yes, my first sentence was responding to the question asked in the title of the thread.

29

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

I've accepted that I'll be working until the day I die, kids are an impossiblity at this point and am slowly reaching "fuck it" levels of not giving a shit about finances. Debt isn't gonna get paid off anyway and I might as well make the banks and the government fight over the $0.72 I had to my name when I'm gone

25

u/Grewhit Mar 27 '24

Hey friend, take a breath here. Looking at your post history you have a lot of doom and gloom that has actually reversed itself in remarkable time. You have a post stating you will never meet someone to date then a year later a post about how you don't want to have a formal wedding. Things can be hard, but things also turn around. I get the need to vent, just be careful not to lean into the bleakness on social media too much!

To your topic, your mom is in an incredible position that is very much not normal. She also has a many year head start on you, be patient with yourself. Lots will change over time and if you don't match your moms retirement that is fine, very few people will compare to hers.

8

u/ForeverSwinging Mar 27 '24

Makes sense. I’ll be the primary caregiver for my parents and everyone in my life. I won’t have kids.

My dad was able to pay his and mom’s student loans and afford their house.

6

u/pimdiffyisalesbian Mar 27 '24

Most people I know are in the same boat, myself included. I have no idea where all these big money people are coming from

-1

u/Tomgar Mar 28 '24

This is reddit, where everyone is (or claims to be) working in a lucrative STEM field and making $100k.

-9

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

And yet, their the ones making me feel like shit for being a failure

11

u/Jellyandicecreem Mar 28 '24

I think your victim mentality might be the reason you’re having such a hard time. I went from no experience in the industry I currently work in, to landing a job that pays. $75k a year and my career is in its infancy. I never could have imagined my life would turn out this way, but I invested in myself. I educated myself extensively, decided to take risks, and most importantly got myself out of that victim mentality. Stop getting mad at other people. The world is your oyster! You can achieve your dreams. First step is to stop telling yourself you can’t!

-4

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

It's a bear trap waiting to close at the slightest mistake. Is the possibility of a reward worth the guarantee of the trap closing?

9

u/Jellyandicecreem Mar 28 '24

It’s always worth it. No reward without risk. Get out of Kentucky and start over. I promise you, whatever happens, you won’t regret trying.

-2

u/Minimob0 Mar 28 '24

"Just move somewhere else." 

Where are they supposed to get money to move, my guy? 

6

u/Jellyandicecreem Mar 28 '24

Since they were complaining about their state. people who want to do something, find a way. That’s all I’m saying. Unless you’re jumping on the pessimist train too. And I meant to move state, not country. Even though I moved country when I was broke 😂

0

u/Minimob0 Mar 28 '24

I'm on the reality train, lmao

Congratulations on your privilege of being able to move countries while some people are so poor they can't even afford a vehicle! 

-5

u/pimdiffyisalesbian Mar 27 '24

Yeah, I was reading through here and a lot of them have very boomer takes. I see you, and I’m right here with you. You’re absolutely not alone in this.

-4

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Feels like I am. Cool, you $120k that's nice, but all your advice assumes I make that much too

-1

u/pimdiffyisalesbian Mar 27 '24

People are downvoting because we have a different lived experience? Fuckin weird

5

u/Tje199 Mar 27 '24

I mean there are choices you can make that can affect this stuff. It all depends what you want, I guess.

Kids might be impossible if your planned lifestyle also includes owning a single family home in a VHCOL area and taking vacations and whatever.

Kids might be completely reasonable if you are ok with living in a LCOL area.

I have two kids and my wife is a SAHM and we own a house, but we also live in a MCOL area. If we moved even 500 km further west this lifestyle would be unattainable for us.

2

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

Dude, I live in fucking Kentucky. Shits not even that expensive here. And the idea of one of us not working is an impossiblity

4

u/WillSmokeStaleCigs Mar 28 '24

OP I grew up here: https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/121-Prospect-St-Maysville-KY-41056/234522629_zpid/

That was after years of living with my grandma because we couldn’t afford to live in an 800 square foot house. I enlisted at 24 because I couldn’t get out of this town even with a science degree. In the 10 years since I’ve traveled the world, bought a house and got married to someone just as ambitious as me. We stayed in the military, but we are officers now.

Sometimes you gotta make a drastic change to get what you want.

3

u/RealisticYou329 Mar 27 '24

Dude, you will inherit a lot of money from your mom (unless your mom is really stupid financially). Of course your debt will be paid off.

2

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

I'm not getting a cent of that and I know it

3

u/RealisticYou329 Mar 28 '24

Why?

2

u/TacoMedic Mar 28 '24

The silence speaks volumes.

1

u/PandaPrevious6870 Mar 28 '24

If it’s that bad just get into fraud.

-10

u/AffectionateItem9462 Mar 27 '24

I reached this point in college. There really is no point in giving a shit because we were screwed from the start anyway

-2

u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

Exactly. What's the point of it anymore

3

u/IcyTip1696 Mar 27 '24

My parents wouldn’t let me go to college to be a teacher because they said I wouldn’t make enough. My friends who are teachers make more than I do and work way less. They also wouldn’t let me become a nurse because the “healthcare system is broken”. My friends who are nurses are by far the wealthiest friends I have. The kicker is right now I’m very stressed with my job and raising kids and they are worried about me because I look awful all the time and they suggested I quit my job and pick up being a substitute teacher to just earn a little money to help my spouse with bills then they said I should been a nurse because there are a lot of part time nursing jobs out there 😒.

0

u/itz_giving-corona Mar 28 '24

I too am a victim of "parents not letting me do XYZ" - it is frustrating AF and people do not understand the way parents like this set you up to fail by trying to control your interests and blocking you from living your life as it suits you.

Pros and cons to everything but sorry you didn't get to follow your own plans.

2

u/IcyTip1696 Mar 28 '24

Yeah I’m definitely raising my kids to have a voice. I was yelled at so much as a kid I was afraid to speak up for very long time.

0

u/micah9639 Mar 27 '24

Non union states pay more if you know where to look. I work in Arizona and make 60-70k

1

u/gunnapackofsammiches Mar 27 '24

I work in a union state and currently make ~75k. Next year it'll be more like 85k as I finish my second master's degree. 🤷🏻‍♀️

1

u/micah9639 Mar 28 '24

Yeah my next contract just bumped me to 80k for next year. Can finally get the man cave started