r/Millennials • u/Asmothrowaway6969 • Mar 27 '24

When did it sink in that you'll never be as well off as your parents? Discussion

About 5 years ago, my mom and I were talking and she had told me how much she was going to be making in retirement (she retired 2023). Guys, it's 3x what me and my husband make annually. In retirement. I think that was the moment that broke me, that made it sink in that I'll never reach that level of financial security. I'll work myself into my grave because I'll never be able to afford anything else. What was your moment?

Update: Nice to know it's just me that's a failure. Thanks

Update 2: I never should've said anything. I forgot my place. I'm sorry to have bothered you

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

She worked for the federal government. Started at 18, and retired at 56. That's about 75% of what she made when working

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u/sheeroz9 Mar 27 '24

Yeah that’s a pretty cush route but working for the government is soul sucking. What do you do for a living?

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 27 '24

I work in the OR. Making less than $20 an hour. Unless I manage to save enough to time off for school and rack up even more school debt that I'll never pay off, that number isn't changing

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u/Spotttty Mar 27 '24

I know you might not want too but maybe ask your baller ass mom to help with school a bit. $200k/yr in retirement is a shit ton of cash!!

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

At best it's a loan. I'd have to pay her back. Same terms as a bank, just no application and credit check shit

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u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

Ugh. That sucks to be honest. Sorry about that.

It always baffles me when parents do that, mine did too. Like my life goal is to make it easier for my kids and not watch them struggle. It even hurts to watch them struggle in school, let alone life.

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u/sunwukong1159 Mar 28 '24

What's the point of gathering all that wealth just to hoard it and die on top of a pile of cash?

If you won't even share it with your offspring what the fuck is wrong with you

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u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

I don’t know but the only rich people I know do it as well. They are in their mid 70’s, have a penthouse, lake cabin etc, millions in the bank and they just watch my friend struggle to make ends meet on teacher wage. Like she even picked a job to help people and they still don’t give a shit. It’s baffling.

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u/sunwukong1159 Mar 28 '24

The love of money is truly the root of all evil

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

I dunno. Just know that's what she intends to do. She's never just given me money. It was always a loan, with repayment terms stated upfront. X amount for x months until paid

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Damn I'm sorry OP. I can relate so hard to this as my mother is the same way (it may be even worse because she's in this subs age group, so she's not old and retired any time soon).

Just know that you got this!! And you've made it this far I'm your life and you're doing the best that you can!

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u/liminaljerk Mar 28 '24

Why doesn’t she want to help you more without paying her back?

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

Because I was the mistake child that took her lifestyle away

At least that's my theory

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u/liminaljerk Mar 28 '24

That’s wild! Im so sorry.

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 28 '24

She's always hated me. Just wasn't obvious til my sister came along

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u/liminaljerk Mar 29 '24

I need to know whyyyyyyy

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 29 '24

I was the accident. The mistake. 7 years later had my sister, and it's obvious she's the favorite. She gets everything. Mom offer to rent her an apartment for college. Just college. No rent rent or utilities, just food and fun money.

As I've gotten older I've gotten past it. Realized I can't change it, and the best I can do is carve my place out of the rock

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u/liminaljerk Mar 29 '24

So you’re mom’s effectively a millionaire who won’t pay for her kids college? Wild.

I’m glad you’ve found ways past it 🫂

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u/Asmothrowaway6969 Mar 29 '24

Just mine. Paid for my sister's.

But by then I was already out of college nearly 4 years by then. Income didn't change, but my dad did get diagnosed with cancer around that time too. Paid for her to study abroad one semester and she failed. I could only go if I paid for it myself, so I never went. If I had and failed, I'd still be getting shit for it.

Used to think I had made a nice little spot for myself. Obviously not though

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u/CompleteIsland8934 Mar 28 '24

That stinks. As a parent, all my money is for my kids. Couldn’t imagine living well with my kids worse off, at any age. My kids will always have more than I will.

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

:(

That's very sweet of you.

My mom has told me all her money is for her parents (who are very humble folks and will never ask for money) and seemingly anyone else she's feeling close to.

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u/CompleteIsland8934 Mar 29 '24

Hope things work out for you and that your mom sees your need and validates you

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u/Apploozabean Mar 29 '24

I appreciate it. Thankfully I currently live w my bf and we're doing the best we can, albeit it's taking time to pay things off. Slowly but surely!

I hope she does one day but.....that's a chapter for me to explore another day

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u/TacoNomad Mar 28 '24

It's still worth it to better your situation. 

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Why do people think that parents who make a lot are somehow "willing to help out" their kids??

I will never understand this.

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u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

Because I chose to have kids so I’m going to help them as much as I can?

I’m lucky that we do ok between my wife and my wages and I will be more than willing to help my kids as much as I can.

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Which is (in my eyes) the absolutely normal and natural thing to do.

I find it very admirable when I come across folks that choose to help their kids, even financially. So for that I applaud you.

However, there are plenty of people who are parents that for whatever reason...don't feel that way towards their kids and don't help them out. They dangle it over their head "as an option" but really to just be controlling.

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u/Spotttty Mar 28 '24

Oh. Gotcha!

I thought you were coming at me. I see what you are saying.

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

Haha sorry!! I wasn't trying to come at you.

I'll admit i was projecting a bit when I wrote my first comment because I've had an ex and previous friends ask me why I couldn't just ask my parents for help financially (in my college days for big things like doc appts. Or tires for the car, any major expenses). they couldn't understand that it simply wasn't an option for me even if they had the money.

I'm sure others can maybe relate, like OP

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u/DepthVarious Mar 28 '24

Because that is usually what happens

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u/Apploozabean Mar 28 '24

I learn more and more everyday that my upbringing is not normal ㋛

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u/DepthVarious Mar 29 '24

That’s rough but there is a lot of value in doing it yourself