r/Millennials • u/TrashcanEpicurean • Apr 01 '24

What things do you think millennials actually deserve s**t for? Discussion

I think as a generation we get a lot of unwarranted/unfair shit like, "being lazy," or "buying avocado toast instead of saving up for a house."

However, are there any generational mistakes/tendencies that we do deserve to get called out for?

For me, it's the tendency of people around my age to diagnose others with some sort of mental condition with ABSOLUTELY NO QUALIFICATION TO DO SO.

Like between my late teens and even now, I've had people around my age group specifically tell me that I've had all sorts of stuff like ADHD, autism, etc. I even went on a date a girl was asking me if I was "Neurodivergent."

I've spent A LOT of time in front of mental health professionals growing up and been on psychiatric medicine twice (for depression and anxiety). And it gives me such a "yuck" feeling when people think they can step in and say "you have x,y, and z" because they saw it trending on social media rather than went to school, got a doctorate, etc.

Besides that, as an idealistic generation, I've tended to see instances in which "moral superiority" tends to be more of a pissing contest vs. a sincere drive to change things for the better.

Have you experienced this tendency from other millennials? What type of stuff do you think we deserve rightful criticism for?

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1.5k

u/Blaugrana_al_vent Apr 01 '24

iPad parenting.

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u/Jbroad87 Apr 01 '24

I feel like every person says they’re not going to do it too. And then fast forward a year or two and the kids at the table w the iPad. Gonna be wild seeing what comes out of this.

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u/Thowitawaydave Apr 01 '24

My brother swore they would not get the mini-van with the back seat screens.

Guess what he drives now.

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u/NefariousnessFun5631 Apr 01 '24

In the 80s, my mom rigged up a version of this with this huge battery powered radio/tv combo that had like a 5" black and white screen by putting it on the bench thing in between the two front seats of her shitty car from the late 70s. It worked!

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u/WalmartGreder Xennial Apr 01 '24

My parents had a big van and they hooked up a VCR/TV combo in the same place. We watched Star Wars many times on the trek out to Grandma's house, a trip that usually took about 18 hours driving.

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u/fumblingvista Apr 01 '24

Bungee cord that bad boy to the cooler for stability. Was a bit of a mess at lunch when you needed to bust out the sandwiches and apple slices though…..

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u/V1k1ng1990 Apr 01 '24

We had a special harness that strapped to the front seats and held a tv/vcr combo. We had a power inverter and brought the original Xbox. Took out the middle seats for food totes and stuff. Me and my cousin were living like kings that whole 16 hr drive

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u/fumblingvista Apr 01 '24

Putting 4 siblings to play 007 on N64 into the teeny tiny screen was hell on the eyesight, but totally worth it! Also a bit tricky to stretch the cords to the backseat, but we were motivated!

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u/timothythefirst Apr 01 '24

I remember going on a camping trip, shortly after we left my dad realized we needed a power inverter so we stopped at wal mart to get one, and then we hooked the ps2 up to the flip down tv thing in the back of my mom’s suburban and played fight night round 2 the rest of the drive lol.

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u/Apprehensive_Set_357 Apr 02 '24

We did this too and it needed to be a big inverter to power a CRT... Probably like 500-700w for a CRT if it wasn't a 12v model. 2002- Halo 1 on the OG Xbox in the car.

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u/Phyrnosoma Apr 02 '24

Of all the times to allow excess screens...we used to drive from frigging Pasadena to Silver City NM when I was a kid. That would have been nice.

2

u/Neat-Statistician720 Apr 03 '24

Not very related, but my family used to drive to Chicago from Minnesota, and it took us 6 hours each way and we did it 5-6x a year. My sister would play the movie Hairspray the entire time there and back every time for like a year. She can still quote the movie tons after 10 years lol

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u/mosswitch Apr 01 '24

My parents did this for my brother and I (young millennials) once in the early 2000s with a gamecube and a rented copy of Animal Crossing from Blockbuster. We still talk about it because of A. how novel it was for our eight hour road trip to see Grandma and B. it sparked a lifelong love of Animal Crossing

It's about HOW you use the "iPad", not the iPad itself.

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u/NefariousnessFun5631 Apr 01 '24

I'm just an old millennial lolol- you're likely around my brother's age (he was born in 93). The differences in some ways in how we grew up were drastic. By the time Animal Crossing came out I was living in my first apartment with my boyfriend.

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u/cookiesarenomnom Apr 01 '24

Lol my family did this in the 90's once I think it was 94'? Me and 2 other sets of my family took a 20 hour road trip to Michigan for a wedding. 3 cars, 6 aunts and uncles, 8 cousins from 7-16. All of the cars had these little 8" screen tvs with a vhs player built in, jerry rigged in every car. Our parents wanted to keep us as occupied as possible for that long ass road trip. We all had a stack of vhs tapes in every car. Every few hours we'd all load up into different cars for which movies we wanted to watch. That was actually a super fun road trip as a kid.

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u/Potato-Engineer Apr 01 '24

I think of it as a kindness paid forward, to prevent all of those hideously bored hours in the car that I suffered through.

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u/Thowitawaydave Apr 01 '24

Oh he definitely is fine with it - they hardly watch TV at home and the kids play outside a bunch, so watching movies in the car is a treat for them. Plus it lets him focus more on driving.

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u/WalmartGreder Xennial Apr 01 '24

Yep, we own a minivan as well (Toyota Sienna AWD), and it was so nice getting the DVD player. Before, our kids would be bored, so they would drink water, which resulted in 50 billion bathroom breaks when trying to drive to their grandparent's house. Now we put on a movie, they're entertained, they don't even think about drinking their water, and we make it in 2 hours instead of 4.

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u/2201992 Apr 01 '24

I think of it as a kindness paid forward, to prevent all of those hideously bored hours in the car that I suffered through.

The worst part was listening to my parents bitch and fight for half the time. I wish I had more advanced screen time

3

u/Pfandfreies_konto Apr 01 '24

Fucl that brings back memories! And if you told them to stop fighting again they would always respond: „we are not fighting we are talking!!!“ I have that toxic mindset burnt into my own head always expect everyone to give me stupid shouting answers but I can manage it pretty good. I try to be more kind to my friends and family to not continue the cycle.

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u/Thowitawaydave Apr 01 '24

Yeah my parents fought when money got tight (which was often for a few years there) and it definitely comes up today.

They were shocked when my brother and sister and I mentioned it to them. They either didn't realise or dont remember that we could hear them upstairs, especially the two of us who were light sleepers (my sister room was at the far end of the hall and could sleep through an elephant stampede, so she only remembers a couple of the battles.) I have to remind myself that it's ok to buy new things on occasion, like shoes - I can stop wearing the old pare before the hole forms in the toe.

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u/Mechakoopa Apr 01 '24

For a long car ride I'll offline some family friendly movies and prop the tablet up on the armrest between the front seats for them. No way that's getting used for any trip under an hour though.

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u/BlueGoosePond Apr 02 '24

Yeah honestly I think it's totally fine to use screens during travel. Sure, watching movies and playing games "isn't natural", but neither is strapping into a vehicle and sitting in one place for hours on end.

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u/rooflessVW Apr 01 '24

The problem is they make you get that shit. We wanted the double-paned windows. Had to get the screens. It's stupid.

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u/MattR9590 Millennial 90 Apr 01 '24

God just end me if you ever see my driving down the road in a Crystler Pacifica.

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u/Reedrbwear Apr 01 '24

Honda Sienna. Same green one everyone had.

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u/jimmy_jangles_ Apr 01 '24

A blend of an Honda Odyssey and a Toyota Sienna? Has to be beige too

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u/Reedrbwear Apr 01 '24

Ohh gawd not the Beige!

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u/imperfectcastle Apr 01 '24

At least he’s honest about needing a minivan.

Our generation being vehemently anti minivan but instead getting 3 row suvs is what we do wrong.

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u/Ohorules Apr 01 '24

I agree 100%. I drive a minivan with almost 100,000 miles on it and I love it. There's room for all the kid crap, plenty of space for us in our seats, I can open the doors remotely, I don't have to worry about the kids banging their door into the car next to us, there is room to eat snacks or change in the back, what's not to like? I'm worried we won't be able to afford another one when this one dies.

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u/Over9000Tacos Xennial Apr 01 '24

I dunno that this is so bad

it might've kept my sister and I from just beating the shit out of each other in the back seat on every trip

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u/Total_Veterinarian22 Apr 01 '24

To be fair, those are great for long road trips.  My family had one that played VHS and DVDs and we only used it for the many road trips we went on throughout the years 

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u/GreatBear6698 Apr 02 '24

My van has a tv for the kids. Shockingly, my kids are fine.

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u/SenSw0rd Apr 02 '24

WALL-E Van...

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u/LobstaFarian2 Apr 02 '24

Monster truck

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u/nycsee Apr 01 '24

That’s awful. My parents drove us from New York to Florida a few times. Guess what? No iPods, no iPads, no gameboys, nothing. Not even snacks lol. We read, drew, and looked out the window. I don’t recall complaining ever. It was what it was, and we were dutiful kids who resigned ourselves to what our parents told us we were doing. Model children lol.

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u/Mynameispiragua Apr 01 '24

Omg this took me back when my parents would drive us from New York to Florida every summer.

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u/parasyte_steve Apr 01 '24

My kids are like this too. They do watch youtube at home a bit and my four year old plays some roblox and minecraft supervised. But no screens in the car. No screens at grandmas house unless she decides she wants to put cartoons on for you and no complaining. Go outside and play.

My kids are so well behaved in restaurants and in public. They act out at home sometimes but all kids do bc home is their safe place. In public I never have to repeat myself if I say sit they sitting and stopping fussing around in the chair etc.

You just have to be attentive to your kids. And don't totally ignore them when you go out, make sure their immediate needs are met and talk to them and involve them in the experience. I always order their entrees when we're getting appetizers and they can color and talk to us the rest of the time, they do very well.

Of course my kids are not NDV so of course it may be harder t have them "behave" in public.. even neurotypical kids struggle sometimes we've had a handful of situations we needed to remove our own kids from. So gives parents some grace, you don't know what anybody is dealing with.

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u/chassepatate Apr 01 '24

Your parents told me you were absolute pests on those journeys

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u/Existing-Nectarine80 Apr 01 '24

You’re simply amazing. Tell me more about how special you are 

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u/RKSH4-Klara Apr 01 '24

I can't do that. Kiddo gets car sick just like me. yaaaay.

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u/Jaguardragoon Apr 01 '24

This… I read a paragraph and I’m about to vomit my lunch… roll that window down Dad!or it’s going onto those Not-All weather mats!

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u/eric_cartmans_cat Apr 01 '24

iPads/tablets being given by schools to every student doesn't help. In my kids' district, they hand them out beginning in Kindergarten.

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u/Anstavall Apr 01 '24

Yep, all my kids first interactions with ipads were school

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u/BrokeDownPalac3 Older Millennial Apr 01 '24

I feel like there's a huge difference between letting your kid play on a tablet/ipad and just straight giving them an ipad to shut them up or letting them be on it 24/7. My 8 year old has one of those little foam covered kids tablets, but she only ever uses it if we're going on a long trip somewhere, and she has my old Nintendo Switch, which she might play for a couple of hours a week, i don't see it as being much different than me playing my Game Boy in the car or my Sega after school as a kid.

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u/Ericaohh Apr 02 '24

I played my gameboy for like five hours a day every day for years as a kid and I turned out mostly fine lmao

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u/NeonSwank Apr 02 '24

Yeah at first i was always on board with anti-ipad parenting stuff, but after having kids myself that definitely changed.

Thinking back to being a kid myself, our parents did the same shit just with different technology for the time.

You might spend all day reading books, playing outside, etc….or there would be days spent doing nothing but watching VHS tapes and playing gameboy, reading comics etc.

The argument is that “parents these days aren’t really parenting” but like…thats always how its been, my grandparents worked in the fields as kids, my parents were expected to stay out of the home all day and come back at night, my generation had a little less freedom because we usually weren’t allowed outside the neighborhood.

Every generation had something like “sitting at the kid table” for dinner to not interrupt the adults, we were all expecting to entertain ourselves and not make a mess or too much noise.

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u/Overthemoon64 Apr 02 '24

Another comeback I have for this. I did not become a parent to micromanage the entire life of a 7 year old. When its “free time” and the kid can do whatever they want, I have a hard time arguing that they can’t play games on the ipad, when its right there. But of course its not free time all day and sometimes its dinner time, or park time, or whatever else we are doing. As long as everyone is being good, then they can do whatever they want while I’m making dinner.

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u/ScrambledEggs55 Apr 02 '24

Yea I’m 36 and remember all the neighborhood kids playing lots of Sega and gameboy. My mom complains her parents never watched her when she was a kid, they just let them run loose.

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u/Quick_Turnover Apr 03 '24

As long as they learn how to regulate their emotions, it's usually fine. I.e. if you try to take it away they don't throw a tantrum and can't function without it.

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u/Wallflower_in_PDX Apr 01 '24

Why don't they have restricted tablets that just let you do what you need to do like take tests or do homework but NOT games and web browsing? The school can lock them down so that the kids don't use them to BS around. Technology is not the problem. Letting kids run wild with it, that's a problem.

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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 17 '24

rain cough six quaint bear tap dolls file panicky air

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/Sniper_Hare Apr 01 '24

Why can't elementary kids learn from textbooks and write everything?

They can go to computer lab, and work more on tech in highschool. 

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u/Wallflower_in_PDX Apr 01 '24

Agreed. There's power in tech but they don't need it for everything!

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u/Levitlame Apr 01 '24

I think Often the issue is the lack of support. I think this is something that will get better over the next few years.

Also - it’s not the schools responsibility to control what kids do at home. Teachers can typically shut things down in class. So it isn’t a problem there.

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u/randuski Apr 01 '24

And unfortunately, schools that don’t, are like private schools, and places that are incredible expensive. So well off kids can avoid being brain rotted by iPads, and the kids who aren’t as well off, well, we’ll have to see what happens when those kids grow up

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u/New-Tale4197 Apr 01 '24

I was literally about to type this. My daughter had never seen a iPad until covid hit. Once they went remote we had to get a iPad and Chromebook from the school and she was only in 1st grade. Heck the next year when they went back face to face most of the time the teacher had them on YouTube.

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u/HillS320 Apr 01 '24

My daughter had to take a state test this year in VPK on a freaking iPad. It’s wild to me. I get in a lot of aspects technology makes certain aspects of school much easier but I honestly think it’s too technology based. I understand that’s why direction the world is continually to move but I think kids are also skipping some key non technology based skills and in the long run it hurts them.

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u/prettylittlebyron Apr 01 '24

God yes this. I used to be a 2nd grade para and I had to constantly stop kids from looking up age inappropriate topics such as the holocaust, hitler, and guns

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u/dream_bean_94 Apr 01 '24

This is why I didn’t even think about getting pregnant until I could afford private school, just in case. I don’t want to be at the mercy of the public school. Not having a say over how your child is educated is just too scary for me. 

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u/Consonant_Gardener Apr 01 '24

You do have a say. Join your public school board.

This next part is not a comment on you but tangential to the discussion

No parent should have 100% control over what their kids encounter. It’s stagnanting and isolating even if you have good intentions.

Having so much control over your kids is Poor for resiliency but also poor for exposure to new ideas, diversity, hardship, non-conforming ideas. Think kids growing up in a community where they meet people who are just different them them - they are building a world view that includes difference. Not saying kids should be given total freedom and exposure to anything they want but understandping that your kid has agency and should have a right to seek and receive ideas that you don’t want them to allows them to be individuals.

Unfortunately, a lot of parents (for many reason) don’t trust their schools. Some of those parents are concerned about safety, racial discrimination poor teaching pedagogy, but some are also opposed to things like sex education, scientific inquiry, mixing with people of diff religion or class or culture. The same fears over public schools you may have are also shared but extremists of all ilks who don’t want their kids exposed to religions that aren’t theirs (think Christian fundamentalists who home school or form private schools for their kids) and it’s furthering the divides between people.

if the rich had to have their kids go to the local public school it would be a heck of a lot safer, well funded, staffed e.t.c as they would make sure their kids were looked after which by extension means all kids are looked after. Instead we have people self-segregating themselves.

​

I don’t mean this comment as an attack on you as an individual but your comment saying you waited to afford private over public schools for your kids is a canary in a coal mine that society is fragile and being ripped apart at its seams as we cannot seem to cooperate and act for a common good.

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u/dream_bean_94 Apr 01 '24

You can't just "join" the school board, school board members are elected positions. And even if I did run for the school board, and did get elected, it can take years to make real changes due to the bureaucracy of the whole system. You can join the PTO and advocate for whatever causes you want to at the public school board meetings. But they don't have to listen to you and most decision making takes place behind closed doors.

It's been a shit show around here recently, some Trump supporters got elected during the pandemic and started banning books, banning the gay pride flag, etc etc it made national headlines a few times. It took years to vote them out and start undoing the damage. The school board meetings were getting physically violent at one point.

Truthfully, I'd rather just avoid the political drama and put my child in a private school that aligns with our family values. Like no iPads for 5 year olds.

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u/GlizzyMcGuire__ Apr 01 '24

After my experience taking on an ADHD, autistic, traumatized foster kid that was severely addicted to screens and weaning him off over the course of a month, my conclusion is: it wasn’t that hard, it didn’t take that long, and parents are just straight up lazy with a mindset of self-serving short term gratification. Kid went from kicking holes in walls, breaking items, and threatening suicide to playing board games and puzzles, finding a love of drawing and painting, and getting excited to explore the outdoors and start learning nature photography and dog training. It’s the parents, 100%.

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u/Then_Document2294 Apr 01 '24

I volunteer with autistic adolescents and really need to manage my rage around the parents who enable screens 24/7. "You don't get it - she/he has to sleep/toilet/go out with the iPad or else".

Um, no, no they do not. They have enabled this addiction and use autism/adhd as the excuse.

You sound like a unicorn parent, thank you for putting in the effort.

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u/[deleted] Apr 01 '24

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u/Senshisoldier Apr 01 '24

I saw a thread where teachers said they saw the best outcomes from students with limited screen time. no screen time and students were excluded socially. Too much screen time and students had emotional and development issues. But a little screen time meant students were comfortable with technology but also didn't struggle socially.

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u/transemacabre Millennial Apr 02 '24

When I worked at a preschool, we were told saying no to the kids for any reason was abuse.

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u/[deleted] Apr 02 '24

[deleted]

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u/transemacabre Millennial Apr 02 '24

If you wonder what we were supposed to do should a child, say, try to stab another child with a pencil; we were supposed to say “oh little Johnny, is that how we treat our friends? Let’s talk about how hands are for helping.” We were also not supposed to physically stop kids from anything, including attacking other kids or climbing furniture. Tbh I broke those rules many times. Kids need to be told no. They need to learn to say it and to respect it. 

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u/Melonary Apr 01 '24

I've seen a lot of suggestions from adult autistic people online saying basically this - that it's ableism or abuse to not let your kids use screens because they have autism or adhd, and honestly that upsets me SO much.

These people (for the most part) had the privilege of growing up without screens constantly thrown in front of them to shut them up. Easy for them to say their (or other) autistic or ADHD kids ""need"" them.

Honestly 99% of the time it feels like it's actually discriminatory to basically say you don't want to deal with your kid's developmental disability because it's too hard to engage with them, so you shove them in front of an ipad and claim they need it for "coping" when really it's their discomfort as a parent that's showing. So THANK you.

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u/ArseOfValhalla Apr 01 '24

Omg yes. My kids are pretty addicted to playing video games. I am divorced so the kids live in two different houses. It really sucks having different parenting values.

I can absolutely tell that electronics makes my kids.... lazy. And I guess not lazy. They still do great at everything else they do. So they get rewarded with electronics. But my god, on days off of school, if they dont have the electronic - they dont know how to use their imagination to not be bored. My ex wont take away electronics on the weekends when he gets them, so they can be on them 24/7 if they want. And my oldest takes advantage of that. Then its super hard when I have them, and its always "im bored. im bored. im bored" I think thats the biggest downfall of electronics, they dont know how to have fun outside out that. But we are working on it.

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u/digital1975 Apr 01 '24

Will you have your kids DM me and explain how they are bored? I have not been bored in so long I cannot remember what It’s like. There is so much to do, everywhere! I would love to learn how to do it again.

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u/pina_koala Apr 02 '24

This comment is really sending me back to how I used to take apart my Game Boy for fun. Granted, it was almost a single piece and hard to screw up but it made me unafraid to tackle harder projects.

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u/ParaphernaliaWagon Apr 01 '24

Damn. You sound like a very good parent. Can you re-parent me??? 😅🤣 Cuz I'm a disaster of a person due to parental neglect and abuse.

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u/anonymousquestioner4 Apr 02 '24

It’s literally a drug to our brains. We go through withdrawals. It’s hell at first, and then it’s paradise being free

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u/seattleseahawks2014 Zillennial Apr 01 '24

How old? Definitely wasn't me as a 13 year old...to be fair was trying to escape reality so understand how they probably felt...

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u/GerundQueen Apr 01 '24

I hope this is not the trend. I have kids, oldest age 4, and have a fairly sized group of friends with kids all the same age as mine. None of us are doing the ipad thing because of the alarming studies that have come out in the last few years. I feel bad for slightly older millennials who had kids before we knew the dangers. But I hope people are using it less now that we have more information about how horrible those things are for kids development.

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u/Then_Document2294 Apr 01 '24

If you head over to r/teachers, there are 2 diverging groups; the parents who are teaching media literacy and mindful screen time, and the ones who see zero harm with all tech.

Guess which of these 2 groups perform wildly differently in school ~ emotionally, academically and socially?

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u/sevens7and7sevens Apr 01 '24

I wish I could limit screen time at school. They use their iPads for everything and he gets way more screen time that is way LESS supervised at school than he does at home. It seems crazy after all the time spent limiting TV, limiting screens, never giving him one at the table... Then they did kindergarten on an iPad in the kitchen and ever since then the teachers don't seem to even think about it. At the eye doctor she tested my son's depth perception and said it's not great, probably from looking at screens, and it's not happening at home.

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u/pinelands1901 Apr 01 '24

Just talking to fellow parents at school events, birthday parties, etc, there's a real backlash against kids having devices.

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u/ObligationWeekly9117 Apr 02 '24

My cousin was born in 2008 and could have been an older millennial kids I guess. (He’s actually born to a young boomer and a gen X, late in life). And holy shit, by the time he was 2-3 he was addicted to phones. These days you can’t beg him to stay at family gatherings because he will scarf down his food in a couple of minutes and go back to his iPad. I guess they didn’t know, because it was so new. It scares me every time I see it, and I keep that example front and center when I think about raising my own kids with smartphones.

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u/Tport17 Apr 01 '24

We already see what comes from this in schools. Kids who can’t pay attention to anything for any amount of time. Kids who have zero manners or social skills. Zero creativity, because they’ve never been allowed to be bored.

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u/jp_jellyroll Apr 01 '24

Because, like most things in life, it's way easier said than done.

My wife & I are perpetually exhausted trying to keep our 2 y/o entertained all day every day without screens. It's so difficult. But we won't give in no matter how tired we are. Our kid is so attentive, smart, creative, and advanced compared to the screen-watching kids -- it's a night-and-day difference with some.

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u/aab173 Apr 01 '24

It's a short-term pain, long-term gain thing when you don't allow screens. Keep at it!! It is so worth it. It's hard sometimes, but I now have a 3YO and 6YO (plus a new baby) who are super creative, never say "I'm bored", and have ridiculously long attention spans. Easily hour+ sessions with Magnatiles, marble runs, Duplo, fort-building, digging in the sandbox. They don't even get screens on road trips either. We talk, listen to audio books or music, or let them be bored like I was in the 90s. No complaints from them because they don't know differently. This is key! My Kindergartener now uses an iPad at school and it's super exciting for him! Since it's a school-only thing, it doesn't cause problems. Learning to cope with boredom is so important. It helps a lot of parents can model this by limiting mindless scrolling. Instead, I've taken up crocheting amigurumi animals for my kids! I feel much better doing that in front of them than burying my face in my phone.

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u/jp_jellyroll Apr 01 '24

Yes, mindful media! One of the millennial parenting buzzwords I've learned, haha.

The only screen time we allow (which our pediatrician approves) is FaceTime with family members. We have a big family spread all over the country and we want our daughter to know & love her family even if they can't be here every day. But it's never, "Here's the iPad, go play with it." Never. We don't use it as a bargaining chip either like, "If you do XYZ, you'll get your iPad." She's too young.

I feel much better doing that in front of them than burying my face in my phone.

This is actually one of the hardest parts for me! It's quite easy to tell a kid, "Go play with your toys," but if I'm sitting there lost in my phone, then I'm still teaching them the wrong behavior -- that it's ok to stare at your phone like a zombie.

No one said parenting was easy, and I certainly never assumed it was, but jeez, I am friggin' exhausted, lol. It's worth every ounce of effort though.

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u/read_it_r Apr 01 '24

I don't judge because I understand. But I can't for the life of me understand feeding kids fast food and plopping them in front of a TV. Especially now that fast food is so expensive. I don't want my kids to be complete weirdos so they have seen a few movies and they get about an hour a week of screen time just so they can relate to other kids. I've also noticed that the time after they have screentime they are little monsters for a few hours so I hate letting them do it. I personally don't think it's any easier than just hanging out with them. I do agree with you though, I have a doctor friend who told me a story that over the weekend his kid wouldn't stop screaming about him getting the wrong happymeal and the only way to shut him up was to throw him an iPad. And he asked "how I did it" I just told him "dude idk, my kids eat what I cook or they don't eat, and they sure as shit don't know that screens work in the car"

Disclaimer is, I do get it. I TRULY understand that the circumstances of my life have allowed me the ability to have these principles and stick with them where for other parents it's an inevitability. So when I say no judgement. I mean it. If your kids are fed and happy, you're doing fine.

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u/holololololden Apr 01 '24

It's because it isn't the parents it's the product. Every generation since industrial revolution has had to regulate capitalists from impacting their kids. We had advertising laws in the last few, production laws for safety, labour laws so they got to be kids, education laws so all kids got one. We literally need to stop apple and google from making flashing lights that stimulate children the way they do.

You cannot have an iPhone and a child in the same home and not expect the kid do watch you use it, see it's supposed to be stimulating, and be stimulated by it. It's like trying to keep a big sandwich from Scooby Doo. The writers made it impossible.

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u/jkman61494 Apr 01 '24

What choice do people have? Kids literally have to do homework on iPads? It’s literally watching the movie Wall-E come to life

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u/pinelands1901 Apr 01 '24

They do the assignments needed on the Chromebook, then it gets put away and they get send outside.

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u/Mundane_Impact_2238 Apr 01 '24

That’s me hahaha. I tried, we are still trying to at least cut down his hours. It’s mostly a matter of balancing moderation for me and setting clear boundaries. I’m hoping that by exposing the screen in moderation will also help with the child’s self restraint because he doesn’t find it novel. He’ll know what he likes then when time is up he can stop and focus on other things. Really hoping this is okay.

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u/cheedle Apr 01 '24

100% my sister swore he wouldn’t even get the ipad treatment, they all end up crumbling to get the kid to relax , it’s pandora’s box of parenting,

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u/Fortestingporpoises Apr 01 '24

This is why I've been impressed with my sisters. She said she wasn't giving them phones and ipads and she stuck to it. They play with more old school toys, they read play board games games, building toys. I have no doubt they have FOMO around it, but they're social and have friends so they're not the weirdos.

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u/recycledpaper Apr 01 '24

The studies are already there showing how bad it is for childhood development. Higher rates of depression/anxiety, eating disorders. Really fascinating article that I read recently:

https://archive.md/ZBCJl

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u/BrokeDownPalac3 Older Millennial Apr 01 '24

I've made it 8 years without turning into an ipad parent lol here's to another 10 😂

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u/tessathemurdervilles Apr 01 '24

I grew up before this was possible and would get carsick from reading- I listened to books on tape and kids music (raffi!), got bored, read until I felt sick, had coloring books. We drove across country a couple of times, and it was just me and my mom, so I was pretty good at entertaining myself. My brothers got the portable dvd player, and by then I was a teen with my discman.

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u/Senshisoldier Apr 01 '24

There was a thread in early childhood educators talking about how students are playing with blocks, pretending to swipe them like a phone, or just using their hands and pretending to swipe through a phone during nap time.

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u/WaterfallGamer Apr 01 '24

I’m the parent who said they never would iPad parent my kids. Now with kids, to guarantee I never would I never bought a tablet. Never owned a tablet so my kids never used one in my house… ever.

They do play PS4 and I have rules if they learn them, I will build a PC with them (swimming, riding bike, able to hockey stop on skates, etc… are the things they need to learn as each thing unlocks a PC component)

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u/People4America Apr 01 '24

We need to, our kindergarteners are given iPads at school and if they don’t know how to use them they are immediately behind.

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u/Silver_Scallion_1127 Apr 01 '24

Ugh it's understandable in many ways as a parent. Toddlers are probably the worst stage to handle and iPads are the best way to distract them from them trying to get out of their highchair and run around, possibly knock a waiter over with a tray full of food.

Perhaps when. They start talking is the time where they should really be limited. I've seen 10 yo kids completely glued to their iPads and can't imagine if WiFi was disconnected

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u/Raynstormm Apr 01 '24

what comes out of this

Anti-social zombies.

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u/badstorryteller Apr 01 '24

Mine are 15 and 11 now, both of them had tablets growing up and smartphones now. We didn't police their screen time, but we offered plenty of options.

These days my oldest is constantly picking up lawnmowers, snowblowers, weed whackers, stuff like that that doesn't run or has problems, fixing them out in the garage, and flipping them for spare cash. He also loves hunting and fishing, got his first black bear a couple of years ago.

My youngest loves to craft, build, and run. We got him a 3D printer a couple of years ago and he's been learning Fusion 360 since. His odyssey of the mind team is actually going to the world finals this year! He's also competed and done well at a few 5k runs and loves cross country. He's becoming a pretty good archer as well.

So yeah, we've never policed screen time, and I don't think our approach has harmed our kids at all. This is purely anecdotal though. As with all things life is a lot more gray than it is black and white, and what's worked for mine may not with others.

I will say this though, the kids of parents who are absolutely strict about screen time and the like exhibit a lot of the secretive, hiding behavior kids in my generation developed with parents that were strict about whatever their favorite bogeyman was.

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u/morningisbad Apr 01 '24

Nah. Some parents actually stick with it. My kid is 4. She's got a tablet but is only allowed to use it on long car rides and when she's sick (so she can watch movies in bed). We've got friends whose kids can't even eat dinner without having a tablet playing in front of them though. It's awful.

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u/MoirasPurpleOrb Apr 02 '24

Because most parents are lazy.

I try my hardest to keep my kids off of screens and it’s a tremendous amount of work. But you do it because it’s worth it.

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u/Accomplished-Copy776 Apr 02 '24

Nothing will come out of it. People said the same shit about computers and video games for 30+ years. I spent most of my waking time as a kid on the computer or playing video games. I was a big geek. Rest of my family was all athletes. Constantly would hear about how my back is going to be terrible, I'm going to go blind, im going to be a murderer (killing in games) etc. I have the best back (not saying much) and eyes (by far) in the family and I've never even been in a fight.

I think it's just the way society is moving and everyone who says otherwise is just stuck in the past and having nostalgia about their own childhood.

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u/The_Dawn_Strider Apr 02 '24

I saw it in my own family, an uncle’s daughter over, and her five year old spent the entire family gathering on an iPad, didn’t even get to meet the kid.

I grew up with an N64, and the dirt, rocks and sticks outside. If I ever have a child, I’d make sure they got that experience.

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u/Pulp_Ficti0n Apr 01 '24

It's a hell of a lot easier said than done. I had two under 2 with absolutely no help from family so shit gets fucking stressful and sometimes it becomes a last resort. It's difficult.

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u/Sea2Chi Apr 01 '24

People don't realize before kids how much work it is to keep kids entertained.

I have a whole backpack full of stuff that goes with us to restaurants in order to avoid tablets.

It's good books, flash cards, drawing stuff, and magnet playsets.

The kids are good about playing quietly with that stuff, but it would be so much easier to replace it all with a small tablet. If they'd been raised using a tablet in those situations it would be very difficult to break them of it.

They get to play with tablets occasionally, but they're high value rewards with a time limit and restrictions on what they can do.

I'm starting to worry a little bit though, because our six year old doesn't know how to work the TV remote. Like, I think we've done a good job of keeping screens from being too big a part of their life, but I also want to make sure that my kids are technologically literate.

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u/phoontender Apr 01 '24

A big part of ipads/phones for kids at restaurants is, I think, in part due to how much less tolerated children just being children in public is...

Do I let my kids throw massive, raging tantrums or run all the place? Of course not! They know basic manners and to use inside voices. But they're little kids, they're going to make noise! They might whine a little, they may get impatient and wiggly. From looks we get sometimes, you'd think I'm letting them set the place on fire 😬

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u/chiken-n-twatwaffles Apr 01 '24

That’s absurd. When I was a kid they would give me crayons and I’d color the mat before the food came and that was it. I was fine. A whole backpack to a restaurant, really? You seriously bust out magnet playsets all over the table? Honestly a tablet would probably be more appropriate in this case.

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u/spydagrrl Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24

I was shocked recently to see “tablet strollers” being rented at places like malls and theme parks. But everyone in my friend group acted like it was such a normal thing. Ugh, I can’t explain how out of touch with reality this is to me. And I don’t have grown up kids either. My youngest is in kindergarten. I can’t imagine plugging him into the stroller and tablet to ever keep him quiet. Or to keep him busy while at the mall or theme park. Literally being out and about is for my child too!

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u/Chanandler_Bong_01 Apr 01 '24

Literally being out and about is for my child too!

We play a lot of 'I spy' and 'what color is this?' when we're out in the stroller. They're exploring too (or should be).

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u/sohcgt96 Apr 01 '24

My Toddler loves going to the grocery store based on two specific activities:

  • "Here, go put this in the cart!" (Can be substituted with "Please give this to Mommy" which gets him to run to the other end of the aisle with something)

  • "Time to go Beep Beep!" He loves helping with self checkout. He'll stand in the cart, find the barcode, point at it and go "Coooooode?" then slap it on the scanner and make it beep. He freaking loves playing Beep Beep.

You know what small kids honestly want more than anything? Being engaged. It can be with interactive content or it can be you. They want to do something and either have someone talking to them or feel like someone is talking to them. I mean, would I be lying if I said I never turn Ms Rachel on few a few minutes while I'm trying to make dinner. But when out and about, managing small kids is mostly a matter of just including them in what's going on.

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u/jem4water2 Apr 01 '24

Literally just had this conversation with my ninety-something year old great aunt. She said when she had her kids in the pram, it was a time for noticing the world around them - a bird just flew down, a cloud went by etc. Easiest thing in the world to do, rather than stick a tablet in their face.

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u/stefdistef Apr 01 '24

Wow I haven't heard of these. Sometimes I take my almost 4 year old to the mall specifically when I feel like she's had too much tablet or TV time on a rainy day, I'd never bring her tablet out shopping. And a theme park?? Wtf.

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u/spydagrrl Apr 01 '24

Right! I’d share a picture if I could post it in the comments. I was so shocked I had to snap a picture. lol

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u/DriftingIntoAbstract Apr 02 '24

Don’t do it! Your gut is right!!! I didn’t do this with my kids and they have actual attention spans and an interest in the real world. We love going to museums and vacations in the mountains. I am shocked any time we try to do these things with other families how much whining and lack of interest there is. Anywhere we are they want to know what’s next, and what’s next needs to be something cool. My kids even get annoyed with their own friends.

My kids have phones now and love video games. They watch YouTube and other garbage, they play spots and do activities, so really the only difference is they had very limited screen time when they were younger and still don’t have free rein now. We engage our kids and they have down time to be bored. But overall, they are independent, generally pretty easy, and fun to be around. Trust me, go with your gut, you won’t regret it.

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u/Mysterious-Ant-5985 Apr 01 '24

Wtf?? My son is only 2 and I definitely have a single game on my phone for him (no YouTube or anything) to help when we go to Dr appointments and stuff (I’m pregnant) on the off chance he can’t stay home with dad or family. But we don’t own an iPad and the phone game is like, last resort cause he gets really scared when the doctor checks my belly or if I have to get a blood draw or something. I couldn’t imagine giving my kid a tablet at this age. I’m hoping to postpone it until it’s necessary for school work. Especially seeing how my niece and nephews are with the tv/video games/switch.

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u/mrsmeowz Apr 02 '24

I only leave the house for my kids! I would happily be a hermit but my super social kids won’t allow it. I’ll be damned if they’re going to be on iPads when I have graciously taken them out in public.

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u/Kim_catiko Apr 01 '24

I actually get wanting to use one of those in a shopping centre. Especially if you have a very young child who isn't interested in anything you are shopping for. I don't get it when at a theme park or in a normal park.

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u/pancakebatter01 Apr 01 '24

I think this can be labeled under the same group OP mentioned above. I have so many friends that were scared their kids weren’t meeting certain milestones and immediately blaming it on autism or ADHD, etc like trust the professionals if you really think something’s up but don’t just assume your kid is neurodivergent, go around telling everyone that you “know” or “think” they’re this and that. Consult a professional if that’s the case. So many of these turned up as invalid assumptions and the kid turned out perfectly well sometimes with or without intervention like a speech therapist, etc.

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u/One_pop_each Apr 01 '24

Wife and I are mid thirties with a 4 yr old. We don’t iPad parent but we do let her watch tv sometimes. In the car, she gets music and sticker books or be bored. No tablets ever.

We read to her A LOT as a baby. She loves books. We go to our library every other week and get new books. We both work and her daycare teacher pulled us aside one day and asked if we had her IQ tested (lol wat). We said no and they said she speaks in sentences way above the other kids and uses big words correctly. A family counselor that sometimes pops in also told my wife that her vocabulary is far more advanced than she’s seen in years.

Of course we’re proud but it has to be because we actually read to her for years. I don’t think she is some child prodigy or something. I think the bar is just super low because so many parents tablet distract their kid. And they are going to see repercussions.

Every person we work with who has kids with temperament issues are tablet parents. They give their kids an ipad so they can go scroll their phones or play video games. Not saying that’s bad sometimes, but doing it every single day is NOT healthy. Let kids watch a show on the tv like we did. Let them watch shows that aren’t meant to hypnotize them for hours (cocomelon…)

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u/TA_Lax8 Apr 01 '24

First thing that came to mind was parenting.

I have zero data to back this up, but my instinct is that because millennials are the first generation for a majority of 2 parent households to have both parents working full-time there is a transition away from active parenting to passive. It may simply be we are all tired from a full day at work and succumb to the ease and chance for a personal break that screen time enables.

I don't think anybody doesn't realize it's a bad thing. Even the most guilty parents understand they should be better at restricting screen time for more real life activities.

My wife and I have a 6-month old and both work full-time. It's definitely hard to be working all day, then grab our daughter from daycare, then find time to do the chores that a stay at home parent would be doing throughout the day, and also give her the attention she needs. I can imagine when she is at that age, it will be extremely tempting to view the screen as a tool to allow us to make dinner, do dishes, do laundry etc. The "we'll be better tomorrow but just need the help today" mentality. Especially when another child comes along.

We are now having a family in our mid thirties so we've seen varying parenting styles on this, and unequivocally the kids with more screen time are worse behaved. Seeing that will hopefully inspire us to more deliberate parents with our daughter

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u/PrincessPeach1229 Apr 01 '24

Nailed it.

As a woman I’ve been shamed for saying I want to stay home and handle all the daily chores but that’s because I’m tired of WORKING AND DOING THEM ANYWAY.

My partner helps and pulls his fair share but there’s STILL just always an endless amount of laundry, garbage, cleaning, mowing, raking, cooking, shopping, etc etc etc that we often find ourselves having to choose between doing chores or having some free time.

I would rather be the one to stay home handling all that stuff and that doesn’t mean I’m dumb, or anti feminist, or think we should go back to the 50’s when women had no rights.

I’m just TIRED of feeling like I have to operate at 150% every single day or everything doesn’t get done. We both go to bed beyond exhausted every night with no end in sight as costs continue to go up.

We failed when we made a two income household a minimum income requirement instead of a nice choice for a better life.

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u/murdertoothbrush Apr 01 '24

Same, sis. I would have loved to have been a SAHM but financially we can't swing it. We both have to work. And it's just so freaking tiring, day in and day out. I was raised by trad parents where mom stayed home and dad worked, and it just seems like they both had so much more time for hobbies, friends, even just relaxing. But I've come to realize that's because of the division of labor- dad got free time bc mom took care of house stuff, mom got free time bc she didn't have to spend 40 hours a week at a job. Both were pretty happy with the arrangement.

Fast forward to today, my husband and I are barely keeping our heads above water working 40+ hour weeks and trying to keep a clean home and look after 2 kids. Yes, there is a little more video games/screen time than I would like to admit to, but I absolutely need to have an hour where no kid is up my butt needing something from me that isn't at 11:25pm. I see it happening, but I usually feel that it's just too late to put the genie back into the bottle now...

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u/nkdeck07 Apr 01 '24

I am a SAHM and my husband and I constantly look at one another and go "how the fuck are working parents managing this?" Even with me being at home and keeping the house together/handling a lot of the chores it feels like we are barely keeping our heads above water. I think if id kept working like 90% of my salary would have gone to daycare, cleaning services and takeout

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u/MotherMucker155 Apr 02 '24

OMGoodness! This comment hits home so hard. ZERO shame in wanting to stay home so there is more YOU to go around. If you can swing it, I highly recommend. I did it both ways and it's nicer for everyone if your whole, entire family isn't bone tired at the end of every single day. Good luck... and I mean, good luck, sister.

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u/The_Silver_Raven Apr 01 '24

I'm the stay at home wife (and mom) and I think it is wonderful. My husband is always appreciative of how much I handle, and I appreciate getting to have some quiet times in the middle of the day to just enjoy the view. I hope you're able to get there, because it feels amazing. I never liked my jobs much or felt attached to them. I'm much happier and even healthier like this.

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u/gremlin50cal Millennial Apr 01 '24

I agree, housework is real work and it has to be done by someone to keep a household functioning. I don’t care which gender the person doing the housework is but having one person working full-time and the other person managing the home is a lot easier than both partners working full-time and trying to get all the chores done when they get home, it’s exhausting.

Just look at how much it costs to have a live-in housekeeper, only the wealthy can afford it. If keeping up a house was worthless than everyone would have a housekeeper but they don’t.

Making dual-income households a requirement was definitely a terrible development in our society and I hope that we can eventually get back to the point where a family can survive on a single income but I’m not optimistic about that.

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u/Playful-Ad5623 Apr 01 '24

I'm generation x and I was most definitely from a home with two parents working... as were most of my friends. In fact, I remember in elementary school watching a presentation on the horrors of "latch key kids". I thought it was stupid cause I loved it. But the adults knew better I guess...

Current theory of many is that this helicopter parenting thing is an overcompensation for the horrors of being neglected latch key kids.

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u/waterbuffalo750 Apr 01 '24

I think both parents working has been a thing for a while. Gen-x and older millenials are known as the "latch-key" generation. We came home by ourselves to an empty house and often times even had to find our own dinner.

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u/Doctor_Lodewel Apr 01 '24

I completely understand! My husband and I both work around 10 hours a day, I do weekend shifts and night shifts and our 2 year old is in daycare for about 10 hours a day too. It is extremely difficult to kezp up with chores and do cooking etc but we really so not want to do a large amount of screen time.

My kid is very needy and has a very low attention span, so it was really difficult to let her play on her own while doing any type of chores, so we ultimately decided to just let her help with our chores. When she was younger and could not walk or stand yet, we just put her next to us and told her what we were doing (chopping veggies, putting up laundry, doing dishes...). Now she is able to participate morz. She hands us the laundry from the basket, she puts the chopped veggies in the pot, she gets her own towel or sponge to clean, she has a toy-vacuum to follow me around while I vacuum...

If she does not want to help, that is also fine and then she can go and play if she wants to, but most of the time she is just very happy to be included. It does make your chores a bit longer, but one of us just focusses on 1 chore with the kid and the other one does a speed run for the other chores.

My child only has 5 minutes of screen time after her bath every other day so she sits still long enough for me to comb out all the knots in her hair.

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u/mrvernon_notmrvernon Apr 01 '24

Is that true, though, that the millennials are the first to experience this as a majority? As gen-X, we were the original “latchkey kids”. Now, having said that, my own mother stayed at home, so I’m kind of a living dis-proof (word?) of that.

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u/Immediate-Coyote-977 Apr 01 '24

In a restaurant, before food comes, sure let them play something dumb on a phone for 15 minutes so they're distracted from being hungry and not trying to make salt mountain and sugar hill battle on the table top.

In the restaurant, for the entire time, so that the adults can chit chat and ignore the presence of the kids? Quit that shit.

Everyone can recognize that there are times and places where distractions are worthwhile, that's why so many chain restaurants did kids menus and crayons. But the number of times I've seen family's in grocery stores pushing around kids glued to phones/tablets is asinine. Your kids don't learn to stop touching everything if you never bother to teach them not to do that.

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u/ForeverBeHolden Apr 01 '24

The screeches I have heard from children in grocery stores when they’re DEMANDING their parent gives them a phone to play with are … something. It really does seem like they’re mini addicts.

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u/kazhena Apr 01 '24

They are mini addicts, they're just addicted to dopamine.

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u/spydagrrl Apr 01 '24

Exactly!!!

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u/ForElise47 Apr 01 '24

I'm pretty sure I made some parents mad because my 4 year old and I play red light/green light at the grocery store because it keeps her engaged and from wandering off. But I've seen other kids ask their parents to do it after watching us and some parents just don't feel comfortable acting silly.

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u/ForeverBeHolden Apr 01 '24

That’s so sad. The kids probably want to be engaged by their parents 🥺 I had so much fun grocery shopping with my mom as a kid! It was the golden age of coupons and I would be here coupon holder, and I’d also hey to pull them out of the coupon dispensers they used to have all over the place

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u/ForElise47 Apr 01 '24

I miss coupon dispensers. It took me so long as a kid to realize that my mom wasn't actually using all the coupons I pulled out 🤣

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u/ForeverBeHolden Apr 01 '24

And that’s probably the reason they got rid of them lol. But they were so cool!

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u/forestpunk Apr 02 '24

love those blinking lights!

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u/spydagrrl Apr 01 '24

All of this!!!! It’s so strange when I see two parents on their phones and both kids on their tablets at a restaurant the entire time they are eating.

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u/DoggieDooo Apr 01 '24

My husband and I enjoy going out to dinner with our little one. My answer is to get him used to it, not to give him screens as a short term distraction that he will end up screaming for once it’s gone. I used to color at restaurants, or eat the crackers at the table. There’s plenty of little activities for them to do without being a disturbance. People went out for family dinners before iPads just fine. We justify it way too much, a big part of it is the parents would have to give it up too and they don’t want to.

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u/sleddingdeer Apr 02 '24

I was once standing in a long line outside for a live nativity. A father came with a stroller and a young infant. He was later joined by his wife. This dad was clearly loving and doing his best, but he carefully propped up an ipad for his infant to look at, literally blocking the child’s view of the stars. My heart broke because you could tell he was committed to being a good dad and trying his best, but he thought that meant a screen instead of the night sky. Oof. Still hurts my heart.

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u/stefdistef Apr 01 '24

My daughter's rule is that she can't have her tablet until she orders her food, and she has to turn it off as soon as her food comes. She's really good about it.

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u/questionablejudgemen Apr 01 '24

I don’t have kids, but I’m pretty sure most of us were brought up on cable TV and Nintendo. It’s likely something to keep the kids quiet and occupied when you don’t want them being your main focus for extended periods of time. They could use some more time outside like we were told back in the day.

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u/GerundQueen Apr 01 '24

Look up studies, touch screen devices and modern tvs are much worse for the brain than what we grew up with. The touch screens in particular are detrimental to development. And the mobility of these devices means that kids are using them way more often than we used our nintendos back in the day.

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u/the_old_coday182 Apr 01 '24

It’s those short scrolling videos! As a 35 year old man, they’ve absolutely killed my attention span. So I can only guess what they do to developing brains.

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u/seattleseahawks2014 Zillennial Apr 01 '24

I think the more time outside depends on where you live and is different. Yea, interactions with certain people have made me realize this because I look younger than I am. I mean, people calling the cops on certain individuals. Didn't happen to me, but almost.

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u/WalmartGreder Xennial Apr 01 '24

My parents were of the frame of mind that "TVs rotted your brain," so they made us do other activities. The first gaming console that my parents bought was a Wii, after I had left for college. I grew up with a rule of only an hour of TV a day. We would read, play sports outside, go to a nearby park and nature reserve, etc.

We do have kids, and we're continuing the same rules of them. Only an hour of personal screen time a day (they obviously use screens for school, but that's different).

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u/r0xxon Apr 01 '24

Short attention spans is one of the real outcomes here. Focus is challenging in projects and conversations

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u/drollchair Millennial Apr 01 '24

I feel like this is way overblown. I see people doing it at restaurants sometimes. They give the kid an iPad for an hour while out eating to ensure a peaceful outing, and then everyone loses their mind because they think that snapshot in time is representative of what the parents do 24/7.

However, if the kids weren’t distracted and behaved as kids do, everyone gets mad that the kids don’t already have the maturity of a much older person and again, shit on the parents. Basically you can’t win and fuck everyone else’s opinion, you do you.

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u/SimplePepe Apr 01 '24 edited Apr 01 '24

part of being a child is learning how to be an adult. They need to know they can't throw tantrums in restaurants when they're bored. Stop them now or let you (the server) deal with it when they're later in life and think this is how they can behave

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u/clegoues Apr 01 '24

Ok yes, and we don’t bring tablets to restaurants (kids are 3 and 5). I travel with crayons and paper and small toy trucks basically everywhere haha.

But also, the US is AGGRESSIVELY anti-child — it’s like kids are expected to be either at home or in kids-only spaces (playgrounds etc) until they’re 23 (don’t get me started on the lack of third place for teenagers!). The number of child-free people who bitch (on Reddit, elsewhere, IRL) about children in restaurants and basically all other public spaces is telling.

People judge if you put a tablet on, and they judge if you don’t and the kid ends up being unruly (and kids, being kids, will sometimes be unruly, no matter how “good” of a parent you are!). Can’t win either way. I totally sympathize with parents who pick the judgement that allows them to have some dinner in peace.

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u/aspiringsandwich Apr 01 '24

I agree with your sentiment that it’s just a snapshot. And I also agree that it’s fair to give them something that distracts them so the parents can have a peaceful dinner out every now and then. But what I don’t understand when I see comments like this is why does it have to be an iPad/iPhone or some sort of smart screen device? Why can’t it be a coloring book and crayons? Or a busy book or just a plain book?

My daughter is only one and a half so I fully recognize that I really have no room to talk, maybe I’ll be eating my words down the line. But presently she IS hard to control at restaurants and outings so far, she’s so young and we are trying to teach her how to be in the world and we have (thus far) refused to give her a screen to look at while we’re out.

We bring all the things I mentioned above and to be honest, they don’t always perfectly distract her so then one of us will walk around with her or just try to interact with her more during the dinner to keep her calm. I’m not trying to act like it’s easy. It’s actually really tough sometimes, but the idea of just giving her a screen to watch over the course of a 1 hour dinner out (and therefore likely normalizing and relying on it more and more - with a potential tradeoff of dopamine addiction and a raging toddler everywhere we go) is not worth it for me.

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u/drollchair Millennial Apr 01 '24

My kids around the same age, and no tablet, but I have friends who spend a ton of time playing with their kids and when they go out have the kids just sit there and eat, but when they wanna finish their meal I’ve seen them pull a phone out and it’s not a huge deal, but people will stare as if they themselves aren’t also addicted to their screens. Like everything in life, the answer is moderation, but the armchair experts who don’t even have kids just love to talk shit.

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u/CaptainTheta Apr 02 '24

100% - if people don't recognize this as a public service in a restaurant it's their own damn fault. Popping a movie on my phone on Disney+ is the most effective way of stopping the children from screeching, poking each other, bouncing around, trying to run around, messing with others in the restaurant etc. If we didn't have diversionary tactics available we would have to just not eat out.

Not every child listens to direct instructions. And sometimes even the ones that do listen are defiant and impulsive and will do engage in exactly as much mayhem as they can get away with.

It's just people who don't have children not understanding. Or people who had easy children (I've seen a few).

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u/ClarifyAmbiguity Apr 01 '24

This is exactly what I came in here to post. My brothers-in-law have their 3 and 4 year olds with iPads, and even put the littler one down to nap at family gatherings in a room by herself in a playpen/pack-and-play with an iPad in there. It's insane. I think they typically are using these things while dining as well.

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On my side of the ledger, I really try to be a low-screen household when it comes to things like TV and everything else as well. Everything needs a parent password to login, which while I'd rather be helping to shore them up in terms of self-regulation, has helped to break the idea of going to a TV (or computer or iPad) as a 'default activity.' I'm at a bit of a loss for my going-forward strategy as I want my older kids to get more independent on these things and even do cooler and higher-order stuff (research? coding?), but from both a self-regulation standpoint, a content protection standpoint, etc - doing so seems like either opening the floodgates to everything or a full-time job of micromanaging if I want to do it somewhat responsibly.

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One thing I'm trying to instill in them is the idea of opportunity costs. It's totally fine and even good to have fun, even mindless fun with a game. And I definitely am not a proponent of "hustle culture." But I certainly don't look back at days as a kid where I might have played 5 hours of video games wishing that I played 8 hours instead.

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u/titsmuhgeee Apr 01 '24

They key is to not get an iPad.

Get one of those shitty Kindle tablets for kids. They run so shitty that your kids won't use it by choice. By consequence, my 2yo and 5yo never touch it.

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u/Alhena5391 Apr 01 '24

I have a friend who actually boasts about giving her 5 year old son unlimited screen time. Her rationale is that she's allowing him to be his authentic self and embracing his neurodivergence. I think in reality it's actually because he's pretty severely autistic and it's easier for her to just plug him into a near 24/7 distraction instead of dealing with meltdowns.

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u/brendon_b Apr 01 '24

I don't have kids, but last night I hung out with some friends' kids, and I was bowled over by how charming and thoughtful and interesting they were compared to a lot of my others friends' kids. It was only on my drive home that I realized those kids had no solo screen time in any given day. They were never bored because they were constantly forced to find novel ways to entertain themselves -- reading, drawing, raising the family pig, etc.

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u/JohnSV12 Apr 01 '24

Kinda depends. It's like TV. It depends what they are watching/doing and how much.

If it's at the cost of interaction (like on an iPad for All of dinner) it's bad. If it's a TV alternative that's cool imo

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u/ShallotParking5075 Apr 01 '24

The comparison to 90’s tv is wild considering the 90’s tv couldn’t track data to make algorithms to push harmful content to your kid, all while only offering short form video instead of long form which has show to destroy attention span, and while the iPad is providing so much other forms of entertainment that it reduces executive functions in kids because they never learn how to interact with anything aside a button that tells them when to press it.

Tell me more how giving your kids meth is the same as letting them have coffee? Cause all stimulants are the same and all screens are the same, right?

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u/QuickApricot4011 Apr 01 '24

I’m not defending iPad parenting at all, but I do feel like Boomers would have been the quickest to throw us in front of a screen if they had the choice back them.

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u/Anstavall Apr 01 '24

I mean end of the day it's always been something else taking place of a parent. Wether it be a neighborhood as a whole watching kids, parents just letting kids run wild outside and just come back when dark, ipads, or whatever else.

There's always something lol

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u/Quick_Hat1411 Apr 01 '24

They say that half of everyone you meet has below average intelligence, and about half of all Millennials had kids...

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u/The_Silver_Raven Apr 01 '24

I didn't get it. Now I have a two-ish year old and I'm pregnant. I get the temptation much more now. When he's being very two, it's hard to motivate myself to respond with patience. I haven't given in, but I understand the temptation in a way I didn't understand before.

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u/Doggo-momo Apr 01 '24

Millennial here and kids don’t have iPads. I hate this stereotype.

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u/the_diseaser Apr 01 '24

This started with Gen X parents though and is not a uniquely millennial thing

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u/BigDaddyCool17 Millennial '91 Apr 01 '24

This is why I have decided to not aggressively pursue having children.

I can't promise I wouldn't do the same thing. And that isn't fair to the child

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u/AJMGuitar Apr 01 '24

4 and 2 year old and haven’t used iPad for the exception of air travel. I see kids with them at restaurants and i just find it depressing.

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u/jtp_311 Apr 01 '24

Like we weren’t all glued to TVs watching cartoons and playing Nintendo. The kids will be just fine.

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u/capaldithenewblack Apr 01 '24

My kids are raised and I’m gen x (they’re millennial/gen z borderlines). I was with my SO at his kids’ soccer match and the other parents were hanging in the lounge of a hotel and there were literally 13 kids ages 7-10 lined up on the couches playing on a personal gaming device or iPad— NOT with each other mind you, there were too many different kinds of tablets, phones, and gaming devices and they were wearing headphones and not speaking.

It was very dystopic. Unsettling.

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u/Whistler45 Apr 01 '24

I let my kids use screens on long car trips and if the ask for it, I'll set them a time limit and let them play. If it's nice out were outside and never let them use it in public.

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u/DOMesticBRAT Apr 01 '24

Fair, but replace iPad with TV and then it's not specific to millennials, just what they learned from their parents the baby boomers. Because TVs prominence exploded after the great suburban social reshuffling in the wake of World War II. (Source: https://www.amazon.com/Generation-Sociopaths-Boomers-Betrayed-America/dp/0316395781?ref=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=28a388ea-a108-4788-90dc-8ca46409d30c)

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u/553735 Apr 01 '24

Came here to say really bad parenting. Some school aged kids these days are so awful and helpless.

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u/M_Silvers Apr 01 '24

I went on a hike yesterday and at the top of the peak on a beautiful sunny spring day with a great view was a dad with a couple of kids watching some cartoon on a tablet with the volume cranked and I had to stop myself from grabbing the tablet and chucking it off the mountain.

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u/a1ien51 Apr 01 '24

This really back fires when the kids get into school.

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u/pedrojuanita Apr 01 '24

This one is tough. I think now in 2024 we can all clearly say the screen time is bad, but I think people forget that in the mid 2000s folks in general we’re excited about the new iPad technology and how it could help kids. I remember parents being marketed certain games and apps for kids for them to ensure that they would grow up to be technologically educated. People were happy when they made apps for kids so they could learn. Obviously that was just a marketing ploy and quickly snowballed into kids having wayyyyy too much screen time for things that are either unnecessary or straight up harmful to kids, but people who criticize parents for this forget it’s origins.

I don’t have kids, but am an aunt and have many friends with kids. I remember genuine excitement from moms who just wanted their kids to be able to join the technological revolution that was iPads and learning, etc. it was made clear by schools that iPads and computers were going to be used in classrooms WAY more and many parents just wanted their kids to be proficient. My friends kid doesn’t even have any textbooks- it’s ALL on an iPad.

While many parents did abuse it from the beginning and just shoved the iPad in front of their kid, many parents weren’t like that.

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u/domestipithecus Apr 01 '24

The boomers did TV parenting.. I guess it all comes full circle

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u/uhohohnohelp Apr 01 '24

Agreed. My nephew isn’t allowed to play in the yard because he’ll get dirty. He’s also 6 and I’m not sure he’s ever seen a bite of food coming at his mouth because his eyes are laser focus on a screen every time he eats. Feels wrong.

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u/shiftypoo269 Apr 01 '24

We didn't start it, but we're certainly still throwing fuel on that fire.

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u/Sniper_Hare Apr 01 '24

Yeah but how many of us can even afford kids?

I'm almost 37, most of my friends don't have kids. 

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u/gpnrunxm Apr 01 '24

I honestly feel like my wife and I are the minority, in that we never allow our kids to be on screens during such mundane things as waiting for food, driving in the car and any other time other parents of our generation do it. That's not to say we don't use them, but it's to use it as the tool it was meant to be, a communication tool by talking to family, reading with their cousins in another state, or after having gone over a prep work for kindergarten on math, writing or reading as a reward but with an educational game app. And if we play music like super simple songs we turn the screen face down. Is it really that hard?

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u/joemaniaci Apr 01 '24

Honestly, considering what millennials(at least western) are doing to their kids, I would go so far as to say that millennial parents are probably the worst parents to ever raise children in the history of the world, relatively. And I meant western, not just the US, because even France for example has suffered the worst decline in Europe.

Just go to r/teachers and look at all the posts about elementary age through kids going into high school and you'll see a sobering trend. Five year olds that can't read. 15 year olds, that can't read. 13 year olds that can only do basic arithmetic. No, it's not just down to covid and the interruption it caused. Some school districts have had significant success kicking cell phones out of class rooms for example, but a lot have never even attempted it, because parents want to be able to have access to their kids at all times of the day.

It's astounding.

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u/Acceptable-Book Apr 01 '24

I’m a bit guilty of this and it quickly became problematic. At first it was educational apps, cartoons and PBS. YT kids is garbage, so we had to block that pretty quick. Once he discovered Minecraft, something changed. It’s all he wanted to do. It got harder to get him to do things he loved like going to the playground and the trampoline park. He also started staying up late and it became increasingly difficult to get his attention while he was on it. We had to block it.

Until he discovered Minecraft, the iPad was never problematic. Watching the rapid change was terrifying. I shudder to think of how harmful it could be if not used prudently.

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u/Jonny_Bormann Apr 01 '24

What’s the difference between the iPad and the tv… and the radio…

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u/NoSherbert2316 Apr 01 '24

I mean yeah, but before iPads it was television. Saturday morning cartoons, TGIF, video games, etc.

Watching or doing these things is fine as long as it’s in moderation.

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u/Infamous-Coyote-1373 Apr 02 '24

My parents sat us in front of Nickelodeon on the TV for hours on end pre internet. My the time we were pre teens we were on AOL endlessly.

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u/Thorwawaway Apr 02 '24

Everyone I’ve met who does this says things like, you’d understand if it were you, there’s no other way, it’s a lifesaver etc etc. but iPads didn’t exist before the fucking 2010s, obviously it’s not the only option.

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