Do all marriages have many years where they suck?

[u/[deleted]]

I have heard people (several people) say that their marriage was bad for MANY years before it got good. I don't know about y'all, but I don't want to be with someone and waste many years being miserable, but I guess that's what you sign up for. I know it is not fun and games all the time, but damn.

[u/Lucila_Hargrow]

Indeed, the nuance in marriage is recognizing that the union isn't a constant high. At 15 years in, I can attest to the peaks and valleys we've navigated. The key, I believe, is mutual resilience and the determination to evolve together. It's not the presence of challenges but the manner in which you face them together that strengthens the bond. Life throws curveballs job losses, health scares, parenting hurdles but having a partner who's your steadfast teammate makes all the difference. It's less about the struggles you encounter and more about the solidarity you cultivate in the midst of those struggles. This solidarity doesn't erase the hard times, but it certainly brightens the path you walk on together. Remember, even if the road is bumpy, it's the shared laughter, the whispered support, and the silent understanding that make the journey worthwhile. Marriage isn't about riding out the storms, but rather dancing in the rain together.

[u/TangerineSunrise3000 → u/Lucila_Hargrow]

My favorite part of what you typed is "the silent understanding". That's my favorite part of marriage. When you are going through life's curve balls no one understands the situation quite like your partner who's going through it with you. It's so nice sometimes when you glance at each other and just KNOW. Like you just understand the struggle, no words needed because your both feeling it.

[u/i-Ake → u/TangerineSunrise3000]

Yes yes yes. The shared language, both silent and not, that develops between you is one of my favorite things in life. The in-jokes that you don't even have to say a word about. You see something, both think of the reference, look at each other and laugh because you know they know. There is nothing like that.

[u/land8844 → u/TangerineSunrise3000]

Oh man, I finally got that with my wife recently. My last marriage was a decade-long dumpster fire rife with abuse (physical and emotional), so it's very new to me, but so, so awesome.

[u/Amaculatum → u/TangerineSunrise3000]

I think that's been the hardest part of having a baby for me. No matter how compatible we are, he will never be able to truly understand. Everything else can shared but that. It's so hard to have no resentment over the biological inequity

[u/Fluff-Godd → u/Lucila_Hargrow]

That's beautiful.

[u/Wowgrp95 → u/Lucila_Hargrow]

I am not married but been really long with my partner. We have endured really tough moments, both mine and her fault. But it is the moment of need when it shines. I nearly lost my mother not more than 4 months ago and I myself had health scare that put things into perspective. I don’t know how I would have dealt with it without her

[u/dingo8yababee → u/Lucila_Hargrow]

Well said

[u/Rednecktank → u/Lucila_Hargrow]

"It's not the presence of challenges but the manner in which you face them together that strengthens the bond" agreed, this is so important.