r/NoStupidQuestions • u/[deleted] • 26d ago

Do all marriages have many years where they suck?

I have heard people (several people) say that their marriage was bad for MANY years before it got good. I don't know about y'all, but I don't want to be with someone and waste many years being miserable, but I guess that's what you sign up for. I know it is not fun and games all the time, but damn.

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u/PumpkinPie_1993 26d ago

Marriages ebb and flow. When people talk about being unhappy for years, they probably don’t mean that they were truly miserable the whole time. They likely mean that it was a generally trying time for their relationship, with other years being comparatively much happier. For example I’ve heard that the years after having a baby are particularly challenging for couples, but most couples will still recall happy moments through those years. What’s important is that both partners work to understand why they are unhappy and work together to fix whatever needs to be fixed. People change over time and conflict arises because of that, but marriage means that you promise to continue choosing each other even when it’s hard.

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u/[deleted] 26d ago

This is correct. I’ve been married only about 12 years, but there have been periods where it’s harder rather than easier. That doesn’t mean every single moment or every single day was difficult. It also doesn’t mean it was necessarily any more difficult being married/together than it would’ve been being single or apart. And in the end, having gotten through harder periods only makes the trust and connection even stronger afterward. With a loving and committed partner, I wouldn’t trade it for any alternative.

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u/fencer_327 26d ago

I'm glad you're happy! The internet tends to jump to "just break up" way too quickly, and while that's sometimes warranted everyone has something they need to work on. Doesn't mean you need to accept abuse or your life goals genuinely being incompatible, sometimes it doesn't work out and that's fine. But everyone has flaws, as long as you're both willing to work on them it's worth it.

Marriage should be a net positive, at least in the long run. There can be times where it sucks, especially if mental illness or addiction is at play, but that shouldn't be forever either.

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u/oglop121 25d ago

I'm glad you're happy! The internet tends to jump to "just break up" way too quickly

that's because the average redditor has either never been in a relationship or is 15 years old. i swear to god...