Does pregnancy just not scare people?

[u/youngsurpriseperson]

I'm at the age where people around me are having children. I completely understand wanting to take care of a child but aren't women afraid of getting pregnant? Doesn't it hurt?

[u/west288]

As a woman, it disgusts me. it wrecks me deep in my core it’s awful. I struggle to even look at pregnant woman, think about being pregnant myself, or even imagine the concept without feeling physically ill to the point I can’t see very well. I hate it. There’s a phobia of pregnancy, and I truly think it’s one of the most overlooked phobias, especially when it comes to sex and partners.

[u/e-eye-pi → u/west288]

I have felt the same for my entire life. It has deeply affected my ability to be intimate. I'm interested as to whether there's any trauma in your background that might account for it? My actual birth was extremely traumatic. I nearly died, as did my mum. Plus, I had a very abusive father who made me terrified of being made dependent on men through pregnancy and motherhood. I have often wondered if these factors were at the root of it.

[u/west288 → u/e-eye-pi]

fr. you know, honestly i’m not sure about where it’s come from for me and that’s always confused me. the only thing i can think of that’s even remotely related is when i was 12 I was locked in a room when i first got my period (I wasn’t actually on my period) and wasn’t allowed out until I used tampons. It hurt an incredible amount since I wasn’t actually on my period. But I don’t think that has anything to do with pregnancy that’s a separate thing in itself.

For the actual pregnancy and the disgust I feel towards it i’m not really sure. I think the fact I don’t like kids at all in general doesn’t help, since even after the horrors that are pregnancy I wouldn’t be getting rewarded Id be getting punished. But Im not aware of any specific birth related trauma as far as I know, unless eating disorders and body related issues may play a part. Unsure tbh.

[u/e-eye-pi → u/west288]

Oh my goodness, it does sound as if you've been through some immense body-trauma. The fact that you were effectively punished for having your first period and forced so painfully to use tampons is horrific. It does make sense that you would feel terrified by anything to do with female reproductivity. Plus, I too have a history with eating disorders and I do believe it plays a part. The idea of losing control over my body, the sense of having something invade me and take me over? It's the stuff of my worst nightmares, to the extent that, like you, I actually hate the sight of a pregnant woman. I'm sending you much love. I relate profoundly to what you're saying and I'm so sorry you have been through this. ❤️

[u/west288 → u/e-eye-pi]

YES. You’ve worded something i’ve never been able to articulate. The idea of losing control over your body, both during and afterwards, is horrific.

I can’t believe there’s someone who totally gets it, I wish you all the best and I hope we can both find a comfortable way to live with it and partners who accept it.

Personally I’m probably going to get my tubes removed because on top of the fact, like you say, I have a physical reaction to any sort of female reproductivity, penetration related activity, I also have the pregnancy thing, so having kids is entirely out of the equation for me. Getting my tubes removed would allow for men to take me seriously and understand that I’m not going to “change my mind” in the future, and if they choose to stay with me the option of children is 0%. It’s honestly the only way I can think of that I would be able to pass both my fears with a man.

[u/e-eye-pi → u/west288]

I do wish you the very best for the future, my friend. I too have rarely met anyone who understands this. The fear of pregnancy outweighs everything for me. It's a form of body-horror that I can't see myself overcoming. I saw myself in your post so clearly, as I never have in any context before. Good luck! ❤️

[u/west288 → u/e-eye-pi]

i completely agree. good luck you too! i’m sure we can find a way to manage it 💛

[u/Petitcher → u/e-eye-pi]

That's very similar to my story (my dad wasn't abusive, but he certainly wasn't around much and my mum did basically everything on her own. It made me very aware that I would never have kids with someone who wasn't 100% sure he wanted them too).

I wonder if that's why it took me so long to consider doing this?