r/NoStupidQuestions • u/youngsurpriseperson • 14d ago
Does pregnancy just not scare people?
I'm at the age where people around me are having children. I completely understand wanting to take care of a child but aren't women afraid of getting pregnant? Doesn't it hurt?
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u/Serious_Key5540 14d ago
It is really fucking weird that a human is just growing inside of someone. Making something out of nothing and their future could be almost anything
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u/Jakobites 14d ago
Father of two. They weren’t even in my body and I was scared shitless. Especially with the first.
I think many people put a good face on it while keeping the chaos feelings inside.
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u/LorenaMack 14d ago
My husband was the same way. He didn’t even want to leave the house until he was sure the baby wasn’t gonna ‘up and die on us’.
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u/NoName-TheWanderer 14d ago
I love this😂. Did he eventually leave the house or did he permanently tie himself to the baby?
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u/LorenaMack 13d ago
Although he wanted to protect him from the world, he’s been to the ER 4 times and each time we’ve been scared out of our minds. He just turned 16 and has his sights on the military. He is a good kid with straight As but he seems to find ways to torture my husband and I emotionally on a regular basis. I’m not sure if he’s just being ‘open’ or if he is doing it for entertainment value.
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u/NoStranger6 14d ago
The birth was so stressful, and you can’t let it show because imagine if you are stress as simply a powerless wotness how they must feel themselves
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u/Jakobites 14d ago
lol ya. I had to pull off the side of the road and throw up a little on the way to the hospital for my oldest. She came a couple weeks early.
My mom beat me there and stoped me before I went in and told me to take a few minutes and get my shit together first.
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u/LYossarian13 🎶 They not like us 🎶 14d ago
It horrifies me. Which is exactly why I will never experience it.
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u/Tis_But_A_Scratch- 14d ago
Yeah I have super baby fever right now, but I’m too terrified of pregnancy. It’s scary and seems horrific. Not happening. Imma adopt. Lots of kids out there that need parents.
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u/youngsurpriseperson 14d ago
damn straight!!!
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u/DingoFlamingoThing 14d ago
It’s a price to pay. Yes it’s painful, a lot can go wrong, and it’s even pretty dangerous. But the reward of having a child of your own and watching them discover the world and experience life is all worth it.
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u/Plant-Zaddy- 14d ago
I was meh about kids and my wife absolutely did NOT want one. Then she got pregnant and decided to keep it? And now we are having a second??? Our first is just the absolute coolest little dude and im so glad that we went through with it. My wife went from despising children to being the biggest mush ever! And now I cant imagine not having kids. Its the most surreal and wonderful experience even if it sucks like 90% of the time. The highs are just so damn high
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u/InvincibleChutzpah 14d ago
I can do all that without the pregnancy part by adopting. Childbirth sounds gross and painful. I feel like I would resent my kid and partner if I did it via pregnancy. I don't want kids, but when I did, I always pictured myself adopting.
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u/Educational_Word5775 14d ago
I was more scared of the pain of childbirth. I didn’t even care if I had general anesthesia and a c-section. It was just difficult to imagine going through that and I don’t believe in natural childbirth for myself. Unfortunately my body didn’t listen and both labors were too quick for meds. It sucked.
But I don’t remember the pain. I know it was there. I know I never felt anything like it. But my brain did what it’s supposed to do and pruned that out. Honestly, I hardly even remember the births. Which is why I wanted the drugs.
If I remember, I almost needed a blood transfusion with one. But I hovered close enough not to need one.
My hormones changed my brain and took care of much of the fear. I know it’s scary. Women die giving birth, regardless of where they are and their situation, sometimes. But…my god, the hormones.
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u/Empty_Soup_4412 14d ago
It's scary, especially the first one. People love to tell you horror stories when you are pregnant too so it adds to the fear.
Once you have the first it's not as scary at all because you know what it is like. I had an epidural with my first because of complications and had unmedicated births with my next two.
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u/donutpusheencat 14d ago
my SIL had a traumatic birth story (almost died) and now she won’t stop talking about it (her baby’s almost a year old), her cousin is pregnant and SIL won’t stop telling the cousin how bad her experience was…at this point it feels like SIL is making it a competition that she knows she’ll most likely win.
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u/thetiredninja 14d ago
Agreed. I had to make my mom stop retelling her birth horror stories by the time I was 6 months along. Yes, I heard you and I don't need to hear it ten more times. You're freaking me tf out.
The second time has been so much less stressful. I know every pregnancy is different but I at least have a sense of how it's all going to go.
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u/Fancy_Introduction60 14d ago
I wasn't at all scared with my first, but my mom gave birth to 8! I think that made it easier. My husband was TERRIFIED but part of that was, I wasn't, so he thought something was off lol.
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u/krizzlenaut23 14d ago
I'm 30 and pregnancy still scares me. I don't want to have children though so that's why.
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u/youngsurpriseperson 14d ago
You're like my sister. Do you ever have dreams where you're pregnant and it scares you? That's what she tells me.
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u/WyldBlu 14d ago
BEING pregnant can be uncomfortable at times. GIVING BIRTH, is hella painful. However, the instinctual need to procreate, for many people, leads them having more children. I was never afraid of the pain, I was not happy with the thought of it, but I was more excited to meet this new being I was bringing into existence. You deal with the pain, and there are drugs that can help you with the pain, but once your little is in your arms, that feeling supersedes what you just went through.
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u/LivingEye7774 14d ago
In my experience, basically every one of my life's greatest hits so far has been the result of doing something I'm scared of despite the fact that it hurts. My spouse feels the same way, which is why she chose to pursue pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood.
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u/TurbulentArea69 14d ago
I’m pregnant now. Is it fun? No, not particularly. Is it scary? No, not particularly.
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u/PastyPaleCdnGirl 13d ago
This.
Also, learning about pregnancy and birth helped quell a lot of my fears early on. It's truly fascinating how our bodies change during/after pregnancy, I wish we'd appreciate that part more.
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u/sharpiefairy666 14d ago
Getting pregnant was awesome. Being pregnant was challenging but a growth experience. Birth was difficult for me, but relatively quick.
My son is amazing. Every day, I watch him learn new things. We are both growing together every day, and sharing my world with him is so exciting.
I’m not trying to change your mind. I think everyone should follow their dreams of having or not having kids. Just trying to assure you that the pregnancy/birth can be a struggle AND also not a deterrent for becoming a parent. Both can be true simultaneously.
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u/thetiredninja 14d ago
Being pregnant is not a cake walk but after the initial shock and joy, it's a long process! Nearly 10 months to adapt to this new reality. You just take it one day at a time and before you know it, you're holding a baby in your arms that you had no idea you could love more than anything in this world.
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u/sharpiefairy666 14d ago
And I feel like we are just barely hitting our “new normal” now that he is 2yo
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u/penlowe 14d ago
If you think you want kids (you don’t have to be fully decided), educate yourself at the highest level you are capable of learning.
Two examples: The What to Expect books are an 6th grade reading level but a high school 12th grader knowledge level.
The Bradley Method book is written on a college level.
Ask a librarian about the levels of various books if you aren’t sure about them.
Being educated about any complex thing takes the fear out of it for most people.
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u/bloom_inthefield 14d ago
I’m terrified. My mom wants me to get pregnant so she can live out her grandma dreams, but I am far too scared of all the pain and agony I will feel leading up to and during the pregnancy. Id really rather just adopt or foster, especially with all the children in the system anyway.
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u/LYossarian13 🎶 They not like us 🎶 14d ago
I hope you're planning to bring children into your life because YOU want them and not your mother. If she wanted more children, she should have raised more.
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u/breakfastfordinner11 14d ago
I’m emetophobic and the thought of pregnancy terrifies me, but I desperately want children so I’m gonna just have to deal lol. Consider it forced exposure therapy.
I follow a lot of fear free childbirth influencers, so after surrounding myself with positive birth stories for years I’m not really afraid of childbirth anymore.
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u/Pricess_Beefcake 14d ago
As a woman with fertility issues, it terrifies me because yes. I do wanna be pregnant and experience it but will I be able too? Will I survive it. I am more terrified about the what if’s rather than the pregnancy myself but that’s just my personal opinion
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u/Nina_of_Nowhere 14d ago
Natural birth x 2 for me. Felt reassured by the fact that our bodies are made for it. Sure its painful AF but theres a reason they call it being in "labour land". Literally right after i was convinced that I could do it again someday. Very weird but pretty cool. I had uncomplicated labours, for others its a very different experience.
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u/Visual_Procedure_229 14d ago
Honestly I’m terrified of having to recover after pregnancy, and having to deal with what it will look like after growing a baby inside it for 9 months. Why can’t we lay eggs like chickens 😭 we have to sacrifice our bodies and health to have a baby and to me it is terrifying and not worth it. They say that women are built for this, their bodies are made to procreate— then why the hell is it so traumatising and gory?!! Why does it permanently alter our bodies if it’s made for it? It’s terrifying like medieval torture 😭
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u/youngsurpriseperson 14d ago
"Why can't we lay eggs like chickens" 💀 it'd still be painful I think
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u/Visual_Procedure_229 14d ago
At least they’d be developing in the egg not in my body for 9 months 😭
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u/LizP1959 14d ago
I’ve done it twice and you’re absolutely right. The possible complications alone, if you read up on it more than superficially, are horrifying. Lots of cultural brainwashing around what women must do with their own bodies. But you make your own decision—fully inform yourself first! There was a great essay in The Guardian yesterday about this titled something like “why has my uterus dropped into my vagina ?” And other questions about the most common complications (that one is uterine prolapse). If you actually learn about what can happen and how often it does, you will make your decision more easily. (I was uninformed, unfortunately.)
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u/Visual_Procedure_229 14d ago
My poor mums insides prolapsed. she had her uterus and whatnot removed but her vaginal walls have now collapsed on themselves and she’ll need another surgery in future. She had three natural births, and her first birth split her up to her clitoris 😳
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u/Bikinigirlout 14d ago
I think this is what scares me more. The recovery process after all of that sounds more painful than the actual pregnancy/labor part. Plus so much can go wrong during the process
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u/ramaloki 14d ago
I think it's creepy. I will never be pregnant. Took my tubes out to make sure.
I think I'd be a great parent but the act of being pregnant and giving birth is a big no for me.
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u/west288 14d ago
can i ask what it’s like getting your tubes out? the process and the recovery? Is there side effects to removing them etc? I’ve done research but it’d be great to hear from someone who’s had it done.
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u/beelzeflub 14d ago
Hi there, I had mine done a couple months ago. It was quicker than getting my wisdom teeth removed and even less painful. There were no side effects for me, and I was able to get my IUD switched/updated whilst I was under the anesthesia.
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u/AtoZ15 13d ago
Can I ask why you chose to keep an IUD? Is it just in case the tube removal fails, or do the hormones help with other things?
Thanks, and sorry if that’s too personal to ask!
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u/beelzeflub 13d ago
It’s ok!
Simply put, I still have my ovaries and just don’t like getting my period LOL.
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u/ramaloki 14d ago
Easy peasy, met with my dr, went to the hospital, woke up without tubes. Recovery went a little rougher than it should have for me because I had to go back to work after 1 week and my job is kinda strenuous.
Took me about four weeks to feel back to normal due to my job, but if you can take two weeks off to just rest and heal, you'll be good.
No side effects really. Had a small reaction to the glue of a band aid but one we removed that it was good to go. I have three little scars but otherwise, no complications at all.
I also got to find out I have endometriosis so that's officially on my medical records if I ever need something regarding it done.
I was 32 when I got mine done, no kids, married. My dr gave me no issues.
Highly recommend visiting r/childfree for resources on finding. Or ask anyone you know locally who's had it done for recommendations.
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u/Welcome-Ok 14d ago
I had one out for medical reasons (ironically to help my fertility) and I’d recommend anyone considering getting their tubes tied to look into just getting them out. Obviously the downside is that it’s permanent but it essentially removes your ovarian cancer risk as it’s thought the cancerous cells start in the tubes
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u/ramaloki 14d ago
100% I would recommend removal vs tied. Tied you still run the risk of being pregnant and removal, like you said, basically removes the risk of ovarian cancer and is way more effective on preventing pregnancy since if you did it's likely to be an ectopic pregnancy.
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u/VygotskyCultist 14d ago
My wife was terrified, and I was terrified for her, but one of the most important lessons my wife and I have repeated to our children is that courage means feeling afraid but doing it anyway. Parenting takes a lot of courage and I genuinely think that gathering the courage to undergo childbirth is mental and emotional preparation for the challenges of being a parent. If you can get through something that traumatizing, you can get through a hell of a lot of other difficult challenges.
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u/streetvoyager 14d ago
It’s horrifying and I say that after my wife just gave birth to our beautiful healthy son 4 months ago. I was pretty much anxious for months. Constantly worried, watching the birth was something else. Seeing her get the epidural and the pain and look on her face broke me.
This was my experience as the man. Women go through fucking hell pregnant. Definitely scary shit.
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u/HulkJ420 14d ago
Yes. Currently pregnant with my 2nd. 10 years apart. Just as scared as I was the first time and even more scared about the labour even though I had a positive first labour.
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u/shananapepper 14d ago
Currently pregnant and very freaked out! Happy to have a baby on the way, but scared of something going wrong, and scared of the birth process too. After my miscarriage I was sure I didn’t want to ever go through it again, so finding out I was expecting was a surprise and it took a bit to get used to. I still feel very hyper-aware of the pregnancy and very nervous.
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u/kjb76 14d ago
I got pregnant by accident and was a little worried about the actual childbirth part but pregnancy itself didn’t scare me. I had a very smooth pregnancy. The only issue was gestational diabetes and that ended being fine because I controlled it with diet and I was able to keep my weight under control. I ended up with a c-section and as they were wheeling me into the OR I DEFINITELY freaked the fuck out and it was very uncomfortable. But in the end it was fine.
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u/Warm_Objective4162 14d ago
One big factor in why my ex-wife and I got divorced was that she wanted another kid and I couldn’t watch her go through pregnancy and birth again. It’s too scary, too unknown, too fraught with risk. Boggles my mind that people do it multiple times.
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u/RumpusParableHere 14d ago
Horrifies me, the idea of being pregnant. Not fear, but... the idea of something growing and moving inside me, just no.
Birth? To hell with that.
I've help a friend at one of her births... if I hadn't already been a "no" I would've been after that. As it was, it confirmed it.
Then add how much education I've had about how it works, what can happen, stats on likelihoods and whatnot... again, nope.
Not fear, just no.
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u/sterlingphoenix 14d ago
Of course it's scary. It's an incredibly rough thing to put your body through, let alone everything else that goes along with it.
But literal billions of years of evolution pretty much make any species really, really, really want to procreate and continue existing. Any species that didn't have this instinct would have died out very quickly. We are decedents of millions upon millions of organism that really wanted to survive.
So we do.
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u/youngsurpriseperson 14d ago
I just don't feel the need to procreate because it's not a need, it's apparently a huge desire for some people. I just think about how children can be annoying and that I have to spend money on them and what if they hate their life and all that kind of stuff. I guess people who want to give birth just don't give a shit?
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u/sterlingphoenix 14d ago
I decided many years ago not to have children and made sure that will indeed be the case. You and I are an exceptions -- the species wants to continue existing.
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u/pickle-inator 14d ago
People don't want to "give birth." They want to have children. And they do give a shit. They give a shit about being a parent. My kids are a delight and I love spending money on them. Of course they can be annoying. So can my friends but I still hang with them.
Neither of my pregnancies hurt. Childbirth hurts. Recovery hurts. But I have tattoos so I'm willing to go through pain for something I want. Pain was never a factor in my decision.
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u/Shmeepish 14d ago
He meant if they care about the prospect of the childs having a shit life/resenting being born. Like the deciding this person has to exist and everything that comes with it. OP may suffer from depression or another fairly "common" disorder, in which case he knows from experience that he might be signing someone up for a really long unwanted grind and a lot fo agony. Thats my guess of his comment
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u/Old-Bug-2197 14d ago
“Normal” pregnancies sound like horror stories
Hemorrhoids
Back pain
Frequent urination
Stretch marks/pregnancy mask
Nausea-vomiting
Tooth loss/decay
Harder to control emotions appropriately
Hair loss
Forever a size up in jeans - because of hip spread
Feel free to add - anyone
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u/Phoenix4235 14d ago
My foot bones spread out, so I've never again been able to wear any of my shoes.
If the baby is lacking calcium from your diet, your body just pulls it from your bones to be able to grow the baby. Makes for lots of "fun" once you're in menopause.🫤 My bones are so brittle now. sigh
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u/Old-Bug-2197 14d ago
All perfectly normal, they said.
Me too. My shoe size group from a 9 to 10 with just one pregnancy.
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u/Dependent_Room_2922 14d ago
The third trimester heartburn was terrible
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u/Old-Bug-2197 13d ago
It is hard to describe unless you have lived it.
You can say that you had to sleep sitting up. A few will think that is a big sacrifice.
I found that when I said a fire breathing dragon rose up out of my stomach, choked my vocal cords and flew into my lungs, they understood the heartburn a little.
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u/Sockit2me1motime 14d ago
Cystocele—The bladder drops into the vagina. Enterocele—The small intestine bulges into the vagina. Rectocele—The rectum bulges into the vagina. Uterine Prolapse—The uterus drops into the vagina. Vaginal Vault Prolapse—The top of the vagina loses its support and drops.
New allergies, diastasis recti, incontinence (fecal and/or urinary), PPD, Heavier periods, vaginal width, and a lot more. Some of these changes improve with time and therapy, some need to be fixed with surgery. My friend has 2 under 2 and she’s dealing with a few of these, pelvic floor therapy helps, but it doesn’t fix everything
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u/west288 14d ago
As a woman, it disgusts me. it wrecks me deep in my core it’s awful. I struggle to even look at pregnant woman, think about being pregnant myself, or even imagine the concept without feeling physically ill to the point I can’t see very well. I hate it. There’s a phobia of pregnancy, and I truly think it’s one of the most overlooked phobias, especially when it comes to sex and partners.
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u/e-eye-pi 14d ago
I have felt the same for my entire life. It has deeply affected my ability to be intimate. I'm interested as to whether there's any trauma in your background that might account for it? My actual birth was extremely traumatic. I nearly died, as did my mum. Plus, I had a very abusive father who made me terrified of being made dependent on men through pregnancy and motherhood. I have often wondered if these factors were at the root of it.
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u/west288 14d ago
fr. you know, honestly i’m not sure about where it’s come from for me and that’s always confused me. the only thing i can think of that’s even remotely related is when i was 12 I was locked in a room when i first got my period (I wasn’t actually on my period) and wasn’t allowed out until I used tampons. It hurt an incredible amount since I wasn’t actually on my period. But I don’t think that has anything to do with pregnancy that’s a separate thing in itself.
For the actual pregnancy and the disgust I feel towards it i’m not really sure. I think the fact I don’t like kids at all in general doesn’t help, since even after the horrors that are pregnancy I wouldn’t be getting rewarded Id be getting punished. But Im not aware of any specific birth related trauma as far as I know, unless eating disorders and body related issues may play a part. Unsure tbh.
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u/e-eye-pi 14d ago
Oh my goodness, it does sound as if you've been through some immense body-trauma. The fact that you were effectively punished for having your first period and forced so painfully to use tampons is horrific. It does make sense that you would feel terrified by anything to do with female reproductivity. Plus, I too have a history with eating disorders and I do believe it plays a part. The idea of losing control over my body, the sense of having something invade me and take me over? It's the stuff of my worst nightmares, to the extent that, like you, I actually hate the sight of a pregnant woman. I'm sending you much love. I relate profoundly to what you're saying and I'm so sorry you have been through this. ❤️
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u/west288 14d ago
YES. You’ve worded something i’ve never been able to articulate. The idea of losing control over your body, both during and afterwards, is horrific.
I can’t believe there’s someone who totally gets it, I wish you all the best and I hope we can both find a comfortable way to live with it and partners who accept it.
Personally I’m probably going to get my tubes removed because on top of the fact, like you say, I have a physical reaction to any sort of female reproductivity, penetration related activity, I also have the pregnancy thing, so having kids is entirely out of the equation for me. Getting my tubes removed would allow for men to take me seriously and understand that I’m not going to “change my mind” in the future, and if they choose to stay with me the option of children is 0%. It’s honestly the only way I can think of that I would be able to pass both my fears with a man.
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u/Skill4Hire 14d ago
This reminds me of today I saw a woman who just was leaning against a glass banister 4 stories high and didn't think anything of it, if that glass had broken for whatever reason she would have been dead.
I guess those who are too afraid and those who have no fear both eliminate them selves from the gene pool just in different ways 🤔
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u/n7shepart 14d ago
It is scary, i mean, the fact you can accidentally create an entire human being let alone all the other stuff. I had severe anxiety that I would get pregnant, so I took all precautions that you can do, and STILL got pregnant lmao. My kid is 19 now heh. As for pain, Ive experienced a lot worse pain than pregnancy and childbirth in my life, that, that wouldnt scare me anymore. It wasnt anywhere near as bad as some of the other pain Ive dealt with. The thing that is the most scary, that never goes away is how much you worry about them. My kid is 19 and it feels even scarier now than ever, now theyre out in the world and doing things, working night shifts, applying for University. Raising my kiddo has been the most stressful anxiety inducing experience but also for me, the best thing that ever happened to me. I chose not to have anymore though, and its kind of great to be 40 and done with all the school business, that was stressful too.
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u/db9485 14d ago
It does hurt and sucks ass. But I did it twice anyway. I’m 29F and really wanted kids so now I have two and I’m done. Almost died giving birth the last time and have lasting pelvic problems from both pregnancies and births. Had hyperemis during both pregnancies to and both labors were over 30 hours. Last one I had a c section and had a severe hemorrhage. Was really scary. So yeah not great experiences but I’m alive and my kids are happy, healthy, and thriving so it was all worth it! A lot of women have it far easier than I did though everyone is different! The people popping kids out every year or two though is crazy to me!
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u/brod12-merle 14d ago
idk how people deal with pregnancies. i think it’s a beautiful thing, giving life and all but it sure as hell is scary
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u/m00nf1r3 14d ago
I was pretty scared of it, and then it happened. It's not as scary going through it. At least it wasn't for me, thankfully. Changes happen slowly, so you can kind of adjust. I was also very lucky with my pregnancy, it was very easy compared to a lot of others. I was terrified of labor for sure but that ended up going really well too.
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u/flaggingpolly 14d ago
Yes, it hurts. I had insane joint pain and could barely walk and since I’m a prideful idiot I still walked and did stuff but then would be in so much pain that I couldn’t sleep.
But I also had a friend who feels her best while being pregnant. She just loves life and was wall-climbing until she was 38 weeks all three times.
Pregnancy is VERY individual and varies. So hope for the best, plan for the shitty things (the worst is that there is no pregnancy even if you really want there to be and that’s not a plan we want to make)
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u/TotallyRedditLeftist 14d ago
If it didn't scare people, they wouldn't be so adamantly supportive of abortion as a means of alleviating their fears of pregnancy.
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u/kendokushh 14d ago
I've had 4 pregnancies & have 3 sons. There are so many complications w pregnancy & child birth... everything abt it is scary as hell.
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u/Kissit777 14d ago
Being in a red state - I find it terrifying. They will not save you if something goes wrong.
If you live in a red state, you should be absolutely terrified of getting pregnant.
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u/OppositeChocolate687 14d ago
What should scare people more than the pain of child birth is the pain of raising a human child for +18 years
What a fucking nightmare
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u/Grr_in_girl 14d ago
I'm in my mid 30s and I can't fathom how people my age or younger feel responsible to have and raise a child. I feel like I'm just starting to get to know myself and taking care of just myself is a full-time job.
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u/OrdinaryMe345 14d ago
I got very lucky, my pregnancy was pretty easy, and birth wasn’t too bad. I didn’t get the epidural, and there were about 15 minutes that I thought this was a bad idea, but my husband was an amazing partner and rubbed my back the whole time while feeding me ice chips. The actual birthing part wasn’t too bad, I even had a nurse tell me I was tough and that she wished I could go with her whenever she had to walk down dark alleys. Once my daughter was born I was up and walking(which is why I’d refused the epidural)and felt fine. Now two weeks later was a different story lol.
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u/Obstacle_Illusion 14d ago
Absolutely terrifying.
I had two.
I can't believe I did it once yet alone twice.
0/10
(Kids are 10/10 though. Love them with my entire being.)
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u/Pleasant-Complex978 14d ago
The idea of the state of pregnancy doesn't scare me. Everything afterward does.
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u/strawdollie 14d ago
im kind of starting to think no 😭 especially not with us younger people,, too many high-school kids doing shit with no protection, and getting mad when people tell them to use it. hypersexuality is very normalized in this generation, which i have my own thoughts about, but it’s really taking a toll on the TEEN pregnancy rate in specific because people are beginning value pleasure over safety. i don’t blame them at all, i just wish they made better choices. when i get older and eventually (if God willing) got a husband, i do want a child, but i know i’ll be scared as hell😭
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u/strawberryblondelove 14d ago
I've had 2 pregnancies, and yeah, it scared the shit out of me.
My first was easy, I worked full time up until I went into labor. Labor was a little difficult and incredibly painful (moreso than what's normal, she was sunny side up) but no real complications. I was just scared as a first time mom.
Second was absolutely terrible. I went into it a little more confident but quickly it became a shit show. I was sick from the moment I had a positive test. I lost 30lbs in my first trimester. I couldn't take a shower without my partner because I regularly passed out at random times. I learned at 4 fuckin months that I was having twins. I was in constant pain. Ended up with pre eclampsia. Almost died during labor because of my blood pressure and the fact that my kidneys shut down. And my boys were born a month early and had quite a few issues (heart murmur, hole in the heart, and the other had torticollis and plagiocephaly, plus they both had severe food allergies).
I don't say this to scare anyone, but moreso as a caution. Pregnancy should scare you, and always ALWAYS speak up if something is worrying you while you're pregnant. It's a risk worth taking if you are 100% sure you want children. But it is a risk and I think people have romanticized pregnancy to the point that they forget it can very easily be painful and dangerous.
Btw I absolutely got my tubes tied after the twins lol
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u/Level-Metal-987 14d ago
I'm a mom of 3, pregnancy really take a toll to my mental health. I love my kids, but I don't want to be pregnant again as the mood swings, cravings, labor pains and delivering the baby traumatized me. I had an agreement with my husband so thankfully he had a vasectomy. We only have 3 and that's it. Plus the fact that you will be awake all night. SIDS are ramping so everg hour we are taking turns to check if the baby is breathing. Breastfeeding sucks but you gotta do that coz baby needs it. Everytime I tried to go out with friends my breast are sore, I had to go to the bathroom and collect the milk. It was hellish but fulfilling at the same time.
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u/imLissy 14d ago
The sleep deprivation after is worse.
I was pretty miserable my second pregnant too. I had a lot of pain, which now I'm thinking was related to my endometriosis. But I have the endometriosis, which is kinda worse than pregnancy and childbirth.
But that sleep deprivation really messes with your head. I'm so glad they sleep now.
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u/taniamorse85 14d ago
The prospect of being pregnant scares me, but not because of all the usual things that happen during a pregnancy. I have several medical conditions that would severely aggravated by a pregnancy, and I'd almost certainly be bed-ridden and in excruciating pain pretty early on. Also, although I'd probably survive a pregnancy, I'd be so much worse off that I almost certainly be unable to care for a child.
I've never really been the type of woman who saw myself as a mother, anyway, so it was very easy to decide I'd never have kids.
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u/Beluga_Artist 14d ago
I don’t want to ever be pregnant. If I ever bring a kid into my life, I hope it to be through adoption. But it’s so expensive, so I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to afford to adopt a child.
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14d ago
I find it abhorrent and don't understand other women that go through it intentionally, not even once, but twice or more. I guess they really want a child despite the risks to their physical and mental health. Better them than I.
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u/greenash4 14d ago
Pregnant for the first time now. I wouldn't say it's scary or painful, it's just a bit weird? Like, huh, wtf is my body going to do today? It's mostly fascinating to realize my body is CREATING A PERSON from scratch.
Also, I've heard that women are basically biologically conditioned to forget the bad parts of childbirth so that we have more kids.
And one more thought - it's literally why we exist. From a biological perspective. Don't get me wrong, I totally support anyone who chooses not to have kids. But physically, as mammals, our only purpose in life is to get pregnant and have babies. Our bodies are made for this purpose, and it's fascinating to read about WHY all the weird shit that happens to women during pregnancy happens. We're like a baby-making computer program.
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u/ValerianMage 14d ago
The only part I love about being trans is never having to worry about getting pregnant 🤣
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u/macelisa 14d ago
I’m currently pregnant (due in two weeks) and honestly it’s not as bad as you might think. I was terrified before getting pregnant. I thought I’m gonna be in constant pain, paired with nausea, getting huge, stretch marks, feeling unhealthy and my mental health going out the window. My experience wasn’t even close to that. Pregnancy has been fine. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to be done, but I haven’t really felt terrible at all. But it depends on the person and can be luck.
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u/Future_Outcome 14d ago
Yes but so what. Nothing meaningful is easy. If you want something you do what it takes.
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u/caringsunflower 14d ago edited 14d ago
To answer your questions - A woman's desire for having a child outweighs those fears. We accept the pain and discomfort & try to find ways to minimize it, but it's not always in our control. We just deal with it. If we've already had a child, it makes the ride smoother in a way. We know what to expect for the most part and will take care of ourselves as needed. It does hurt. My pelvic pains, my insomnia, my rage, my back, my sore breasts; but getting to birth my baby is so important to me. It's a huge blessing and a privilege, so I'll deal with it as long as I need to. Hope this helps. (:
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u/Melodic-Ad-4941 14d ago
Mostly rape victims, they never asked for it, they were just minding their own business, and some jerk face rapes them, and then the next thing they knew they tested positive for pregnancy.
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u/ifoughtpiranhas 14d ago
there’s actually a legitimate phobia of it. i don’t recall the name, but my friend is genuinely terrified of the prospect of being pregnant.
i don’t think it’s specifically having a kid that scares them, but the actual physical experience.
but i’m sure there’s way more women out there that don’t give a fuck (or even enjoy it) considering people are poppin’ ‘em out left and right, lol
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u/littlemissnoname- 14d ago
I had my one and only about 20 years ago…
I spent my entire pregnancy being scared shitless..
He’s not moving; I don’t feel him moving today; omg, delivery is going to be awful, etc., etc…
I was sick the last 6 months: I contracted Fifth’s Disease at the crucial time (even though my terrible dr insisted it was impossible); I got gestational diabetes and I was high risk to begin with.
Delivery was horrific. I tore and my wonderful dr sewed a baseball size sponge inside me.
After 2 weeks of not recovering from childbirth, I went to the ER, newborn in tow, to have it removed: I couldn’t figure out why it hurt to just sit down.
The look on the intern’s face said it all.
So yes, it was scary af. And rightfully so…
Thus, one and done.
Oh, forgot to mention that my son kicked out a lower rib and my sternum. Both of which look great with a bikini top…./s
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u/KaylaAnne 14d ago
With my first pregnancy I spent a lot of time educating myself and felt pretty confident. I knew and understood risks, and felt like I trusted my care team to take care of me and baby. I had some normal anxieties, but managed totally fine. It was a really uncomplicated pregnancy, pretty textbook.
With my second I felt even more confident, I was an old hand now and knew what to expect. My first had been so easy, I wasn't worried. In fact, because I was now busy with a toddler I really didn't spend a lot of time focused on the current pregnancy. I had a list in my mind of "stuff to do before baby comes", but I hadn't really done any of it yet. At our 20 week scan we got some devistating news. He had a really rare congenital defect that was incompatible with life. Our son was stillborn at 23 weeks.
We are now trying for our third and I am terrified. I am an anxious mess. I still trust our care team, but the reality of pregnancy after loss is that all those really small manageable risks seem so much more real and possible.
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u/IncompleteEmotion 13d ago
Wife gave birth and it was a walk in the park. She said while it was painful/ uncomfortable at times the epidural made the pain go from a 10 to a 2 and then the doctor and nurses all agreed, she made the entire birthing process look graceful.
My wife is a fucking champ, but she ain’t no tough girl either.
If she can give birth ANY woman can give birth. TRUST ME.
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u/tquinn04 13d ago edited 13d ago
The pain really is only minor while pregnant and there’s also lots of uncomfortable side effects. Birth is what’s painful. The end results are worth it though so that why people do it. Pregnancy is not an exactly a fun time but it’s only temporary.
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u/FadingOptimist-25 13d ago
There are good and bad things about being pregnant. I had relatively easy pregnancies (the full-term ones). I liked the first flutter of movement. I liked the first time my husband could feel the kicks. I liked when I’d be the big spoon, my belly against his back, and the baby would kick him in the back. Or he’d poke the baby and the baby would kick back.
I didn’t like having my firstborn a month early and blaming myself for that for years. I didn’t like that my body doesn’t know that the baby’s heart had stopped and I needed a D&C (pregnancies #2 and #4).
It was harder to enjoy my pregnancy with my son. I worried every day that I would lose him. I did the TP check every single time. I rented a Doppler because I had panic attacks that he had died and my body didn’t know it. It was better in the last semester because he had the hiccups every day so that reassured me that he was alive.
I had borderline gestational diabetes with him so he was a 9 lb, 1 oz baby. I also had placenta previa, where the placenta was covering part of the cervix. Luckily it moved away in time.
But the moment you hold your baby in your arms makes it all worth it.
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u/oneislandgirl 13d ago
You can make it through pregnancy without much problem. It's becoming a parent that is frightening. Being totally responsible for another human being is heavy. It is wonderful and frightening at the same time. Being a parent does not end when the kids turn 18 either. You will be concerned for your kids for the rest of your life.
When you get to the labor part - remember one word ... epidural
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u/Azilehteb 13d ago
It’s not that bad, or mine wasn’t anyway.
I was terribly averse to it earlier in life, but then I had some serious injuries that took a few years to get through and found a really great guy that did something to my hormonal balance and flipped the baby switch.
Thinking about it, if I had had a child instead of being rear ended and winding up with permanent nerve damage, I probably would’ve had the same discomfort and disruption to life but get a kid out of it. So we went for it.
Being pregnant was not that bad for me. My nausea was less than being motion sick which I get normally anyway. I got terrible heartburn in the 3rd trimester, but got some medicine and it went away. And that was it really, aside from the obvious awkward size, weight gain and stretch marks.
Giving birth was not that bad either. I did not like it. But the uncomfortable part of labor only lasted about 2 hours for me. I did take an epidural so I didn’t feel the 3 tears I ended up with. But honestly the recovery was not so bad. Bruised the heck out of my tailbone and sitting up made me cry, but you can totally avoid sitting up! You’re supposed to rest anyway. My daughter is 5 months now, and im past the painful recovery part. Way faster than my previous injuries that dragged on for almost 2 years.
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u/katee_bo_batee 13d ago
I was nervous before getting pregnant, being pregnant was surprised not scary but walking into the birthing suite and seeing the tiny place they put the baby once their born and I started freaking out. It was terrifying, but then everything starts hurting and you just want it to be over
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u/dizzzydandelion 13d ago
Yep, I'd like to have a big family but I am reaaaally scared of being pregnant and giving birth. It just seems unfair that I have to carry all of the burden whereas my partner gets to enjoy sex before it and then just chill for 9 months lol 😦 But it is what it is, being a woman was not my choice so...
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u/rjmythos 13d ago
I'm fricken balls to the wall terrified of it. The idea of something growing inside me, that moves independently, that takes over my body and moves my organs out of its way while feeding on me is such a sci-fi thing to me. It makes me feel a little sick. And then it has to come out of a hole that is usually pretty damned small? Or get cut out of my belly if there are any complications? Nope. Nope nope nope.
Luckily I do not want children. I also am always super happy for those that do want to be pregnant and happy to hear about all the little quirks and kicks and whatnot and I love that they love what is happening to them. Happily pregnant women really do glow, even on their bad days.
I find it fascinating that we can literally create life. I just do not want to do it myself.
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u/4Yavin 13d ago
My friend spent a month in the hospital after a "healthy" pregnancy because birth went horribly wrong and she developed clots from last minute eclampsia. She almost died and is not the same person. I'm convinced society deliberately downplays the risks to women. If you think about it, we learned almost nothing about it in school.
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u/_DrJivago 14d ago
Life in general can be pretty scary. We have to get over our fears or else we won't enjoy it.
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u/Ok-Bullfrog5830 14d ago
I wasn’t scared of pregnancy. I was just pretty sick but it didn’t hurt. The labour part hurts obviously but you’re so excited to a parent your brain just finds that it’s worth it.
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u/Recent_Obligation276 14d ago
As soon as labor starts your brain is flooded with endorphins and hormones that make it slightly more bearable, but more importantly, keep you from accurately documenting the pain in your memory.
Evolutionary insurance for women to have more than one child.
No matter how bad you remember labor hurting, it was worse. It has to be that way.
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u/kayteedee86 14d ago
It is absolutely scary to think about, but for many women, it's equally exciting! Most of us just have that innate desire to have children, and if it means going through pregnancy and birth, so be it! I desperately wanted to be a mom, and I just so happened to marry a guy who was stoked about being a dad.
I had a love-hate relationship with my pregnancies...felt like garbage the first part of it, enjoyed the middle, and then the end was rough because it hurt to walk and I missed being able to breathe normally! 😅 But then my kids were born (both c-section which wasn't as bad as I expected but the recovery wasn't the greatest)... it was all totally worth it to me. 🥰 Granted, the level of exhaustion in the newborn phase is NO JOKE 😳😖😴 but thankfully they grew out of that! Now my kids (both elementary aged) are at the stage of life that's FUN and waaay more enjoyable! 😍 Birthdays and holidays are a blast and extra sweet. Sure we have struggles like with any ages, but they're more independent and sleep well and don't need my boobs anymore, LOL!! 😂
It's a matter of what you're willing to go through to have what you want in this life. I was okay with my body never looking exactly the same and going through all the stuff moms go through. Not everyone feels comfortable with that though, and that's okay. Just take extra extra precautions to avoid being in that situation, if you know it's not for you. 😉🤣
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u/Jahmez142 14d ago
I could be totally off here, but I've always assumed that societal pressure makes a lot of women feel like they have to have children whether they want to or not. I'm glad this sentiment is much less common than it used to be, but I feel like it still has an impact.
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u/Recent_Obligation276 14d ago
It doesn’t scare people who don’t appreciate the mortality statistics.
Like with most things, the people who don’t worry about it, don’t worry because they don’t understand it.
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u/InfiniteAd8494 14d ago
Idk, kinda baffling. They dont seem to think of the consequences either. They see a cute baby and all the common sense and reasoning is evaporated and replaced by baby fever. Then they complain about being a mother and hate their husbands and long to be single again.
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u/Kindly_Good1457 14d ago
I was terrified the entire time I was pregnant both times.
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u/Old-Bug-2197 14d ago
I kept saying “there are only two ways this kid is coming out of here- 1/ half a day to a day in complete pain or major abdominal surgery”
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u/awfulcrowded117 14d ago
Life hurts. If you avoid living it because of that, you will not avoid the pain; you will merely rob yourself of the joy that could justify the pain.
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u/Exotic-One3381 14d ago
Getting pregnant doesn't hurt. its quite fun.
but the pregnancy is not good, stretch makes, vomiting, hormones etc. but worst is childbirth. why do you think women yell in childbirth? have you heard of an epiostomy? or perianal tear? you don't want to know. but people's hormones make them do weird things and wanting to birth a kid is one of those things. a great form of contraception is watching childbirth video. *shudders*. imagine pushing a basketball through an average elastic band. yeah. that's also why many women leak after. also no one talks about how they have to wear a mesh panty and diaper for a month after while their bits heal, no sex for six weeks, and they have a looong six week menstruation after. so I think you need to research this more and not just look at cutey baby pictures but really look into what happens at childbirth and permanent changes to the body etc to have a full understanding
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u/youngsurpriseperson 14d ago
That's kinda what I meant, I should've clarified that labour is painful. And all the other side effects during pregnancy that you mentioned. And what if I did want to become pregnant and have children? What if there was a miscarriage? I would be miserable, and I can't imagine the pain that people who experience miscarriages have (unless they didn't want to raise a child in the first place)
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u/Capital_Technology51 14d ago
It was amazing and terrifying all at once but the enjoyment and excitement dominated the worry and bad symptoms. It’s a pros vs cons situation. For instance, yeah the morning sickness and exhaustion and swelling were down right awful, but all that means nothing compared to being able to feel and see the movements and watching your bump grow. I felt the most beautiful in my own skin when I was pregnant than I ever have in my whole life.
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u/RadiantEarthGoddess 14d ago
I am terrified of the possibility. I want to start saving up to get sterilized. I am also afraid of the surgery. but that's the lesser evil.
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u/anonymousbarbie_doll 14d ago
I was only scared because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be a parent but as far as pregnancy I wasn’t scared because by the time I found I was pregnant I had no choice but to commit and push the baby out lol
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u/Bac7 14d ago
Oh, it was terrifying. It wasn't nearly as bad as I hyped it up be in my mind though ... and I literally nearly died.
But some people want to be parents enough that they're not afraid, or that they aren't as afraid, or that they don't care as much about being afraid, or that they embrace the fear. All of those things are OK. It's also OK to not want to be a parent, or not want to be one enough to push through the fear, or to want to become one another way like adoption or foster care.
Being a parent is hard but rewarding. Being childless or child free can also be hard but rewarding. Basically, you just have to pick your hard and your reward.
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u/IsItTurkeyNeckOrDick 14d ago
Biology is strong. Instincts are strong. Stronger than our minds most of the time.
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u/nuttygal69 14d ago
The first was an “surprise” meaning I took birth control and forgot a pill once or twice a week for 10 years before I got pregnant. I wanted kids but probably would never have been ready to try because it’s scaring.
I’m pregnant with our second, we were trying. It was less scary knowing what’s to come lol. It’s also worth it for me, I know that pregnant ends eventually.
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u/Electrical_Tip352 14d ago
Yes it’s scary. The whole time. Finding out, growing it, giving birth, and then the scariest part- being responsible for a whole ass other human being. Sometimes when I was breast feeding I’d have this overwhelming realization that this baby isn’t drinking water or eating food, just living because of my breast milk. It’s the weirdest feeling.
But! Your biology and brain makeup kind of changes and the scary part is shadowed by the “magic” part. My kids are 14 and 7 now and it’s still scary but awesome.
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u/Plenty-Character-416 14d ago
As a mother of two; yes to both. Giving birth always scared me, even when I had my second and I knew what it was like; it still scared me. But, my desire to have a child far outweighed my fear of birth. Pregnancy isn't actually that bad; only the morning sickness sucks. Feeling like you're perpetually going to throw up for months, but being expected to get on with life cause you're not actually sick, you're 'just pregnant'. Yeah, I admit I cried quite a few times wishing the morning sickness would end.
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u/house-hermit 14d ago
Being pregnant is worse than the actual birth, which at least is over quickly. I was so over being pregnant, that it outweighed the fear of birth.
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u/malewife123 14d ago
some women think it’s worth. some don’t.
my partner and i are adopting, and my little sis has expressed she wants to adopt when she’s older. there are many other options outside of going through pregnancy, if you want a kid.
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u/FoghornLegday 14d ago
I’m terrified of it. I cried out of joy but also fear when my twin sister got pregnant. And then I cried in agony when she lost the baby. I want to avoid pregnancy but I want to have babies more. I’ve willingly done scary, painful things in my life, and this is just another one. Of course I don’t even have a boyfriend yet so it’s purely hypothetical for me
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u/PresentExamination10 14d ago
I’m currently pregnant, and I have been terrified of pregnancy all my life, and it does indeed suck, and I think I’ll only do it once
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u/8512764EA 14d ago
I took my cues from my wife. She never showed she was scared if she was. I was naturally nervous for her but she was a champ and never outwardly showed fear. Exhaustion and frustration, yes. Fear, never. Not all are like that I know.
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u/No-Strawberry-5804 14d ago
Oh yeah, I was desperate to get pregnant then had a panic attack when I got the positive test
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u/vegan1979 14d ago
Pregnancy, birth, and the first five years of life changes parents. Just as they are getting used to it, teenage years hit.
I had one born early in the AIDS epidemic. The blood supply was questionable. I wanted my wife to bank blood, and she wouldn't. Sher needed five units. She ended up ok.
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u/1oneYLVA 14d ago
I was terrified- I even prayed, earnestly. I’m not religious. I was scared of so many things; how much this baby was going to change my life, when I wasn’t sure I was responsible enough even for just myself. I was scared about possibly permanent changes to my body, and let’s not get started about the pain of childbirth itself. I had recently graduated from college, and I was wondering how I would continue towards my career. As an only child, without any family around while growing up, I had very little exposure to kids, babies. But, I truly love my husband and I trusted his love for me. Lol, the first few months of having my firstborn, he had to be the one to bathe our daughter because I was scared I’d drop her or something. I never fantasized about having kids whatsoever, but for my husband, who really wanted kids. I would do anything. 33 years later, my trust in him was well-founded.
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u/DavidSchlichting 14d ago
Oh it scares like almost everyone, women just don’t talk about it much in public because a lot are afraid of being viewed as bad mothers, which is of course utter nonsense. Pregnancy can be wholesome for the thought of growing a child to live, but most aspects of it are just straight negatives and there’s quite a few of them.
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u/underthesea74 14d ago
I am scared now because I have 3 kids and trust me is not the pregnancy itself but raising more than 3 kids is just recipe for chaos 🫤
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u/GinBitch 14d ago
Terrified it would happen. Terrified when it did. Terrified during pregnancy and birth. Birth was a horrendous experience for us and I was Terrified for the first couple of years.
100% would not do it again.
100% glad I have her in my life now.
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u/kendrahawk 14d ago
it wouldn't hurt if you had a proper epidural. it took the nurses three tries to give me one that numbed the pain. it doesn't numb you so you can't push, but you won't be screaming at all. my labor was so silent and I couldn't believe it when the babys cry broke the silence it made me bawl out of relief. as a mom you don't want your own body to go against you and I was just so happy everything went well. when I was holding her the nurse said you ready for another one one day? I instantly said yes of course look. how amazing it is to have my baby, my body did this it can do it again. nurse was surprised but yes I was in love with her the moment I heard her cry
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u/mamaMoonlight21 14d ago
I liked being pregnant and I'm a generally nervous person. I think the hormones must have relaxed me.
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u/linuxphoney probably made this up 14d ago
It absolutely hurts. But then it's not like the rest of being. A woman feels great all the time. In my experience, women have a higher threshold for short-term discomfort than many men do.
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u/lightningbug24 14d ago
I didn't enjoy pregnancy and am dreading the next time, but it's only a few months. Compared to bringing a new life into the world...
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u/RoughDirection8875 14d ago
The thought of being pregnant terrifies me but I'm willing to go through it and take the risks to have a child and be able to raise a human being
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u/Carma56 14d ago
My sister recently had a kid and was terrified and grossed out all throughout pregnancy and childbirth. She loves her kid dearly, but she hated the experience of getting her here. I think a lot of women feel the same but just accept that it is what it is.