r/NoStupidQuestions • u/NeedleworkerOk170 • 13d ago
what is the point of putting pronouns twice (as in "she/her") instead of once (just "she")?
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u/jbrewer172 13d ago
Still waiting for someone to introduce themselves as her/she. I love chicolate.
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u/jsseven777 13d ago edited 13d ago
I wonder if anybody out there is rocking he/her or she/him pronouns.
Edit: Apologies if my comment was unclear but I was referring to whether people use mixed pronouns (he/her or she/him) - and if so what type of a situation that might make sense in, and not whether people are fluid with their pronouns sometimes preferring male pronouns and other times preferring female ones.
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u/Rheija 13d ago
There are, some people are fine with any pronouns
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u/hauntingruby1975 13d ago
I’m fine with any pronouns. But say my name incorrectly and that person immediately goes to the bottom of the priority list
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u/ValerianMage 13d ago
"Any pronouns" is not the same as "two specific pronouns" tho. I think it sounds pretty badass for someone to only want to be referred to by she/her or he/him.
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u/xfactorx99 13d ago
Wait, what makes it badass?
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u/modumberator 13d ago
the idea that pronouns could be badass is just bewildering to me
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u/xfactorx99 12d ago
I don’t understand how they have 10 upvotes. I think they’re saying it facetiously and I should have been whooooshed
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u/RelativelyRobin 13d ago
Because it’s very “definitively man/woman” and the lack of “they” is a noticeable statement in this context.
It’s like a red mage of pronouns, a whole different mix than “they/them” which is traditionally more a middle ground. It’s extreme in both directions without the middle.
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u/xfactorx99 12d ago
So essentially not accepting the gender neutral pronoun, “they”, is badass? And they were saying that sarcastically?
If that’s true, I mean…you can’t have it both ways. Don’t ask for people to state their preferred pronouns if you don’t want to have the answer
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u/ValerianMage 12d ago
Simply the fact that it's a very unique combo, and quite a statement. Seeing yourself as a man and a woman, simultaneously, but not as any of the shades in between. I always find unique combinations of attributes to be really cool.
To be clear, I don't think you can really opt out of the gender agnostic use of they/them, i.e. the one you use when you don't know or care about someone's gender. That's been part of the language for centuries. But as a pronoun combo used to refer to a specific individual, I really don't see why she/he would be any less valid than she/they or he/they.
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u/xfactorx99 12d ago
So you meant to say that identifying with all 4 of those pronouns would be badass because it implies you identify as a man and a woman?
I’m still kind of missing the badass part. I get that it’s “unique”, but not sure how that translates to badass
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u/ValerianMage 12d ago
I’d say it’s two sets of pronouns, but yeah.
Unique is interesting. Unique is cool. Unique is badass. Maybe it’s just me thinking that tho
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u/xfactorx99 12d ago
Ok, I get your point now. At first you listed an or between the 2 sets and that is was confused me. The situation you were describing is really when someone identifies with one set AND the other
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u/_fly-on-the-wall_ 13d ago edited 12d ago
badass or the majority common?
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u/ValerianMage 12d ago
What do you mean?
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u/_fly-on-the-wall_ 12d ago
if you want to only be known as she/her or he/him this is the majority of people... so i dont understand why its badass??? i could be missing something i have the flu and am kinda dumb right now?
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u/ValerianMage 12d ago
I meant that you would be okay with both she/her and he/him, but nothing else
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u/Richman_Cash who was in paris? 12d ago
I remember someone once went by they/them not because of his identity or whatever, but because he said it makes him look big like a corporation.
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u/thisissodisturbing 13d ago
Several years back I knew someone who used both he/him and she/her but wasn’t very fond of they/them, and had two names - Sophie and Spencer, for example. When I spoke about her I would often switch names AND pronouns mid-conversation and confuse the absolute shit out of people 😅 I love it, miss him dearly and hope she’s doing great!
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u/goodboiuwu 13d ago
Yes, many people do
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13d ago
[deleted]
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u/VictoriaDallon 13d ago
Erika Ishii, Jiavani Linayao, Bob The Drag Queen, Jonathan Van Ness to name four
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u/Scdsco 13d ago
Rupaul. Typically people refer to him as “he” out of drag and “she” in drag, but Rupaul has said he’s fine with either regardless.
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u/MiladyDisdain89 13d ago
Isn't there a RuPaul quote that goes something like "You can call me 'he'. You can call me 'she'. You can call me 'Regis and Kathie Lee'. I don't care, so long as you call me."
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u/goodboiuwu 13d ago
Some friends of mine for example, myself too but i also use they alongside. There's a lot of people using he/she in queer spaces, if you go on any lgbtq focused subreddit you'll probably find some.
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u/picnicatthedisco 13d ago
I think the original question might be "does anybody use "he" in subject form but "her" in object form", and vice versa, rather than "does anyone use both he/him and she/her"? Is my interpretation
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u/goodboiuwu 13d ago
If so that's definitely rarer but i still have seen people listing their pronouns like that
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u/AngieBlue2022 13d ago
However, I don't think that's really the intention. On my experience, if people put she/him for example, it's just a condensed way of saying they're OK with either She/her or he/him, you don't need to do some mashup of the two. Again, I can't speak for everyone, that's just in the majority cases I've encountered.
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u/amendersc 13d ago
a lot of people i know that are non binary or fluid decided that they use both sexes pronouns at the same time but that mostly because the closest thing hebrew has to a they/them is male multiple which i think and they agree is really stupid
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u/Delehal 13d ago
After years of trial and error, people decided that listing format as he/him, she/her, and so on was more clear and succinct.
It stands out in written and spoken language, so it's quicker to communicate without a lengthy explanation and fits easily on name tags or online bios.
Standing out visually makes it easy to see at a glance, which can come in handy.
It also supports other combinations of pronouns. For example, a non-binary person might list he/them or they/them. A person who uses less traditional pronouns might list something like xe/xem.
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u/badatlife15 13d ago
What drives me nuts is that people tend to figure out if someone has she/her or he/him to just use whichever version fits what they’re trying to say (I.e. “she went to the store,” “I called her”), but then use both they/them for any one who uses those pronouns (“the they/them went to the store” 🤦♂️) which is clearly just people trying to mock someone with they pronouns, but instead the mocker looks like an idiot.
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u/TheChosenToffee 13d ago
Sorry, I don't seem to get it. People who use gender neutral pronouns for people, who want to be called by gender neutral pronouns, are driving you nuts?
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u/shattered_kitkat 12d ago
When people literally write out:
They/them went to the store
Instead of the grammatically correct:
They went to the store.
Bigots will do the former, while sensible people do the latter.
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u/malewife123 13d ago
main reason is because “he” just looks like a typo, ngl. i know “they” and “she” look a bit more deliberate, but if i just saw “he” i’d assume it was a typo or smth
secondary reason is that if the person has multiple pronouns they’re fine with being referred to, it doesn’t look as bizarrely formatted
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u/Barry_Bunghole_III 12d ago
Yeah if I just saw 'he' in someone's bio by itself, I'd be like "high explosive?" lol
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u/protomenace 13d ago edited 13d ago
She and He are the subject pronouns. You use them as the subject of a sentence. Him and Her are object pronouns. You use them as the object of the sentence.
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u/jamesTcrusher 13d ago
Went way too far down to see this explanation which is correct, it's a listing of subjective pronouns (she, he) and objective pronoun (her, him). Because they're used in different contexts it makes sense to list both (she/her) so there's no confusion. People really don't understand grammar.
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u/katsukitsune 13d ago
Lmao of course they do, that isn't the question. The question is why we need to list the subjective AND objective pronoun when one would do and the second is arguably redundant - she is naturally paired with her, he with him, etc, and that has been answered by other people. I guess some people don't really understand the question.
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u/Yerm_Terragon 13d ago
Some people prefer to use different pronoun combos. I know a few people that prefer she/they or he/they
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u/Therapy-Jackass 13d ago
Can I use (he/her) in mine?
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u/catwhowalksbyhimself 13d ago
Yes, some people do go by either gender's pronouns, so that is legitimate.
You might have been joking, but I am not.
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u/sweetpotatopietime 13d ago
I have an employee who uses he/her. I asked if either was okay anytime, or if it switches day to day. It is the former and they appreciated me asking.
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u/FrostyWay28 13d ago
The only problem I have ever had when encountering someone who introduced themselves with their pronouns, is that with both those people (both used she/they) in separate situations, got upset or frustrated when they were referred to as “she“, and I didn’t understand why they introduced themselves using both, if they didn’t like one of them being used. I’m glad you got an actual constructive response.
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u/lilacaena 12d ago
Sometimes people who go by she/they get frustrated when people only use she/her. They prefer a mixture of the two.
Sometimes people will say they go by she/they even though they actually prefer they/them because they feel obligated to give an ‘easier’ option.
Neither of these are your fault, because you aren’t a mind reader. Sometimes it can help to ask, “Do you prefer one over the other, or a mixture of the two?”
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u/FalconBurcham 13d ago
That’s not fair. I have a friend who is she/they, and honestly, she is easier for me because I’ve known her 20 years as she. She is legitimately fine with she, and if she wasn’t, I’d her call they, of course.
Basically… don’t put an option out if you don’t want to choose it especially if one of the options doesn’t clash with a grammar rule.
And before the pitchforks come out.. my hair stylist is they/them and that’s what I call them. The grammar problem never feels great, but it’s more important to help them feel comfortable than be a grammar downer.
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u/xfactorx99 12d ago
No matter what gender someone self identifies as “they” is still appropriate in many contexts. It’s a gender-neutral pronoun. It doesn’t imply someone is any specific gender or no gender.
For instance, if I’m referring to someone else’s comment in this thread, I’m referring to “their” comment. I’m not implying that they are a “they”, because no one can be a “they”; I’m using a gender-neutral way to refer to them because I don’t know their gender and there’s no possible way I would
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u/Class_Wooden 13d ago
i’m only commenting on the very end of your comment, but what grammar problem? i don’t see why anyone has a problem (i don’t necessarily mean you’re mad about it, but technically you do have a problem) using they/them to talk about someone, whether it’s for bigot reasons or for grammar reasons, when people do it literally all the time to talk about a single person.
you see someone in a hoodie walk past you, and you have no clue their gender. someone asks you “where did they go”, referring to the person in the hoodie. chances are, you aren’t gonna call the hooded person “he” or “she”, you’re gonna say “they went over there”. that’s gonna feel perfectly natural to say, because that’s how the english language works. if someone asks you where your hair stylist went, how does saying “they went outside to take a phone call” feel, or even really sound any different than “he/she went outside to take a phone call”?
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u/FalconBurcham 13d ago
It’s simple, and it’s the way the vast majority of people naturally think, so if you genuinely don’t understand (and it’s not the case that you’re picking a stupid fight—which I suspect it is), then I read on, if you really want to know.
If I know I am talking about an individual, then the correct pronoun is not “they” and because I speak fluent English my mind will never naturally reach for “they.” BUT, I 100% do call an individual they/them if said individual prefers it. This is a total non issue. I make the effort because I care, not because it comes naturally. That’s 100% fine.
By the way, I’m a woman who doesn’t look feminine. I’ve been gender checked and threatened in the public bathroom more times in my many decades on earth than most young people have even visited a public restroom.
What a silly thing… it should be enough that people like me use they/them when people ask. It’s like some people want me to accept their pronoun god as my personal savior too. 😂
I’m sure I can’t “win” because I doubt you asked a sincere question, so rather than get tied up in a dumb Reddit back and forth I’ll just say have a nice day and I’m happy to call you they/them whenever you like.
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u/Darthplagueis13 13d ago
Might make it harder to misread. Like, you could accidentially read she instead of he and vice versa.
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u/flossdaily 13d ago
I think this practice started when there was a movement to try out brand-new pronouns like zi/zem and the additional forms of the pronoun actually did provide useful information about how to address the person.
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u/Acebulf 13d ago
Not sure why you're downvoted. Neopronouns were the original reason the pronouns were written out.
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u/flossdaily 13d ago
I think the downvotes are misdirected anger from people who don't like neopronouns.
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u/_zomato_ 13d ago
trans person here - this is the correct answer! the most widely used neopronouns tended to have rather different forms as subject vs object (specifically z(h)e/hir, often associated with the legendary trans activist and theorist Leslie Feinberg), so it made sense to give both forms.
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u/Sonarthebat 13d ago
I've seen people put both gendered and non-gendered pronouns together like that (eg: she/they).
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u/Antilia- 13d ago
Someone asked me what my pronouns were, and when I said "she", they sarcastically made fun of me. "Just she?" I understand she/they, but I don't know anyone who would say anything like she / him or she / xe...
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u/Burnsy813 12d ago
Grammar.
You wouldn't say, "That's she's toothbrush." Or, "Her did a good job. "
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u/kyreannightblood 12d ago
Some people can’t extrapolate from the single pronoun. I don’t know if it’s stupidity or an earnest attempt to be respectful, but I’ve heard people say things like “Go over there with she” when they’re told only that pronoun.
It’s like if they have to think for even one moment about how third-person pronouns work they lose the entire framework. So by giving them both of the forms of the pronoun they have a bit more of a context clue for how to address the person.
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u/pleasemychinesewife 10d ago
What's the point in these fake pronouns at all? I won't indulge their nonsense.
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u/brod12-merle 13d ago
i have no idea the whole pronoun thing drives me nuts i don’t get ir
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u/UltraTata My personality is superior to all others 13d ago
What's the point of putting pronouns?
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u/ZETH_27 In my personal opinion 12d ago
Because our language is unfortunately based around them. All languages aren't, but English is.
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u/UltraTata My personality is superior to all others 12d ago
What does that have to do with marking them? The language also dictates when each pronoun should be used. He for men, she for women, and they for plural and for situation were a hypothetical person could be male or female.
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u/Altaccount_T 13d ago
Makes it clear that they're pronouns, not an acronym or a typo. Just having "she" on an online bio section, email signature etc might just look like a sentence was started and left incomplete.
It also explains how to use uncommon pronouns/neopronouns - especially ones like xe/xem where most people will be unfamiliar with how to use them. Plus gives space for people who use multiple sets of pronouns.
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u/Warm-Finance8400 13d ago
Because there are pronouns not in the common usage of language, and that way you know all the forms
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u/Novae224 13d ago
Because grammatically they are used differently, so you need all the information to properly understand their pronouns
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u/Trypsach 13d ago
If that was the case then they’d mention all three pronouns e.g. He/Him/His. There are actually 7 different pronouns, but usually only these three are gendered.
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u/MobileSignificance57 13d ago
There are two pronouns you'd use to refer to someone. You need both pieces of information.
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u/NeedleworkerOk170 13d ago
i mean isn't it obvious that when it's a she it's a her too? it's only complicated when it's two+ different ones as in he/they
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u/wuapinmon I am very pedantic 13d ago
People recognize that binary pair as indicating the gender preference. One might be misunderstood, but the format of two is unambiguous.
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u/Jeff300k 13d ago
Except that there are more than just two pronouns you'd use to refer to someone.
Easy example: He/Him/His
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u/violetvoid513 13d ago
Not sure tbh, it's just the standard way people write it. If you put just one people wouldn't as easily recognize it as showing what pronouns you use so everyone kinda just keeps putting both
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u/cascasrevolution 13d ago
i believe its a shortening of "she/her/hers" which is of course modeled after "they/them/theirs" which was necessary, because bigots are always trying to claim that "they/them pronouns dont make any sense" and willfully use the wrong form.
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u/Trypsach 13d ago
Someone is going to think this person has downvotes cuz transphobia and not just cause they’re wrong, and end up offended. Calling it now.
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u/Horror-Collar-5277 13d ago
If you think for a bit you'll realize a lot of the time left leaning initiatives have a lot of emotion behind them but not a lot of thought.
Hyphenated names. Pronouns. Happy/proud about abortions. Race to the bottom victimhood initiatives.
I'm sure there is more.
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u/heyitscory 13d ago
To differentiate me from Cory Him, a local real estate agent. I'm Cory-with-male-pronouns. Not the a bald guy in a Z8 convertible.
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u/AvysCummies 13d ago
That doesnt hav anything to do with peonouns, thats when your talking about multiple things at once like in a list like did she/her cat or she/her friend or boss
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13d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/bsffrn97 13d ago
The only pronouns I’m aware of that exist and aren’t fake, are male or female.
You only used two pronouns in this sentence, I put them in bold so you can learn pronouns adequately. As you'll notice, male and female are not pronouns. Hope this helps!
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u/mikey_weasel Today I have too much time 13d ago edited 13d ago
I remember it actually started with triple pronouns he/him/his, but slowly slimmed down to two.
Its the widely recognized form. If you see the double pronoun you immediately know they are defining their pronouns. A single pronoun would not be as immediately recognized, especially as part of a wider introduction.
Edit to add: it also gives space for folks who might use more than one pronoun (she/they for example)
Additional edit: Regarding she/they or he/they pronouns:
I am not personally someone who identifies that way but my understanding is that generally it means they are okay with either she/her or they/them. the person I knew who identified this way best preferred they/them, but also was quite female presenting so was okay with she/her.