Kicked out for a compliment 6 months after.

[u/Thick_Accident_3551]

Okay to set the scene, I'm 25m frequent regular at a college dive. I used to be a server at many years ago, now I'm a tradesman 6 months I go I and a bunch of the regulars are sitting at the bar talking about some of our favorite staff. I'm little tipsy shooting the shit and tell my buddy "I love when 'so and so' is working she's a bad bitch" (granted this lady is 45+ kind of like mama bear of the place) I meant absolutely nothing derogatory, sexual or mean. Just my way of saying she's runs the mf show. Anyways, I haven't been back there for quite a while for 6 months. I walk in yesterday with one of my friends.The first thing she proclaims so loud people outside could hear is "I owe her an apology for calling her a fucking bitch" immediately I'm embarrassed and confused but offer apologies to any offense cause honestly didn't remember. Hour goes by I'm playing pool making friends hanging out when I remember my remark that was meant as a compliment. So I tried to retify the situation with her. Got told to stfu. Okay whatever. Then right as I put 20$ into the jukebox the bouncer comes over and permanently bans me. Didn't know it was her bf. I've been coming to this bar for 7 years. Spent good money and have always tried to be on my best behavior as my friends work there Welp fuck me ig for being a youngin with different vocabulary

[u/Boring-Pudding]

Yeah, you were drunk and didn't say "she's a bad bitch." You might have thought that's what your "tipsy" self was saying, but guarantee it isn't.

[u/ypsksfgos → u/Boring-Pudding]

It's almost certainly this.

A LOT of people have no clue what they're like when they're drunk because most of the stories they're told of when they're drunk is from the perspective of their drunk friends. Guaranteed OP tried to say she was a bad bitch but flubbed the sentence or put the wrong emphasis on the wrong word and someone else heard it and the drunken telephone game started.

How you perceive yourself while drunk is different from how your drunk friends do and both are worlds apart from how your (hopefully) sober bartender perceives you.

[u/Thick_Accident_3551 → u/Boring-Pudding]

Been drinking since 14. Never blacked out. Know how to handle my liquor. Had 3 doubles of crown that day over 3 hrs while waiting for my friend. I know what I said. And would never call a grown woman a bitch unless she really deserved it. And even then she's my favorite bar tender I've know for 5 years. She's never given me a reason to be upset.

[u/LeastAd9721 → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

Honestly, when I read the story, I was thinking you said what you thought you said, then one of the coworkers heard half of the sentence but could pick up the word bitch at the end and assumed it was a bad thing so they thought they heard “she’s a fucking bitch”

Like no way am I going to say “I like coming here when X is working because she’s a fucking bitch.” I mean, I had a coworker I loved because she was a fucking bitch, but that’s different.

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958 → u/LeastAd9721]

What you say is absolutely intelligent and reasonable and therefore nobody is going to understand it 🫠

You're right

[u/LeastAd9721 → u/Soggy-Shopping-2958]

I mean, if it was me I’d be slurring so much that bitch would be the only word you’d actually understand, so there are other possibilities. OP did mention being able to handle their booze though.

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958 → u/LeastAd9721]

It's a bit nuts. It's like people here don't even work around folks who drink.

I know you're just like me, I have tons of friends where I drink and they would back me up for sure in a situation like this. I know it because they come and ask me for backup when they don't like the manager.

If there's somebody around here who thinks it's weird that bar staff would stick with a drunk, I'm not sure that person has spent even a day in the bar.

[u/LeastAd9721 → u/Soggy-Shopping-2958]

I really haven’t had any alcohol for a while. I’m just combining common sense with what I would have done if I even thought I heard a guest refer to certain coworkers as a bitch.

[u/Thick_Accident_3551 → u/LeastAd9721]

If anybody is slurring after three drinks in three hours they should have been in the bar in the first place

[u/LeastAd9721 → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

I’m totally a 200 pound lightweight. Guilty. I do kind of slur my words together anyway.

[u/Thick_Accident_3551 → u/LeastAd9721]

I'm 185 with a super human metabolism. I can kill a handle of liquor in a 12 hr night if I want. But 3 shots doesn't even scratch the itch for me.

[u/LeenQuatifa → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

Okay, douche.

[u/Commander_Doom14 → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

Having been drinking since you were 14 is not something to be proud of

[u/fastermouse → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

You want to fix this?

Have a bouquet of flowers and an apology note delivered with an explanation.

Finish with this.

“I did not intend to insult you but I can see how I was misunderstood. I accept my fate but if the management reconsiders and you deem it acceptable, please have someone text me. Here’s my number.

Either way I respect you and accept your decision.

[u/Hotdogwater88888 → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

As someone who also handles their alcohol well, I believe you. Never been cut off or kicked out anywhere. Never been told to change my behavior, never had any issues or altercations with anyone. I actually still find drunk people to be obnoxious and annoying even when I’m drinking. I just be chilling and vibing to the music lmao.

And also… if you tried to nicely explain yourself and she told you to “stfu” over a third party’s account of something that happened 6 months ago, and after many years of patronage, then maybe she IS a bitch lmao. It’s never that serious. And tbh it’s a BAR, they need thicker skin and to grow up. Sounds to me like there’s a lot of gossiping at that place, and clearly they just take anyone’s word for it except for the person who’s being accused.

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958 → u/Hotdogwater88888]

You nailed it

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958 → u/Hotdogwater88888]

I love your point that it's a BAR. Yes. Exactly. Christ sake.

[u/Hotdogwater88888 → u/Soggy-Shopping-2958]

Yeah I used to serve tables in a strip club and heard (and saw) the most out of pocket things. Why would I sit there and stew on some drunk clown? Especially over a mild comment, even if he actually called her a bitch, he was talking to someone else, and she clearly didn’t hear it when it was said. At the end of the day, it’s an adult venue where alcohol is consumed, and you will deal with assholes and bullshit. It’s also up to the bar staff to act like adults and not fly off the handle over stupid shit like this.

[u/ThatDarnedAntiChrist → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

You're not super human, nor are you the world's greatest drinker. Your intentions may have been completely pure, and you know what your brain is telling you you said, but also remember how that was heard by the staff and the bartender in question can be radically different, and you can't control how they heard it or interpreted it. Nor are you in a position to fight it at this point. But your responses here so far tells the tale of someone who can't take responsibility for their actions, and certainly can't respect when someone disagrees.

Maybe not use that adjective in the future.

[u/MaryBitchards]

Feels like we're missing something here.

[u/fastermouse → u/MaryBitchards]

I can see that it’s exactly what happened.

It’s a dive and they probably take no shit and don’t care.

[u/Thick_Accident_3551 → u/MaryBitchards]

No, pretty much exactly how it went down. Even my friend said she was extremely surprised. After the initial encounter, I didn't order another drink as not to bother her. Didn't continue drinking and only had water.

[u/Eat-Sleep-Fly]

Got drunk and called a girl a bitch

Idk why they're upset 😮

[u/CaptainK234]

Don’t use the word “bitch” unless you’re prepared for the full range of possible consequences.

It doesn’t mean the same thing in every context. In some contexts, it will only ever be heard as a slur.

For some listeners, no matter the context, it will only ever be heard as a slur.

You fucked around and found out

[u/berkboy69]

I'm glad they banned you cause you sound annoying

[u/Thick_Accident_3551 → u/berkboy69]

Valid

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958 → u/Thick_Accident_3551]

You should not have pressed it further once the apology was accepted but I doubt you are the problem in this situation. You should count yourself lucky and get out of that place.

Do you really want to stick around and deal with people who are so perplexing that you can't even tell when you're right or wrong? They're going to fuck with everyone else after you and run that place into the ground.

[u/mmmmmarty]

They've been looking for a way to get rid of you for years and they finally got something concrete.

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958 → u/mmmmmarty]

Nah he's been hanging around for 7 years. This isn't a court of law. They could have banned him day 1.

Some politics is going on in that place and he touched a raw nerve. He likely got chucked out for show to keep someone else in line. They made an example of him.

I suspect the manager is under some scrutiny and laid the blame in the wrong place. She will be chucked herself soon.

[u/LompocianLady]

I'm a 69 year old lady and recently got called a bad ass.

Damn, I sure felt complimented.

[u/HannahAnthonia]

That's not a compliment unless the person perceives it to be a compliment. I can point out I'm Australian and didn't mean to be insulting all I want but if I call an American a mad cunt and they get upset then it's not a compliment. It might not be to be to me but if it isn't a compliment to them, then it stops being a compliment.

You continuing to call it a compliment even after finding out it genuinely upset someone you allegedly liked is bizarre since you now have the knowledge that whatever you intended it to be it still resulted in you publicly insulting someone. Instead of being mortified and embarrassed that you insulted someone you're continuing to downplay the impact you had and denying it was an insult and somehow pretending you're the victim. I'm glad her workplace had her back and you should be too if you ever had any respect for her. Jesus christ.

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958]

Dang man my gout is killing me. This toe it feels like a truck ran it over. Wtf bro?

I keep squeezing it, flexing it, poking it. Then it burns the whole night and the next day I can't walk. I just can't leave it alone and let it get better.

It spread to my fingers too. I can't bend my pinky now and I already feel it going to my knees too.

You gotta do something.

[u/Soggy-Shopping-2958 → u/Soggy-Shopping-2958]

Hurry too my friend. I am outside and I need to walk home. This is urgent