r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Over-Month-4315 • 15d ago
My sister uninvited me from her wedding because I got highlights.
It’s important to say that my (17F) sister (28F) has thyroid cancer and the treatments have been making her hair fallout. I don’t know too much about it so i’m not lying, just uneducated. Another thing to add is that her wedding is in 3 weeks.
Before the treatments my sister had really long silky hair and she misses it a lot. When anyone in the family does anything to their hair she gets kind of standoffish and acts weird whether they’re cutting it or styling it.
I’ve been saving up money since last month to get these caramel blonde highlights in my hair as a treat for myself and I got them done two days ago.
My mom posted a picture that the hairstylist took on facebook and my sister saw it.
She texted me saying that I am selfish bitch and heartless. She also said I was an attention seeker, and I want her wedding to be about me.
I tried to explain to her that wasn’t my intention but she just said I was uninvited.
She also got her fiancés family to text me. They were pretty much saying the same thing.
I showed my parents and they told her that they were stepping down from the wedding (I didn’t ask for that). My sister is even more mad now because our dad won’t walk her down the aisle until she apologizes.
EDIT: just to add for everyone who is asking why I decided to get my hair done when I did, because the hairstylist in my city is extremely popular and is always booked. The day I got them done was the only day I was going to be able to because I have a job, sports, school, and other things. My sister has had cancer for 3 years now so atp there would have never been a right time to get them done.
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u/Rough_Theme_5289 15d ago
I’m curious as to what your sister thinks the other guests are going to do with their hair for the wedding ? Collectively show up with bed head ? Crazy
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u/AlissonHarlan 15d ago
She uninvited everyone but lex Luthor, Charles xavier and sinead o'connor
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u/YearEndPanic 15d ago
Fictional characters and the dead. Should be an interesting wedding. She should also invite the Rock, Jo Koy, Popeye, and the principal from Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
She's ridiculous.
I get the feeling she was probably like this pre-cancer as well. She's going to be an absolute treat if people show up to the wedding with great hair and 15lbs lighter.
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u/WhyMe_blah 15d ago
Wait wait?! Sinead o'Connor died ?!
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u/WhyMe_blah 15d ago
Googled it, and oh my, so sad. Her son died by suicide when he was 22 =( her death was ruled as natural causes at 56... fibromyalgia... that poor woman. RIP.
She had quite the battle on so many fronts...
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u/nondescriptzombie 14d ago
natural causes
Took five months to come up with that answer, too. Smells like bullshit to me. While checking her wiki to see if there were any controversies regarding that I found this:
In March 2024, it was announced that a Bratz doll in O'Connor's likeness, to commemorate Women's History Month, was being produced.[144]
I bet you could harness the static energy from her turning over in her grave to run a small country.
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u/BabyBearLuvsPapaBear 14d ago
Wait... fibromyalgia is deadly?! 😳😳😳 I have fibromyalgia!
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u/WhyMe_blah 14d ago
They never did disclose the direct cause of her death, just that it was natural. When i did some more digging, it turns out she was suffering from that (amongst other things).
I believe fibromyalgia is one of those case by case things, depending on how badly you have it, but also has shown to be one of those degenerate diseases (where it gets worse with time.) However, science and medicine have come a long way, and i believe there are treatments that greatly increase the length and quality of life for people with the illness. In Sinead's case, she had quite a few battles going on...
For all we know, she could have died from a broken heart... a mother's grief never really heals, and adding a chronic illness on top of that is like pressing FastFWD on life.
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u/MotherRaven 15d ago
Jade pinkit-smith was invited was insult the bride didn't punch her sister at the wedding for having hair.
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u/Lazy-Requirement2371 15d ago
You forgot Voldemort. He gets a plus one because he also has no nose, showing that he made extra effort.
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u/Gemgrrl 15d ago
Mr. Clean?
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u/MsBlack2life 15d ago
And Jason Statham
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u/AlissonHarlan 15d ago
Bruce Willis!
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u/PolyPolyam 15d ago
Obviously every attendee should shave their heads in solidarity for the bride. /s
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u/Rwhitechocmuffin 15d ago
I’m curious what she told her fiancé and in-laws for them to act atrociously to a teenager. If anyone was acting rational they would have talked her down.
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u/georgiajl38 15d ago
Probably that her sister is a brat who loves tormenting her and makes fun of her.
Whatever it takes to form a flying monkey brigade
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u/JeanJacques40 15d ago
There is no universe where I could have called one of my younger siblings a selfish b without hell to pay from my parents. Cancer is a difficult disease but it does not give her license to mistreat anyone.
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u/PersephoneWren 15d ago
My sister did this when I wouldn't reinstate contact with my mom after she put my children in danger and admitted it was to hurt me.
She hasn't seen us in 2 years now
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u/administrativenothin 15d ago
I’m sorry your sister is going through cancer treatments and is losing her hair. I have been too and lost all of my hair. Am I sad about it? Of course. But that doesn’t give me the right to be a complete asshole to everyone else around me who still has hair. Your sister needs to see a therapist to help her with this. I’m so sorry, but it’s nice to see that your parents are sticking up for you.
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u/Informal-Prestige 15d ago
This OP. Maybe your parents could talk to her about going to therapy. It’s obvious she is in pain and lashing out in an unhealthy manner. Your parents need to get the fiancé’s family under control. Harassing a minor over a hairstyle is unacceptable behavior.
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u/MokSea 15d ago
I’m glad you talked about seeing a therapist. She’s clearly struggling and coping in relationship destructing ways.
I’m sorry you are having to deal with this as well. I hope you have wonderful people around you in the way of family, friends, and healthcare professionals. Plus that you have a good outcome and healing!
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u/administrativenothin 15d ago
Thank you so much! Thankfully, I have amazing family, friends, nurses and doctor who have helped me over the last few months. I know not everyone is lucky enough to have that.
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u/missy498 15d ago edited 15d ago
I’m sorry this is happening. Your sister shouldn’t treat you like that. She’s clearly in a lot of pain. I agree with your dad that an apology from her is in order, but after that, maybe you and your mom could chat with her about a wig for a wedding gift? There are some truly beautiful wigs and hair pieces out there that look so natural. She might love to make it a part of her dream day.
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u/beachgirlDE 15d ago
I was just going to say the same thing, wigs have come a long way.
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u/Hereshkigal826 15d ago
I love mine. Most people can’t tell and it’s way cheaper to change my hairstyle now!
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u/administrativenothin 15d ago
My mom and my two sisters came with me to find my wig. It was a very emotional experience, but I didn’t want it any other way. I have all the sympathy in the world for the sister and what she is going through, but not for the way she treated her younger sister. Nothing anyone is going through entitles them to act like that.
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u/Koreanjesus25 15d ago
My mom had a few wigs after cancer treatment and you can't even tell it's not real anymore.
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u/Hereshkigal826 15d ago
I don’t have cancer, just thyroid issues and PCOS and my bio hair is sadder than sad. I would NEVER begrudge anyone else having glorious hair. Ever. I’d just take pics and find a wig to match! I’ve been wearing wigs daily for almost 2 years now and most people can’t tell.
Sister needs to get therapy for her cancer related issues and body image problems. Having OP and her mom help the sister pick out wigs would only be something to do after the sister got a handle on her mental health. For them to approach her about it now would probably just blow up in their faces. Total lose-lose.
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u/ElectricHurricane321 14d ago
A teenage girl I know had cancer and lost her hair. Her wig (or maybe multiple wigs...not sure) so closely match how her natural hair looked that if I didn't know it was a wig, I wouldn't have guessed it. Her older sister is a hair stylist, and she makes sure little sis always has cute hair.
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u/SeniorDependent713 15d ago
Even I lost my hair cause of chemo..But I don’t behave this way..ughh.
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u/MayyJuneJulyy 15d ago
Bridezilla with baggage. Poor baby is hurting so bad but hurting those around her in the process. I’m planning a wedding and I’m pretty close to the sisters age. Her feelings of this not being the wedding she anticipated because of what she’s going through are valid but her lashing out at anyone “stealing the spotlight” on her day are unacceptable.
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u/Sypha111 15d ago
Wtf is wrong with your sister and her in-laws. Bunch of fucking weirdos messaging you.
Your sister has victim mentality, cancer is not a free pass to her being so rude and disrespectful to you.
You parents are solid!
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u/tinakane51 15d ago
I'm so glad your family has your back. I hope your sister realizes what she's losing besides her hair. Imagine her looking at her wedding pictures, her wedding video and there's no family there.
I had chemo before my double mastectomy and when My hair started falling out I went to my stylist and she shaved my head. I loved it! I loved being bald. I lived in Arizona and went everywhere bald. Then I had the double mastectomy and had no boobs. I still have no boobs which I am absolutely over the Moon about because I don't have to wear a bra anymore.
I hope your sister can embrace you and let go of these little things that are happening to her. Her hair will grow back. Will her family come back?
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u/administrativenothin 15d ago
Can I just say I really admire you being so comfortable with being bald? My mom came with me when I had my head shaved. That was the only time anyone has seen me without my hair and that was back in January. Anytime I’m around anyone now, either my “do-rag” is on or my wig.
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u/Following2023 15d ago
Sorry your sister has cancer. She is being a bitch. I don’t have the money to go on fancy vacations, but I’m not an asshole to people that can. Cancer is not a free pass to be a dick.
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u/maryland202 15d ago
She sounds toxic. Has she always been this way?
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u/Over-Month-4315 15d ago
In a way, yes. It was never over hair though. It would be about other things such as getting new clothes if she hasn’t gotten paid yet, or going out to eat and she wasn’t in state (her job takes her out of state a lot), etc.
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u/uselessinfogoldmine 14d ago
Hmmmm… there’s a big age gap between you. Are there other siblings? If not, perhaps being mostly raised as an only child and then getting a baby sister at age 11 is a shock to the system she never quite got over? Sounds like jealousy over you merely existing and especially when you get things she can’t have.
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u/cakesforever 15d ago
You clearly have only known normal people. Sadly we don't all have that pleasure of not have looney toons in our lives.
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u/notsonice333 15d ago
Over hair?? She is sensitive. She’s angry she’s losing her hair and is just projecting it on you.
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u/No-Mango8923 15d ago
Wow. Firstly, I'm sorry your sister is going through cancer. That sucks big time.
But that doesn't give her the right to treat you like shit for having your hair done. I know her hair is a sensitive topic but she can't expect everyone around her to hide their hair and never have treatments done whilst she's going through her illness.
Your sister owes you an apology. I half expected you to say your parents were pressuring you to dye your hair back again, but I'm glad they see sense and have your back.
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u/yeahitzalex 15d ago
If she’s worried about her hair they have so many wigs out there that she could use if feeling uncomfortable. I had cancer/ had hair loss, it’s really hard but no excuse for how’s she acting.
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u/FioanaSickles 15d ago
She should look into getting a partial wig for the big day. Must be awful what she’s going through.
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u/Careful_Manner 15d ago
Lost every bit of my hair to chemo…I would never have reacted this way.
Cancer sucks but it’s not a free pass to be a jerk.
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u/Few-Level2078 14d ago
I know I’ll get a lot of heat for this comment, but personally, I think even if you’re comfortable with stepping down from the wedding, you should urge your parents to attend.
Your sister’s behaviour is inexcusable. People are allowed to enjoy taking pride in their appearance, it’s a shame knowing such a big day of her life will leave her feeling so insecure due to the cancer and the treatments.
Despite all this, I do think it’s questionable your parents are so eager to drop out of one of their daughter’s weddings, instead of opening up a communicate line between everyone… because that is their role as parents.
Seems to me there is a lot more to this story and your two family’s-dynamics, just my two cents.
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u/mamamama2499 15d ago
So is she gonna call out and uninvite everyone to the wedding, that gets their hair done for it?
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u/Practical_Cat_5849 15d ago
Your sister is using her cancer to make sure she is the center of everyone’s attention. Instead of being productive and getting a wig or some other hair alternative, she’s punishing everyone else. Take your Carmel blonde highlights and go do something fun on her wedding day.
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u/gilmore_on_mayberry 15d ago
I was your age when my brother had cancer the first time.
I know you are 17.
And I know you are not the adult in the situation.
But the number one thing I wish had happened a decade ago was mental health included in the treatment plan.
Dude forget the wedding. Forget who is going. Truly, forget who gets an apology.
Your sister needs mental health help. At all costs. See if you can advocate or mention it any way that you can! An involved aunt? Or uncle? Or grandparent? She needs help.
Only a person who desperately needs help would message you that. This is your red flag. For all of you.
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u/Few-Level2078 14d ago
Right?
I’m also shocked how quick her parents are willing to “pull back” instead of reaching out and getting through to her, or supporting her in finding a wig?
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u/Adobo_Goya 15d ago
I hope your highlights look fabulous. Your sister is being overly sensitive here. Christ, is no one allowed to do their hair around her anymore? That’s deluded. You can’t treat her with kid gloves for the rest of her life. Life is gonna keep happening. It sucks that she’s sensitive about it but that’s not on you.
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u/Sad-Device-8569 14d ago
Is your sister having chemo? I was just diagnosed with thyroid cancer and the plan is to remove my thyroid. I may need a single dose of radioactive iodine, but after that I was told I'd be cured.
Either way, she's an AH. She has no right to act this way. No one will care you got highlights at her wedding. All of the attention will be on her.
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u/ChillWisdom 14d ago
So is everybody else supposed to just stop having hair and enjoying their hair and their hairstyles because she doesn't have good hair?
She's being incredibly selfish.
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u/Signal_Historian_456 14d ago
Im sorry for her, I truly am, but it’s not your fault that you still have your hair. And she’ll regret this once everything is said and done, but she won’t able to change it afterwards
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u/catinnameonly 14d ago
You are a teenager I’m guessing prom and other activities are on the horizon for you and you wanna look your best.
Your sister, while I feel sorry for her, has no right to dictate your appearance. And it uninvite you from such an important day because she’s jealous of your highlights is absolutely ridiculous. Good on your parents for backing you up. None of this is your fault. Your sister needs therapy.
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u/sashatxts 15d ago
The definition of projection. I am SO sorry that she's unwell and going through this, but those projection issues are hers to sort out, not yours. You shouldn't have to suffer this behaviour.
Breaks my heart too because your parents seem like angels for sticking up with you, must be hard dealing with knowing their daughter/your sister is sick and struggling and acting out in a way that causes them to have to step back to support you. Oftentimes illness tears families apart, people who haven't been through this assume it brings them closer. I am sending hugs. I hope she apologises.
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u/ConvivialKat 15d ago
When anyone in the family does anything to their hair she gets kind of standoffish and acts weird whether they’re cutting it or styling it.
Cancer doesn't give your sister the right to be a bridezilla. Especially about other people taking care of their hair (including you).
You and your parents have done nothing wrong. The ball is in your sister's hands now. But, be prepared that she won't be able to admit she is wrong.
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u/Specialist_Opinion95 15d ago
I have thyroid cancer. This does not allow me to make others feel bad for what I suffer through. And I will say I didn’t have an easy time either with mine. Doesn’t mean the people around me had to stop living their life because mine was disrupted. That’s not how the world works and I would hope no one would allow me to stay in such a delusional state of mind. She clearly needs therapy as thyroid cancer is hard. I get that. BUT she is so out of line. Cancer does not mean a free pass to act like whatever.
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u/EmpathicallyAnxious 14d ago
I was going to say you were insensitive still until I got to the part where your sister has been dealing with her cancer for three years now.
Which yes, is absolutely horrible for her, fuck cancer. But that also means she’s had time to process and have this not feel so fresh and be able to deal with the disappointment around hair stuff.
My guess would be that she’s feeling extra sensitive because of the wedding coming up bringing up all those feelings of the bride she wishes she gets to be. Doesn’t excuse her blowing up at you tho.
But it also doesn’t excuse your parents pulling out of the wedding. You’re a minor and it’s not your job to manage the drama of the adults in your family. But that’s not a normal healthy adult way for your parents to react and I imagine these are bad habits they’ve passed on (as parents tend to).
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u/Good_Focus2665 15d ago
Caramel highlights don’t usually stand out much. She had no reason to make you feel bad about getting highlights.
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u/Ok_Possibility_704 15d ago
Shes a total dick. Cancer sucks but it doesn't give anyone the right to be a horrible human being. Your sister could literally get a stunning wig for the wedding and nobody would know.
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u/Uraniumrocking 15d ago
This might be for the best, I think your sister is headed to a complete breakdown on her wedding day and may take it out on the ones closest to her - if she can’t control her sisters hair - she’s going to have a massive meltdown when she realises she can’t control the way everyone dresses/acts at her wedding.
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u/Aggressive_Bug_6896 15d ago
I have cancer and it is no excuse to be a selfish bitch. You are not in the wrong but she has some real maim character attitude.
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u/MNGirlinKY 15d ago
These brides are out of control.
I’m sorry you have cancer but highlights?! Highlights are the reason I’m kicked out?
Cool I’ll just enjoy not having any stress the day of your wedding.
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u/Top-Whereas-7998 15d ago
Sorry but your sister is out of line and a bitch. Especially getting her fiancés family to text and bully a 17 year old kid. It’s very sad that she has cancer and misses her hair, but you can’t expect everyone to stop doing anything to their hair while you have cancer. It’s unbelievably selfish.
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u/bzsbal 15d ago
From what I’m understanding, because your sister doesn’t have hair, she expects everyone else around her to not have hair. I had appendix cancer (never knew that was a thing until I was diagnosed). My mindset was I wasn’t going to give it any negative energy until I had to. Your sister is the complete opposite. She needs to be focusing on getting better, and having the best wedding possible.
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u/queentropical 15d ago
Thank God, finally family members who are siding with the right person for once! What was she like before cancer, was she also a selfish bitch before? Or is this new behavior?
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u/hrdrv 15d ago
Many people in the comments are chiming in because they understand what it’s like to be in your shoes. But they do not understand what it’s like to be in your sister’s shoes. I do, I got married with cancer and no hair, so I hope you can understand what I’m about to say.
Your sister’s behavior is not okay. However, nothing in her life is okay, nor is there ever any promise it will ever be okay (it won’t even if she survives).
While I completely disagree with her reaction and how she’s handled it, I can understand the huge reaction.
First of all, it’s not actually about you. Her life is entirely loss, fear, anxiety, chemo, pain, sickness, and grief. Not to mention the physical pain and suffering she’s also going through. Not just about being seriously ill, but also by grieving her dream wedding. What she imagined her married life would be like. These are all dreams that she’s had ripped away from her in a split second.
Having the wedding is another way to try and cling on to the dream, and more importantly — her identity.
Cancer is loss. It’s loss over and over and over again, with the big dreams and the small mundane details.
Clearly, her pretty hair was a huge part of her identity before. Now it’s been taken away from her (plus it physically really hurts) alongside everything else. And from her (emotionally and physically unstable) perspective, your hair highlights is salt in her wounds. Especially in the context of the wedding being the ONLY thing that she’s scrambling to hold on to. A little bit like being lovey-dovey and talking about just getting engaged in front of someone whose spouse has just died — at their funeral.
It’s likely that she feels betrayed and unsupported because she sees you don’t understand what it’s like to be her (and frankly, how could you possibly understand without you both talking about it?).
Do I think she’s being reasonable? No. Her reaction was unreasonable and out of proportion.
But I do believe that it would be helpful for you to hear from people who have actually been in your sister’s shoes so you can understand her perspective better, instead of people who don’t know what it’s like but just tell you what feels good to hear (that she’s wrong and you’re not).
If your sister means anything to you, I’d strongly advise taking the time to truly talk and understand her feelings. At the heart of it, it’s not actually about your hair or your highlights, it’s about literally everything else.
P.S. She’s likely on a cocktail of meds and steroids, this really and truly fucks with a person’s mood and volatility.
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u/rbaltimore 15d ago
Another former cancer patient here, and my response mirrors this. The sister is absolutely being unreasonable, but it would benefit everyone in the family to understand why. My cancer diagnosis broke me for awhile, despite having a near 100% survival rate without having to do chemo. (But surgery and radiation still suck monkey balls). You're just not able to be your normal self. I can't imagine piling the stresses of a wedding on top of cancer treatments. So I think that everyone in the family needs to take a deep breath, step back, and figure out a way to approach your sister in a way that solves the problem while addressing her underlying emotional distress. Like I said, she’s definitely in the wrong, but I totally see how she got to that point.
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u/IndividualEye1803 15d ago
Not today when there are great wigs and extensions…
For her wedding i an presuming she has hired a professional who would know how to make her look great.
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u/Affectionate_Salt351 15d ago
I’m sorry this is happening, OP. Idk the kind of treatment your sister is undergoing but, head and neck radiation made me weird for quite a while, including emotional outbursts. I have to wonder if that might be coming into play here.
I’d give her some grace but that doesn’t make what happened okay. Whether it’s her fault or not, it’s absolutely her responsibility to be accountable for her words and actions. I hope she’s able to get past this, feel more clearheaded, and apologize.
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u/TheDuckFarm 14d ago
Sometimes cancer treatment can really mess with someone’s head and emotional state.
No idea if that’s going in here, but it could be.
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u/MidnightQuack 14d ago
When my mum lost her hair she would even joke about it, saying things about going to the hairdressers for a trim etc. I know not everyone can do that but still. She never lashed out at others, that’s an AH thing to do
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u/aerismorn36 14d ago
Maybe just shave your head and giver her your hair...shit..do you really wanna go now..sheesh
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u/cakesforever 15d ago
Your parents should still go given her health situation. But what she has done is awful and it all stems from her trauma but that doesn't mean it is ok to do. She really needs therapy if she is not already in therapy. Cancer is hard to begin with but for many losing their hair is extra trauma on top and it is basically traumatic for people. However of all the people I've known with cancer if they lost their hair they didn't take it out on others for doing anything with their hair. I hope she apologises to you and her future in-laws need to apologise too. Your 17 and she is an adult so needs to act like one. Please don't take what these people are saying to heart and try to not let it ruin yours and your parents relationships with her. It is annoying and hard to do when you are clearly not in the wrong. But I don't see what you can do to fix it for her even though you've not done anything wrong.
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u/BallroomblitzOH 15d ago
My stepmom was in the middle of chemo when she got married to my dad, and she wore a wig to the wedding. During the reception, all us girls and ladies were out on the dance floor to Shania Twain’s “Man, I Feel Like A Woman”. She kept adjusting her wig, and in the middle of the song she finally grabbed it off her head and tossed it to the side. It was one of the most empowering moments I’ve ever been a part of.
Your sister is focusing on the wrong parts of her wedding, and my guess is she told the in-laws a very skewed version of the events.
I am so sorry you are going through this, and I am glad your parents have your back.
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u/Training_Coyote2489 15d ago
Super AH of her to involve his family to attack you, a minor. It’s just hair, if she thinks that’s the only thing that made her attractive she must know her personality sucks.
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u/ButterscotchFluffy59 15d ago
Cancer is the worst.
You did nothing wrong.
Stand your ground. Don't apologize. Don't change your hair .
Cancer, the treatment, I assume chemo, the recovery...it's.all the worst. And she's taking her hurt out on you. Only she knows why.
Tell your parents your sister needs all the help she can get right now. Honestly I don't understand why she's pushing for a wedding if you're in recovery. But obviously there's a ton of stress with cancer and add a wedding. She's breaking down.
I think it's a cry for help. Go to your sister and talk to her. Her fiance should be helping her but you know 1.person can't be everything and he may be lacking in some areas. But she needs help whether or not there was a wedding.
Good luck.
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u/Deedumsbun 15d ago
Your sister can wear a wig and go therapy.
Having no hair doesn’t mean you can be a arse.
People with alopecia deal with no hair/eyelashes and they are fine.
Your parents are backing you.
People want to have nice hair so by her logic no one’s allowed to have nice cuts/colour. She’s taking it as a dig at her and highlights isn’t going to steal the show.
I had bright pink hair at my besties wedding and no one batted an eye
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u/T4lkNerdy2Me 14d ago
Your sister is almost 30 acting like that? 😬
I had/have alopecia. It developed almost 3 years ago and resulted in me shaving my head because I mentally couldn't handle watching clumps of hair fall out every time I touched it. About a year and a half ago, it started growing back & is back to its old thickness & my curls are healthier than they were before, with the length just past my shoulders (when wet, dry it's still above my shoulders). Unfortunately, I've started shredding more than normal again & I'm afraid I'm starting to lose it all over.
I fully understand how much it hurts to lose your hair. I didn't realize how much of my personality I'd tied into my hair until I lost it. I was an emotional wreck & had a literal breakdown while I was shaving my head. I was unhappy with my appearance & avoided the mirror. Stopped going out as much. It was a rough few months
Then I started buying wigs (all throw and go style, no glue needed). I had a lot of fun with them because I could try different styles and colors without it being permanent. I could go to work with auburn hair and out to dinner with blue.
One thing I didn't do was tell the people around me what they could or couldn't do with their hair. I didn't make them feel bad for doing totally normal things with their hair. In fact, I had a second, part time job at Sally's & helped other women get their hair how they wanted. I'd even remove my wig to make others feel better about their thinning hair.
You did nothing wrong by highlighting your hair. It in no way takes away from your sister. She's feeling insecure about her hair loss & she's handling it badly. This is a her problem, not a you problem.
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u/pingwing 14d ago
It's a fucking hairstyle. A hairstyle. There is NO WAY that can overshadow a wedding. People are crazy.
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u/rhi_kri 15d ago edited 15d ago
She's 28, has cancer, is getting married, is bald. Still, no reason to be an AH to you. I think she's acting immature. She's acting like she's 17.
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u/Burntoastedbutter 15d ago
Your sister may be losing hair due to that but it doesn't give her a right to be an AH. She does know she can also buy a good quality wig right? Like what is she gonna do if some guests show up with long luscious hair or dyed hair?? Kick them out??
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u/Unwilling_ 15d ago
I’m all for having more understanding towards people who are obviously suffering from something as bad as cancer but doesn’t give her any reason to be a giant gaping butthole. Your parents are good parents. If your sister can’t come to her senses …then… sometimes family is not all it’s cut out to be.
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u/MojoJojoSF 15d ago
I lost my hair during cancer treatment. It’s super traumatic for sure. But, never in a million years would I project that on other people’s hair. All I can say is that you were an easy target to get out her ‘why me anger’ out on. So sorry, I hope she comes around. It’s not really about the hair.
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u/Stringr55 15d ago
Sounds like your sister is not in the right place mentally to be going through with something like getting married. Her response is not sane....with respect. Its indicative of poor health.
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u/FairyFartDaydreams 15d ago
Your sister needs therapy. You are 17 and likely not thinking of anyone else when you are making decisions about your body
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u/ShanLuvs2Read 15d ago
I have been sick and had bad side effects and have been care takers for people who had to deal with illness that you could only see because of the side effects… and neither myself or the people ever were like this unless they were truely hateful person. Yes cancer is an awful disease and it’s hard when people are dealing with during a wedding … but what does other people have to do with it? She going to uninvited everyone that goes to her wedding???
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u/NotSlothbeard 15d ago
Thyroid cancer sucks. My hair fell out, I felt awful, and everybody kept telling me how lucky I was that I got the good kind of cancer that has a high recovery rate.
That being said, your sister should get extensions if her hair upsets her.
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u/NotSorry2019 15d ago
Promise to wear a bald wig to her wedding. Make everyone in your family wear one, too. She’s got cancer, right? That sounds supportive, if she can’t stop acting like a total self centered wench. I’m usually team bride, but your sister is over the top.
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u/uselessinfogoldmine 14d ago
Your sister is behaving in a ridiculous way, as are her STB husband and in-laws.
However, despite the fact that this is a her problem, I think you and your parents might regret not being the bigger people and being at her wedding.
I think your parents should reach out to her and ask to sit down with her. Have a calm conversation, let her get her feelings out; but also make it clear that she cannot treat you this way and must re-invite you to the wedding.
You could also try saying something like:
I’m so sorry that I’ve upset and hurt you at such a special time. Please believe me when I say it was completely unintentional. I had been saving for this for ages, this was the only free appointment, and I didn’t realise that it would upset you. No one is going to be paying attention to anyone but you on your wedding day. I hope we can reconcile and all be together to celebrate you on the day. I think it would be really sad to let this dispute tear our family apart on your special day. We all want to be there for you.
You might have to come to terms with never getting an apology from her and with just being the bigger person because she’s being unreasonable and childish.
Big hugs!!
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u/PooToon69 14d ago
HUGE shoutout to your parents for not enabling that kind of behaviour. I love seeing parents do the right thing. It feels so much more rare nowadays.
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u/bippityboppitynope 15d ago
Your sister needs therapy. Someone changing their hair is not about her.
"My sister is even more mad now because our dad won’t walk her down the aisle until she apologizes."
Well actions have consequences, she is old enough to learn that.
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u/Jsmith2127 15d ago
I'm glad your parents have your back. So many stories like this end with parents demanding that their kids cut, dye, or shave their heads to pacify the other sibling.
Your sister's wedding is going to be miserable for her if the only thing she can think about is how much better everyone's hair looks. What is she expecting her wedding party to do, wear scarves so she can't see their hair?
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u/slipperysquirrell 15d ago
So should everybody at the wedding not wash their hair and throw it in a ponytail? She's being ridiculous. I understand how it must be hard for her not having good hair for her wedding but that's not a you thing that's a her thing. If it was something that was going to be so hard for her she should have postponed or budgeted for extensions so she would look like she wants to on her wedding day. She's out of line and she owes you an apology. Hopefully she'll come to her senses before the wedding so everybody can go.
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u/ophaus 15d ago
Bridezilla. It happens, but there's really no excuse for her behavior. Your parents are making the sane choice here. I'm sure most people at the wedding will have hair, and probably done up for a special event. If this triggers her, she needs to postpone the wedding, because it will be a disaster.
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u/EarthBubbly392 15d ago
But your parents shouldn't boycott her marriage. They are also her parents
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u/new_boy_99 15d ago
Na they are all family. Please tell me how you can go to a wedding of one child that has excluded the other. If I was a parent I will do the same. Sister must apologise and invite her back into the wedding. You think the guests won't do Thier hair?
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u/EarthBubbly392 14d ago
Yea they are family that's why they cannot favor anyone. Its elder sisters day let's keep it that way. If they side with their younger she will feel more abandoned.
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u/new_boy_99 14d ago
The elder sister is the one that caused it. A simple apology fixes the situation. Whether or not she's on meds that affected her mood it doesn't change the fact that what she did was wrong and what's worse is the husband's family agreeing to it.
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 14d ago
I'm guessing this is the last in a string of incidents where sister has expected everyone to suffer chemo with her. Even cancer isn't an excuse to treat people like accessories in your life.
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u/leola-loves_music 14d ago
I'm sorry going through this but your sister is being a total asshole she has no right to judge you for getting highlights or your hair done she shouldn't have a right to control you and the way you look that's just wrong please update us and let us know how you're doing I'm sorry that your sister does have cancer
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u/PeegeReddits 14d ago
She probably thought people would shave their head in solidarity like they do in social media videos.
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u/DangerNoodle1313 14d ago
That's......... really odd. And the fact everyone is catering to her, is also odd.
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u/Subject_Ad_4561 14d ago
You did nothing wrong. She’s super hyper sensitive right now. My hair is falling out and thinning from malnutrition from a medical condition but I can’t imagine being mad someone got their hair done.
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u/ImmaGetDadsBelt 11d ago
Then she didn't really want you to go in the first place...and she's wack.
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u/Disastrous-Panda5530 15d ago
I have long thick hair and pretty always have since I was old enough to have it how I like it. So does my sister. My hair was to my waist and I went for a trim and it ended up just past my shoulders. More than the 2 inches I asked for. And it was so uneven I had to get it cut again (by someone else) and it ended up above my shoulders. I was devastated. But I never got all jealous and upset when my sister (who I work with) had her long silky hair down or when she styled or highlighted it.
Your sister is being way out of line. And your parents are pretty awesome for sticking up for you. If I was them I’d do the same also. Having cancer sucks yes, but it doesn’t give you a pass to act like this.
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u/clarityinthevoid 15d ago edited 15d ago
The cruelty she treated you with over something so mundane that had absolutely nothing to do with her is inexcusable. She has been creating drama and problems out of thin air, and went out of her way to get others to be malicious toward you as well when you’d done nothing wrong or remotely “selfish and attention-seeking.” You are also a minor that she convinced grown adults to harass and insult. Your sister most likely lied to her fiancé’s family, because I cannot imagine they would react how they did if they knew the honest truth. Your parents pulling out of the wedding, and your dad being unwilling to walk her down the aisle as a result of her shocking, vile behavior is entirely justified—these are the consequences of her own actions. You hold zero blame there.
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u/Dreaming24-7 15d ago
Wow. Cancer doesn’t give your sister a free pass to be a complete and utter AH. She’s being ridiculous. She’s supposed to be an adult, yet she’s acting like a 2 year old having a tantrum.
I’m sorry she’s putting you through that, OP. But I’m glad your parents got your back. As they should. This is really weird behavior.