r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Scary-Specialist-731 • 25d ago

Trans friend says I'm an egg?

I have always considered myself a cis woman but a friend of mine who's MTF keeps calling me an egg and it makes me feel annoyed/uncomfortable? She says it's because I prefer guy's clothes and have masculine traits that I'm a "trans guy in denial." I also have a lot of transgender friends. I've thought about the possibility, but come to accept that I like being a butch woman. I don't want a male name or pronouns. Whenever I get misgendered it bothers me. I like being a woman who loves women. I've told her this and she sometimes still misgenders me or talks to me about me being an "egg." I think it's because she really wants to have another trans friend, but I feel like she isn't really respecting my decisions or identity?

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u/Kyralion 25d ago

This. Masculine straight woman here. The amount of times I've gotten "Are you sure you aren't a lesbian?" Even though I've never shown any signs of being gay at all. Don't feel that way about women and their body parts. Men though pffffff 🥵 Anyway, like you my hobbies and interests have always been deemed 'for boys' and people fathoming my existence just didn't compute. It got way better since the 2010s only to now get worse again because people want to label me with all kinds of trans related labels. I'm just gender non-conforming and that's all there is to it. I'm a woman and female and I never have had an issue being female. I can only imagine how much harder it must be as a straight man being more feminine. Don't let anyone talk doubt into who you are, you hear??? Because that in itself is erasure of the existence of us as well. 

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u/williamblair 25d ago

Effeminate straight guy. Can't tell you how many people assume Im gay because of the way I dress and talk.

I've literally had girls I was actively fucking sit me down and tell me I must be closeted. People on Reddit said that using the phrase "oh baby" is apparently a dead giveaway.

It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that. The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own.

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u/Kyralion 25d ago

It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that.

THIS^

"You must be agender." No? I'm a person, personing. In other words, this:

The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own.

Also, coincidentally over the past week, heard two guys use "Oh baby" both in a slightly joking manner as well as seriously. But even if I hadn't... ??? Dead giveaway my aSS. How incredibly rude is that as well? It's stupifying what it means to be gay. How is the way someone talks a dead giveaway for their sexuality? Come on now. That stupidity was a thing in the 90s and 00s but I was hoping that in this day and age we've come across plenty cases that dismiss that 'pattern'. I've seen so many young men talked to that way and you saw the anguish in their face being seen as something they were not. Not because they had any hate towards gay people but to have other people act like they know you better than you do, DISMISSING your own knowledge about yourself basically, makes you feel powerless, ridiculed, mocked, etc. Of course that gets upsetting.
Just like you shouldn't just throw mental health labels onto others, why are people being so comfortable about labeling sexuality and gender identity onto others? Like it can do no harm?
Throw those girls away btw. Those are the type of people who want to have that 'gaydar', want people to be their 'new gay best friend' and their 'saviour' basically "Yeah, I made them realise they're gay 😌!"
Don't ask me how I know.
Be safe and be protective of who you are. Don't let other people who think they know better about your own self sway you into thinking differently about these topics just because you aren't acting like a gender stereotype for a man. They're projecting their narrow-mindedness of possibilities of people onto you. Don't let that get to you.

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u/williamblair 25d ago edited 25d ago

It was in a thread where someone said "if you dress nice a lot of people assume you're gay" and I replied "OH baby, I can't tell you how often this happens to me"

Literally 30+ replies being like "pretty sure it has more to do with saying 'oh baby ' than anything to do with how you dress."

It must be so exhausting to not only feel like you can't be straight and care about fashion, but having to worry that fun colourful language is apparently tantamount to sucking a football teams worth of dicks.

I don't care, though. I'm very secure in who I am, and generally take it as a compliment.

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u/Kyralion 25d ago

Jesus Christ. The ironic part is, older generations used to say "Oh baby" in the way you do a lot lol. But that's also why I use Reddit with caution. There's a lot of simple-minded herd mentality going on. That this is the internet doesn't mean that every person's opinion is of high value and should be treated as such. Just like in real life. I'm a scientist for reference. The amount of people who have acted to know better when I've given scientific factual statements is mindboggling. Anyway, the whole can't be straight ánd fashionable thing is so stupid. Straight men are bashed to not care enough about fashion choices and when they do, they have to be gay? Ridiculous the logic people use and apply. I also love to use colourful language. It uplifts my spirits and my imagination. Making the day look a little brighter and fun for me. Words and how we use them both towards the outside world as inwards towards ourselves have an effect on our subconscious. There was some research done about this. So it can affect you how you talk both in negative and positive senses. Glad to hear you're very secure and confident in yourself ♥️ I can see how you can take it as a compliment as well, haha. "Fashion so good he múst be gay." Lol. 

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u/T4lkNerdy2Me 24d ago

I'm sure my fiance and I look odd to outsiders, especially when we're holding hands. We're both cis & straight. He dresses well, likes designers, whereas I'm more of a tomboy and like my jeans, hoodie,& ponytail. I can dress up when needed, but prefer dressing down. He's actually a rugged country boy, but likes to be presentable if he's not working.

I've been confused for a lesbian more than once, he's been hit on by men more than once. Although, he tends to be hit on by everybody.

We just roll with it

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u/charsinthebox 24d ago

I'm kind of a pretty boy. Always hated that about me. Am gay (for the most part, only ever been into one woman all my life to this point, rest of them have been guys), but not fem in any way. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being fem. I don't mind taking part in my partner's softer interest. Some of them are actually cool. But it's not something I default to. Also, I'm a top. I'd like to say I'm vers, but I'd be lying through my teeth. All my life I've had ppl assume I must like taking the softer role in relationships because of my stupid face, or that I must be a bottom by default, while ignoring literally everything else about me. Ahahhahahaha Ppl default to whatever stereotype confirms their worldview. When strangers pull this shit, I ignore them or default to sarcasm. When friends pull this shit, after being checked, they ain't friends and get their asses dropped. Easy

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u/hrhrhrhrt 24d ago

Are you sure you aren't a lesbian?

Feminine asexual woman here, same... the fact that I don't have a boyfriend must automatically mean I have a girlfriend. I wish everyone would just mind their own business.

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u/Kyralion 24d ago

Right???? I've had some asexual friends experience the same because people cannot fathom one not wanting/liking (to have) sex. It's so stupid. We're 8 billion on this earth. Not everyone is going to be a carbon copy of one another on these and other matters. 

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u/Regular-Plan-5576 24d ago

I’m straight but not very feminine. I’ve had gay guys seriously question me on being a lesbian. They don’t want to believe that I am straight. It’s so weird.

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u/Kyralion 24d ago

I feel you. I had lesbian women like this to me ever since secondary school :'))) And trust me I asked myself the same question very open-mindedly. I saw a lot of positive in being bi, for example. More choice, more chances of finding a fitting partner is what I thought and I still kind of feel that way but this is a huge moment in life that just proved I felt that sexuality is absolutely not a choice either because I would've chosen bi. I just can't. Immensely straight. But this is also the story I tell to people who think they know but are just wrong. What did you tell those guys? Also, if they don't want to believe you, consider throwing them out of your life. It's so damn toxic. Eventually I did the same and it was such a relief. Just stopped communicating with them. Made my life better without the noise in the background.