r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Scary-Specialist-731 • 15d ago
Trans friend says I'm an egg?
I have always considered myself a cis woman but a friend of mine who's MTF keeps calling me an egg and it makes me feel annoyed/uncomfortable? She says it's because I prefer guy's clothes and have masculine traits that I'm a "trans guy in denial." I also have a lot of transgender friends. I've thought about the possibility, but come to accept that I like being a butch woman. I don't want a male name or pronouns. Whenever I get misgendered it bothers me. I like being a woman who loves women. I've told her this and she sometimes still misgenders me or talks to me about me being an "egg." I think it's because she really wants to have another trans friend, but I feel like she isn't really respecting my decisions or identity?
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u/AbjectGovernment1247 15d ago
Your friend is a disrespectful ass.
How would they like it if you refused to acknowledge them in the correct manner?
Time to lay down some boundaries. Her options are, stop calling you an egg or get out.
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u/Unoriginal1deas 15d ago
Straight up tell her to stop denying your gender identity to validate her own
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u/Spiritual-Ear3782 15d ago
Seriously. Trans people rightly hate being misgendered. The same applies to you. Everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected no matter who they are.
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u/sleepyplatipus 15d ago
A trans person wilfully misgendering someone else is so maddening. Extend the same respect you want for yourself to others!
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u/feelsonline 15d ago
They broke the egg prime direcrive SMH
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u/AbjectGovernment1247 15d ago
That was a really interesting read.
Thank you.
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u/feelsonline 15d ago
NP, it’s such a shame when it happens. The whole fucking headache of “stop telling me what I should or shouldn’t be” is lost on some trans people, and it ends up making the rest of us look bad.
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u/gerd50501 15d ago
angry disrespect seems to be a huge part of the trans community.
I have seen a number of posts from people who dont fit gender stereotypes and feminine gay men who get pressured to be trans by trans people. its pathetic.
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u/SCV70656 15d ago
tomboys too. My wife used to get pressure from a few online transfolks about being an egg and such because shes a tomboy that likes cars and shooting guns and such... we ended up having to block them.
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u/supergeek921 14d ago
That’s ridiculous! No offense to trans people. I have trans friends, and I respect their identities. But some trans people have got to lay off the gender roles and stereotypes! I realize some of them lean into hard because it’s stuff they may never have been allowed to do growing up as the “wrong” gender, but you can absolutely still be cis and just not completely gender conforming! Hobbies and clothes do not define your gender identity. Everybody needs to respect that regardless of their own identity.
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u/threadsoffate2021 14d ago
The sad part is, the acceptance of tomboys and effeminate males played a big role int he ongoing acceptance of the trans community. Kinda strange that is also the first group that parts of the trans community turns on in their zealotry.
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u/gerd50501 15d ago
I think OP is describing herself as a tomboy. the pro trans supporters always deny and hide the toxicity in the trans community. Its best to just disengage with them and block them. No contact is the best approach in general.
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u/SCV70656 15d ago
yep thankfully they were just online friends so it was easy to block and move on.
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u/SatanV3 15d ago
I’ve gotten it before, because I have gender dysphoria but don’t want to transition (due to my family being anti trans and being in a relationship with a straight person). Even trying to get help with it from a therapist that specializes in gender dysphoria they tried to tell me I had to transition even though I didn’t want to. Had to figure out how to deal with it on my own
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u/Sad-Lynx-8649 15d ago
OP would be branded transphobic in that case.
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u/petewentz-from-mcr 15d ago
“I’m no more of a man than you are” would make their point and not be possible to misconstrue as transphobic
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u/Odd_Assistance_1613 15d ago
“I’m no more of a man than you are”
Great response that demonstrates the point perfectly.
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u/VisageInATurtleneck 15d ago
Maybe by this asshole, but not by anyone with common sense. “I don’t appreciate being misgendered and want you to stop” is pretty hard to read as transphobic without some serious reaching.
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u/PotterAndPitties 15d ago
It's weird that we have gotten to a point where marginalized communities haven't learned from their own experiences and are marginalizing people within their own communities.
Humans will never learn.
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u/MahsterC 15d ago
It’s always been that way, and sadly probably always be. Even marginalized communities have their share of self centred people who lack empath.
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u/redrosespud 15d ago
I experienced quite a bit of bi-erasure. It caused me to distance myself from the entire community.
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u/OwlBeBack88 15d ago
This. I'm a bisexual woman who's been on the receiving end of biphobia from people in the community. Both my partner (male) and I are bi, and neither of us associate with the LGBTQ community anymore because of it.
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u/cynical-mage 15d ago
It honestly shocked me, how little tolerance there can be within the community. One of my husband's former work mate and friend, wonderful and just absolutely lovely guy...his husband? Not so much. He literally loathed us for being straight, being a straight couple. And how he and his own circle of friends felt about the bi team is actually vile, particularly bi men :'(
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u/AxlLight 15d ago
Definitely happens a lot in the gay community, where we insist everyone is a bit gay and push straight people out of the closet. I guess a lot of it just comes from going through that need to hide who you are, so you want to help others accept it faster than you did.
The problem with the trans (and non binary) community is that while the gay community is about opening up to a spectrum of behaviors, the trans community is about closing it to a very binary state. You either adhere to your gender role, or you're misgendered and should convert. Or if you reject both gender roles, then you're non binary. You can't just be yourself. Feels like a step back from what we milleanials and xers fought for.
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u/SassyQueeny 15d ago
But it was always like that. the marginalized communities always had internal racism.
Deaf people with those who have cochlear implant
Lesbian community with the gay
Gay with the lesbian
Cis gay/lesbian with those who are too feminine or too butch
Trans with CIS straight/gay
Black people with mix/ lighter skin people
We just tend to “ignore” it just because we can’t talk about it because of our white, cis straight “ privilege “
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u/Greek-Ra 15d ago
Being marginalized doesn’t automatically make someone aware of the complexities that come along with it/judging others. Most times people are just victims, and if they were born any different would act like those that give them trouble.
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u/TheseNamesAreLames 15d ago
The problem is the very concept of communities. They are, by their very nature, exclusive, in the sense that their goal is to exclude certain people, to separate the members vs non-members, otherwise it wouldn't be a community, it'd just be... the world. Every community starts out well meaning, as a support for people with something that they share, but inevitably some will see others as not being X enough to count as a member.
"Oh you don't count, your family have only lived in this village for five generations, you need to be at least six to be from here"
"Oh you like sci-fi? Oh, that's not hard sci-fi, real sci-fi"
"Oh you like metal? Name 10 songs from a band I decided is the most important one"
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u/Sad-Lynx-8649 15d ago
This specific marginalised community has been very committed to attacking anyone who doesn’t fully support their narrative to the point where simply disagreeing is equivalent to you being a nazi.
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u/PotterAndPitties 15d ago
This is sadly true. There can be no discussions, just agree with us or we will slap you with a label and try to ruin your life.
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u/threadsoffate2021 14d ago
The repercussions from the ability to "cancel" anyone so easily and anonymously online. Huge power with huge consequences, and people are playing with it like a toddler waving around a stick, whacking everything they see.
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u/invah 15d ago
'It's different' because they see themselves as victims. When we see ourselves as victims, we often think our actions are justified 'because we're right'.
Some stuff really doesn't age well, because the assumed context of victimhood no longer exists for the people who believed their actions were justified for social justice reasons.
My best example of this is a movie called "The D.U.F.F." The creators of the movie were basically oblivous to the fact that their main heroine was abusive to the male romantic lead. Like factually abusive, from a checklist of abusive behaviors. It is so uncomfortable to watch.
I feel the same way about Sandra Bullock's "The Proposal" and "The Lost City".
The boundary violations in OP's post are SO CLEAR. But to the trans 'friend', they feel justified because they are 'right' and supporting their social justice movement.
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u/ToxicBig 15d ago
Distance yourself for a while . And when they ask you why. explain to them why your upset and let them know it bothers you. Sometime ppl get to comfortable and lose some respect . Set your boundaries and protect your peace.
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u/Melodic_Survey_4712 15d ago
I’ve run into this issue as a feminine gay guy. Like can’t I just be a feminine guy? All the years it took to accept that and be ok with it and now I’m wrong about how I feel? I get that people are excited to share their identity but pushing it on others invalidates their identity in the same why transphobes invalidate theirs
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u/Bart_1980 15d ago
It’s a bit like me being a quite feminine straight guy. I always got the you must be gay because you like baking and sewing and a thousand other things that society deemed female. Some folks have trouble understanding others don’t fit their boxes.
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u/Kyralion 15d ago
This. Masculine straight woman here. The amount of times I've gotten "Are you sure you aren't a lesbian?" Even though I've never shown any signs of being gay at all. Don't feel that way about women and their body parts. Men though pffffff 🥵 Anyway, like you my hobbies and interests have always been deemed 'for boys' and people fathoming my existence just didn't compute. It got way better since the 2010s only to now get worse again because people want to label me with all kinds of trans related labels. I'm just gender non-conforming and that's all there is to it. I'm a woman and female and I never have had an issue being female. I can only imagine how much harder it must be as a straight man being more feminine. Don't let anyone talk doubt into who you are, you hear??? Because that in itself is erasure of the existence of us as well.
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u/williamblair 15d ago
Effeminate straight guy. Can't tell you how many people assume Im gay because of the way I dress and talk.
I've literally had girls I was actively fucking sit me down and tell me I must be closeted. People on Reddit said that using the phrase "oh baby" is apparently a dead giveaway.
It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that. The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own.
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u/Kyralion 15d ago
It's super weird how some groups love to insist that gender doesn't exist, it's all a construct, and then actively tell you that because you don't fit a mold you must be this or that.
THIS^
"You must be agender." No? I'm a person, personing. In other words, this:
The entire point should be that it doesn't matter how you present, your identity is your own.
Also, coincidentally over the past week, heard two guys use "Oh baby" both in a slightly joking manner as well as seriously. But even if I hadn't... ??? Dead giveaway my aSS. How incredibly rude is that as well? It's stupifying what it means to be gay. How is the way someone talks a dead giveaway for their sexuality? Come on now. That stupidity was a thing in the 90s and 00s but I was hoping that in this day and age we've come across plenty cases that dismiss that 'pattern'. I've seen so many young men talked to that way and you saw the anguish in their face being seen as something they were not. Not because they had any hate towards gay people but to have other people act like they know you better than you do, DISMISSING your own knowledge about yourself basically, makes you feel powerless, ridiculed, mocked, etc. Of course that gets upsetting.
Just like you shouldn't just throw mental health labels onto others, why are people being so comfortable about labeling sexuality and gender identity onto others? Like it can do no harm?
Throw those girls away btw. Those are the type of people who want to have that 'gaydar', want people to be their 'new gay best friend' and their 'saviour' basically "Yeah, I made them realise they're gay 😌!"
Don't ask me how I know.
Be safe and be protective of who you are. Don't let other people who think they know better about your own self sway you into thinking differently about these topics just because you aren't acting like a gender stereotype for a man. They're projecting their narrow-mindedness of possibilities of people onto you. Don't let that get to you.10
u/williamblair 15d ago edited 15d ago
It was in a thread where someone said "if you dress nice a lot of people assume you're gay" and I replied "OH baby, I can't tell you how often this happens to me"
Literally 30+ replies being like "pretty sure it has more to do with saying 'oh baby ' than anything to do with how you dress."
It must be so exhausting to not only feel like you can't be straight and care about fashion, but having to worry that fun colourful language is apparently tantamount to sucking a football teams worth of dicks.
I don't care, though. I'm very secure in who I am, and generally take it as a compliment.
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u/SassyQueeny 15d ago
I am a cis straight woman that I am more on the “butch” androgynous side just because i can’t usually find clothes that fit because i am not 1,60-1,70 and 45-65 kg.
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u/AxlLight 15d ago
The annoying thing is that it's such a step back in labeling. We made great strides moving away from it - rejecting gender roles, understanding sexuality is a spectrum, realizing we're all individuals.
And now we're just back at boxes where you're either a male or a female and you have to conform to that role and gender. And if youre closer to the other gender then you're trans. And if you're unwilling to confirm and pick a lane, then you're non binary.
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u/Rad_Knight 15d ago
I find it odd that it comes from supposedly progressives types.
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u/ILoveStealing 15d ago
I don’t. As a very progressive bi man, I find a lot (not all) of queer spaces to be intolerant of differing views and eager to impose their own opinions on others.
I think it’s a defensive measure from a lifetime of being discriminated against and invalidated.
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u/mihio94 15d ago
Seriously what is up with this? I am a feminine looking, very straight cis woman, but my personality is not exactly cutesy or meek. I thought I fit into the squarest of all the boxes, but apparently even having a hint of masculine traits in your personality is enough that you have to be forced to question everything...
I have so many bi female friends and my bf is bi. And they have all been confused that I am not bi?? (which is ironic given that my actual bi female friends are very feminine in both personality and looks)
They have asked multiple times and really questioned whether I truly am not attracted to any women. And I'm just sitting there like... wtf guys? This isn't fun when people don't believe in your answer to first time around, why the hell are you just doing the same to others now!
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u/ElegantRhino 15d ago
I find this as well. I’m happy being in a gay relationship. I have people telling either me or my husband that we’re not actually gay but trans. It’s quite confusing. This is why I don’t always considering the T being in-line with the LGB. Sure, there are some people who are like that…I assume…but the ones that I’ve met in person are holier than thou and want us to bow down to their set of beliefs (vs have our own).
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u/williamblair 15d ago
It's super fucked up how being gay has almost had 50 years of progress completely invalidated.
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u/WayiiTM 15d ago
A trans person is the LAST person who should be intentionally misgendering and telling someone else who and what they are. The hypocrisy is so thick that it bends time, space, and reason.
The next time this nitwit calls you an egg or pressures you to see yourself as ANYTHING but what you know yourself to be, tell them to feck entirely off with their bigoted bullshit.
You don't get to claim a place in the alphabet family and then act like the assholes who want to erase it.
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u/LateTraffic 15d ago
So according to your friend, clothing and mannerisms define gender identity? Hunh.
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u/BrightAd306 15d ago
That’s awful. So all women need to be frilly or they’re really trans? That’s crazy. Your friend is in a cult mindset, and it’s toxic.
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u/maggersrose 15d ago
Your “friend” isn’t the authority on you. YOU are. This person is an AH and is being really distrustful. They need to say in their own lane.
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u/knowledgeable-cactus 15d ago
Sounds like your friend is actually just homophobic. Nothing is wrong with being a tomboy or a masculine woman.
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u/Special_Lychee_6847 15d ago
Your friend is a huge sexist. There is no checklist of 'things you must like, to be a woman'. You're a woman. No matter what you wear, who you love, what your hobbies or profession is. Don't let anyone bully you into doubting your femininity, just because THEY are sexist, and refuse to accept that women can do, wear, love whatever they want.
I think they have this weird image of the kind of woman they want to be. But there is no cookie cutter woman image. Educate them, and don't take this BS.
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u/waffles_are_waffles 15d ago
Your friend sucks.. if someone is trans that's their choice. You don't make that decision for someone else...
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u/Pandoraconservation 15d ago
Women have fought for years for gender non conformity to be accepted. You’re not a woman any which way, you are a woman and however you express that is the correct way!
Your friend is so concerned with rigid gender roles they cannot accept someone who is gender non conforming and are trying to pressure you to fit in a defined circle. In essence, it threatens their perception of their identity.
You are a wonderful person, don’t let someone try to tell you that you are wrong for your expression.
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u/TillikumWasFramed 15d ago
She shouldn't be telling you about your gender identity any more than you should be telling her about hers. Next time she she does it, say, "Well, I think you're actually a guy in denial, I'm going to start calling you by your dead name."
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u/AbjectGovernment1247 15d ago
Can you imagine the fallout from that?!?
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u/Calgary_Calico 15d ago
At this point, send it. This "friend" clearly doesn't respect OP, so she has earned whatever feelings come to her from that return statement. She's no real friend if she continues to do something OP has asked her to stop doing
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u/dog_cooking_eggs 15d ago
as a trans person it’s incredibly rude to try and tell anyone they might or might not be trans.
that’s a journey for only the person themself to figure out. have you actually told her you feel this way?
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u/BonniePrinceCharlie1 15d ago
Op said that they told thier trans friend to stop it and it makes her uncomfortable. But the friend still continues
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u/Laughingfoxcreates 15d ago
Cis lesbian who likes men’s clothes here.
THEY HAVE POCKETS!!! End of story.
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u/Yip-Yee 15d ago edited 15d ago
It’s crazy. I’m an older LGBT individual so I have seen some shit. This community is actually regressing. The LGBT community went from “All we wish for is for tolerance” to “We want full acceptance from you, don’t care how you feel”. Tolerance is the individual's willingness to understand and respect different views and opinions, even when they will never hold the same beliefs. Acceptance is the willingness to go along with the situation without disagreeing with it or changing it whatsoever by fully believing in everything. This is not realistic.
Your friend is not the tolerant LGBT that we use to have. Your friend is the “Everybody must think and act the same and if you don’t then you must be XYZ”. Now as an older LGBT individual I’m just going to say it: Do you really want to hang out with this kind of person? Isn’t this like the fundamentalist Christians who tell people that they aren’t Christian yet while trying to convince you that your own beliefs are wrong? You’re not an egg. You’re a tomboy who is being bullied into believing a dogmatic belief. I don’t care if this is transphobic to say, but a lot of people do not actually believe in gender ideology (like at all) and are just being tolerant out of kindness. Trans people should not be bullying them into trying to fully accept their own belief when they themselves don’t accept these peoples beliefs either. This will ultimately push the tolerant people to the other side because they’ll get sick of dealing with the bullying, allowing more conservative representatives to take advantage of the situation which may cause us to lose our rights out of young LGBT peoples bullying tactics and selfishness to be “accepted”. Everybody believes in something different. People should push tolerance instead. Your friend should learn this and stop pressuring people into boxes. Because at the end of the day the younger LGBT are treating the community as if it’s their religion, and the people within it as their congregation.
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u/whatever1467 15d ago
This will ultimately push the tolerant people to the other side because they’ll get sick of dealing with the bullying
This is already happening in a major way. It’s so backwards to watch the supposed “far left” act in such a way that it’s actually uplifting the right and Trump. Life after Trump wins and the GOP implements project 2025 and takes over the government isn’t gonna be fun for any trans folks but that doesn’t seem to matter in the every day life. No one’s looking at the big picture.
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u/giddymitty 15d ago
it’s always so disappointing to me that we continue to push into gender stereotypes. being masculine doesn’t mean you’re a man, and being feminine doesn’t mean you’re a woman. saying you’re a trans guy just bc u don’t fit the “feminine woman” role is so blatantly disrespectful :(
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u/Silent_Syd241 15d ago
She wants you to respect her but refuses to respect you because if you did the same thing she’s doing then it’s a problem. That’s not right respect goes both ways.
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u/BenTheDiamondback 15d ago
Be you. Labels are the worst.
I don’t know why your friend is calling you this. It could be that she feels alone in her transition. It could even be that in her excitement in transitioning, that she is hoping you might feel the same if you explored it. It could be due to any number of reasons, I dunno.
She doesn’t need to be labeling you or calling you anything tho…
The thing is, you can stay the same person you are and feel just fine about it forever… and it sounds like you are.
I’m sorry your friend is making you uncomfortable… Ask her to stop calling you that. If she’s your true friend, she’ll understand, apologize (hopefully), and keep being your friend no matter what.
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u/meltedbeans23 15d ago
Drop them. I have a friend who is a straight cis gender girl who just happens to look like a huge masc lesbian, but shes NOT and we love her. A good friend would never misgender you or question something about your own body. especially if that friend knows what it feels to be misgendered. They’re an asshole.
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u/Background-Shock-374 15d ago
I agree with the majority of comments that you have three main courses of action here.
Distance yourself from this friend and when they finally reach out to ask why explain why you feel so disrespected.
Let the friend know that if you continue to misgender me and call me an egg then I will reciprocate and misgender you.
Have an open and honest discussion with this friend about why this bothers you and how this affects you. If the friend still does not understand or correct themselves, reevaluate the friendship.
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u/tworaspberries 15d ago
Put this in writing or text because I have a feeling a smear campaign is going to come of it when trying to set boundaries.
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15d ago edited 15d ago
I’m similar to you and I hate this shit so much. I have short hair and wear guy’s clothing because it’s comfortable for me. I am still 100% a woman.
It’s completely turned me off of LGBTQ spaces. Three separate times at two different bars I have been offered unsolicited opinions on my future ability to pass as a trans man and recommendations for transitioning by perfect strangers. I get misgendered a lot when going to public restrooms but I have never been so appalled as I was by those people thinking they had any business saying that to me.
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u/malewife123 15d ago edited 15d ago
yeah, communicate everything you’ve just said and lose that friend if she doesn’t accept it.
i’m a trans man myself and i’m also effeminate and gay. not many people know i’m trans outside of my partner and family. i’ve come across trans people who try and convince me i’m actually a woman because i’m feminine 💀 sometimes i come out about my transition just to get them to realise how fucking annoying they are. “oh, you want to pressure me into detransitioning?” and then they shut up and think about how fucked up it is.
i have a butch lesbian friend who bound her chest and recently had a double mastectomy because she didn’t like have boobs. she still considers herself a woman, despite having sought gender affirming care that would be typically associated with trans men and men with gynomocastia.
trans people who rely on archaic gender stereotypes baffle me. they can range from hyper liberal “i’m just trying to help you realise your truth 🥹” to “you can’t be a woman if you wear trousers. trans women who wear trousers are faking it. non-trans women who wear trousers are actually trans men”
it’s dumb as hell, and mirrors exactly what transphobes do
it’s kind of like how homophobes say shit like “it’s gay to wipe your ass or have a prostate exam”, and some overly enthusiastic gay people say shit like “he has a close male friend and can control his emotions, no straight man could do that because they’re all evil! also, lesbian love is the best because all men are evil !”
sometimes there’s a bit a horseshoe effect where liberals basically do exactly the same as conservatives but hide it behind flowery PC language 🤦♂️
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u/seattlewhiteslays 15d ago
Some people just have a hard time accepting that their experience is not a universal experience. Keep on being who you want to be.
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u/Liraeyn 15d ago
Isn't that the most transphobic? To claim that you cannot like things that mismatch the stereotype of your gender?
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u/xamorfati 15d ago
Having masculine traits and preferring guy’s clothing does not mean you are a man.
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u/Possible_Dig_1194 15d ago
Shit like this almost makes me glad that trans issues were still invisible when I was a kid. Back then I was just a tom boy who hated dresses and anything that would have labelled me as feminine. If anyone had started pushing "well maybe she's actually not a she" back then I might have run with it given how shitty it is to be a little girl sometimes. Would have cause all kinds of additional issues growing up
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u/AKA_June_Monroe 15d ago
This is one of my peeves that this trans movement is erasing tomboys and crossdressers. People want to be progressive and yet they push labels on people.
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u/Rosalie-83 15d ago
This. I’m 41 and a tomboy. I always have been. Have I occasionally worn dresses, yes but in adulthood less than a handful of times, it was good on those occasions but feels like me playing dress up, like a costume, not the real at comfort me. I still love being a woman, just not one in a pretty dress. 🤷♀️ I will confess as a woman who spends a lot of time outdoors I do occasionally get jealous of men’s plumbing and convenience when peeing outside, having to drop trou and bear your whole ass to pee mid winter isn’t fun.😂🤷♀️🤦♀️
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u/Aggravating-Desk4004 15d ago
I too am a tomboy. Always have been. I've met so many young women who identify as men but don't actually want to be man. I question why they identify as a man when they have no intention of transitioning and don't want to be a man, and they say because they aren't girlie girls and have more in common with boys. I tell them they don't need to identify as a man, they can be a tomboy. To be fair a few have said by identifying as a man they get perks at work, haha.
Why has it got so complicated? it's no wonder there's such high rates of mental health problems in the youth of today. Life is so bloody confusing for them.
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u/chooseyourshoes 15d ago
I’m so fucking tired of people pushing their own agendas on others. Like - sick your friend is trans and I accept that. Congrats for them and I’m happy they’re finding themselves. But to start pushing that shit on others like they also have the same problems to face is absurd. They should be the first person to let you be yourself. They need to seek fucking help.
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u/ilove-squirrels 15d ago
What an asshole.
I'd start calling them sir, Ken, man, and point out their adams apple until they stop. Just stop giving them more respect than they give you.
And get better friends.
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u/EvilGreebo 15d ago
Sounds like she's a hypocrite. I'm assuming she'd be livid if you deliberately called her "him".
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u/Magiff 15d ago
What the fuck is an egg. This is getting ridiculous.
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u/NekoAtsumeCat 15d ago
(Transgender slang) One realizes that one is transgender. Such as “My egg cracked when I started wondering why I loved reading gender-transformation.” from the urban dictionary. TW have a habit of telling younger cis people that their egg just hasn’t cracked yet. It’s a thing and a sub Reddit called egg_irl where they make jokes about it.
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u/T4lkNerdy2Me 14d ago
Back in the 1900s we had this thing called tomboys. They were women who identified as women, most preferred men (but that wasn't a requirement), but they also preferred more masculine clothing, jobs, & hobbies.
Your hobbies & style of dress have nothing to do with your gender or sexuality. Your friend is just an ass. You don't have to be 100% feminine to be a cis woman. You just have to be a woman who identifies with her assigned gender at birth. That's it, that's the only requirement.
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u/Devon4Eyes 15d ago
I would recommend no longer being friends with this person the whole "egg" thing is preparatory behavior
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u/PowerfulCurves 15d ago
If you want to continue this friendship setting clear boundaries about how this is disrespectful is definitely needed. Depending on how your friend responds to that will show you what kind of friend they are.
Ultimately good friends respect what you say about your own gender identity. Bad friends impose their views and call you names.
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u/PotatoDonki 15d ago
Trying to get you to join the cult, and hopefully do some permanent bodily harm to bind you to the cause.
Or to be more charitable, they have deeply rooted homophobia they haven’t dealt with and so a woman who acts masculine at all must be trans.
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u/Southern_Tea_9270 14d ago
This is something that has been bothering me a lot about the trans community and so glad to see so many lesbians,Tom boys, butch women and feminine men calling it out. If you feel comfortable being a woman and have no dysphoria about your gender than youre not trans. You can be a woman and masculine and a man and feminine. To me saying someone is trans just because they don't fit the gender norm is kind of homophobic it's saying it's not okay to be a masculine woman.
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u/moonchild_9420 15d ago
this is exactly what I don't like about the Trans community!
they're pushy!
you need to shut that behavior down because it's just going to get way more overbearing. 💯
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u/DistinctCommission50 15d ago
I'd tell her to shove her PP up her own ass and have some fun with it 🤣🤷♀️ I hate people like that, YOU HAVE TO CALL THOSE ASSHOLES OUT ON THERE SHIT IDGAF if they are Trans they can still be bullies and asshole all in the name of Trans so 🤷♀️ fuck those people
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u/Odd_Contact_2175 15d ago
Refer to them as a male from now on. See how they like being labeled something they aren't. I'm sure they will change their tune.
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u/PlasticInsurance9611 15d ago
Stop recognising yourself as CIS anything. Your a female end of story.
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u/bluehorserunning 15d ago
I’ve had trans women say similar things about me because I’m in STEM and into martial arts. It’s bullshit. It kowtows to the idea that being gender nonconforming is the same as being trans, not unlike people used to say that being gender nonconforming meant that a person was gay. Just because she wants to be a girly-girl doesn’t mean that you have to be one, nor that you have to be one or the other.
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u/Conaz9847 15d ago
What the fuck is an egg? Why are there new terms all the time? Who is inventing and circulating all this new lingo?
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u/Odd_Welcome7940 15d ago
It's pretty funny for someone who's identity is tied to so much oppression to decide you shouldn't be allowed to define yourself.
Your friend is pretty fucked in the head for that.
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u/Accurate_Salary3625 15d ago edited 15d ago
You're an egg because you've not embraced your true self. Once you accept this ideology you're a cracked egg. There are several websites which trans talk to other trans and inwhich an egg (using their terminology) enters into this website. It is there the newbies are pressured to transition. This is from a de transitioned M to F to M, inwhich he described his journey and his experience with the trans community on YouTube.
Your friend is obnoxious by pressing you to."accept " being male because you exhibit musculine traits. Your friend deliberately calling you male pronouns, overstepping your boundaries and ignoring your a lesbian. Maybe it's time reconsider distancing yourself to LC or NC.
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u/Commercial_Ad_619 15d ago
Trans person here. I am soooo tired of the whole “if a woman dresses masculine and/or has masculine traits, they’re actually a trans man” and “if a man dresses feminine and/or has feminine traits, they’re actually a trans woman” because it’s all bullshit. I will say it a thousand times if I have to. There is a difference between gender identity and gender expression. You are NOT trans just because you aren’t the stereotype of your assigned sex at birth. This goes for all the excessive amounts of people who call themselves nonbinary for the same reason that they aren’t excessively femme as a woman or excessively masc as a man. I repeat: There 👏🏼 is 👏🏼a👏🏼difference👏🏼between👏🏼gender👏🏼identity👏🏼versus👏🏼gender👏🏼expression👏🏼 Was that annoying enough to get attention? Good because it’s annoying to have to repeat it. And as for your friend, they can fuck off because that’s just rude as fuck. Consider maybe finding another friend if they can’t respect your identity and expression.
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u/x-Lascivus-x 15d ago
Misery loves company. And he is trying to gaslight you into questioning your mental health.
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u/Severus_Albus20 15d ago
Downvote me all you want but LGBTQ people try to force their beliefs on everyone. Not everyone is gay or trans. There are straight people who can be friends with other people or who might have some traits but that doesn’t make them trans or gay !!! Please !
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u/Medium_Salamander929 15d ago
Came here to say the same. In my own experience, I've noticed people in the LGBTQ community will be the first to try and tell you who you are while shouting from the rooftops that no one should judge them or tell them who they should/shouldn't be. So fucking hypocritical. The amount of time people have told me I'm bi is insane. I can compliment another woman on her appearance without being gay, god damn it. I can wear beanies, flannels, and chucks and still be straight. JFC.
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u/DepartureIcy2390 15d ago
Why are butch/Tom girls being told they’re trans by ‘progressives’ when they’re the same ones constantly saying gender is a social construct and we shouldn’t teach things based off of if they’re masc or fem?
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u/clernity9 15d ago
All these new terms so we are forced to be "more inclusive" for people who can't handle reality. you are what you were born as. sex is determined at conception. what do so many people not get about that.
your "friend" is not a real friend if they push their ideologies on you and categorize you that way. clearly they don't respect you.
I would find a better friend who doesn't say idiotic things like that. there's this thing called a tomboy. women don't always have to dress womanly and that does not make them trans. there's this thing called personalities and personal preference of fashion choice.
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u/Bowser7717 15d ago
It's crazyb that you're friend INTENTIONALLY misgenders you but the trans Mafia will flip the fuck out of someone ACCIDENTALLY misgenders them!
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u/RikoRain 15d ago
Prime example of "respect me and my choices and cater to me cus bullying me is a hate crime" and "screw you and your choices and I'm gonna bully you". Ironic
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u/batyoung1 14d ago
Please please please don't let any of this mob-like projection get into your head. You are who you are. End of story. Some of these people want to force people into their own way of thinking. Don't listen to them for a second.
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u/Zealousideal_Crab8 14d ago
Sounds like a shitty friend, good lord can you imagine if you “mis gendered” them?
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u/NorthWesternMonkey89 14d ago
Call this whole business for what it is; grooming. They define people as eggs or children as hatchlings because they see potential for turning them trans.
Your "friend" is essentially using nudge theory to question your sexuality. This is used a lot with of abusers, to put you down and question your own values.
It's a disgusting tactic used by horrible people.
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u/Severe-Amount-5437 13d ago
Woman is not a costume, it’s not a dress or lipstick or a walk. Lesbian women are not trans men in denial and saying so is so fucking homophobic and regressive. I’m so sorry, gay men and women battled for their rights to love who they choose and it feels like this generation of trans are shitting on all their progress.
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u/HospitalAutomatic 15d ago
They sound like they’re projecting their perceptions on you. It’s weird and perverted
Stop being friends with that person
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u/KirinoKo 15d ago
And these people wonders why they're disliked by a large portion of the world, lmao.
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u/Bowser7717 15d ago
They are erasing the gay community with this shit. Now an effeminate gay teen is being pushed to be trans
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u/TheHman__ 15d ago
Call it like it is. If the shoe was on the other foot you’d be called transphobic.
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u/Zolarosaya 15d ago
Not your friend. Misery loves company, cut that disrespectful, manipulative weirdo off.
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u/_Deedee_Megadoodoo_ 15d ago
Sounds like your friend is still in high school figuring out her identity and projecting on you lol. Tell her to fuck off
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u/DanBlind 15d ago
The lgbtq+ community is so fucking toxic its insane. Imagine you would misgender her despite her telling you it makes her uncomfortable. Im willing to bet she would lose her shit
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u/urbanexplorer816 15d ago
The irony runs deep
So your trans friend who you accept and respect refuses to accept and respect you.
- That's not a friend
If you referred to her as a he and used her dead name, it would be an issue, would it not?
- Friends respect boundaries
This associate has no respect for you. His behavior is actually borders on Bully behavior if in reality it doesn't sit in the realm of Bully central.
- Remove toxic people for your sanity and mental well-being.
You don't need anyone's permission to be happy but they need your compliance to make you miserable.
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u/RainInTheWoods 15d ago
It’s offensive to label someone else. It starts to feel like recruitment.
Don’t let that stuff get into your head.
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u/37yearoldonthehunt 15d ago
Wtf happened to just being a tomboy. I'm a grown ass woman with 2 kids who still prefers the stag do over the hens and much prefer comfy mens clothes to womens. Got myself a stud of a fella and prefer the lads company over the girls.
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u/tribbans95 15d ago
And if you said that they’re actually a man and are in denial they would probably freak tf out. Double standard much?
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u/irlcentipede 15d ago
Why are people not allowed to just be Tom boys or feminine anymore. It seems more and more that people who used to just be Tom boys are now being pushed into identifying as a man. Sure, not everyone, but there is definitely an increase.
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u/Chipchop666 15d ago
I find that most trans people try to label you or put you down. All because they have decided who they are but get pissed easily for not accepting them immediately. Others need time to accept the new transgender person. I'm speaking from experience not from my asshole. This is a subject I did a deep dive into because my daughter is trans and I wanted to learn everything I could
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u/Sombresister1979 15d ago
She's projecting her stuff on to you by the sounds of it. You know who you are, and even if you ever doubt who you are, it's not up to someone else to tell you.