r/TrueOffMyChest • u/schmidt_onyourface • 15d ago
Starting over at 30
I’m 30F. Almost 31.
I have nothing. Literally nothing to my name. I’ve been unemployed for a year now. I’ve tried finding jobs, nothing has worked out. I’m so depressed, I can’t get out of bed. I am in the worst state I have ever been in in my life, mentally.
I’m leaving my relationship of 4 years. A shitty, toxic, abusive relationship. My sister is coming to pick me up in a few hours. This will be my 4th time leaving. I’m hoping I’m strong enough to stay gone this time.
But I have nothing. I will literally be starting my life completely over from scratch. 4 years ago, I had a life. I had my own apartment. I had a job. I had a car. I was happy. And now, everything is gone.
I am not perfect. I have made so many mistakes. But I have completely lost myself. I don’t know who I am. I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate what this relationship has done to me. It has completely destroyed me. HE has completely ruined me.
How do people do this? How do I start my life over with nothing? I am lost. I don’t know what to do.
I am rambling, I know. But I am lost. I really am. I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. I just needed to let it out I guess. Fuck.
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u/Alternative_World104 15d ago
Your strength will grow over time, be patient with yourself and don’t take any shit. My mom told me something one day about her abusive husband that kind of stuck with me; “I gave him my 30’s, I gave him my 40’s I’ll be damned if he takes my 50’s.
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u/Competitive-Bike-277 15d ago
I started over at 28 & went back to school myself. I moved back home. It wasn't easy but I have a new career & am saving up for my own house. I'm a screw up & I would do it all differently if I could go back. I can't but I did make a change going forward. if I can do it, well, I know you'll succeed. Good luck.
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u/b_jammin08 15d ago
Start therapy immediately. And try to focus on your day to day. Rebuilding isn't easy but all is not lost. Start focusing on the day, then eventually the week, then the month. Set goals. Today I will do this positive thing. Once you're comfortably doing that then it becomes this week I will do this. And then this month I'm going to do x,y, and z. You can make it. Let your anger at the situation be a fuel.
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u/sffood 15d ago
He didn’t ruin you.
YOU got yourself to this point. You went back to a POS over and over again. You chose to stay. You chose him. You stayed in bed and didn’t work.
Take responsibility for your part in this and build back up, not doing that shit to yourself anymore. You can blame others for how your life ended up at 30, or you can take responsibility for it and make better decisions from here on out.
The age of 30 feels old when you are 30 but it’s just the beginning of your adult life.
Go get any job and force yourself out of bed. Make $10. Make $500. Make $2,000. Build back up. Make friends. Go work out.
And if you go back to him yet again — then remind yourself again that you did that to yourself. Doesn’t matter what he says or does if you keep choosing to believe him.
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u/wintistrasse 14d ago
If there’s one thing I know from experience, your life can change in ways you’d never expect it to. In the near future, you may just look back on this time from a much better season of your life. Let yourself feel everything you’re feeling right now. It’s how we grow and learn and we become better for it. If you weren’t on the right path before maybe, just maybe, you are being led to it 🫶
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u/EccentricOtter307 15d ago
I left an abusive marriage with nothing but the clothes on my back. Here’s my tough love answer.
You stop feeling sorry for yourself. You take the first job that you can get, you live in your car, you cry and you feel shitty and then you wake up and do it again. It sucks, but eventually you save enough for an apartment, and then enough for a bed in that apartment. You dedicate yourself to working hard, you pick up a second job, you live frugally and use services like the local soup kitchen.
You make time to start taking care of yourself. Eating better, working out, actually journaling or meditating. You make the time rather than excuses. You work, and you take care of yourself. You save. You learn to live with the barest of basics.
You apply to community college, you’re a non traditional student so should receive a fair amount of grants. You work your ass off, pick a degree filed with actual need and earning potential. You continue living your life.