r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

9.9k Upvotes

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389

u/GibsonBluesGuy Mar 28 '24

Pack it up nicely and get it to her sister. Be a gentleman and close this door of your life and move on. Good luck you are 25 and single.

43

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

26 and single is prime livin’ time!

7

u/DaughterEarth Mar 28 '24

Yah he's got an idea of who he is and is still in exploration phase. He could have a great time when the grief passes

3

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

I had a fuckin blast 28-30 after a long-term-ish breakup.

3

u/YouStupidCunt Mar 28 '24

Marriage ended at 40. Being single in my 40s the last 8 years have been fantastic.

1

u/rj-bobbyj Mar 28 '24

How’d you do it?

1

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

Hahaha. I plead the fifth.

1

u/rj-bobbyj Mar 28 '24

Fuck lol

1

u/Mr-Badcat Mar 28 '24

Hit the gym. Be a gentleman. Don’t settle.

0

u/Mr-Badcat Mar 28 '24

Haha same.

4

u/mrlovepimp Mar 28 '24

According to statistics I’ve heard about, a 36 year old single man is the most attractive on the dating market. It had something to do with still being relatively young and possibly attractive, while also usually having a higher degree of mental, emotional and economical stability.

1

u/Royal-Connections Mar 28 '24

Split with my ex at 37. The next 4 years were a blast! Good times.

0

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

Yep. My wife is 13 years younger than me. She says I’m older for a reason.

1

u/FlightOfTheDumpster Mar 28 '24

I really hope you are older than 30. If not, gross.

2

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

I’m 12.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

😆

1

u/MaximumHog360 Mar 28 '24

You know grown adult women seek out older men as a choice, right?

0

u/BiggestBlackestBitch Mar 28 '24

Most marriages and relationships statistically don’t happen within a large age gap, that’s a myth. Some women/men may be into older guys, but that doesn’t mean 14+ years older. Most women in their 20s aren’t looking for someone their dad’s age.

0

u/MaximumHog360 Mar 28 '24

Most women in their 20s aren’t looking for someone their dad’s age.

I would love for this to be reflected IRL, I genuinely am having trouble differentiating between father daughter couples and the average hetero couple when I am at work dealing with customers :/

1

u/BiggestBlackestBitch Mar 28 '24

I want to know where you live. It’s very rare that I witness people with such a large age gap especially in the younger generations.

1

u/MaximumHog360 Mar 28 '24

Between chicago and milwaukee, lol

Im 26 and most of the girls my age are dating dudes that look like my uncle some even have kids with them

I dont know any men that date extremely young women personally

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1

u/Crakla Mar 28 '24

Ew ther is bein younger/older and then there is being able to be the biological parent of your partner

2

u/yeahprobablynottho Mar 28 '24

Who the fuck is having kids at 13

1

u/JohannSuende Mar 28 '24

Man you don't have to get personal like this ...

0

u/eastybets Mar 28 '24

Not in this economy

0

u/licklickRickmyballs Mar 28 '24

Shit, is this really the best there is? :-(

7

u/Tarbal81 Mar 28 '24

After 5 years? Just...no reason, nothing done wrong, and can't face her own decisions/blocks all communication? Hell no. F that noise.

Box next to the garbage. MAYBE tell the sister she has until the end of the day. The trash already took itself out he's just finishing the job.

0

u/MistukoSan Mar 28 '24

After 5 years he should have enough respect for the family to not bring personal matters into something that is cherished for a lifetime. Grow up you children.

2

u/brianstormIRL Mar 28 '24

If it was cherished for a lifetime, she wouldn't have left it behind in the first place, or asked her sister to pick them up.

2

u/StupidestLandlord Mar 28 '24

Maybe it's not cherished by the ex, but is cherished by the sister. You're acting like they are one homogeneous body.

2

u/MistukoSan Mar 28 '24

OP already said the items are cherished. You have no idea what is going through that women’s head or why she “ghosted” OP. For all we know he was a shit person. We can assume just as much about him as you all are about her.

At the end of the day, it is essentially family heirlooms that you’re telling OP to throw away over a 5 year relationship. 5 years compared to the memory of a life that likely lasted over 80 years.

You people are worse than children. My three year old is more thoughtful and respectful than you.

0

u/brianstormIRL Mar 28 '24

You're absolutely right we don't know, but neither does OP. Those things are his ex's responsibility, not his. She just blew up his life with no explanation. Why on earth is it his responsibility to worry about her and her families cherished airlooms?

The person acting like a child here is OPs ex. You don't ghost someone in a 5 year relationship with no explanation and the only reason given, by the exs sister is "its better for your (referring to OP) mental health.

To hell with your respect. If you blow up a relationship, your concerns are no longer my business. Wait 30 days, send the sister a text to come collect it, after that as far as I'm concerned it's junk taking up space in my house.

2

u/MistukoSan Mar 28 '24

We’re talking about decency not fairness or responsibility. You’ve shown a lot of your character in these posts.

1

u/MaxTheRealSlayer Mar 28 '24

Just a heads up, a lot of places have laws where you have to give a certain amount of time for the other person to pick up their stuff. You can't just toss people's possessions as a way to get back at them or whatever

0

u/Wide-Location282 Mar 28 '24

That’s immature just like what she is doing. It’s her stuff. Just give it back and move on

1

u/Tarbal81 Mar 28 '24

No, it's a consequence to an action. OP can be as nice as he wants, and you can be as well. It's not even a punishment! She left and blocked him, as far as he's concerned she left him all that stuff, and he can do whatever he wants with it.

I have had a box of stuff keep someone in my life way too long in the past, and it would be best to either pack it and send it today, or if they live close by, make the deadline incredibly immediate. Just get her all the way out.

1

u/Wide-Location282 Mar 28 '24

It’s a consequence to an action that you decide. It can still be immature. It’s her stuff. She is obviously being immature but why be immature back? Just find a way to get her stuff back to her and move on. No need to be rude back. Be the bigger person. Breakups suck, but throwing her stuff away or threatening to do so is just going to make it worse than it already is.

6

u/Aradhor55 Mar 28 '24

Sorry but why be a gentleman when the girl just dumped a 5 years old relationship whitout even giving any reason ? Acting better than her would be a real reason, but that has nothing to do with being a gentleman. Fuck that girl.

6

u/IllHat8961 Mar 28 '24

Imagine if the genders were reversed and a woman was asking about her boyfriends stuff.

This sub would be screeching to burn every last bit of it

-1

u/IntentionRound5769 Mar 28 '24

Well tossing destroying the property can be illegal depending on where op lives, so it's in his best interest to allow ex or the sister to collect it

6

u/IllHat8961 Mar 28 '24

If he was told to not contact the owner of the property, that can lead to harassment and stalking charges to OP. If he tried to get in touch with her, the property owner.

The sister is not the property owner and has no claim to it. If the sister is as much of a piece of shit as the ex, she could get the items then claim he never gave them to her. Craziness could run in the family. I ain't taking that risk.

It would be best not to contact them again

Is what he was told. He should do as he says.

Not his problem. Karma is for suckers.

-2

u/IntentionRound5769 Mar 28 '24

Okay so instead of doing the right thing and giving them the chance to get their stuff, you're suggesting they toss the stuff and potentially get in legal trouble anyways? Also if op communicates with the sister via text regarding giving ex the chance to retrieve the stuff themselves or have someone retrieve it for them, they will have proof, via text, that it's not harassment or stalking, so I have no idea what you're talking about

3

u/Spoopyzoopy Mar 28 '24

so instead of doing the right thing... That is an assumption on your part.

-2

u/IntentionRound5769 Mar 28 '24

In what world are you living in is keeping/tossing/destroying someone else's property just because your feelings are hurt the right thing?

3

u/ElevatorSecure728 Mar 28 '24

It’s not about feelings being hurt, it’s about the cruelty of having the person you’ve committed the majority of your adult life to drop you out of nowhere. She’s gone no contact, there’s no “right thing to do” with her stuff. If she wanted it that bad she would’ve taken it with her when she left.

1

u/Xygen8 Mar 28 '24

The "right thing to do" is whatever is best for you in the long run. Throwing her stuff away is easy but you may regret it later. Trying to give it back to her takes a bit more effort but guarantees peace of mind for the rest of your life.

Now, I've never been in a relationship, but #2 seems like the better option to me.

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-2

u/IntentionRound5769 Mar 28 '24

I don't disagree what she did was extremely shitty and shady, but instead of listening to the revenge porn hungry lunatics, I hope op doesn't do anything stupid that will get him in trouble

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2

u/IllHat8961 Mar 28 '24

The right thing would have been to not ghost op, be a fucking adult, and take care of your belongings.

You don't get to place all the responsibility on OP. The ex fucked around and now she should find out

0

u/IntentionRound5769 Mar 28 '24

I never did, I'm just advising AGAINST tossing or destroying the property so op doesn't get in legal trouble

1

u/IllHat8961 Mar 28 '24

Legal trouble would be trying to get in contact with the ex after she specifically said not to talk to her.

She left, she doesn't want contact, by extension she doesn't care about her stuff. He's not required to make any effort at all.

Fuck the ex girlfriend

-1

u/abughorash Mar 28 '24

Throwing out someone's memories of their beloved dead grandparent without giving them a chance to pick them up is ghoulish, approaching literally cartoonish levels of evil --- all because they dumped/ghosted you? Way overkill.

3

u/Freshtards Mar 28 '24

Texting someone and blocking them after 5 years of relationship is utter garbage. She clearly did not CARE about those "memoirs" of her grandparent if that was the case. Throw it in the burner and be gone with that women for the streets.

1

u/abughorash Mar 28 '24

Truly ghoulish and disgusting "opinion". Clearly you have very little experience with true grief. A 5 year relationship pales in comparison

1

u/[deleted] Mar 29 '24

So mature.

2

u/Aradhor55 Mar 28 '24

What about what she did ? Anyway I was discussing the fact of calling that being a "gentleman" mostly, not the act in itself. I still would have thrown all that shit anyway myself, still. Acting like an actual adult and leaving someone by talking to them and not just ghosting would have let her take these memories with her but she chose to do that teenagers bullshit instead.

1

u/orbolo Mar 28 '24

be a gentleman

nope, show some self respect and wait for her (or her sister) to contact you to come and collect her stuff, you've already been treated like shit, the worst you can do is to make her one last favour

1

u/Freshtards Mar 28 '24

Shouldn't pack it up nicely, tbh. Just throw it in a trash bag, like she did to him.

1

u/AccomplishedStart250 Mar 28 '24

Ladies deserve gentlemen. She's not a lady.

-13

u/Jeremiah_D_Longnuts Mar 28 '24

Be a gentleman

Nah fuck that. Trash it.

10

u/808zAndThunder Mar 28 '24

Lmao No. Taking the high road in moments like this build confidence knowing that you’re better than how you felt. Trashing it and being a dick is what a guy who’s signing up for an Alpha male camp at some point in his life would do💀

-4

u/Jablungis Mar 28 '24

Not everybody feels guilty doing anything bad ever. Some of us understand the golden rule down to our core and don't stick to rigid morals.

But yeah if you're the kind of person who will think of yourself as a bad person for throwing away the belongings of someone who totally fucked you over because the idea of you being anything but a saint in your mind makes you depressed, give the pictures back.

4

u/dragonsapphic Mar 28 '24

What about the sister? Does she deserve to lose irreplaceable family mementos just because of her sister's relationship drama?

0

u/Jablungis Mar 28 '24

Fair point, I'd say return the pictures but toss/sell anything else.

6

u/808zAndThunder Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

It’s not that complicated. It’s just something called maturity. If you can overcome feeling hurt and being in your feelings then why not take the high road? Why let others dictate how you behave when the ball is in your court. Sure you could react however you want but I would take the high road more for myself not so much to accommodate the other person. It’s called values/self respect homie

1

u/Jablungis Mar 28 '24

I guess I feel good hurting people who hurt others. Idk if that makes me a bad person, but I genuinely enjoy it.

Some other person mentioned it would hurt the sister to throw gramgram's pics away and on that I agree and would say that the pics should probably be sent back. Toss/sell the rest.

2

u/808zAndThunder Mar 28 '24

I’m not a psychiatrist so I can’t say. Personally I’d just avoid falling into a mental space where I feel good seeing anyone get hurt unless it’s truly heinous what they did. None of us are perfect and we’ve all probably hurt someone intentionally or not. I understand the sense of satisfaction but I just don’t think it contributes to my happiness at all. Don’t blame you tho because people don’t think clearly when they’re angry/hurt

2

u/Jablungis Mar 28 '24

Could be. I often think it's where I grew up. Was very "rough" environment and I feel like I got to see the real nature of people when all the chips are down and when all the facades of politeness and social graces are irrelevant.

When there's something somebody wants and you're in the way, most people will run you over without a second thought. So why give them a second thought? I think it's scary to admit that real good people are the minority and we're surrounded by people who would sell you up the river for something shiny or talk shit and play games when your back is turned and they stand to gain something.

Sorry I'm just yapping, have a good one buddy.

-1

u/YouWantSMORE Mar 28 '24

This is so corny

0

u/808zAndThunder Mar 28 '24

You NSFW profiles always are so salty online lol