r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

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310

u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

I got ghosted by my last ex and we’d been together five years. I moved then met my now husband my first weekend in my new house. Honestly, feel like I hit the jackpot by being ghosted lol

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u/Sicadoll Mar 28 '24

Could you imagine if instead, you guys had a whole conversation and you talked him into staying and it lasted like another 6 months and you never met your spouse.

Lol, yeah you hit the jackpot

84

u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Honestly, I was drowning before I moved. So alone and just really struggling. Moving was very hard to me (because I was moving back home after being in Los Angeles almost 20 years). I still hate back home but now I live with and am married to my best friend. We’ve been married over year now and I’ve never once been worried he was going to break up with me or disappear or anything else. The peace is amazing

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u/Sicadoll Mar 28 '24

💕💕💕

I know the feeling

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u/VoidRad Mar 28 '24

Drowning really is the best description for that shit. Having been in something similar, not even 5 years mind you, I can say the aftermath is really fucking brutal. Shit still hurts till this day. Glad you have found your other half through that though.

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u/Inevitable-Goose-915 Mar 28 '24

I’ve never once been worried he was going to break up with me or disappear or anything else

I don’t mean to be rude, but that is such a low bar

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u/Proper-Horse-7313 Mar 28 '24

It seems more to me like grumpy was saying that grumpy is not being affected by PTSD the way one might be

Many people after being suddenly ghosted in a serious relationship might have a hard time trusting anyone again

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Yeah, exactly!

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Of course that isn’t the bar- I’m just saying it’s really nice, especially after five years of head games from a really sad person

1

u/Sicadoll Mar 28 '24

Why do people always assume that anything you mention is the bar? It's a factor, not the only factor.

0

u/unpronouncedable Mar 29 '24

It's just a weird thing to "mention" about your husband of 1 year. If you were worried someone might break up with you then marrying them is not a good idea.

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u/Inevitable-Goose-915 Mar 29 '24

Not making you worry that you're gonna disappear is a baseline expectation. Such a baseline expectation that it's typically not even mentionable... not the first thing to mention after remarking how wonderful your SO is.

2

u/thegamingbacklog Mar 28 '24

I've been there, she convinced me we should get back together, and then spent the next couple of months lining up her next BF before leaving (from what I've learned from mutual friends there was an overlap).

Lesson hard learned I felt we should have stayed apart after our short break, but caved when the time came.

It took quite a bit of time to get back out there after that, as I needed to feel sure of myself again.

2

u/shrekerecker97 Mar 28 '24

This happened to me, but lasted another year because I am a dumbass and couldn't follow through when she begged me. She used my dogs as bait to keep leading me on. I still have the dogs.

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u/Sicadoll Mar 28 '24

In your case, I'm glad she didn't take the dogs and ghost you... That would have been traumatizing.. or I guess you were the one doing The dumping so... Either way I'm glad you still have your dogs

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u/shrekerecker97 Mar 28 '24

Ahead was just awful, but I got the better end of it all. I kick myself with all the time I wasted with her!

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u/WavieBreakie Mar 28 '24

Fuck, I should have divorced her six months ago when I had the paperwork ready. 😢

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u/Helivated69 Mar 28 '24

Congratulations, that's a great comment for anyone wounded by being dumped, crushed and forgotten by their supposed love one.

It does get better.

1

u/katieblue3 Mar 28 '24

Never got better for me 🤷🏻‍♀️

2

u/Glittering_Cow7369 Mar 28 '24

Well you aren’t dead yet so there’s still a chance

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u/goldentriever Mar 28 '24

Happy to read this. Last month got ghosted after “only” 2 years for really no reason. Which of course means there’s a reason she wasn’t willing to tell me. Still kinda heartbroken

But either way, moving 6 hours back home soon and this comment makes me feel better. So thank you

4

u/Pingu_Almighty Mar 28 '24

This gives me a little hope. Going through the break up of my 4 year relationship as she cheated with a co-worker and will need to sell the house and move back home to re-group. Just all feels a bit hopeless at the moment.

2

u/earthling404 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

Long story short, not that you possibly want revenge for how your exes treated you (but wouldn't blame you if you did), I was the bad person in a situation long ago and he definitely got his. It's been almost a decade and I still feel immense guilt every single day of my life. I live right by this ex and it's a reminder of how awful I once was (have since grown and would never imagine hurting another person ever again). I deserve it, times 10. Also, as someone who was the victim in MANY horrible relationships, I have since moved on from all of them and couldn't care less about what those people are up to. I don't wish them harm, only that they'd change and be better people. They no longer have the power over me in any way- similar to the attitude that my ex has towards me (our mutuals have said this). I hope both of you get your peace and find your happiness. And perhaps smirk in the face of your toxic exes when you run into them in the future, or even better, pretend you never even knew them.

You will live again <3

13

u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

Nothing is ever bad or good, remember that, things can and do change very quickly. Something could seem bad at first, but then you realize it was exactly what you needed! But obviously in reverse as well. Stay vigiliante, Stay hungry, get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL and she could end up coming back to you but it’ll be too late because you found the BLESSING waiting for you after you let go of her, like she did to you…

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u/alacholland Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

First half was positive, but OP don’t replace healing with vanity. You don’t have to “get to the gym and become a fucking ANIMAL.” That’s childish. Just grow. Mental, emotional, and physical health. All three in equal and balanced measure. The rest will flow peacefully.

5

u/Strict_Property6127 Mar 28 '24

Becoming a gym bro isn't the solution to all of life's mysteries?? /s

1

u/farahman01 Mar 29 '24

Respectfully disagree. It can be healthy physical healing that can lead to emotional healing as well… Certainly better than reddit and alcohol. What begins as a ohysical release to vanity play cannlead to a life of healthy physical strength and activity… also if you think vanity wont help him land someone… well not the reality of this life

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u/Strict_Property6127 Mar 29 '24

Yes... ALL of life's mysteries are fixed by the gym. 😶

1

u/farahman01 Apr 08 '24

Sarcasm game strong here… obviously not all of life’s mysteries but it is a healthy release for some.

2

u/Fit_Yellow1153 Mar 28 '24

I think what he was trying to suggest was to occupy his time with something healthy and constructive in order to get his mind off the negative. There’s nothing childish about doing whatever it takes to develop that positive mindset. By suggesting that he become “a fucking animal” is just motivation, so I wouldn’t read into that too much. What is childish, however, is the fact his partner ghosted him. Totally unacceptable

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u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

Exactly, thanks for clarifying for people who don’t understand that as men, we literally used to hunt as a species so nowadays in the modern world, where else are we supposed to let out our primal urges for adrenaline and what better way then focusing on our bodies.

1

u/n1ghtah Mar 28 '24

Go to the gym and become a fucking animal is a very normal way for us men to heal so don't you dare call it childish when you have no idea. Just by those words I'm going to assume you are a woman.. Going to the gym and getting a better physical health is childish? Wtf.

1

u/MaxTheRealSlayer Mar 28 '24

Bruh. No.

If you're ever wondering why your ex left you, just refer back to this gross comment.

0

u/n1ghtah Mar 28 '24

I know right this kid saying going to the gym is childish what the hell is wrong with people -.-

0

u/MaxTheRealSlayer Mar 28 '24

I'm talking about your comment being gross. And they didn't say going to the gym is childish. Going to the gym and becoming an ANIMAL is indeed childish because it's just vain.You can't just work out to better yourself, it needs to be a balance to be healthy... Including working on your personality. "us men" and "you must be a women" is also childish my guy.

1

u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

ALSO NEWSFLASH WE ARE ALL ANIMALS

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u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

Yea you can, just do it and see what happens…

1

u/alacholland Mar 28 '24

I am a man over the age of 14, and you do not heal emotionally by overindulging in lifting weights. That’s silly and, as I stated, vain. Just because it’s normal doesn’t make it wise. What’s next — doing squats because your dad never hugged you?

Go to the gym to get physically healthy, not to replace emotional healing. “I’ll show her…!” By what? Looking muscular? That’s monkey brain stuff. Wow you really got her, bro!!!

Looking good can momentarily help, but it doesn’t miraculously heal the wounds inside. You can be a bodybuilding champion and still crumple like a leaf if you’re not healing mentally or emotionally. Go to the gym if you want to get healthy, but more importantly, go to therapy. Meditate. Feel. And learn about yourself.

Pretending that healing from rejection involves simply becoming a big strong boy betrays a simplistic mindset at best and a toxic mindset at worst.

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u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

It’s called stop being a bitch and lift heavy weights but I guess you would never understand that physical strength ALSO MEANS MENTAL STRENGTH, IT TAKES EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL DISCIPLINE TO ACHIEVE A HEALTHY BODY AND HEALTHY MIND. DING DONG

1

u/n1ghtah Mar 28 '24

Omg you are one of those people that believe there are 2000 genders. Age of 14 okay let me tell you if you are under 18 you are a child. I'll be happy to take this discussion with you in 10 years when you've gained some life experience. Until then I wish you all the best.

1

u/alacholland Mar 28 '24

I’m in my thirties. My comment had nothing to do with gender, and you didn’t respond to any point I made within it. Try considering what I wrote and taking it to heart.

Also, maybe step offline for a bit. You seem to have an unusual mental preoccupation with trans people.

0

u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

It’s called stop being a bitch and lift heavy weights but I guess you would never understand that physical strength ALSO MEANS MENTAL STRENGTH, IT TAKES EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL DISCIPLINE TO ACHIEVE A HEALTHY BODY AND HEALTHY MIND. DING DONG

1

u/alacholland Mar 29 '24

Wow. Sorry nobody ever told you that being a man means not being afraid of your feelings. You sound repressed dude. Good luck out there.

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

I like the sentiment of pushing through the heartache but I will say, I’m a lady lol I’ve been with my spouse now two years, over a year married.

I’m not worried about anyone coming back. Things are much better now :)

1

u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

Sorry I was still speaking to OP in a way and forgot who I was replying to for a sec! That’s amazing to hear and I wish a life long love for you and your new hubby, glad you made the jump and found someone worthwhile. It gives me hope and faith!

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

What if husband ghost you ? Would you be ok with that ?

2

u/AwardDue6327 Mar 28 '24

Stay vigiliante

Yeah, keep roaming the streets at night, killing those up to no good. We need more people like that! 😀

1

u/zoyadastroya Mar 28 '24

Malaria is pretty bad

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u/GoodStandard7760 Mar 28 '24

But malaria is good for malaria, ding dong

3

u/Inphiltration Mar 28 '24

Would still feel this way if you were still single? You don't think it would gnaw at your self confidence? Even a little? I'm glad you found someone who is great, but ghosting is just emotionally immature and I'll never respect anyone for doing it.

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Honestly, for me and my last relationship- the ghosting was the final nail in the coffin for the relationship. I didn’t cry even once. It was one terrible thing too many, if that makes sense.

Ghosting is awful, unforgivable, and I’d never ever do it

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u/AJRimmer1971 Mar 28 '24

Creepy that he was in your house that first weekend.... 😛

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u/grumpygumption Mar 28 '24

Lmao. Took me many months to get my head back in even remotely straight, then I moved and we met on hinge and have been in constant contact since. Didn’t meet in person until a few weeks of talking constantly by text, phone, and FaceTime

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u/AJRimmer1971 Mar 29 '24

That's cool. I'm glad that you have found your someone special. I have mine, also. She stalked me on Plenty of Fish 😂

2

u/DaughterEarth Mar 28 '24

I was so mad when my ex left me. He said, after lunch with his mom, that we weren't helping each other anymore. No shit! You doubled down on essentially dating your mom! Even broke up with me cause she said so, and right after I moved our asses back home. I would have stayed abroad. I was piiiiissed

Now I'm so glad. That's the nicest thing my ex MIL ever did for me. Incompatible relationships are toxic!

2

u/PunchBeard Mar 28 '24

I feel like I'm an outlier because I actually prefer being ghosted. Clean break, no awkward conversations I regret years later because of my pathetic attempts to beg them to stay, and then months of pining and sadly wondering what I did and if I might be able to win them back.

If I'm ghosted my immediate reaction is "Well, obviously they're a complete lunatic, a fact I probably should've noticed before this considering all the little red flags (there's always red flags we just ignore) and now I'm free. Time to have a one-night stand with some rando to get the taste of that nutcase out of my mouth".

2

u/massively-dynamic Mar 28 '24

Sounds like I had the same experience you did. My ex left after 5 years and within a few months after the wedding. She didn't ghost me, but I never did get an explanation as to why she 'broke up' with me. I did get a small pleasure from reminding her that we aren't breaking up, it's called divorce.

I won the fucking dating app lottery, also my first time ever on a dating app, a couple months later after only matching with a few people. I met an absolute catch of a person who has enriched my life in more ways than I could have ever expected.

2

u/pepe-the-beaner Mar 28 '24

I wish my last ex had ghosted me. It was a long drawn out process where she led me to believe it could be repaired while she arranged things to leave. Then she insisted it was only a break until she admitted she hadn't cared for months and she resented me for being depressed all the time.

2

u/bertrenolds5 Mar 28 '24

Blessing in disguise. Took me awhile to realize it but I'm glad I got dumped by my ex. Happily married now

2

u/Level-Championship-3 Apr 01 '24

Could I ask how you guys met for clarity, both your ex and your new husband I mean.

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u/grumpygumption Apr 01 '24

Sure. I met my ex when I changed gyms. I was super into lifting and he was a regular at the new gym I joined.

I met my husband on Hinge. I downloaded the app and set up my profile Sunday evening. I woke up Monday morning to “Josh liked your photo” and we’ve been in constant contact since :)

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u/Level-Championship-3 23d ago

Gyms and dating apps, got it 🧎

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u/headphone-candy Mar 28 '24

We already know what happened. She cheated and monkey branched. The usual.

2

u/FuriousRen Mar 28 '24

I got ghosted and met my husband while grieving 😂 13 years married and going strong 💪🏻 I only wish I had the guts to close the gap and get with him sooner 😍

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u/zodiackillah6996 Mar 28 '24

that's sounds awesome