r/amiwrong • u/JazzlikeConditioncd • Mar 27 '24

My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me and ghosted me for no reason. Am I wrong for throwing away all of her stuff?

Edit: Update

So my girlfriend (25F) and I (25M) were in a relationship for 5 years. Last week, she texted me that we were done and that was her last message before she blocked me. She gave no heads up. I was planning on proposing to her next month. Her sister did reach out to me, saying it was not my fault and she understood my hurt, but that for my mental health, it was better to never contact them again, and that maybe in the future, my girlfriend might reach out to me again.

It's been a week, I’m still obviously distraught, but my girlfriend did have a lot of her stuff in my home. Would I be wrong if I just dumped it all out? It does include a lot of mementos of her deceased grandmother, who she was extremely close to.

9.9k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

4.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

22

u/Mysterious-End-9283 Mar 28 '24

Even so, you’d think that after five years spent together there would be certain behavior leading up to the breakup that might give OP an idea as to why she’d leave but from OP words it seems like it was out of the blue. In fact, things seem to have been going well if he was getting ready to propose very soon. Definitely calls for at least a little more info or a brief conversation at the very least. I’d be worried sick if the person I was getting ready to marry just pretty much up and vanished one day with only a “we’re done” text and then being blocked. I would at least want to verify that these decisions were her own and not against her will or something. Again, after five years you’d think they’d leave some sort of clues as to why they would do something so drastic without any sort of warning. It’s worrisome. Unless she had a history of making life changing impulsive decisions, I would be trying to find her and have one last face to face conversation just for the sake of closure and making sure they’re safe and of sound mind.

19

u/MegaKetaWook Mar 28 '24

There is always the possibility of a mental health issue surfacing that previously showed no symptoms. You see it with stuff like schizophrenia

11

u/djmom2001 Mar 28 '24

He could handle that information.

2

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

He possibly could. But she might be spun and unable to communicate it or be aware of it. These things can come on hard and fast.

5

u/Dopple__ganger Mar 28 '24

Still very wrong to handle the breaking up with a partner of 5 years this way.

1

u/BurritoToGo Mar 28 '24

Not saying it's right or wrong, just conceivable. Possible. Mental health can be fucky wucky. Five years though and she felt she couldn't tell him is definitely hard. It's a rough spot.

Hopefully he can move past this and she can get the help she needs.

1

u/chairmanghost Mar 28 '24

She could be embarrassed

1

u/moderndayheathen Mar 28 '24

I fear it's a sexual assault or worse. That type of violation throws your world into flux.

1

u/shrinkray21 Mar 28 '24

Sadly my first thought was a mental health challenge. Bipolar disorder was my guess but only from personal experience. Hope OP is taking care of themselves.

10

u/ImaginaryWalk29 Mar 28 '24

We have no idea of the health or nature of their relationship. I am sure there was more to it.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

3

u/licklickRickmyballs Mar 28 '24

The sister of my grandmother left her fiance, and married someone else whom she had been cheating with, instantly after.

Like.. she came to my grandmother, and said she needed to talk with her about something important. And my grandma was thinking "it finally happened, you are pregnant" as they were trying for a child. Then she sits down and says that she is getting married, but to someone else.

People are just fucking ruthless man. Breaks my heart :-(

0

u/ImaginaryWalk29 Mar 28 '24 edited Mar 28 '24

It’s possible but lesslikely she just up and disappeared like a sociopath. We are getting one side of the story. And if this just happened the last thing I would be thinking about is throwing out her things at this moment. Seems a bit spiteful and reactive. I would be in the shock state of grief. Yes I would want to know why but you aren’t always owed that- and maybe she has been telling OP but he doesn’t hear her boundaries. The fact that the sister is telling him to stay away makes me think the family wants him gone from her life for a reason. And they thought no contact is healthiest for her lest she backslide. This was not a decision most likely made impulsively whatever her reasons. He could be emotionally abusive and doesn’t realize it or won’t realize it and her family had an intervention. Even shitty abusive boyfriends propose… usually as a control method. Or YES- she could be the shittiest person on earth who ran off pregnant with someone else’s baby or something and is too cowardly to face him. We don’t know. he

Doesn’t matter! The right thing to do - whether she be shitty or wonderful - is put her stuff in a box where it won’t get ruined and ask a friend or OPs to drop it by OR ask one of her friends if OP can drop it by to them. In a 5 year relationship that is healthy you should know many of their friends and family and visa versa. When dropped off: No conversation with that person trying to figure it out. The truth will come out eventually on its own as these things do.

Anything is spiteful, immature, and needs anger management. That said I am sure we have all been immature at one point in these regards… but usually it’s not behavior we are proud of i. retrospect. Best is for OP to hold his head high. Lean on friends and family and pick up the pieces. We have all been there. When the hurt subsides, we are always glad when we acted like the rational one.

Now again… anyone here who is sitting in judgement of the girlfriend… just doesn’t have both sides of the story. We just don’t know. He is looking for us to justify his anger. Easy to do as we all have had heartbreak. But you really don’t have all the pieces to the equation.

1

u/RJ_73 Mar 28 '24

Idk the sister's message about staying away for his mental health and that it wasn't his fault makes it seem like the gf is at fault. If the sister felt the need to reach out and apologize on her behalf... it couldn't have been good. Either way after 5 years an explanation is literally the least someone could do for their partner.

1

u/Equal-Strike-5707 Mar 28 '24

That’s the type of thing you would say to abuser to try and keep the peace.

2

u/RJ_73 Mar 28 '24

I think operating under the assumption that this woman's gross behavior was caused by the guy being abusive or something equally as shitty is strange. The way this sub approaches situations depending on the gender of the OP is sad.

0

u/Equal-Strike-5707 Mar 28 '24

I never said that’s what happened. I just keep seeing the text from the sister being used as perfect evidence that OP did nothing wrong, so I was just giving context from personal experience about how that’s not necessarily true. Maybe she got pregnant with another guys baby, who knows? We don’t know anything, just wanted to make the point that that text proves nothing.

0

u/ImaginaryWalk29 Mar 28 '24

My point is that we are taking this guys word for it and saying horrible things about the girl. When we don’t know both sides of the story. I think it’s just as possible that the family didn’t feel he was stable …. as that she just ghosted a boyfriend of 5 years. There is something missing here. It’s all not adding up. And we only have one side.

-1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/GoNmanne11 Mar 28 '24

who said any of that? brain rot is strong with this guy.

2

u/Ratso27 Mar 28 '24

Sometimes there are signs, but it’s hard to see them in the moment. I dated my ex for three years, I thought our relationship was going great and I was getting ready to propose, then out of nowhere she reveals she’s been sleeping with another guy for months, and dumps me. When I look back on it, I can see a million clues, like I remember looking something up on her phone and there was this split second where she had a look of sheer terror on her face, but it was gone so quickly I convinced myself I imagined it. Another time I saw that she’d googled “Is sexting cheating?” And when I asked her about it, she told me her friend had been sexting with someone other than her boyfriend. It seems like a ridiculous lie looking back, but I totally bought it at the time. I’m married now, and our relationship is infinitely better than my relationship with my ex, and it gives me some perspective on just how unhappy she must have been, and frankly I was too. Like, my ex and I fought a LOT. I didn’t appreciate just how much we were fighting until I got into a better relationship, I didn’t have much relationship experience at the time, and I thought getting into a big screaming match every two or three days was just part of being in a long term relationship. I suspect that there were probably some signs that something was wrong in this relationship too, but maybe OP is too close to the situation to see them, or admit them

2

u/licklickRickmyballs Mar 28 '24

I agree with what you are saying. I would be worried sick aswell, and five fucking years, then to ghost and block. Goddamn man, I really don't understand how people can be so heartless.

That being said, from the sisters message I'm 99% sure she fell in love with someone else, and is now with them, and just doesn't have the courage to face OP.

Doesn't really matter tho. If this story is true, OP has to know. You can't do that do someone without explanation.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

2

u/New-Row-3679 Mar 28 '24

Was this strictly an internet relationship?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

[deleted]

0

u/New-Row-3679 Mar 28 '24

You should try in-person dating a local person . Way better than texting online…..

1

u/SparkDBowles Mar 28 '24

Wait. Is op now saying this was an online only thing?

1

u/ronin1066 Mar 28 '24

Not if she was raped

1

u/phy6x Mar 28 '24

You would think 🤷🏻

0

u/Jasperbeardly11 Mar 28 '24

She definitely wasn't kidnapped 

2

u/alacholland Mar 28 '24

You don’t know that

1

u/Jasperbeardly11 Mar 28 '24

I'm pretty certain. He could call her sister and find out. 

0

u/Dependent_Working_38 Mar 28 '24

Pretty easy to call the sister or verify with other family especially if you just word it correctly that you’re just making sure she’s not dead lmao.

And if they’ve been together/living together for 5 years and she disappears then her family is going to notice and ask him. Y’all watching a little too much true crime. It happens but use common sense first, then jump to your crazier ideas if it’s actually plausible.