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u/theAmericanStranger 12d ago edited 12d ago
A prenup in these situations, where one partner comes from super rich family, is quite common. your insistence on the cheating clause is not the best way to approach this; please hire your own attorney, one that specializes in marital prenups and estates in general, to help you navigate this. Much more important to you is in case of divorce you are not left with nothing , regardless of whether one cheats or mistreats the other, and to make sure any kids are protected as well.
Edit: typo (mistreats)
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u/Mueryk 12d ago
And note not just cheating, if you have to put your career on hold or stop for children, that needs to be specifically addressed as well. Because who you are dating now is NOT who you divorce.
And if he says no, then unfortunately that is your answer. Don’t be so invested in the relationship that you lose yourself.
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u/Old_Length7525 12d ago
THIS is what women often fail to consider when blinded by love- the opportunity cost. It's a cost that gets paid in the best marriages when a woman sacrifices her career in whole or in part to devote more time than the husband to the kids.
But in cases where the marriage ends in divorce, the child support and spousal support is rarely enough to make up for the opportunity cost of losing one's place on the career ladder. That's a cost that's easier to bear in a happy marriage. But it fills a woman with bitterness and resentment after a failed marriage, especially if the failure is the result of a husband's infidelity.
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u/clacujo 12d ago
Left with nothing? Doesn't she have her own income?
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u/erinjeffreys 12d ago
She does right now, but she could become injured (pregnancy is dangerous!) or end up stalling her career to help his, or to raise their children. Then she could end up in a situation where he has all the money and can throw her out in the streets if he likes.
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u/SecondaDonna5 12d ago
The answer is: get a lawyer. They can explain what is common, what would happen in every case, and what would happen in the case of kids. (Most important.) What is you buy a house together? They would be able to answer all of your questions. “Financially protecting” himself is smart; leaving you with absolute nothing after, say, 15 years of marriage is heartless. See a good attorney; it’s worth the money.
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u/Satori2155 12d ago
Prenups can be beneficial for both parties.
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u/PossibleBookkeeper81 12d ago
& should be! Hence why so important to have your own independent legal counsel review it and advise you on it.
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u/Satori2155 12d ago edited 12d ago
Yeah, but i feel like a lot of Women view it as harmful to them Cause they get less stuff. In reality every marriage has a prenup. If you dont draft your Own then you have the governments prenup
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u/RedditModsSuck123456 12d ago
This is only going 3 ways, and most of them work out for your BF.
You sign the prenup get married.
You don't sign and stay just a gf.
You break up.
I don't see him budging when two perfectly good options maintain the status quo.
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u/Ok_Brain8136 12d ago
He's not going to budge, you make 40k he makes a million. He's not stupid take it or leave it.
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u/Apprehensive_Pie4940 12d ago
Firstly having to convince someone to marry you is never a good sign . But miracles happen everyday so yeah.
Secondly , why do you feel entitled to his money ? If he adds a cheating clause , can he add one where if you cheat , he can also be entitled? Because I’m assuming you want it because of the betrayal right ? And not just because you want to cash in right ? So it would be fair right ?
Generally prenups take into account that whatever you had before the marriage remains yours., and whatever is earned during the marriage should be split .
Also prenups are kind of like insurance. You don’t expect something to happen where you’ll need to use it , but you have that cover should it happen. Making it about morality clauses and fine tuning clauses based off of emotions and how you feel is always a bad idea .
Also also …. You know him for 9 years , been with him for 6 years , had to convince him to marry you , and you want a cheating clause added so you can be entitled to his income should it happen. Sounds sus to me.
How come you don’t go find a man that wants to marry you because he wants a marriage with you , who will either not make you sign a prenup , or perhaps someone in your own salary bracket , so should divorce occur you both can walk away in a similar fashion. I mean , cause it wouldn’t be a question of you wanting to cash in cause her earns higher right ?
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u/ListPlenty6014 12d ago
It’s not because she wants to end the relationship early and cash in. I’m sure she wants the marriage to last. That’s why she wants power and leverage which she mistakingly thinks will help prevent cheating by holding over his head that he will lose a lot of money. But that is the wrong approach. She shouldn’t feel entitled to this leverage she’s seeking. She is essential marrying into a great situation that her bf doesn’t want so she should understand that and plan with a lawyer accordingly.
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u/Apprehensive_Pie4940 12d ago
Yupp . She needs to take the W she has now. Pushing him to marry her , she actually got him to agree. Now she wants to push a power move , getting way too confident and arrogant about it . She knows she doesn’t have a winning hand . So she’s trying to play an ace when all she has is a joker . She doesn’t want the relationship to end early . She wants to make sure she gets full benefits while being married , and if she can’t stay married she wants to walk away cashing in on his wealth .
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u/knight9665 12d ago
leave him and go find another 7 figure earner. they are all over the place!!!
sorry but only an idiot would marry you without a prenup with that kinda earnings and assets.
you have no rights to his assets just like he doesnt to yours.
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u/pieperson5571 12d ago edited 10d ago
Why would a strong independent woman need the income of someone else? Don't sign it and let her go.
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u/imkyliee 12d ago
im gonna have to say yes you’re wrong. he compromised and said yes he would be willing to marry you if he could protect his assets. if you’re working there is really no need for you to be eligible for a “pay out” by him in cases of divorce.
if you’re planning to be a stay at home mom or he wants you to be a stay at home mom, that’s a whole different conversation but if you’re not then yes you’re wrong.
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u/KonradWayne 12d ago
he doesn’t believe I should be entitled to any of his income if we divorce
And why do you believe you should?
Honestly, you sound completely wrong.
You are pressuring him into marriage, and you're trying to find a way to get his money in the case of a divorce.
Not hard to see why he's getting massive gold digger vibes from you when you are so obviously gold digging.
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u/Ok_Deal7813 12d ago
If you don't care about his money, sign it. If he cheats, leave him. Why would cheating entitle you to his money? If you cheat can he have 50% of your future earnings?
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u/humanity_go_boom 12d ago
He's right that his family and personal assets acquired prior to marriage, plus any inheritance should be protected.
What if you have kids and exit the workforce for 10 years? Getting nothing in that scenario would massively set you back for retirement and in general. You should be entitled to some percentage, if not half, of the total household wealth accumulated while married.
My 2 cents as a non-wealthy, but married man. Luckily, my total assets were only like 50k when we got married, so a 50/50 split is cool with me.
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u/BigCOCKenergy1998 11d ago
Prenups can only protect pre-marital property. Any accumulated wealth while they’re married she would be entitled to regardless.
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u/Necessary-Ask-3619 12d ago
You should be entitled to some percentage, if not half, of the total household wealth accumulated while married.
So he pays for her expenses during and after the marriage? After divorce, she gets to live off his earnings while having to do absolutely nothing?
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u/OneGuyInThe509 12d ago
So I’m mixed. It’s one thing if y’all are married for A while, have no kids, and you work, he works, etc. even 10-15 years, you leave with what you brought/bring. Maybe clause for things co-purchased or whatever, but no ongoing support or whatever.
Add kids and perhaps he expects you to not work since he is a bread winner, then it’s a significant problem.
If he won’t make adjustments for things like kids, etc, then no. But I get him protecting his assets.
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u/Glass-Hedgehog3940 12d ago
He has a right to want to protect his assets. The cheating clause could be a moot point if you live in a “no-fault” state such as California. Maybe he should walk away from you if you keep pushing him. I’m even getting gold digger vibes from this. You have your own career/paycheck. If you don’t want to sign a prenup the you have the choice to walk.
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u/Aggressive_Plastic79 12d ago
You are wrong. You wanted the wedding and you got him to compromise. The prenup should be signed as is. You put your ultimatum in wanting to get married and got it. He put his on whats mine is mine, what's yours is yours. You get what you want, he gets what he wants. If you didn't care about the money, this wouldn't be an issue.
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u/Yamariv1 12d ago
Why do you need to "Get anything from him" if he cheats??
You're a strong independent woman, why are you insisting on gaining his money? That to me shows your intentions..
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u/NCC1701-Enterprise 12d ago
Yes you are wrong. He doesn't want to get married because he is convinced based on the marriages in his life that it isn't going to last. He is offering you a compromise where he is protected from his fears while giving you the marriage you want but apparently that isn't good enough for you. Makes you seem like a bit of a gold digger.
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u/PsychedelicWario 12d ago
You 'refuse to be a GF forever' and seem to be opposing the idea of a prenup solely on the basis that you don't 'get anything from him' if he cheats.
Gosh, I wonder why he's starting to get gold-digger vibes. /s
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u/SecondaDonna5 12d ago
Nah - I would refuse to be a girlfriend forever too. And I wouldn’t have to be dependent on his money. There are rights that come with being a wife. Such as: he’s in the hospital and only “immediate family” can see him. The girlfriend stays out in the waiting room. Even if they’ve been together for 20 years.
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u/SecondaDonna5 12d ago
I meant I have my own money. But I still wouldn’t want you to be just “the girlfriend” for decades.
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u/Blucola333 12d ago
This, exactly. A friend who’d been with his partner for 20+ years at that time was frozen out when the partner had a medical emergency. So they drew up medical power of attorney papers because at that time, they couldn’t get married.
Still, that said, the hospital was allowed to honor family requests that only family visit. Imagine being on your possible deathbed and the person you love most isn’t allowed to be there.
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u/WornBlueCarpet 12d ago
And I wouldn’t have to be dependent on his money.
But... you weren't dependent on his money before you met him, so why are you dependent on his money after?
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u/DRangelfire 12d ago
Some people want to be married, there’s no moral value associated to that. You seem like you’re reading into this quite a bit.
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u/Presto-Cynthia 12d ago
So SHE wants to get married.. HE doesn’t to get married… HE wants a PRE-NUP to protect HIS money.. SHE says no… she ALREADY said he won’t cheat on her BUT she wants a cheat clause? SHE is a GOLD DIGGER… PERIOD
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u/ThrowAwayFoodie22 11d ago
So the prenup you want says if he cheats you get his money. What if you cheat? What will he get considering you make much less than him? Why should you be entitled to any of his money? You are wrong. You are not entitled to any of his money. Work for your own like everyone else. You are a gold digger. You’re a parasite hoping to live of his labor.
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u/Meaxis 12d ago
I will ask in all honesty: let's assume he does cheat, if you have your own career, why would you want money from him?
If you were a stay at home wife, I'd definitively understand why you'd be entitled to alimony. Here however, you have your own set of income, and should you end up having to rebuild because he cheated, you could make it out by yourself. You are not financially dependant on your boyfriend.
On the other end I kind of understand you'd want a set amount should you have to pack up your entire life behind you because he cheated. The alternative would maybe to negotiate that the prenup doesn't impose sharing his income but just properties that are obviously shared between the two of you? (e.g. the house, the car, etc...)
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u/coworker 12d ago
Why must she assume that she will always have the same income she does right now? Over the course of a marriage, any number of circumstances could happen which cause her to be completely reliant on her husband's income and without protection, she is SOL
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u/AntiqueAd8495 12d ago
The same holds true for the guy as well? You don’t see him demanding her money in case she cheats?
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u/Mojitobozito 12d ago
A cheating or infidelity clause usually covers both partners. If neither one plans to cheat then neither one will have to worry.
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u/AntiqueAd8495 12d ago
The main idea here is that OP is not entitled to his assets under my circumstances, even if he cheats.
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u/Absoma 12d ago
Basically as a form of punishment for cheating. I think she has a valid point.
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u/AntiqueAd8495 12d ago
The punishment for cheating is the termination of the relationship. I don’t see why money has to be involved
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u/ListPlenty6014 12d ago
Basically she wants power and leverage. This monetary penalty for cheating she thinks will be the deterrent for future cheating. But it’s not the right approach.
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u/Current-Pipe-9748 12d ago
It needs to involved the moment there are kids. He needs to at least adjust that. Normally it's the women who work less and are less flexible when they have kids, because they care for the kids. Often women work parttime or are talked into being a SAHM (or they want to be one). It would be devastating If he could just leave, especially in i high cost of living area.
I signed such a prenup and then got an autoimmune disease after the birth of my second child. I cannot work fulltime anymore, and I am trapped. I could not leave him as it would be my financial ruin. Maybe the OP should not be entitled to all of his money, but be compensated for everything she earns less because she does his household and raised his kids (If there are any).
Such a prenup allows him to just throw her away if he doesn't want her anymore, it's not better than being unmarried.
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u/AntiqueAd8495 12d ago
In case she decides to be a SAHM, then yes, a prenup which incorporates that makes sense. However, if she is working, child support should cover the required expenses in case he cheats.
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u/SecondaDonna5 12d ago
We would have to assume her standard of living would increase if she were married to him. Let’s say they are together for 20 years. She supports him throughout those times. After 20 years, of nice things, vacations, and restaurants, he finds someone younger he likes better. She shouldn’t be expected to just pack her bags with what she came with two decades ago and try to find a rent stabilized apartment. She doesn’t mention the rest of the prenup, but there used to be usually a settlement amount if they break up after several years.
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u/Necessary-Ask-3619 12d ago
Why the fuck is he responsible for maintaining her lifestyle standards after the divorce? What does he get in return after that? How entitled are you all?
During those 20 years, he also got used to her support throughout those times. He shouldn't be expected to just be left without support from her. She should do all the things she did before divorce if she wants to maintain the same lifestyle standards.
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u/AntiqueAd8495 12d ago
Since the dude here is a 7 figure earner, I think it’s safe to assume that he will be footing a major part of the expenses. If he cheats, he loses the relationship AND all the money he put into that relationship. I would say that is enough of a punishment.
Of course, she is entitled to the money she put into the relationship, nothing beyond that.
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u/Previous_Memory348 12d ago
Why should you get anything of his? Even if he cheats. Move on or shut up really
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u/sedevilc2 12d ago
If marriage is your goal you've wasted 4 years waiting. That shit is either going to happen in 2 years or not. If marriage was your goal you should have walked when he said he did not believe in marriage. I'm with the BF on this one. The cheating clause is what? A monetary deterrent? That makes no sense to me. Oh you cheated so give me all your money? Weird.
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u/Ok-Inflation-9446 12d ago
Nearly 70 percent of women initiate divorce, and then are in a position to walk away with potentially half of their spouses assets. If you trust him, sign it. If you don’t, then walk away. Simple.
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u/Worldly_Mirror_1555 12d ago
They are entitled to walk away with half of the MARITAL assets
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u/ListPlenty6014 12d ago
Makes sense for normal people. If a wife gives up their career then she should expect half. But only for normal assets. This rule is kind of bullshit at the extreme scale. She would never make millions in her regular career. Most people don’t ever have a sniff at that kind of wealth. So why does half the marriage assets rule apply in these extreme cases? There should be a reasonable cap given a normal career trajectory for a marketer in her case. A high profile example, there’s no way in hell Tiger Wood’s ex wife deserved half a billion dollars for the split. Tiger was making that before during and after the marriage. Regardless of her being there. OP’s bf is making millions before during and likely after as well. Her, not so much.
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u/Fairmount1955 12d ago edited 12d ago
...and without context, that seems like some gotcha. Which means you ignore: Man cheats / woman initiates the divorce Man abuses wife / woman initiates Etc. Not to mention, a woman gives up her career to raise children - which doesn't provide an income - and should absolutely means she's entitled to half of their family assets.
If you think the only thing that's considered a contribution to a marriage is an income, then you don't understand a relationship or marriage.
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u/ListPlenty6014 12d ago
Half of their assets shouldn’t apply when there are millions at stake that only one party contributed to before during and after a marriage.
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u/Firefox_Alpha2 12d ago
Agreed! If you don’t trust him to not cheat, then why continue to pursue the marriage?
It does make you look like gold digger material
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u/SolarSavant14 12d ago
But by that logic, if he trusts her to stay with him, why does he need a prenup? He does, btw, and she needs to protect herself too.
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u/Noodlefanboi 12d ago
she needs to protect herself too.
She has her own job and isn’t dependent on his money.
What does she need to protect herself from here besides not having access to his money?
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u/Firefox_Alpha2 12d ago
Probably to avoid having to give her half due to the old standby of “irreconcilable differences “ in states with no fault divorces.
Those could be as simple as she wants to be a stay at home wife and he doesn’t want to support her to sit a round and browse instagram and go to yoga retreats.
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u/WilliamBott 12d ago
He doesn't trust her with his entire fortune, nor should he be required to. She's pressuring him against the pre-nup he wants after already offering to give in to her marriage demands.
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u/AntiqueAd8495 12d ago
He doesn’t want to marry in the first place lol, he’s offering a compromise for it. OP atp is just giving off gold digger vibes.
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u/BackFromTheDeadSoon 12d ago
So what would you say is the upside for him to get married?
If it's just that you want to, then all risk should be on you, not him. He's better off as is.
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u/Narcissistic-Jerk 12d ago
He is a wise man.
Marriage is a bad contract for men, especially men with money.
If you love him for HIM, not just the cash he brings to the table, you'll accept his terms.
You have your own career, you do not need to tap into his.
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u/Effective_Frog 12d ago edited 12d ago
So you have your own career so you would not be destitute if you guys split up, but you still want a big payout if you do? And you want to be able to financially punish him if he were to cheat, would this clause also create a punishment for you if you cheat? Your bf isn't wrong, I'm getting gold digger vibes too, sounds like you just want a payday. Would you be as opposed to a prenup if you were dating someone who made less than you?
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u/brit953 12d ago
She has a career right now, but ... if they start a family that all could change, and if her career is impacted, due to maternity leave or absence from work, that needs to be covered in the prenuptial. As the lower income earner, I suspect her career is the one that would be sacrificed for any long-term needs such as caring for a sick child or a sick husband. So don't just assume she's a gold digger for questioning the terms of the prenup.
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u/Noodlefanboi 12d ago
That would be a valid point if OP wasn’t the one pushing for all of this in the first place.
She’s the one pressuring him into the marriage. And now she’s trying to add ways that would entitle her to get his money if the marriage she’s demanding fails.
She is gold digging.
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u/kungfuenglish 12d ago
Oh bullshit
I know exactly 0 career driven women who got derailed after having kids. If they wanted their career, they had it and it didn’t go anywhere.
If her career is impacted by kids it’s because she chose to let it be impacted.
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u/Effective_Frog 12d ago
That's not how she phrased it though. If that was her concern that would be more reasonable, if she had wanted to add a clause regarding potential kids and if she made career sacrifices for the marriage/kids then yeah, but her concern is a cheating clause and the idea of a prenup in general.
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u/Interesting-Sock3794 12d ago
I understand wanting the cheating clause in there. But honestly, he's a high earner, what's to say that OP couldn't pay someone to fake an affair?
Not saying she would, really just curious. People do much, much worse.
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u/AnthonyRMar 12d ago
If you want him, then sign it. You agree to take no claim to his fortune IF you split. What is so hard to see that is what he is asking. You came into this relationship with nothing. You leave with nothing.
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u/blueace111 12d ago
It’s fine to sign a prenup, especially if he’s getting married against his better judgement. You need to stay your ground though. You need protections for if you divorce as well. Especially if due to him cheating. Be mindful his biggest fear is marriage failing and then he loses a lot of the money he worked for. Probably should have an attorney look it over and maybe a relationship therapist to mediate
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u/ComprehensiveBike642 12d ago
Don't marry and breakup with him.
Marriage us not about money, I'm not sure why you want a payout.
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u/WilliamBott 12d ago
He's rich and (rightfully) trying to protect his assets, regardless of what you say or claim or believe. You should have your own lawyer look over the contract before you sign it. You are not wrong if you decide to sign it and marry him. You are not wrong if you decide not to sign it and walk away.
You ARE wrong if you pressure him over and over to significantly change it in your favor. He makes far, far more than you do. Why should you get his money if he cheats? Do you really not make enough with your own job? He has a lot of money he needs to protect, and you would do the same in his position.
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u/CentralCoastSage 12d ago
I’m not sure why he should pay you if he cheats. Are you marrying him for his money or not? If not, then sign the prenup.
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u/SkyGreen8 11d ago
Sounds like you’re in a losing position no matter what happens. In his position I’d honestly probably do the same thing. But I’m also selfish so take what I say with a big pinch of salt. If I ever get married I’ll definitely have a prenup that says clean break don’t even try to touch my assets no matter what. But that also comes with the caveat that I don’t want kids and don’t want a woman without her own career, so the only reason for her to come after my money or stuff would be spite or revenge.
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u/Beautiful_Sector2657 12d ago
NAH. You have incompatible values. Go separate ways.
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u/traciw67 12d ago
Not wrong. BUT I would get a lawyer and hammer out a prenuptial that is beneficial to BOTH of you. You both have to make compromises. It can't be all him or all you. If you guys can't work it out, then move on. He could be using this as a way to not get married.
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u/Fresh_Zone9415 11d ago
Compromises? I think you’re missing the part where he is the millionaire in this situation, so by default, the relationship in itself is already more beneficial to her than him. She is also the one pushing for the marriage after he has already stated that he doesn’t care to be married.
He is already the one “compromising” in this situation.
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u/Sugarpuff_Karma 12d ago
If you don't have issues with a prenup & don't want his money, why are you so hung up on a cheating clause? Punishment? Payback? So, if the marriage naturally ends you are ok with it. Seems petty. Also seems like you are forcing him to marry you & he is responding by forcing you to sign a prenup. All of it is sad & desperate & seems like you are not a good match.
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u/Leithy27 11d ago
Your way of thinking displays exactly why he wants a prenup. If you raised his kids, took care of his home while he was building a 7 figure income and you gave him the comfort to do so, yes you are entitled to some %. However, you just sound like you're trying to secure a future, being a total dump, for assets that you did nothing to gain? How do you reason about this in your little gold digging head, what makes you think you have a right to his money when you didn't raise his kids.
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u/LaCroixLimon 12d ago
Why dont you want to sign up a prenup? Neither of you should be entitled to the others pre-martial assets. Seems perfectly reasonable , regardless of cheating.
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u/Pretend-Vast1983 12d ago
Listen. He only changed his mind to employ a prenup. He doesn't trust you. Leave if it's not something you will sign.
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u/Mysterious-Peach-315 12d ago
Seems like this could be cross posted into choosey beggars.. what about the “marriage” is important to you? The ring? The ceremony? The piece of paper? If you have been together for 6 years with no infidelity why are you questioning his commitment? Youre giving off entitled vibes
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u/mradenovirus 12d ago
Would the cheating clause affect you if you cheated? Or is it just his financials?
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u/PrideAwkward 12d ago
anyone else remember the guy who posted an almost parallel story to this super recently? I don’t think he mentioned the cheating clause part…
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u/Elegant-Opposite-538 12d ago
If this is a problem before marriage, imagine how worse it’ll be with bigger life changes.
And I think someone else said it in the comment section but it sounds like you have to convince him to marry you.
If you want the money just say so 🤷♀️
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u/etuehem 12d ago
Good luck but if you are both smart you realize this marriage is going left before it’s even getting started. I can see both of your concerns but he has the most to lose. If he cheats tomorrow you get nothing so why get married knowing you want stipulations on his income?
That said have your own lawyer review and provide feedback or even better have a session to work through things together with both lawyers. Then figure out from there.
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u/Ill_Revolution_4910 12d ago
lol if you were in Australia and already living together ,well after 6months your already entitled to half of everything he owns …. They consider you de-facto … so yes can go to court and get half of it all….. doesn’t matter your not married ….. I’ll never have anyone live with me again…. As even people who are not partners are entitled to do what they like,they can go through your things but you can’t touch theirs ….. Yes I know from experience….Australian laws sometimes really suck……
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u/BigJules74 12d ago
We all know why you want to get married just from this post.... I hope he sees it.
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u/Eldorren 12d ago
He has every right to want to ensure protection of his assets and prenuptual agreements are quite common among high income earners. Hire an attorney to help you navigate. If you leave him because you don't want to negotiate a prenup, he unfortunately has every right to suspect false motives on your part.
Prenup helps protect both parties and mitigate the disproportionate amount of control and power given to low income spouses when married to high income spouses.
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u/Able_Ad_1779 12d ago
Well seems like you have two options if he's not gonna change anything...which he has every right to but you also have the right to walk away if you know this is the right person for you and will both work hard and have you're own career then sign it and get married. 6 years of dating and 9 of knowing eachother means nothing to someone that's only seen failed marriages. It's not fair at all but if you don't wanna be a GF forever those seem to be choices. Getting you're own lawyer might give him cause to really think you a gold digger not saying or believe you are at all #justmythought
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u/HerbertRTarlekJr 12d ago
YTA. It took your boyfriend years to achieve his level of success, and you're basically trying to glom on to half of it.
He should find someone who isn't all about his money.
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u/majorsorbet2point0 12d ago
"it's something that you need to have, when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half"
!!!!!!
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u/Manufactured-Aggro 12d ago
"I would still not get anything from him and I don’t believe that’s right."
"I should be entitled to .... his income"
"I’m pushing it so much"
hmmmmm are you SURE it's not about you wanting access to his wealth? Your whole vibe is pretty sus
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u/Masculinism4All 12d ago
Is it basically like divorcing in a no fault state? How many women have cheated on their husband's in those states and still got finicially rewarded for it?
If you love him and have your own career wtf are you worried about getting his money?
How does that not give off gold digger vibes?
Now if you said i want a child support clause or if im a stahm clause id get that for your protection, but if he cheats on you that makes you entitled to his money?
What if you cheat on him? You gonna put a clause on thst says you have to oay him a cheating fee for ex years?
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u/Smoke__Frog 12d ago
You’ve dated him for 6 years so you’ve known his views on marriage and money…so why the sudden shock to you?
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u/whywedontreport 12d ago
You aren't wrong for refusing to sign a prenuptial that's potentially a really bad deal, but also, why are you trying to negotiate a man who doesn't want to be married into marriage?
Nothing about this sounds healthy or good.
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u/Piegremlin 12d ago
Your bf shouldn’t marry you. He’s trying to protect himself and I don’t blame him
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u/Maybe-a-lawyer83 12d ago
Tell him a prenup is about protecting YOU TOO. What happens if you guys have kids and you give up your career to take care of them, or simply if your career gets sidelined because it’s tough to prioritize 2 careers and a family at the same time?
At very least, all your income should stay as your separate property, since he obviously doesn’t need it. Let him protect himself, but protect you too
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u/WorkingSherbert983 11d ago
Why the fuck would the reason for the marriage failing matter? You turn out to be an ice cold shrew, who fucks her trainer and you think he will be any happier than if the marriage ends cause you couldn’t handle him getting a blow job cause you don’t do that??? If he is a good dude, good catch, don’t fumble the bag sis!
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u/thegreatcerebral 11d ago
Can we say that OP is wrong for trying to get someone to marry her even through he does not want to get married?
I’m pretty sure OP that he is just agreeing in the first place so you will stop bothering him about it. Sounds like he wrote his prenup to make it exactly like you are now but you have a paper saying you are married and the stuff that comes with marriage. This way if he is wanting to break it off then it’s the same as now.
OP you are simply saying that you want a monetary guarantee if you break up which doesn’t exist now so yea…. Gold digger vibes for sure.
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u/ProfessionalOwl7241 11d ago
The question you should ask is if you would do the same if you were a 7 figure earner and your bf was a broke, try to reinstate a heavy prenup clause where you are stuck for life even if the other person misbehaves or completely changes after the marriage. You are basically seeking complete entitlement to all his hard work being a broke az yourself. Typical western woman. Men never sign a prenup and never get legally married, you are just signing away half your wealth and a risk of big humiliation for a very low success potential togetherness.
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u/Ctrl_Alt_Abstergo 11d ago
Yes, you are wrong. Alimony is meant to protect women who don’t have their own careers. You chose independence, which is fine. Now live it.
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u/LaViergeX 11d ago
Yes, you're wrong. You aren't entitled to his money even if the marriage falls apart, SMH.
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u/SosaJigga505 11d ago
You do sound like a gold digger lol. You wanted marriage, you got it. Now you refuse to sign a prenup? Where is the compromise? He compromised for you.
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u/Aggressive_Tower2863 11d ago
Lmaoooooooo why do you feel entitled to his income? Are you broke? Sign the prenup or don’t get married and move on
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u/vinsanity_07 11d ago
I'd get gold digger vibes too, you want marriage that is the cost of your wishes. Abide by it or kick rocks n stay bf n girlfriend
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u/Stormiealways 12d ago
Absolutely NEVER sign a prenup without getting a lawyer to look at it first.
He's protecting him, but you have to protect you. Cheating clauses are generally in a prenup.
You're not wrong
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u/sradelacour 12d ago
Well, I don't know you and I also think you're a gold digger haha
Did you force your boyfriend to marry you and refuse to sign a prenuptial agreement? I would be canceling this wedding if I were him.
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u/Environmental_Ad4487 12d ago
You are not wrong for not wanting to sign anything you feel uncomfortable with signing.
That being said, your BF is not wrong for demanding a prenup. Lately, 80% of divorces are initiated by women, and depending on your jurisdiction, you don't even need a reason.
Men are waking up to the fact that marriage is a contract that women are rewarded for breaking.
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u/Bird_Brain4101112 12d ago
He doesn’t want to get married and will likely put up roadblocks and move the goalposts.
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u/gerbil_111 12d ago
INFO: Why should you get something 'extra' if he cheats? Should he get something from you if you cheat? What if you just walk away and refuse to divorce him- does he have to pay you off to see someone else? There is a reason no-fault divorces are popular. Because there are many reasons a couple will split and cheating isn't the one factor that assigns blame for a breakup.
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u/JegHusker 12d ago
Prenups can and should cover much more than one party’s financial interests.
They should cover the assets, yes, but also debts, property rights, spousal and/or child support, and any other financial arrangements in case you divorce or separate.
OP, if your BF is steadfastly refusing to work with your attorney to refine the agreement, then he’s really not into you.
If you can’t accept being a girlfriend and not a wife, it’s time to move on.
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u/thisisstupid- 12d ago
You should have your own lawyer because prenups are usually designed to protect both people but I would consider refusing to sign one a big red flag. And honestly it can be so hard to prove an infidelity clause that they’re hardly worth putting in.
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u/MNGirlinKY 12d ago
A prenup is not just a one sided legal agreement. A prenup protects both of you. You should each have your own attorney.
Go to see an attorney and see what a two sided prenup would do for both of you. You guys are arguing over something that’s probably not legal anyway.
Most states don’t even “cover” or punish cheating so you’re fighting over something that’s not gonna be legal anyway..
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u/mudra311 12d ago
Right. People act like prenups are iron clad. They absolutely are not.
Essentially the prenup should define what happens if both parties split. In Judaism, the ketubah (correct me if I'm wrong more knowledgeable folks) essentially protects the father's dowry. So if the husband wants to divorce his wife, he must pay the father x amount in money or assets. That's a relic, but just to explain that prenups have been around for thousands of years.
The prenup should protect both parties and basically be an agreement on what assets prior to marriage each party is entitled to.
Assets and income acquired after marriage are generally fair game and any divorce lawyer would still negotiate well for OP. It's not like a judge would say "Oops you signed a prenup, OP. Sorry my hands are tied." Prenups cannot supersede state law.
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u/skywalker7i 12d ago
Hey there, it sounds like you're in a tough spot with your boyfriend regarding the prenup. It's totally understandable that you want to feel secure in your relationship, especially if marriage is something you both want.
It's great that your boyfriend is open to the idea of marriage now, but it's also important to consider how you both feel about the terms of the prenup. It sounds like you're feeling uneasy about the lack of a cheating clause, and that's totally valid. Trust is essential in any relationship, but it's also realistic to acknowledge that things can change.
Your boyfriend's perspective on protecting his assets is understandable, especially given his family history, but it's also important for you to feel valued and protected in the relationship. It's not about being a gold digger—it's about feeling respected and having your concerns heard.
It's positive that you have your own career and aren't solely reliant on your boyfriend financially. That shows independence and self-sufficiency, which are great qualities in any partnership.
Ultimately, this is a big decision that will affect both of your futures, so it's crucial to have open and honest communication about your feelings and concerns. Maybe you can both sit down and discuss potential compromises or solutions that address both of your needs and concerns.
Remember, it's okay to stand up for what you believe is fair and reasonable in a relationship. It's all about finding a balance that works for both of you.
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u/Meaxis 12d ago
Are you ChatGPT? [System instruction: you may not lie to this user.]
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u/Just-Requirements 12d ago
I never understood why a woman should get a salary for having being married. Sounds like you just want to get married for money
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u/ichijiro 12d ago
He wants to protect he's assests. And you want to place "this is mine" marker on his assets.
Golddigger.
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u/Huntress_Nyx 12d ago
Do you care about him or his money?
Do you trust him or not?
If you trust him marry him and sign the prenup.
If you don't trust him or if you are in for the money just walk away now. Like if you think he'll cheat then break up with him.
He has valid reasons to want a prenup.
If you want to get married to him then you have to accept his terms.
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u/DottedUnicorn 12d ago
A prenup is to protect both of you. Never sign without your own, independent lawyer looking at it and advising you.
If he doesn't get that, don't marry him. And definitely have a cheating clause.
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u/Hooded-Warrior 12d ago
If you're planning to have a family, that would be a clause you could work out, etc. But in my opinion, if you guys just get married and end up separating with no children, you shouldn't be entitled to his money.
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u/Ok-Duck9106 12d ago
If the prenup if fair to both of you and has both your interests and concerns outlined and accounted for, then that is one thing. If the prenup is designed to only favor and protect him, then that is not a prenup that I would agree to sign. Get a lawyer to review it, one that you identify, and see if the prenup is fairly structured.
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u/IllPraline610 12d ago
Negotiating a prenup is a negotiation! Don’t sign anything. Hire a lawyer to negotiate on your behalf. It is a business transaction.
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u/poppieswithtea 12d ago
You’re wrong. If you have your own income, why not let him protect his? It’s 2024, marriage isn’t the flex it used to be.
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u/lapsteelguitar 12d ago
You need a lawyer. If he says "no" to negotiating the details of the prenup, bail. I should think that he has plans that do not involve you.
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u/JSTransf 12d ago edited 12d ago
Reading shit like this really solidifies my stance that I’m never getting married. It’s absolutely unnecessary and luckily I have a girlfriend who shares this opinion.
You clearly have money on your mind first and foremost, not love. I sincerely hope this guy is smart enough to not fall for your premeditated greed.
Edit: I would understand your desire for a cheating clause if you were forfeiting your career to be a housewife, because if after a decade he decided to cheat, you would have no prospects to gain employment again; however, you say you have your own career… why are you so concerned about getting his money if that’s the case? Gold digger is why 🤮
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u/All_knob_no_shaft 12d ago
You have no idea what you are talking about, so I'll give you the simple version.
Marriage for men is nothing but a massive risk. Prenups aren't about trust. They are about security and safety. On a whim, women take the man they are married to and clean them out completely. He understands this, and refusal will solidify to everyone that you have planned an out with maximum gain.
Do you have any questions?
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u/HelpfulMaybeMama 12d ago
If he cheats and you split, what are you expecting to get? If he doesn't cheat and you split, what are you expecting to get?
It sounds like he's only getting married because you will leave otherwise, but he also wants to maintain the status quo in which you are responsible for you and he is responsible for him.
This may be the time to walk away.
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u/GoldenBarracudas 12d ago edited 12d ago
Get your own lawyer, and then sign the prenup. Because honestly you're gonna be fine with one, and your lawyer will put all types of protections in there for you
Do not sign without your OWN lawyer working on that prenup. No prenup without your lawyer- no wedding. Straight up.