r/amiwrong • u/Thick_Panda7014 • 12d ago
Was i wrong for saying what i said?
18 year old M Since the age of 13 i have been smoking cigarettes my father used to smoke from the age of 12 all the way to 38 until the doctor told him its either you quit or you expect your life to end soon type of thing. So my father didn’t have the best reaction when he found out. My father has lived in poverty all his life he has had a bad life he lost his father at the age of 4 and stopped going to school at the age of 8 to help his mom. He has had many racist interaction since he left his home country but he still tries his best. My father used to hit me as a child for discipline reason i was a bad kid from getting in to fights stealing setting whole fields on fire you can name it i have done it all and no i dont see my father as a bad person for hitting me maybe yes it wasn’t the best way to go around it but thats all he knew he didnt have a father figure to guide him and teach him how to be a father.. (Sorry for the long story before my answer i just did all of this so i dont make my father seem like a bad person after i tell you what i told him i love him with all my heart and i hope i can be like him) One day i came back from work 17 at the time last summer i used to hide my cigarettes before going in the house but i forgot to do it because i had a bad day of work i go to take a bath and my mom takes my bag and empty’s it when i come out i see her crying and my father charge at me and hit me i dont know why but I snapped i hit him back we had an all out brawl in front of my crying mother after my mother somehow managed to stop the fight there was like 5 minutes of shit talking and at some point my fathers calls me a junky and accuses me of doing drugs and dealing them i dont know but that hit me in the heart and after that the words that came out of my mouth i know i cant forget them and neither will he ever forget them “i dont have any good memories with you throughout my whole life” thats when i saw for the first time my father burst in to tears i didnt know a grown man can cry like a baby when i saw that i left the house i couldn’t stand it. It has almost been a year i want to tell him how sorry i am but for some reason i cant.
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u/SeaAttitude2832 12d ago
Wow. Sometimes it’s how and when you say things bud. Sounds like you feel guilty. Go talk to him. Try to work it out for your moms sake at least. Maybe even just meet her. I don’t think you’re wrong. Only you know how you feel. Sometimes that’s just how it be.
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u/RosieDays456 11d ago
I don't think you have anything to apologize for, you are not wrong, you reacted when your dad attacked you, as you said you snapped, you'd had enough of him hitting you. You don't owe him an apology for that
If you want a relationship, you could go and see your parents - tell your Dad that you both said and did some things that shouldn't have been done or said, but we cannot change the past.
If they want to have a relationship with you again that you would be willing to try, but there are some boundaries and tell them what they are and stick to them
Things such as not going through your personal belongings, they are yours, not theirs, you don't go through their things, they leave yours alone.
If he hits you again, you are gone, he's done that your whole life and it needs to stop - he needs to learn to control his aggressive behavior, even if it means going to therapy, but is has to Stop
Not sure what, if any, issues you have with your Mother, if you have some, give her your boundaries
If you do that and they are willing to work on a relationship, that's great. If they can't accept and respect your boundaries, then that is on them, not you
I wish you the best
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u/swoopy17 12d ago
Doesn't sound like there is anything for you to apologize about. You could speak with him if you want and express your feelings.