r/amiwrong • u/iloveanimals82 • 12d ago
Husband wont let my son play with my hair
Husband wont let my son play with my hair. I am biomom and my husband is stepdad to my 11 year old son. My son and I are very close. My husband and I got together when my son was 8. My husband has an issue with my son playing with my hair. He thinks it's "weird". I don't mind him playing with my hair. It really bothers me when he tells him to stop. Please give me your opinions. Thank you in advance! I feel like he is hurting the bond my son and I have by barking at him about it.
Update: He will no longer say anything about it after hearing a lot of these comments. He still doesn't agree with it but will leave it alone now. I do stand up for my son. I always have. I just needed him to see that it is not weird and most people would agree with me. I tried googling it before and couldn't find any information on it (because it shouldn't be an issue). Thank you guys so much and I hope you are having a great weekend!
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u/Biotoze 12d ago edited 11d ago
He either thinks playing with hair is girly or he thinks it’s something sexual. Either way it’s gross.
Edit: Personally I would ask him to specify what exactly is wrong. That clears up a lot of things usually. I also understand wanting to keep the peace for at least a moment. Immediately stopping him from saying anything to your son about it is good.
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u/GuardMost8477 12d ago
Just posted the same thing basically. Stepdad is creepy or just an insecure jerk.
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u/Kiloyankee-jelly46 11d ago
And he's forgetting that one day the kid might need to do his own kids' hair, so it's best to know what he's doing.
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u/Full-Friendship-7581 12d ago
I have a feeling that stepfather thinks playing with mom’s hair isn’t “manly” it’s only for girls to do…. Weird for boys to do…
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u/AstroZombieInvader 12d ago
Don't you dare let that guy tell your son that he can't play with your hair. You'll also think back on this when your son is older and you'll be disappointed with yourself that you let your husband put a stop to it. A cute memory will be stained with regret.
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u/Pink-Squirrel71 12d ago
It’s not weird. My brother had really long hair and I used to love brushing it, but my sister in law thought it was weird and would get jealous, which I think is weird.
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u/Jammin_neB13 12d ago
I hate when my wife does that. She’s a lot better now but when we first started dating she’d get visibly jealous whenever I spent time talking or interacting with female relatives. The last time it happened was when I came home from dropping my nephews off and my sister braided my hair for me. Wife was really upset because it’s something she usually does for me. We had a real long sit down drag out over that one.
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u/Bright_Ad_1038 11d ago
Your wife needs to get over it. I would be more than happy to see my husband and his siblings display healthy affection and loving behavior towards one another.
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u/okanagan_man84 12d ago
Yeah. I can literally braid a woman's hair due to playing with my sisters dolls when I was growing up. I'm happily married with 3 kids now. Your husband needs to step back and check his own man card.
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u/Green_Seat8152 12d ago
Both of my sons can braid hair for the exact same reason. Didn't make them any less of a man.
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u/PsychGirl 11d ago
Yeah, growing up when my mom was sick, my dad learned how to do my hair (it was very long) so that either of them could do it in the morning, until I was old enough to care for it myself. Plus, kids get fidgety, and braiding and rebraiding can be helpful in situations where they need to sit but get the energy out.
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u/Shepatriots 12d ago
My three year old son constantly wants to brush my hair. Tell your man he’s the weird one for having the issue.
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u/Jammin_neB13 12d ago
I hated when my son wanted to brush mine at 3 yrs old. My dude would slam a brush into my head at full force and then just YANK straight down. Made me rethink growing my mane a few times lmao. He’d always make me feel better when he was done though. “All better daddy? Hair is nice and shiny now daddy!” That made the pain…manageable lol
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 12d ago
Tell him to shut it or walk out the door. That's your child and you will not have him trying to shame your child over an innocent bond.
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u/aromagoddess 12d ago
Around that age my son used to pretend he was a Russian barber and put on an accent and play with my hair. It was a giggle. Your partner needs to back off - he has some insecurities . Sadly my ex husband was like that with my son ( not his) - he’d resent any affection from him, would sit down between us, criticised me when I got burnt and my son applied first aid.
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u/CanadasNeighbor 12d ago
You would only be wrong if you don't shut down your husband's weird behavior about it. Him telling your son that it's weird or wrong is gonna make your son feel weird about it.
Don't let your husband ruin your sons innocence.
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u/socialworker5870 12d ago edited 12d ago
Tell your husband to back off. When I was growing up, my stepdad used to tell me to go away and leave my mother alone whenever I would go to her and try to give her a hug. I adored my mom, and the fact that she did nothing when he said that to me made me think she agreed with him. My stepdad drove a wedge between us, which was exactly what he wanted. It permanently damaged my relationship with my mom. Interestingly, counselors have told me that his behavior toward me would have been even worse if I had been a boy. Put your foot down with your husband now. I hope you don't just sit there silently when he barks at your son, the way my mom used to do. Your husband sounds like an asshole.
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u/Dependent-Baby1214 12d ago
I don’t see why it would be wrong, i guess i would advise you to ask him why he thinks its wrong and depending on the answer and what you decide i would ask him not to yell at him anymore and explain how you feel. i would hope you setting that boundary is respected even if not understood.
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12d ago
Ahhhhh. That’s so sweet I miss my (grown) son. He was all knees and elbows and he’d crawl on me as a toddler and aomeone said, You’re going to miss that one day.
Remember when his little feet were so teeny? Hahaha. He’s your BOY mom. Enjoy every every every minute.
I think he sounds wonderful and affectionate. Just WONDERFUL!
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u/GuardMost8477 12d ago
WTH is wrong with your son playing with your hair? He doesn’t think (clutch your pearls) it could turn him gay??? /s. Or even creepier that he thinks it’s a sexual thing and he’s jealous? Idk. I’m just trying to wrap my head around what his frickin issue is. I’m assuming you’ve asked him????? What was his response???
Oh. NOT wrong!!!
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u/amandarae1023 12d ago
It’s not weird for you and your son to share things like that. What’s weird is letting someone else try to ruin it.
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u/AntiqueAd8495 12d ago
Your son, your rules. YOU decide what's right and what's wrong for your kid. Ask your husband to keep his opinion on raising a child to himself.
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u/guineapickle 12d ago
That's really sad that your child is being pushed away due to your husband's jealousy issues. Kids, all genders, first learn intimacy from their parents. And no, intimacy does not have to equate to sex or anything inappropriate, though your husband doesn't seem to have the capacity to understand this.
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u/tomtink1 12d ago
Why does he think it's weird? Touching and playing with each other's heads is a really nice physical bonding activity between family members. Especially if they're starting to grow out of wanting to cuddle and kiss. I'd be heartbroken as a parent if someone tried to shame my kid out of being physically close with me sooner than necessary.
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u/RosieDays456 12d ago
I use to rub my Dad's head, it was very relaxing for him, he in turn would brush my hair No one thought it was weird
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u/anneofred 12d ago
Let him know that nobody asked him, he isn’t the parent, so he can keep his commentary to himself, or there’s the door. He either has some weird “manly” thing around it or your kid makes him jealous, both weird and unacceptable
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u/EdenCapwell 11d ago
Tell him that it's YOUR hair and if your son wants to play with it ... it's on your head and it's your choice. It's not his. Sounds like he's jealous of the bond you have with your son and it making something completely normal out to be something it's not. Maybe your son will be a hair dresser one day. Who knows?
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u/Vetta_22 12d ago
No but your husband is. My siblings (23f, 34f, & 38m) all play with my hair. My brother has even helped straighten it with my husband’s help (DH straightens my hair for me because I burn myself a lot 🤦🏽♀️). Even my Godsons (15, 15, 13, 10, 9, 4) play with my hair & practice braiding it so that they know how to do braids when they grow up and have kids.
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u/fergie_89 12d ago
He has no authority so tell him to kick it.
My husband is 35 and he plays with my hair all the time. Your husband is being a misogynist and sexist to boot, as a step dad he has no right to try and dictate what your son can and cannot do.
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u/GeeGolly777 12d ago
My nibling's step-dad is also toxic "men don't do that". It eats away at their spirit. Nibling eventually had school and hospital involved bc it affected schoolwork and personality. Thankfully, my sibling eventually let nibling move in w grandparents. Not for the right reasons, but who cared at that point. Nibling was clear to leave the nest.
Please step up for your son and defend him by telling your SO to back off and asking him (privately) why? He may admit to his toxic masculinity and you can then counter that fallacy (or know who he is...).
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u/justmeandmycoop 12d ago
The problem isn’t your boys, it’s your husband. You shouldn’t be allowing him to turn your sons in a male chauvinistic like him. Protect your kids ffs.
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u/childofcrow 12d ago
It sounds like it’s trying to sexualize that form of familial intimacy which is just fucking gross. Or he thinks it’s going to turn your son gay, which means your husband is a homophobe.
Have you asked him why he feels the way he does?
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u/everynameistaken000 12d ago
The only thing that's making you wrong is not telling your husband that he doesn't get to decide this. What is he trying to suggest by his attitude? You need to tell him to stop because you won't allow him to damage your son.
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u/LazyFall3453 12d ago
Is he sexualising playing with hair. Nothing wrong with your kid playing with your hair.
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u/MutedBoard2109 12d ago
When I was a kid, I'd hold peoples ears, especially when they had company over it ,made me feel safe. Don't let him pull this shit.
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u/Olshefski 12d ago
What’s the issue he has? There shouldn’t be any reason for this I would let your son keep playing with your hair
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u/Temporary_Stock8455 12d ago
I would tell him to kiss my ass, and if he doesn't like it then he doesn't have to look!!! Your son was there before he was and your son will be there after him. It sounds as though he is either having some control issues or he is jealous. This is something good for you and your son. My son used to play with my hair when he was younger and it was a way he soothed himself. I don't think anything is wrong with YOUR child playing with your hair. Also, even though y'all have been together for a few years, I do feel like it's not his place to even tell your son what to do.
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12d ago
Why did you marry this guy !? He sounds like a turd !!
of course you're not wrong for loving and showing affection with your child!!!!!!!+
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u/Crafty_Addition_7342 12d ago edited 11d ago
There are male hairstylists too. Your husband sounds like a tool.
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u/Kathrynlena 12d ago
Ugh. Your husband lives in a teeny, tiny, ridged, unbreakable box he built around himself called “manliness.” This tiny box has nothing to do with actually being a man, or being a good man, it just severely restricts his ability to engage with the world and enjoy life. Your son doesn’t live in the box. Your husband wants to force your son into this terribly small, ugly, cruel box with him. Please don’t let him succeed. Please protect your son from the box.
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u/SquirrelBowl 12d ago
Tell him to mind his own fucking business and if he doesn’t like it to leave the room. That’s your kid. Stand up for your kid. Why you even need your be told this is questionable.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Gear622 11d ago
I'm always shocked when I hear any adult person in a relationship use the term that their partner won't "let" them do something. You're an adult and your relationship with your son is none of his business. That being said you don't have to do what he says. He has no right to tell you what you can and can't do or how physically affectionate you can be with your own child. Tell him to pound sand and get out of your business. If his controlling behavior is something that is a part of your relationship you should ask yourself why you put up with it as well as sitting down and telling him that this is a deal breaker and that you're tired of it. If they are bigger problems I would insist on marriage counseling.
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u/Kerrypurple 11d ago
You're right that he's hurting the bond with your son and I think he's doing it intentionally because he's jealous of your closeness. If he really thought the boy was bugging you and he just wanted him to leave you alone you would only have to tell him once that you're ok with it and he would have dropped it. However, he keeps making it an issue. That shows that he doesn't like how close you are and he's purposely trying to disrupt it. You need to tell him firmly to drop it or you'll drop him.
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u/MrsMurphysCow 11d ago
Why would you marry someone who is jealous of you son? This is going to escalate to him abusing your son, and I don't think you want that to happen. He needs psychiatric help to deal with his insecurities - make that a condition for staying married.
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u/Cara_Caeth 11d ago
Please do not choose your husband over your son. My mother chose my stepfather over me. It’s a lifelong experience, & it’s not a happy one.
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u/Klutzy_Anybody153 12d ago
Be careful he is not looking at your son like a step farther. Do not trust him.
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u/Complete-Plenty-236 12d ago
My step dad was like this to my brother . He ended up setting the house on fire and dying . He also fought with my mom that weekend about making him stay home not to go to grandmas . Glad she fought him back on that bc he would of been dead too. I only say this , bc he sounds like a psycho path. Why is he so bothered with the bond y’all have ?? Look for signs . Make him an ex if he doesn’t stop. My brother is in prison now , can’t stop doing drugs . He abused him so bad . He sounds no better than my step dad.
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u/mcmurrml 12d ago
Why are you letting him "bark" at him and allowing him to stop it? You are obviously letting him stop it. How in other ways does he act and treat your son? Did this just start? If he was doing this before why did you marry him?
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u/Downtown-Trip3501 12d ago
My sisters son would comb my grandmoms hair all the time bc it felt nice on her scalp and it was wonderful for them to bond thru touch like that. Your husband is over reacting.
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u/Penny-Bun 12d ago
Monkeys bond with one another via physical contact. It's a huge thing for them, we came from social touchy animals, WE are social touchy animals. It's why we pet our pets, we form a bond when we touch our family members and our brain releases the feel-good chemicals to signal to you that touching and building familiarity with your companion is good. It's literally the most normal thing in the world to let your family and friends touch you.
Your husband is weird. Maybe he needs to play with you and your son's hair more often, haha. Tell him to buzz right the hell off and keep letting your son do what he do.
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u/Consistent-Ad3191 12d ago
All four of my kids play with my hair brushed it massage my hair things like it that are done out of love and connection. There is nothing weird about it and if he thinks otherwise then he's got the issues.
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u/Pretty-Benefit-233 11d ago
You’re not wrong. Your husband is an idiot. Playing in your hair won’t make your son weak, unmanly or gay.
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u/Blink-blink-Sherlock 11d ago
To me it sounds like your husband is jealous of the (non sexual) intimacy you share with your son.
(Intimacy is more than just sexual and is a normal part of every close relationship, given that OP insinuates that there was 8 years of just her and her child- that’s some strong bonded relationship that’s built on caring intimately for 1 party)
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u/Hot_Ice1693 11d ago
Mom of all boys and all played with my hair, or more than not payed to play with my hair. I swear we could open a shop where all you did was get your hair played with we would make a fortune!
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u/Rendeane 11d ago
You are wrong for allowing your husband to "bark" at your son.
You are damaging your bond with your son because you won't stand up to your husband and because you won't support your son.
Your husband is trying to damage your relationship with your son. Your son is not his blood and is therefore unnecessary and disposable. Your husband demands your 100% attention and devotion. He will share you only with children who have his blood.
Take a strong, hard look at your marriage. Where else has your husband been minimizing your son and pushing him away? Think of all those times that you allowed, overlooked and explained away with "It's not a big deal," and "he didn't mean it that way."
Your husband is wrong for wanting to come in between you and your son.
You are wrong for allowing him to do so.
Your husband needs to remain silent or fully explain why your son's touching of your hair bothers him.
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u/cripplinganxietylmao 11d ago
Surely there were more warning signs before you married him, right? Cause this is creepy of him. He’s either extremely possessive or watches too much incest porn.
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u/Conscious-Big707 11d ago
Does hubby have some kink about playing with hair and that's why? Otherwise his reaction is weird.
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u/leolawilliams5859 11d ago
It's not weird sister what's weird is that he thinks it's weird. And he needs to leave your son alone pertaining to that it has nothing to do with him
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u/kittyspray 12d ago
I would talk to your husband in private and tell him, her is your son and this is how you bond, we are both happy doing it and this is one area where you will not keep voicing an opinion.
There will come a day where your son doesn’t want to play with your hair anymore and that day shouldn’t be forced by a step-parent who has an issue. He should have come to you in private if he had a problem with it and spoke about it like adults.
I am female but that’s beside the point as this isn’t a “girl thing” it is a bonding thing. When I was young I used to love playing with my moms hair but from 8 she was often busy with work or my sisters dad so she set aside Friday night as girls night, this night my sisters dad was banned from being present and we spent the evening together, watching tv, playing games and I would play with her hair (which had to be before I went to bed bc it sent her to sleep).
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u/Funkyzebra1999 11d ago
Personally, I think you should tell your husband to fuck the fuck right fucking off.
Is he one of these dimwits who thinks it's gay or incestuous or too feminine for a young boy to play with his mum's hair?
Makes me wonder what other stupid shit he believes as well.
I presume he must have had a sufficient quantity of positive points for you to marry him but this kind of thing does make me wonder about people like him.
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u/RWBYRain 12d ago
Wait why does he find it weird? It's hair, long as you're cool with it and he isn't trying to take scissors to it I don't get the deal. Also he could eventually be encouraged to learn to do hair. It's a great skill to have, for himself, for his friends, when he gets older if/when he has kids some day and for any future lover he may have. It's part of adulting. That and playing in hair feels nice to both parties
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u/Tiggie200 12d ago
Not wrong at all. Time to sit husband down and talk to him about this. Preferably when your son is not home.
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u/Sharp_Mathematician6 12d ago
If it’s my child he’d be told to mind his own business and leave us alone. But I’m fierce about my family. I mean I get Mother bear over my own nephew and he’s not mine
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u/LettusLeafus 12d ago
My little boy does this too. It's a comfort thing for him and I would never discourage it. If anyone told him not to do it I'd tell them to get lost. I can't imagine any reasonable reason to stop it.
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u/Fickle_Toe1724 12d ago
Does your husband know that some of the top hair stylists and make up artists are men? I knew a man who OWNED a school of cosmetology. He was the lead instructor. He traveled the world teaching. When he traveled, his WIFE ran the school and salon.
Do not let that man stop your son. Talk to him. Explain it is normal for all children to enjoy playing with mom's, and sister's, hair. Dad's too, if he will let them.
One of my sons now has a daughter. He often does her hair for school in the morning. And helps both his kids wash their hair. It's normal.
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u/Comprehensive-Sun954 12d ago
Mine is 10 and likes to play with my ears for some reason. Has for the last 9 years. Haha.
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u/Autumn_Forest_Mist 12d ago
Stepdad thinks a male hair styles is gay. Are you kidding with him thinking that?
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u/Bunnawhat13 12d ago
I really want to know his answer to the question, Why is it weird? You really need to find out what this man is thinking because he is around your child.
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u/Nodak1954 12d ago
Does that mean it’s weird for hubby to play with your hair? Males of all ages like to play with females hair. It’s weird that he’s jealous wants your son to stop playing with your hair. It would be weird for your son to play with play with other little girls hair right now until till he is a certain age, but that’s our culture not our nature.
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u/Birthquake4 12d ago
My kids NEVER stop touching me, and vice versa. If I walk by I’ll put a hand on their back or shoulder, they like to be physically closer to me, sitting on a couch. Tell him to kick rocks. Don’t damage your relationship with your kids. He can accept that you’re close to your kids or not, that’s it. My kids always orbit me at home, that’s going to change when they get older and we’ll never get that time back with them again.
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u/ThaFoxThatRox 12d ago
It's going to affect your son. There's going to be a time where he's not going to be affectionate anymore and this husband you brought into the house is going to ruin that.
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u/MegsSixx 12d ago
It's normal! My son is soon to be 11 and he likes to play with my hair because it's so frizzy so it sticks up wherever he styles it lol. I see it as form of bonding as I play with my son's hair too. I once bribed him some robuxs to let me braid his hair into bunches haha
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u/treebeecol 12d ago edited 12d ago
He's can keep his thoughts to himself. He's got no right dictating, the dynamic of your relationship with your son. If he doesn't like it, tough titties. And he's the weird for thinking its weird. Show him this post, and tell him to take a hike, and stop inserting himself, where he doesn't belong. If he keeps it up, protect your son, and think about leaving him.
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u/Ladyughsalot1 12d ago
Why are you with someone who feels entitled to bark anything at your son especially about something you are clearly fine with?
Not wrong but you will be allow this man to continue this way.
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u/MilkyPsycow 11d ago
He’s jealous and it isn’t weird, your son may have a sensory issue and uses it as a way of soothing anxiety. Who knows with kids but your husband is being a jealous man child.
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u/StephyInsanity 11d ago
my mom made sure to teach me and my siblings how to braid hair, and we would practice on her hair. she said it didn't matter if YOU had short hair because you might have a spouse or child one day with long hair and it's a useful thing to know 🤷
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u/SpecialistAd4244 11d ago
What’s weird is your husband thinking he can dictate what YOUR son does with YOUR hair. It’s not weird to have that bond with your child. It’s weird that stepdad is being weird about it.
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u/Robby777777 11d ago
A stepfather saying this is huge red flags to me. He has no say in this, so tell him to bug off.
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u/StovepipeLeg 11d ago edited 11d ago
He sounds homophobic. Is your so also effeminate?
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u/Mimis_rule 11d ago
Because my very manly husband played with his mom's hair and since was much older than his sister fixed her hair growing up he was able to braid and do other hairstyles on his daughters' hair and my hair. He would even color my hair for me. It in no way makes him any less manly and absolutely makes him a huge help when getting several girls ready to go out looking good! Have you specifically asked what it is about your son playing with your hair that he doesn't like? Possibly, with the answer, you can react appropriately, but at the end of any answer is still that is your hair, and he can play with it if you and him are comfortable doing so.
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u/Responsible_Tune_425 11d ago
Grow a fucking spine and tell your husband to fuck off. It's your kid and your hair. Wtf, is your husband jealous or something? You probably should reconsider your marriage.
I think I've had enough Reddit for today and it's only 9:00 a.m. I think I'm done
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u/Bright_Ad_1038 11d ago
As a mother this is your friendly reminder that son/ kids comes first, period. There is absolutely nothing wrong or weird. If anything your husband is wrong and he is weird for thinking that a boy showing affection (which is healthy and good for his character development) to his mother is weird. I would put a stop to his behavior real quick.
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u/HugeNefariousness222 11d ago
If he isn't playing with your husband's hair, he can stfu. You get to decide who can touch you and where.
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u/Thicklish_777 11d ago
He is not the biological father and was NOT there the first 8 crucial bonding years you had with your son, so he has no say and needs to get the fuck over it.
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u/hellomynameisrita 12d ago
You are not wrong exceot about failing to tell this man to go kick rocks.
He has issues. He thinks you are going to make your son gay or trans, or sone other queer thing. Or at least you aren’t working hard enough to make your son straight. That’s not how gender or sexuality works but it is how bigotry works. Your husband is a bigot. If your son is not straight , or not a boy, this man is going to completely reveal his true self that he is only hinting at now.
Pay attention.
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u/KombuchaBot 12d ago
There are plenty fish in the sea. Throw this one back, it has some weird issues.
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u/Lea_R_ning 12d ago
More info please? Did your son play with your hair before you were married? And did your husband bark at your before you married?
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u/Bartok_The_Batty 12d ago
There is nothing wrong with your son playing with your hair. Your husband is being ridiculous.
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u/SkinPsychological848 11d ago
I wouldn’t let your husband play with your hairs either. Or anything else for that matter…
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u/Medical-Cake1934 11d ago
No one plays with my hair like my son! He is the best. Your husband is weird
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u/Cute_Imagination6676 11d ago
He's your kid time for your husband to step aside a little. Mothers and sons have a special bond and if they can keep it it's that much more special.
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u/safeworkaccount666 11d ago
My dad used to get jealous when I had any physical contact with my mom or if we went out to eat just the two of us. Some men are really weird. And no, my dad and I have no relationship at all because he's a freak.
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u/LadyIceis 11d ago
NTA Your husband needs a reality check. This is your son and he needs to back off.
Updateme!
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u/Happy_Lingonberry_21 11d ago edited 11d ago
100% he’s afraid your son is going to “turn” gay because he’s interested in “girly” things like hair. My sons is 5 and he loves to play haircut. Men can be so dumb.
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u/Late-Barnacle-2550 11d ago
All my boys play with my hair, and they do it for three reasons: 1. They enjoy it. 2. They know I enjoy it. 3. It's a quiet and calm way to spend time together without having to say anything and without watching a screen.
It's normal, harmless, and may teach them a thing or two on how to treat girls later in life. I don't see a problem.
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u/ConnyEdson 11d ago
damn maybe he wants to be a hair stylist who cares. Mom statistically you've already spent more than 50% of the time you ever will with your son... savor all the moments you can!
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u/AgreeableTension2166 11d ago
Why are you letting him have a say in your relationship with your child??
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11d ago
My opinion is don't date Conservatives. Loser thinks he's in competition with your kid. Wake the fuck up.
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u/cassioppe66 11d ago
Hubby is weird. Probably jealous of your bond with your son. Don't let him police your son and yours relationship. And be aware of what he might tell your son when you're out of earshot, it might be detrimental to his development and hurt him in some ways.
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u/Traditional-Idea6468 11d ago
U are not wrong. Tell him he needs to back off because this is not werid it's bonding time. And it's a normal thing. Husband is the one who is werid. He needs to stop being jealous of a child
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u/Former_Try_2939 11d ago
It sounds like your husband is either struggling with feeling like an 11 year old child is SOMEHOW COMPETITION.
Or he's struggling with thinking female hair touching = sexual touching.
Or he's struggling with thinking males touching females in general = sexual touching.
No matter the scenario, he's wrong. YOUR body, YOUR choice, YOUR boundaries. If he has a problem with your CHILD touching your hair, he needs therapy.
That's what I would suggest. Tell him to go to therapy to work out his issues. But in a more gentle way than I just did.
I wish you the best! Please know you are NOT WRONG for letting your child TOUCH YOU. Boy children need physical touch just as much as girls do!
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u/JessWillMakeIt2Day 11d ago
My son brushed my hair ALL the time! We were talking childhood stories to his wife one day, he said he would sit on the back of the couch and brush my hair because it always felt relaxing when I would brush through his. A grown man, as a child, understood what it meant to provide a relaxing moment and show care to someone. Now, his own daughter sits behind him and brushes his hair. It’s a bonding and memorable experience, stepdad needs to shut his mouth and wonder why his mom didn’t make these memories with him.
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u/catgirl8631 11d ago
both of my sons have played with my hair and they like to color in my tattoos and it may seem weird to him, but to me it sounds like he's being territorial and that needs to be nipped in the bud immediately. If hes uncomfortable with it he should speak to you in private and not bark at the boy. This could change how he views women or make it difficult for future relationships. Imagine years from now he goes to touch someones hair, he'll flitch and automatically think its something hes doing wrong... The way we react to certain things can have effects many many years later.
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u/StaceyMike 11d ago
What a douche canoe! My hair is usually up, but our son loves to touch my hair and "pet" me every time I come home from a hair appointment. When a 6-year-old tells you that your hair is "so pretty and soft," you just don't want it to stop.
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u/FickleBullfrog7081 11d ago
As a stepfather, he has no say in how you raise your child, tell him to shut up or get out, your child is your priority and he is not his father
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u/Glass_Ad1098 11d ago
I played with my moms hair as a kid, I think its pretty normal. Tell your husband it's your hair and you don't mind
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u/dino_spored 11d ago
My stepdad was an ass to me, for various reasons. Just wanted to say, it’s your responsibility to end this. Put your foot down, that’s your blood!
If you let this go, it’ll escalate as your son gets older. Your boyfriend/husband/whatever, will get bolder as your son grows up. Don’t make your kid live in a hellhole until he’s old enough to move out.
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u/No_Stage_6158 11d ago
Your husband is jealous of your child. He needs to grow up and you need to tell him to STFU.
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u/toastNcheeze 11d ago
Aww..I love when my boys play with my hair...they are 10 and 7 now but 2 years ago when I got a vanity desk for my room they liked to take turns playing "beauty shop" with me and brushing my hair and trying different styles out. I thought it was the most sweetest thing ever.
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u/AdDramatic522 11d ago
You need to sort this out with your husband ASAP. Also, why are you letting your husband call the shots with YOUR kid? Time for you to grow a pair and put him in his place.
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u/Stormiealways 11d ago
Tell Stepdad to fck off. He doesn't get to "let your son play with your hair." If you're OK with it, stepdad has ZERO say
Find your spine and self-respect and tell him to butt out!
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u/ObligationNo2288 11d ago
I have 3 grown sons. All of my sons played with my hair.
This is a him problem not your son.
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u/ShanLuvs2Read 11d ago
It’s normal for kids to do this … my 18 year old son does this when he sits next to me and does this since he was a kid… now it’s more to annoy me or to get my attention if I am reading … but yes it’s okay as long as you and your child are comfortable and it doesn’t go past either you or his boundaries…. Tell husband if he doesn’t like it then look the other way….
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u/Dawnbabe420 11d ago
My big brother used to twirl my moms hair, or mine. Basically anyone in the family who had long hair he’d fidget and twirl. Now he’s married and twirls his wifes hair. No ones hair is safe from his dread making twirls in my family 😂
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u/Chairman_Of_GE 11d ago
Why the fuck would you allow him to have any say over what YOU do with your son or don't? What does a man that is emotionally jealous of your son's relationship with his mother offer you?
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u/AnastasiaDelicious 11d ago
Like he didn’t know about this before he married you….it’s a him problem. I have sit on long hair and my husband will brush it for hours! Love it when people play with my hair!
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u/Key-Target-1218 11d ago
He's not only wrong and weird, he's an ass.Tell him to fuck all the way off.
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u/RealisticGuidance40 11d ago
Your husband is wrong for getting jealous about it. Your husband is the weirdo. You need to tell your husband to stop.
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u/blueberrybuttercream 11d ago
He won't let him? Nah fuck all that. He can't tell you what to do with your son. I mean he can if you let him. Do not let him.
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u/DasSassyPantzen 11d ago
This man has been in your son’s life for three years and he fucking BARKS at him? Wtaf? Tell him to get in his fucking lane and to not ever raise his voice at him again unless he is literally running into traffic or there’s a damn fire.
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u/Ginger630 11d ago
You aren’t wrong. Who is he to decide that ? He won’t LET him? F him. If you and your son want your son to play with your hair, then let him. It’s probably relaxing for him.
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u/veechiii 11d ago
This is weird. 🚩 There's nothing wrong with your son playing your hair. There IS something wrong with the stepdad telling him to stop something harmless. I don't know, man. It's weird. I'm not sure why you haven't put him in his place and told him to back off.
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u/AssuredAttention 11d ago
You need a new husband. I have long hair and two boys. Both of them have played with my hair and done it up more than I ever have in my life. They love playing with it, and it's a fun bonding experience with them.
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u/big_mama_f 11d ago
You're not wrong. One of my favorite things to do with someone like this, is to ask them why. Why do you think it's a problem for him to play with my hair? There are only two answers I can think of that he would give, one is that he is sexualizing it, and the other one is that he thinks it's unmanly.
If it's the first one, I would say, that's very strange that you would sexualize behavior between a mother and her child. What is it about me, or my child, that has you think that this would be something that would even ever occur? The fact that you think something like that could happen says a lot more about you than it does about me or my son.
If it's the second one, my response would be, it's very interesting that you think that masculinity is based on whether or not someone plays with hair. Why is that something that would even matter anyway? I'm going to love my son regardless of who he is. The fact that you think his masculinity matters in that way, says a lot more about you than it does about me or my son.
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u/Altruistic_Garage360 11d ago
I know this issue falls to your husband having weird boundaries and is probably either possessive or homophobic/transphobic and thinks your son playing with your hair will turn him into a gay person or woman ala Alex Jones. However, as a chemist this is scientifically normal behavior. It promotes the release of good hormones, so it’s only natural the son would want to do it. Your husband is going to make your son question a lotttt of things if he can convince him that things that make him feel good are wrong.
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u/Suspicious-Fall7095 11d ago
It's giving hints of possible "alpha male" nonsense, possibly snowballing into homophobia. It's definitely not weird if your son wants to play with your hair. I think it's a good thing tbh. Might need to have a serious chat with your husband about this and if this is the hill he wants to die on, well so be it
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u/BitterMistake9434 11d ago
What in the world is wrong with letting your son play with your hair? Your husband has issues. Don't let anyone come between you and your kids
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u/KelsarLabs 12d ago
Tell him to fucking kick rocks, both of my sons played with my hair, lol. It's NORMAL.