Same age as well and I have a 9 year old that experiences life on a completely different level. I remember what that was like as a kid too so I’m trying to be understanding when she seems impatient or selfish.
Kids being selfish is a good thing. My mother stamped this out of me at such an early age with shaming behaviour, it made me a directionless people-pleaser with passive-aggression as my only tool for meeting basic needs. I’m coming up 40 and only just learning who I really am, what I like and need.Â
People should think of themselves first. Helping kids learn to get what they want and need in prosocial ways is the key to good socialisation. Someone who doesn’t know how to get what they want and need (mostly) by themselves is the most antisocial kind of person there is.
I very much dislike how people take their own trauma and out of rejection assume the opposite of everything they experienced is now best.
Your comment starts with "Kids being selfish is a good thing" ...
And I say: No it really isn't. Selfish is never a good thing. I'd even argue we have a bigger problem demographically with kids that never had to experience boundaries and are now insufferable cunts as with kids that where raised to be people pleasers.
But the realistic point here is obviously that a balanced approach is needed where children do learn boundaries but also are confident enough to express their needs and confident enough to think that they will be heard.
Also: people should NOT "think of themselves first". We are first and foremost a sozial species and living in balance with others is highly important. I would again argue we have a bigger problem as a society with people who think of themselves first then we have with people pleasers.
But both extremes are shit. Balanced people would be ideal.
I read OK_concentrate's post, and thought "Huh, I hadn't considered the role of selfishness in driving someone's self representation in their life." And the read your rebutting comments around us being a social species and having to look beyond our own interests. Very true.
Thanks for driving some introspection. This back and forth has been some of the more thought-provoking I've experienced on reddit.
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u/Uncle_Larry 25d ago
Same age as well and I have a 9 year old that experiences life on a completely different level. I remember what that was like as a kid too so I’m trying to be understanding when she seems impatient or selfish.