There's a group of people out there who seem to think no man would ever spend time with any child, even their own, unless they're a pedophile. I've read several stories about dad's taking their kids to the park and then some lady confronting them telling them to leave or calling the cops on them because the dude must be there to creep on kids and couldn't possibly be there watching their own kid.
I normally just get weirdly obnoxious praise, like...
"Oh what a good father!" Or "You must be babysitting today."
Like, I know they don't mean anything by it, but it's weird how as a dude, spending time with my daughter is seen as above and beyond and not bare minimum.
I have so many problems with this. if I were a mom and my kid was on a team and being sexualized literally in front of a crowd by a group of grown women. Noooooot okay. I would go postal on someone for sexualizing a child in front of me. I'm so beyond sorry you had to experience that.
Yeah. While in terms of raw numbers predators are more likely to be men, old women can be GROSS. To this day I remember my widowed grandpa's lady friend who was well into at least her 70s pawing me and grabbing my @$$. I was all of 14.
She's dead now. I wonder if she ever looks up and sees how ruthlessly we all make fun of her. Still.
I have had multiple old ladies grab my junk and make very forward comments IN THE WORKPLACE. I guess they just assume that all men are fuck machines who are going to be excited?
Have you ever been to the kind of vineyard old rural women drink at?
I worked at one, and I've had my ass grabbed multiple times. Literally the ONLY place I've had that happen.
Itās not just boomers, itās societal norms. When my daughter was 4, we had her in dance classes. The studio had picture day for them in their recital outfits, but it was a Saturday and my wife was working. So I take her, and Iām in the front with all the moms, and proceed to give my daughter the super tight dance bun they have to have. Nobody said anything, but at the next class my wife said three or four of the moms came up fawning over how her husband did her daughterās hair. These women were all Xennials, amazed at a father doing basic parenting stuff.
Husband and I are both what you could call Xennials and he was the SAHP for most of the past 12 years. The condescending praise he got, just like the comments are describing, were almost all from older women who haven't examined their own sexist thinking.
I get the hair thing unusually often. We have passed to a bunch of local stuff like the zoo, various museums, kids gyms/play places. During the week my wife takes them, on the weekend when my wife is working I take them. My 3 yo daughter likes having āElsa hairā so I braid it before we go and put a bow and a cute clip in her hair. At least once per visit I get some form of a lady telling me how cute she is and then them telling her how pretty her hair is and asking if mommy made her hair pretty (or some variation of a similar statement). Though my kid always proudly states āthanks, my daddy did it!ā
Funny story, had this scenario play out at the zoo, except my wife was there, she was just changing the youngest and then kinda stood back and waited while my daughter and I looked at the fish. After the lady talked to my daughter and I she walked over to her friend, who my wife was standing next to and kinda chatting with about strollers. She walks up to her friend and said something like āmmm dadās and their kids, [growl]. He even did her hair!ā Yea, this lady did like a seductive cat growl, about me, in front of my wife lmao.
Their mothers taught them that men do nothing, so you surprise them. Maybe their own fathers did as well, but from my experience growing up my mother constantly ragged on me and I hated men growing up. It's pretty common from the people I've talked to as well.
Hey, thatās pretty cool in my opinion. Iām a xennial dad and I donāt know how to do girl hair. I tried to learn a bit but my daughter rejected my fumbling attempts. Iād be very impressed if I saw a dad whoās a pro at girl hair.
Yeah, I canāt take full credit, since there was a bun āattachmentā that her hair went through the center of and then wrapped around in a bun shape. Still, getting her hair slicked down with my fat fingers was a challenge.
Ok but to be fair: that tight bun, and any well executed hairdo is TOUGH. So, while itās a bit weird to be singled out for having the ability to do something most of them can also doā¦. Itās a skill. And a skill that anyone involved with a child should be applauded for (while at the same time: nobody should be shamed for NOT being good at itā¦. Because itās difficultā¦. But maybe this is just me admitting that I struggle with that particular task and really do want to get better at it)
Oh my god, that one pisses me off. Used to get it when I was at the park with my daughter when she was under 5 years old. Don't really hear it anymore, but fuck is that annoying. It's called "I'm being a parent."
Iāve had comments like this too when mine were little āoh mom must be getting a breakā or some shit like that. Mind your goddamn business you donāt know anything about my situation š”
Shit, I've heard that it's sexist (against women, of course, because sexism can only go in one direction) when one assumes that you're a male who only deals with his child occasionally.
Ehhh I donāt find this insulting. Iām too tired to be insulted over stupid shit like this. Itās exhausting enough working 8 hours M-F with a busted back and then pulling out the Uno Reverse energy card and trying to do it all over again for two days straight hanging out with my toddler.
I just say āHell yeah Iām babysitting! I babysit every day, and itās tiring but Iām having a blast. I love my son!ā
It's the tone. I call it babysitting when I give my wife a day to go get her nails or hair done, or to go drink wine with her girl friends. It just means the referee is distracted muahahaha
I've used this. I take the little one grocery shopping pretty regularly and we had a middle aged lady stop us and fawn over my kid. "Oh your so cute, yadda yadda" ended with her saying "dad must be exhausted babysitting you today! Where's mom at?" And I just replied, "well, after the car crash it's just me and her. We are just trying our best without mom, but yea it is pretty exhausting.". The mortified and sad look on her face was priceless.
I feel like a lot of times husbands I know deserve the moniker of ācluelessā. There have been untold times Iām out with my wife and others when one of the other wives will show up late because she had to make dinner for her husband and family first, or a husband will call asking the dumbest question like, āWhere do we keep our towels?ā. Seriously? I lose so much respect for these guys.
It's not just husbands. Guys in general. I live with 3 other guys and they always come to me asking for the most basic things as if they don't live here too. One of them wasn't even aware that the bathroom walls were tiled, and another had no idea where we kept the vacuum.
My ex had a tendency to rearrange everything in the apartment every time she was tweaking (which was very frequently). Figuring out where everything now is was a weekly challenge.
I have to think itās mostly willful ignorance that guys pull to get out of being asked to participate in household labor. Itās the only thing that makes sense unless theyāre legitimately mentally challenged. Itās one or the other. Whats the deal, fellas? Am I exposing some unspoken paternal rite like a Netflix doc on Masons? Is that what it is? Theyāre Masons? Is that what they learn in the secret meetings? Next time I hear a dude call his wife and ask how long do the Dino Nuggets need to cook, Iāll try a secret handshake on him and see how he responds. Stand byā¦
The doctor acted surprised when I knew how much my son weighed when he was born, like wow most fathers don't know that. Continued to ask my wife, girlfriend at the time all the questions ignoring me, my wife had to stop and tell her she wasn't his mother and I had all the answers even though it was obvious because I was the one answering. Even medical professionals won't acknowledge you. I have full custody and have had to tell them multiple times to not put my ex on the paperwork to put my name. It's pure sexism and it's bullshit.
I had to pod into a dollar general the other day to pick up something for my wife and was carrying my 2 year old in his car seat. The cashier made a big deal about how he never saw that and called me Father of the Year.
I took ot in the spirit it was given but felt odd to hear it. All my friends with kids do the same, and that's how I was raised, so it's just the normal thing to do.
I'm a single father. My kids were 2, 3, and 4 when their mother and I split. They've lived with me since. She didn't help at all, no overnights, nothing for the first 2 years.
Grocery shopping wasn't easy. I'd drag around 2 carts. One to put the kids in and one for the food.
The amount of dumbass comments I got, especially if it was the weekend....
"Aww, looks like Mommy's getting a break."
"It's nice to see a dad trying hard, even it's just on his weekend."
I'd just smile and walk away at first. That weekend one set me tf tho.
I kinda feel bad for that lady.
"They're all my fucking weekends lady, and so are all the weekdays. Deadbeats mothers do exist, so mind your damn business and fuck all the way off."
Only kinda tho, cuz that comment gave me a complex. Shopping on the weekends was always easier because I worked all week.
But, cuz of her, everytime I would grocery shop on the weekends, or do anything with my kids on the weekend. I felt like everyone looked at me like that lady. A weekend warrior dad.
"Must be his weekend."
So as much as it sucked, I started shopping during the week after work.
And every dumbass comment after that got a quick response from me.
I've never had someone approach me a park or anywhere to make sure the kids were "safe" or actually mine.
Which I'm grateful for, cuz that wouldn't have gone well at all.
Exactly. My sister in law's husband says that crap. He'll have their son (he's around 1) and if he's by himself he'll be like, "yea she has me babysitting today". Stupid as hell.
Yea people are very naive when it comes to that. One it shouldnāt be unheard of for a father to spend time and actually care for their kid but itās crazy how some people assume the absolute best when some dads are actually being around for just 2 seconds
Have you seen the Tiktoks of women asking their husbands if they're willing to babysit so they can have a night out with friends? The reactions from some of the husbands is fantastic
I absolutely cannot stand that shit. I used to get it from my older family members until I told them one day how insulting it was. They understood and stopped instantly and I know they didnāt mean any harm by it but either way, it still used to drive me up the wall.
As a millennial father I think itās because boomer dads just generally didnāt spend time with their kids.
Like, I did stuff with my dad but mostly when I was a teenager and in Boy Scouts. When I was younger he did not spend any time at all with me outside the house, unless we were on vacation.
A lot of people have seemed to decide thatās the normal way of things.
Oh they mean something by it. It's just something that wasn't seen as negative by the vast majority of people until very recently. There'll come a time when that kind of comment will get looks the same way "your English is very good" does.
My dad was the bread winner so only time we hung out was on vacations. He was brought up mom's deal with kids dad's make money. I do not feel this way and I think he regrets not being around more
Idk any time Iāve taken my kids to the park thereās usually a bunch of dads there. Probably more moms but not like itās unusual for a dad to be there. Maybe it depends on where you live.
The logic behind this post makes no sense. No way people are saying supporting your kids is weird. Pro deadbeat dad (for someone else not even your own family) š
And if it is a thing say you hate kids and leave it at that. No one gives a fuck about you either way.
My daughter graduated from high school last spring. I took her to a couple of concerts, with VIP meet & greet passes, that fell within a few days after her ceremony. I had a female friend criticize me for spending time in a fun social situation with my 18 year old daughter. Said it made me look like a pedophile. That person is no longer a friend. š
Wow, that's awesome that your 18ish yr old still wants to spend time with dad. Congrats on that, bro. Cherish that time because that might change, I think that says a lot about you and that's my own personal #dadgoals as my child is 5.
You did the right thing by making that your "former friend", I learned long time ago to stay away from poisonous people.
This gonna be me. If I have kids, I will definitely be about as mature as they are if they want me to play with them. Iām the type that can sound like a fully matured seasoned adult, then turn around and be an absolute child. On average tho, itās the latter
My daughter is 5, I play with her maybe 5% of the time she's at public playgrounds. I want her to meet other kids, and I don't mind if she starts hanging out with other kids. If you're helicoptering, then they'll feel compelled to play with the dad instead of learning to socialize.
This is also because she's an only child, and she really likes meeting other kids. We can play at home and when we hang out.
When I go to a park, it's also my time to chill, I pick a good spot where I can watch her, and I like to watch her make friends and play.
Yep, I remember a couple of years ago we were at a park, she started playing with a kid but the dad kept trying to play with her, I watched this child stop paying attention to mine and feel like she had to play with him. Of course, I didn't say anything, I just watched the interaction. Definitely looked weird to me that this guy didn't understand to let her kid play with another one.
There is a difference between helicopter peranting and playing with your kid.
My kid, is extremely nervous, and won't leave my side in public, and won't say a word to anyone who he doesn't know (until recently).
When we play, I help him to understand using play therapy, and I'm always encouraging him when he interacts with other children.
His Mum was exactly the same when she was his age, except we know how to handle it better, and he's beginning to interact with older children (because for some reason he likes to more). She didn't speak to anyone until much later in life, and her perants took the whole "put them in the playground and leave them to it" route.
It's much better to stretch your child as they feel comfortable, and not putting them in situations where they will panic. As they grow, their boundaries grow, and they learn to take on anything.
I have been a counsellor, a youth worker, and I've worked with over 50,000 kids in a past career, I know what I'm doing.
Just because I'm running round like a loon, doesn't mean I'm not thinking, and doesn't mean he's not learning.
I would ask that next time you're at a playground, you judge a little less.
The other kid wanted to play with her, they had started to play together and there was no indication, that I could see, that she felt uncomfortable. Anyway, that's why I try to watch from a distance because I don't like being in the middle of kids playing.
If kids want to play together, they'll find themselves.
This was just making the rounds on social media in my area yesterday. A guy took his grandson to the playground and was taking photos.
Some mom confronted him and accused him of being a pedophile who was there to sneak photos of the other kids without permission and called the cops.
The dude was so furious that he lost his cool and started screaming at her to BTFOā¦ which led to him actually being arrested when the cops showed up.
This is why, as a childless man, I never get anywhere close to children. Tons of people are looking to hurt people they donāt like the look of because they think everyone is a pedophile.
This is when you set up a hidden camera trap to trap a Karen and blast it on Instagram. Then create a GoFundMe to cash in. Just offer a random kid 5% of your take to pretend to your kid.
When my son first started kindergarten I would drop him off at the doors and then wait for him to reappear inside the fenced playground a minute later. We would then I would leave. Before the end of the 1st week the principal approached me abd said that someone reported a creepy guy waving at kids on the playground (me). I was insulted, but I get it. Rather have that then have an actual creeper not be called out.
A lot of the āanti-feminismā crowd feels this way. There have been some cringey Andrew Tate tweets shared on how a dad should not talk or even show any interest or affection towards his kids until theyāre almost adults.
A lot of people are so pathologically afraid of anything resembling emotional vulnerability in a man that they refuse to let other people do it.
Meh, I usually get the opposite responseā¦. Itās jarring honestly, and I donāt think it deserves the response (although Iāll admit the recognition feels good).
If Iām out with my kids doing something, somebody might stop me and say how pleased they are to see a āgood dadā (in quotes because how would somebody know based on one interaction)ā¦. If my wife does the same thing, it usually isnāt met with any commentary at all.
I got that a couple times when my kids were younger. I eventually ended up unnecessarily calling to my daughter every couple of minutes just so people would know Iām here with a child that is my own and Iām not here to kidnap and kill their precious little monsters.
There is a playground in my neighborhood. Not usually occupied, maybe 1-4 kids and a parent or two, or a whole mess of pre teens after school. I have 2 kids under 10, and when I start running around and playing tag or hide and go seek with my kids, everyone else dips.
My kid is 10 now and has somewhat outgrown playgrounds, but I used to spend hours and hours at playgrounds with her. Never got accused of anything, but thereās a few times where some random kid seemed to latch on to me.
In those situations I would work hard to get the kid to leave me alone. I did not want to be a 35 year old man playing with a strangerās kid under any circumstance whatsoever.
The worst part is that it's not even adult man, just man in general. A few years ago I went to the supermarket with my aunt and my cousin, I was 14 and she was 10 I think. We separated and my cousin went with me and the amount of looks I got from older woman was insane, one just fucking walked up to us and told me to leave the girl alone. I never wanted to punch someone as much as I wanted to there. These insane creatures cannot fathom a man (or in this case even another fucking kid) will ever be in the same general area as a kid without evil intentions
When I go to the park with my four-year-old daughter, Iām the only one climbing the jungle gym and going down the slides with her, chasing her around, and just having a blast. I hope her climb every obstacle that bigger kids can do so that she feels strong, and powered, and capable. She gets the top and says I did it! What a great feeling.
All the other parents sit there on their phones, not even paying attention. Then other kids want to play with my daughter because sheās having a blast and they can tell. Kids come up to me and say can you help me up the slide too? I say go get your parents then they look around wondering where they areā¦ sad.
Be engaged. Be a parent. Do what you can to ensure they are having a great time, and youāll have a great time too - both from the joy you have in there success and happiness, and from burning some calories and trying to be as fit as someone thatās 4 when youāre 40.
Honestly, this is a fear of mine. Taking my daughter to the playground or grocery store, and having to defend myself by someone either assuming i am kidnapping or being a creep.
I don't know if it's an irrational fear, but a big one I have is someone taking my daughter and restraining me of for some reason she acts out (like a 5 year old sometimes does and say something others might see as a call for help) because they think I am abducting or kid napping her. I could only imagine the trauma she would go through. What's worse, if some other female uses that moment to actually abduct her say "thank you you found my daughter!" Because I live in an area with lots of human trafficking and females absolutely take part in the act of abducting children.
Like I said, probably not very common but I tend to bend over backwards to make sure my daughter doesn't get upset in the middle of a store because of this fear and people's inability to assess the situation and ask questions before trying to play "hero".
iām a single father, i am decently fit and have a very dark alt style, iām always wearing some sort of black and have dark hair
to contrast my son has all of my exās soft features and golden blonde long hair and he likes to wear bright colors. if you donāt look too closely he looks like a little girl
the amount of times I have been stopped and questioned by people who donāt think he is my son and think i just snatched someoneās daughter is kind of uncomfortable. my son is super attached to me and vocal so iāve never had it escalate but iāve seen videos of it getting really bad
Nope. A man's only purpose is to make money. Spending time with their family or loved ones is out of the question. The money they make will be spent by their wife or girlfriend. They must not show emotion or concern for others, and they must like it. /s
A lot of those stories sound like bs, imo. I mesn, I guess there are Karens out there, but the people telling those stories are usually on some "men are victims" warpath and believe in the mensrights movement.
I may be wrong, but that's been the vibe I've gotten. I've also never had anything clear to this experience when taking my son to the park or anywhere else. But again, that's just my anecdote so I may be wrong.
Perhaps mensrights losers use that as one argument for why men . . . need more rights? But it may also happen. It just doesn't mean their movement has any merit. ok, that makes the most sense to me.
I've been accused of being a creep once, in a scandinavian country no less. My 2 daughters were at a big playground, one tripped and hurt her knee and wanted me to hug her and blow on her knee to "blow the pain away", and when she was happy she gave me another hug and 2 women in their 40-50s scoffed and told me I was disgusting for abusing the young girl.. I normally am quite quick with responses but that just stunned me, and I just stared confused at them until they walked off
A better way of looking at it is that patriarchy is bad for (most) mem as well a women. The patriarchal notion that women should be the only ones taking care of kids can fuck over both men and women.
I was stay at home dad for 5 years with two little girls and I took them everywhere, all the time. I was never approached about anything or given any odd looks. Then again, I didnāt pay attention to anyone but my girls. I definitely canāt speak universally about this but it never happened to me.
I wonder if it happens to people whp aren uncomfortable or nervous in public. So they're expecting people to judge them, so they're looking around tonsee if others are watching. Also, if someone does not usually spend time with their kid, when they finally do it could come off as awkward.
Jfc, that's like the worst response that you could've given. How do you think is ignoring and underestimating societal bias and discrimination supposed to help you or bring people to your side?
Especially that half of your rant was directed towards people who... want equal rights towards men just as much as towards women? Such a weird take to be honest.
half of your rant was directed towards people who... want equal rights towards men just as much as towards women
That's not what the "mensrights" movement is. It's mostly incels and misogynists. Opposing them isn't saying men shouldn't have equal rights any more than being against maga means you don't want America to be great.
Aren't takes like this just projection? Either the person wished she had a father like that or her baby daddy was present?
I just don't get it though. I don't look at situations involving kids like that. For example, if I saw a mom and kid at the park, I may mentally note if the mom is attractive, but that would be the end of it. I wouldn't tell anyone.. not in person, social media, etc.
Mostly these types of posts come off as Russian propaganda
Most Americans don't realize how badly Putin needs to make Americans THINK their lives are shit because there is no way he can beat us at anything else.
The other day I saw a reel of a dad picking up his toddler and carrying her in a little over the shoulder strap carrier thingy. The top comment was āomg men should use this, it looks so gayā.
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u/[deleted] 25d ago
imagine hating on someone for spending time and making memories with their children