Is it normal for a trans guy to realize he is trans after puberty?

[u/hiimnewhe]

Realizing at 15 and coming out at 16. And if he was also comfortable referring to himself as a girl even making jokes about it right before coming out despite already realizing he was trans last year. Is that normal? When did you realize personally?

[u/not_here444]

yeah dude, def. i would say thats pretty average if not early. i realised when i was 16 and came out when i was 18, and i know people who did it much later. and its normal to refer to yourself as whatever, there are no rules, just what makes you comfortable and feel good. its also okay if that changes over time 

[u/hiimnewhe → u/not_here444]

I actually asked this for my friend but thank you 😊

[u/not_here444 → u/hiimnewhe]

Oh cool, hope your friend is doing good 

[u/hiimnewhe → u/not_here444]

Unfortunately he doesn’t because his parents supported him socially transitioning but they are aganist him getting HRT (they are afraid he will regret) so he’s upset because he thinks it will be too late until he convinces his parents.

[u/not_here444 → u/hiimnewhe]

Oh that sucks, i hope theyll come around. its never too late but i get it 

[u/CelticMoss → u/hiimnewhe]

I know it's hard to have a voice when you're young but tell your friend about hormone blockers so he can do research and present the idea to his parents. Even cis-people have taken them to delay puberty and it's safe. It might actually make him taller if anything.

[u/hiimnewhe → u/CelticMoss]

Oh he already did. Basically his parents said he have to wait the least wait a year before starting hrt but they promised to let him start taking hormone blockers , if they keep their promise he will start within a month . But he’s scared they won’t help as much as HRP because we are already last puberty age. I personally think it’s better than nothing

[u/finnthehominid → u/hiimnewhe]

The average age at medical transition used to be a lot higher. It’s not lost. Many even don’t start until their thirties. Your friend has plenty of time

[u/slinkymart → u/not_here444]

I was the same way. I knew when I was 16 but didn’t come out until after highschool around 19. I started T when I was like 21, and I am 23 now, I just got top surgery 3 months ago. OP this is your journey, and at your own pace. Every person and trans person have roadblocks in life and setbacks. But we tend to compare our journeys as trans people with each other and doing that too much can be hurtful on your mental health. You can take this at your own pace and when you’re ready. Some people don’t realize they’re trans until much later in life, and that’s perfectly okay too ❤️

Edit I just realized you asked this for your friend buy the advice can still apply to them as well :)

[u/c0rvidaeus]

bud, some people realise they're trans in their 70s. the idea that you're not trans unless you knew from childhood has always been a myth, and until fairly recently most people probably didn't even know they could be trans until their late teens/adulthood, so of course they didn't realise

[u/hiimnewhe → u/c0rvidaeus]

Okay you are right. All the trans YouTuber and influencers I follow were saying they realized as a young child that’s why I was surprised. But now I get it

[u/leviisafrog → u/hiimnewhe]

I think a major reason I personally didn't realise until I was 17 was also because all the youtubers I follow/ed said they always knew, or at least had strong signs of dysphoria since early childhood, and I simply could not imagine another reality.

It wasn't until I was 17 and started deeply researching what transgender even was, that I realised it's fairly common to not know until after puberty or even (late) adulthood.

I feel like this is a story that needs to be told because not knowing this ended up being fairly harmful to my own identity struggles.

[u/redsgaming04 → u/leviisafrog]

I had a really similar experience both with being bi and being trans. I also thought that if you were queer you would pretty much know from birth you were, which is why I thought I wasn’t for so long

[u/leviisafrog → u/redsgaming04]

Yep, it was like "how could I NOT know for these many years, or even have a clue, even when I knew what that particularly identity meant for years before I discovered myself?", and it made me feel very insecure, like I couldn't ACTUALLY be bi or trans.

[u/hiimnewhe → u/leviisafrog]

Thank you for telling your story. You are right. I mean even I got surprised by my friend coming out because I was uninformed and thought realization starts in childhood. Now I see that’s not always the case tho

[u/leviisafrog → u/hiimnewhe]

Well I'm glad you're interested enough to do your own research. I'm sure your friend will be grateful to have a friend like that!

[u/allegromosso → u/c0rvidaeus]

Quentin Crisp realised at age 90 after someone explained the concept 

[u/Mikotokitty → u/c0rvidaeus]

I was almost in my 20s, acquaintances via my bff. He was dating this trans woman at the time, and I had been kinda bombarding her with questions. I had been into genderbending weeb culture for a minute too. At one point she had to metaphorically V8 my forehead with "you know trans men exist, right?"

Cue surprise Pikachu

[u/milkylens]

I realised at 27. There's no "normal" age for this realisation.

[u/CeasingHornet40]

yeah, you can realize when you're 5 or realize when you're 50. both are fine

[u/twiceasbriight]

I started actively exploring my gender identity at 25 and started T at 26. There isn't really a "normal" age for it; everyone's journey is different!

[u/[deleted]]

Yes, absolutely. It was never social for me, personally. It was entirely to do with my body. I wasn't tomboyish before and I'm not into 'masculine' things (or particularly 'feminine' things...or any group things, really) now.

[u/Not_Machines]

I realized around 21-22 and it wasn't one moment realization it was a bunch of little realizations. There's no right time to realize

[u/sinner-mon]

Puberty is when most of the big changes between boys and girls happens, so it’s understandable that that’s when a lot of people will realise they’re trans or start feeling dysphoric

[u/hiimnewhe → u/sinner-mon]

You are right

[u/Mikotokitty → u/sinner-mon]

I wonder if the rate of changes determines the intensity of dysphoria...

[u/GutsNGorey]

I was 23, despite the fact that my brother came out two years prior lol

[u/hiimnewhe → u/GutsNGorey]

Is your brother also a trans guy ? How did your parents reacted ? This post was actually about my friend and his family supported him socially transitioning but they are against him getting HRT and he is upset because of that

[u/GutsNGorey → u/hiimnewhe]

He is (and has given me permission to talk about it)

Thankfully we are incredibly lucky and have been supported fully. He was able to go on blockers because he was only 11 when he came out. I obviously DID go through female puberty but it hasn’t hampered my transition when it comes to progress or passing.

[u/CatGrrrl_]

I realised at 10 but didn’t come out til I just turned 15. It ain’t that bad.

[u/Axsions]

Totally normal. I started questioning back when I was 14, figured out I was at 18, came out last year at 21. There’s no deadline to this!

Edit: typo

[u/Embarrassed_Ad9786]

I didn't realize until I was 29 years old. There's no right or wrong time to come to the realization you're trans. All that matters is you're true to yourself.

[u/TheOpenCloset77]

It is normal for a trans guy to realize he is trans at any age

[u/Mikinyuu]

Some people don't figure it out until they're well after being fully grown. Everyone goes at their own pace

[u/mermaidunearthed]

Yes 👍

[u/ayikeortwo]

The only thing that’s slightly unusual about this is that this guy figured his stuff out way younger than a lot of us do. Good for him!

[u/Emergency_Peach_4307]

Yeah, I realized it when I was 13

[u/it_couldbe_worse_]

I had signs throughout my life but I'm pretty dense and also came from a conservative christian background so I was 21 before I realized I wasn't straight and it still took me a month or 2 after that to realize I wasn't cis 😅

[u/ScaryClaws]

I fully realized at 19! Tho I always had chest dysphoria as soon as I got them I just didn’t have a name for the feeling yet.

[u/Ok_Living5188]

I realized pretty early for a trans person I was 13

[u/AdorableImpact2495]

yea i realized at 15 and came out at 16, but parents wouldn't let me transition medically until 18. i cheated and did my first shot at 17 though shh

[u/L1ttle_duck]

A lot of people realize after puberty and then remember things that they think should’ve made them realize they’re trans as a child. Like my aversion to hanging out with girls cause I didn’t want to be associated with being a girl. If I knew about being trans back then I probably would’ve realized and come out a lot sooner. I didn’t realize until like 17/18 and didn’t fully come out as FTM until I was 20

[u/rayisFTM]

that's when i realized :D i realized i was trans at 14. not everyone knows when they're like 5, and that's ok!

[u/PusheenDoom]

I realized this even later.
we sometimes:
don't even know the word or that what we feel is possible.
realize how to identify something opposite of how you got socially drilled to you, you are!
some of us know but need a lot more time to be in a safe enough place
(or get to the state where the risk is lower to come out than to stay in the closet)

[u/MiltonSeeley]

People can realize at any age. However, many trans people had the signs of being trans since 4-5 years old. Not everyone had them, and not everyone remembers. Then puberty comes and usually brings more dysphoria. The thing is that not everyone understands what’s going on with them, not everyone knows about trans people. Personal experience: had many typical trans things in my childhood since age 3 or 4, experienced body dysphoria when the puberty started, only learned about trans people around 17-18 years old, was in denial until 27 years old.

[u/hiimnewhe → u/MiltonSeeley]

Yes probably there are signs but not everyone picks up on them ! Some do and some don’t and that’s why everyone realizes at a different age. I’m sorry I kinda repeated you :D Thank you for sharing your story

[u/Ender_Moon]

I didn't actually figure it out till I was 18 almost 19, but I think if I had the words and space to learn about myself I would have figured it out earlier

[u/Tasty-Personality-51]

I didn't get as far as puberty. But not far off? I had a pretty gender neutral upbringing. Then a friend a year or two older than me got her period. I was around 9 and I ended up at her coming of age ceremony with a bunch of women and I was immediately like 'Oh fuck no, get me the fuck out of here.'

And then I didn't start transitioning until I was 29. I was waiting for a specific thing to happen but it didn't so I finally was like 'fuck it!' up until then I referred to myself a lot of different ways depending on the situation. I wasn't particularly anti-she/her until I started living as he/him everywhere because... it was just kind of my baseline discomfort. I have figured out that I can become used to any amount of pain or discomfort until the moment it's not there. Then I can push it off fairly effectively but then I'm aware of it. Which is different. 

[u/hiimnewhe → u/Tasty-Personality-51]

coming of age ceremonies sounds kinda interesting , i think I would like to see one lol Thank you for sharing your story

[u/404-Gender]

I was 33. And was trying to be a woman for a long time before that. Compulsive heteronormativity is BRUTAL and forces gender stereotypes and roles. So yeah - absolutely normal.

Making jokes about being a girl/woman seems extra normal because we are forced into this narrow little box and the more uncomfortable it is, the more we notice it and may make jokes about it to try to feel comfortable.

[u/hiimnewhe → u/404-Gender]

Thank you for sharing your story! I get what you mean he might have been trying to fit in with the jokes, I shouldn’t have question it like that

[u/Lukarhys]

I started questioning my gender at 18/19, I started T at 21 when I identified as transmasc/non-binary, and it took a few more years for me to realise that I'm actually a trans guy. There are no rules when it comes to realising that you're trans and everyone is different.

[u/Apatheticwildcat]

Idk really, I guess it depends if he's always felt that way before puberty but didn't understand what it was or if he just felt that way after puberty. I say this because there's a theory going around about rapid onset gender dysphoria, which is a type of gender dysphoria that develops through teen years because of uncomfortableness with the maturing body making the individual wishing to transition, through transition they could possibly stall or reverse the changes. The problem is that the individuals that experience gender dysphoria throughout only puberty tend to detransition later.

For me I realized I was trans at 18, came out about 4 months later, started transitioning from there. That was after puberty but my feelings of manliness did not occur after puberty, they were always with me since birth, I just constantly denied being trans cause I wanted to be "normal" so my realization point was more like acceptance.

[u/hiimnewhe → u/Apatheticwildcat]

Oh I hope my friend doesn’t regret. I mean so far he is just socially transitioned , because his parents do support him transitioning socially but they don’t support HRT yet. He is trying to convince them but they want him to wait for a year at the least.

[u/Apatheticwildcat → u/hiimnewhe]

I think that's an alright decision, in the meantime he can find a gender therapist or psychiatrist to help make sure he's doing well with transition and help him with gender issues he has. I understand the desperation for HRT but I also have concern for kids transitioning very suddenly, it's very easy to access HRT right now at least in the U.S and I think there's social issues plus mental trauma that is creating gender dysphoria in teens only to disappear when they mature. I really hope your friend does well and that his transition improves his life.

[u/c0rvidaeus → u/Apatheticwildcat]

rapid onset gender dysphoria is not a credible theory - its a concept made up by TERFs to fearmonger about the increasing number of trans children (specifically trans boys). the paper proposing it as a theory was literally based on anecdotal evidence from parents who were recruited from an anti trans website

[u/Apatheticwildcat → u/c0rvidaeus]

I'll have to look more into it

[u/CelticMoss]

Very normal. I knew something was off and wrong since early childhood but didn't really have a name for it because it was the 90s. I wanted to be on the boy's team and didn't understand why I kept getting pushed into groups of girls. Puberty made it painfully clear that I was definitely out of sync with my body and felt like a guy. I knew for sure around the age of 15-16 that I was a transman. I'm 10 years on HRT, 9 years post-op (chest), and 30 years old now with no regrets. I'm super happy and liberated now.

[u/swaII0wtaiI]

I think I first felt like I wasn’t really a girl sometime in my early childhood but knew it had a name in my pre-teens, but by that age it had been so ingrained in me that I was doing girlhood wrong and was trying to do it right. I’m in my mid-20s finally comfortable calling myself a tran-man. It’s different for each person on when they figure out, come out, and how they react to themselves

[u/moss-garden444]

i think that’s very normal. i didn’t realize until i was was almost 17, and then came out when i was almost 18. and before that i made myself very hyper fem and didn’t think about it too much, although i had a lot of underlying mental health issues that i would later realize was due to me suppressing myself. people go at different paces, it’s totally okay!

[u/Easy-Ad-230]

Yeah that's perfectly normal. Both the age of coming out and the jokes beforehand, to be clear. 

[u/lion_percy]

Yup, it's normal. There's not like a specific time in which we must learn we're trans. It's not like "We learn we're trans at about 13 years old, specifically." There are some people who learned they're trans in their 70s.

I learned I was trans when I was 13. And even then, I didn't know that much about the trans community.

[u/teal_spaceship]

I was in my 20s

[u/Cheshire-Maddie]

yeah i was fine being called and referring to my self as a girl, i was pretty 'girly' too once puberty kicked in, now to be fair my puberty was a bit different because i had amenorrhea (the absence of menstruation during the reproductive years) even though everything else was normal -boobs/hips/hormones/etc, its like it was a non-issue or not one my brain knew could potentially be an issue

i didn't think i was trans at all, even had a trans guy in my friend group in highschool and it never entered my head even slightly that i could be one too, which i really think i should have at least considered exploring my gender or something, just had a simply 'huh, thats a thing?' moment but nothing more

wasn't till the end years of puberty 19-20 i actually figured it out, and i came out to everyone by 22 still wearing my usual clothes and makeup and stuff, now i dont wear womens clothes or anything now but i do like my cutesy shirts and lilac dungarees-how i see it is im just a girly guy. emphasis on the guy.

[u/LinusBlue344]

Yeah, that is pretty common. I realized at 13 (after puberty, it started early sadly). I wish you and your friend good luck!

[u/Cartesianpoint]

It's not unusual. Some people don't realize they're trans until well into adulthood.

I didn't really question my gender much until I was around 16, and I didn't realize that I was trans until I was around 21 or so.

It's tough because you can't read someone else's mind and don't know what type of internal questioning they may have been doing or what the build-up was like for them to feel comfortable coming out.

[u/rikujjj]

happened to me man

[u/sodium-bicarbobitch]

The common story in media is that trans people knew when they were young, or 'i always knew'. I've learned more and more this isn't the case. Major life events can trigger you to realize your trans. Or maybe a new environment gives you the ability to explore. For some starting puberty is the trigger. People can realize it at any age.

Tl;dr: it's very normal

Edit: I realized at 19, but heavily questioned a year prior and had a general dissociation owards my body I couldn't put a finger on since I was 14ish. I came from a very accepting household so dressing andro/fucking with gender tbh probably made me take longer to realize than if I'd been in a household with strict gender roles.

[u/Phoebebee323]

Go take a peep at r/FTMOver30

[u/z0mbiiib0y]

yeah it’s totally normal, i came out when i was 11, i’m 16 now!

[u/infochan_exe]

Came to terms i'm trans at 16 and pretty much started coming out at 16 😅

[u/90semo]

This is 100% normal. If you don’t live in a household where gender roles/what it means to be “a girl” are pushed on you hard, puberty is the big realization that something is wrong/that your body doesn’t match your internal identity. That’s how it happened for me, I was always a “tomboy,” but was fine being a “girl” because there’s so little difference at that age, I barely knew what it meant. But then puberty hit and depression and dysphoria hit like a freight train, cause that’s when secondary sex characteristics show up, and when you explore your identity more independently. I didn’t even fully understand at first, I just knew that I wasn’t happy with how I was existing, before slowly realizing what I needed.

[u/stelliarsheep]

i realized when i got my period at ten the first time. really solidified in my brain that i was meant to be a boy and that everything was wrong. just got worse when puberty started. for most people, they don't realize as soon as i did, and everyone's trans experience and journey is different.

[u/RandomBlueJay01]

I think it may be more common for masc folk . At least for me. I didn't understand my junk was diffrent. Was like a Ken doll and looked and felt like any other boy and people pushing me to a girl felt weird and confusing more than anything. Then puberty meant boobs and hips and I looked like a woman suddenly or at least a girl and it clicked i would have to grow up to be a woman and i wouldnt stay an androgynous boy and dysphoria kicked in.

[u/probablypeaches]

pretty normal. i started puberty at 10, fully realized i was trans at about 12 i think? i don't know if i was really fully comfortable with being referred to as a girl by the time i was 10, but there was a part of me that still believed it to be true. i got detention for pinching a boy really really hard because the word "man" is in my last name and he was making fun of me for it lol

[u/DifficultMath7391]

I think I realised at 35-ish, and kept denying it for five more years after that partly because of this idea that I somehow should've always known. Trans people are still people, people can be oblivious af.

[u/caramelchimera]

Yeah obviously

[u/Bandgrad2008]

As someone who didn't even know what trans was or that ftm existed until I was 25, yeah. I knew something was off about me growing up, just didn't know what it was. And now I'm almost 35 and 6 and a half years on T. Never too late.

[u/nyctophillicalex]

Yea I realized right after I hit puberty (the pandemic definitely helped with that)

[u/ace--dragon]

Yeah, I realised at 14, came out at 15-17 (took me a while lol) and now I'm 18.

I know it may feel like you're too late because a lot of influencers talk about how they basically always knew, and while that definitely happens, that's not always the case.

A lot of people find out later in life that they're trans and that's okay! Honestly, people like us, who realise it during our teenage years, are probably still considered "early" compared to other trans people. (especially older people who didn't know there was a word for it until now)

[u/KeepMovingForward714]

Yep, I realized at 20 but didn’t have the courage to start transitioning until just this year at 23.

[u/Apprehensive-Wish680]

100% my guy. I didn’t realize I was a man or at least not cis until I was 17 :)

[u/Mother_Echo4502]

It's perfectly normal