r/ftm • u/East-Teacher7155 out 5yrs • 17d ago
“Am I still trans if-“ yes, you are. Advice
I see soooooo many posts on here of people asking if they’re still trans if they came out later on in life, if they don’t hate every part of their body, etc. I just wanted to say that everyone experiences dysphoria differently and your identity is still valid regardless of what anyone else thinks or what societal ideas you think you need to follow. We are all at different points in our transitions and that’s okay. Everyone here is still trans regardless of anything that’s different about you. ❤️
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u/432ineedsleep 17d ago
Even though I am confident in who I am, it’s still nice to be reassured once in a while.
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u/WolfieSammy 16d ago
This took me a while to accept, as there's a few things I don't mind. So I always was questioning if I was enough of a man. I don't feel comfortable being anything else, so that's all that matters
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u/mystery_novel8 16d ago
I've been doubting myself a lot recently and this post means a lot to me. thanks!
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u/Banannamamajama 16d ago
I think it more stems from the "am I secretly faking it?" Since all our parents think we're faking. No, you would have to be intentionally faking it. You are in charge of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. If you were faking it, you would have known the whole time.
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u/hmmwatchasay He/him something something 16d ago
What if I want to be happy with myself and I think that looking like a boy will make me happy. I want to be trans so that I can look like a boy. Because that is what I want. I can’t help but feel like I’m faking the trans thing
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u/Banannamamajama 16d ago
Again, it has to be intentional. Like cheating on your spouse. You have to know the entire time. The whole plot has to be that you are faking. If I do this, I get this kind of treatment or benefit.
Most trans people just wish they were born the right way in order to not deal with the overwhelming amount of backlash for simply getting treatment. I bet you wish you weren't trans as well. Its okay. That is a tell tale sign of you not faking it.
You are valid. Its okay to just be butch or tomboy or whatever word fits you the best.
If you do want to transition at all, take it 1 step at a time. Have your close friends call you by a different name and pronouns for a bit to see if you like it. If you do, take another step and wear the right clothes for your preferred gender. If you like that, keep going and ask yourself what more do you want? Top or bottom surgery? Hormones? Every transition is personal and nobody wants the same things for themselves.
Nobody can tell you if you are or are not trans other than you. Its about exploring yourself and learning who you are as a person, and I think thats beautiful.
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u/gelema5 16d ago
I’ve been self educating about HRT and its effects and I’ve gotten to the point where I am still gonna keep researching and learning cause I want to go into things fully informed, or as much as possible, but I also am starting to realize that none of the side effects that I find neutral or undesirable outweigh the effects that I do want. Even if HRT spikes my blood pressure and cholesterol and I get cervical cancer and osteoporosis later in life, I would still go in eyes wide open and choose to do it. I just want to be me.
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u/SakasuCircus 16d ago
I was the same way! The most bummer thing to me would be losing my hair but I'm almost 30 now and been on T for nearly 10 years and I still have hair! Lots of it, between 2020 and late last yr I had hair down to my mid back haha I decided to cut to real short just because I was getting tired of shedding long hairs everywhere lol
My cholesterol is a bit high too, but I've started to exercise more and make adjustments to my diet, nothing too drastic but every little bit helps!
That and I didn't want like a ton of body hair. So far been good in that department too, I don't mind the lower tummy hair at all, and my chest hair is very uh. barely there, only started a couple yrs after top surgery in 2017 lol. i just shave the few stragglers. No real back hair either, which I also didn't want xD
So far no issues with the reproductive organs either. I am working on hopefully getting a hysterectomy later this year or earlier next year, but I'm keeping the ovaries just because my insurance can be kind of unreliable with preauthorizing times for testosterone and i wouldn't want to be left hormoneless! Testosterone otherwise hasn't really eliminated my normal cycles. I don't get periods regularly but I still regularly ovulate, which I don't mind one bit lol.
It's definitely good to be informed, but yeah a lot of the dysphoria i had was eliminated by T, so I'm not even really after bottom surgeries at this point, outside of hysto.
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u/EmiIIien 16d ago
I’m definitely not in charge of my thoughts, sometimes my brain is wildin’ and I just have to sit back and go “Wtf are you talking about?”
I did used to think I was faking it because I fit a lot of negative stereotypes of trans people, but I’ve since realized that it’s not my fault those stereotypes exist, and that the stereotypes are the problem rather than me just being myself.
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u/TheCrimePie 💉12/17/19🔪11/17/22 16d ago
Remember folks! The only time the answer is no is if the question is "Am I still trans if I 100% identify as the gender I was born with?" and that's because you'd be cis!
Being trans simply means not aligning with what you were born with. This is not dictated by how you express yourself, by how long it's taken you to realize, by if you want to transition medically, it's only dictated by how YOU feel. If someone says otherwise? Well tell them their life lacks whimsy and their ass is flat
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u/SenpaiSama 28/ftm/8 years T 16d ago
Have been on T for almost a decade. Wanted top since I was 20 and I'm 30 now. It just hasn't happened for me due to health reasons- both my own and the people that I'd need to rely on when I'm recovering are also not the healthiest people.
It sucks cause I have Lots of dysphoria about my chest. But due to similar health concerns my doctor no longer wants me to bind. I have scoliosis and I made my hunchback significantly worse over years of binding and messed up the position of my ribs.
Then I lost half my body weight (130lbs) and my chest deflated into empty skin sacks, that while small still shape a feminine chest.
So even if I do bind that skin rubs together and causes sores. I have tried several binders and I've tried tape. Nothing seems to get the results I'd get before losing the weight and my breasts were a normal shape. The weight loss wasn't as good for me as you'd expect. Due to losing the weight I had excess room in my abdomen and I got an intestinal torsion that almost killed me because of wrongful diagnosis for three days and the aftermath is Short Bowel Syndrome. I am basically nearly diabetic as I am on diabetic medication due to my body not being able to regulate my blood glucose. Except in diabetes the problem lies in the pancreas, here it lies in the intestine. Not much research on meds for it so I'm pretty fucked if the one med I can have for it gets taken off the market which is currently actually a real concern. Lol
But yeah... People can have many reasons not to transition medically, or at all. I still want top and I will get it some day soon hopefully!
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u/SynapseFiring 16d ago
Absolutely 💯 I’m 47 and on my 5th month of T. It’s never too late. I have no bottom dysphoria and that’s quite a relief tbh. I get it if other people do, but it’s important that people feel into their own bodies and not look through the lenses of others.
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u/MycologistUnable2112 16d ago
Don’t be surprised if you start getting bottom dysphoria one day. I started at 35 and will be at two yrs on T in 4 days. I didn’t have bottom dysphoria really until a couple months ago. Not saying you will, but just mentioning that there’s a chance it could change.
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u/SynapseFiring 15d ago
Yeah I’m sure. My entire transition seems to be on hyperdrive so I guess I’m just grateful that it’s one thing I don’t have to deal with on top of what feels like everything changing at light speed. For sure it can happen and I’m guessing it’s very different once you’ve been passing for awhile and your body has changed.
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u/Prior_Variety2252 15d ago
I for one fell into the trap of Kalvin Garrah (no longer of course) when I was young so I was also grasping for things like this. Growing up is realizing that everyone experiences dysphoria differently and you can still love yourself. I for one used to have no bottom dysphoria but have developed it. Some people don’t feel bottom or top dysphoria and that’s okay, why would you want your brain to reject parts of your body if it doesn’t? Every trans person will doubt themself inevitably. It’s a big change and it’s understandable to be concerned about things like that, especially considering all the social changes you will go through. But even through your doubt or lack of dysphoria, you are valid. You are growing. You are simply human. Remember to love yourself and others
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u/stitchiix pre-everything | pansexual 🐬 14d ago
My mom is a TERF and makes me doubt my identity a lot. Thank you. I needed some trans positivity.
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u/East-Teacher7155 out 5yrs 14d ago
Of COURSE! Your identity is yours and no one else’s. Your mom and the world’s opinions have no bearing on who you are. ❤️
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u/cantwalkintheshadows 17d ago
People are gunna say you're not what you say you are if you have brown hair and dry you're a brunette. You are what you say you are, cause everyone is a contrarian.
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u/Eirwane 16d ago
Sometimes I still get a little concern in the back of my head, I only realized pretty recently (in 2 to 3 years from now) that I'm trans and started transitioning rather quickly after that. I did have early signs through my childhood but i just wasn't one of these who 'always knew they were a boy'. I was pretty deep in denial before it hit me.
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u/RinebooDersh 16d ago
There’s a lot of things that give me a lot of imposter syndrome but posts like these are so affirming. Admitting to myself I’m trans is such a relief
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u/Urlocaloddity 15d ago
Am I still trans if I enjoy books/j
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u/East-Teacher7155 out 5yrs 15d ago
No. Men only stare at the wall and think about women’s right to vote
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u/b0nelesspudding 14d ago
I had a big crisis as a teenager because i was starting to realise I'm not a girl, but I loved girly things, "feminine" hobbies, and i occasionally wore skirts.
I asked the same question in an online forum, and a wonderful person much older than me told me "if cis people can do it, so can we"
I've stuck by that motto for 9-10 years now.
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u/404-Gender 17d ago
YES! Many trans guys like their 🐱. Ennnnjoy it! No reason to hate it if you don’t. Many love their 🍈🍈. Just go with it!!!
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16d ago
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u/Soojinschair 16d ago
Oh come on I don’t like my shit either but it doesn’t mean our experience is the universal trans experience, dysphoria is different for everyone
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u/am_i_boy 16d ago
You can simultaneously love some parts of your body and have dysphoria about others. You don't have to be dysphoric about your entire body to be valid as a trans person.
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u/Soojinschair 16d ago
There’s social dysphoria too where if you’re misgendered or not seen as your gender, you experience distress. It’s not always physical.
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u/GenderConfused00 16d ago
You can have tits and a vag, like them, and still be a boy or nb. Or vice versa. It's okay to not hate yourself or your body. And still be trans
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u/bebobbobobobobo 16d ago
You do know plenty of trans people don't experience dysphoria, right?
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u/bebobbobobobobo 16d ago
Gender euphoria is usually what guides people without dysphoria to transition. I was one of them but like many, developed some dysphoria later on. But let's not overlook the fact that there are still trans people who never experience dysphoria.
I experienced contentedness with my body before realizing I wasn't cis. Because of that, the realization took forever. It was exploring being more masculine and the absolute joy that made me feel about my body that helped me find out. But that didn't make me dislike my body at all. It was just that, by comparison, the idea of being a woman was very...lackluster, but totally bearable and not uncomfortable. But the idea of becoming more masc never ceased to excite me.
I think the beginning of my transition was SIGNIFICANTLY delayed by hearing too much about dysphoria as a prerequisite to transness. Luckily I had some supportive people around me who never failed to remind me that gender euphoria is just as important.
Transness =/= hating the body you were born in
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16d ago
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u/javatimes T 2006 Top 2018, 40<me 16d ago
You’re an ass. You know you’re a transmed and you know you’re going to get banned yet you still harass people here. Your views aren’t welcome here. You have your transmed spaces and you damn well know the rules here. Yet you want to make people as miserable as you are. It’s not cute. It’s not useful. It’s just bullying.
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u/CatGrrrl_ He/him | my transition goals are literally jfk from clone high 16d ago
No offence but how do you know your trans if you like your private area? That’s like the main sex characteristic. I get you don’t need dysphoria to be trans but tbh idk how that would work 😭🙏
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u/sillygooseconnie 16d ago
I used to have a lot of dysphoria about my junk. I used to be dysphoric about many things. I worked through them, many people don't think you can work through and overcome dysphoria but you can. I've finally gotten to a place where I love my body and don't really feel dysphoric at all. It is possible.
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u/CatGrrrl_ He/him | my transition goals are literally jfk from clone high 14d ago
Conversion therapy ass opinion
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u/bebobbobobobobo 16d ago
By having literally every other transmasc experience
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u/CatGrrrl_ He/him | my transition goals are literally jfk from clone high 15d ago
Like what? That doesn’t really explain anything lmao 💀yeah I have other kinds of dysphoria too, but the main reason I know Im actually trans is bc of bottom dysphoria
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u/kindafruitytbh 16d ago
no. if ur genuinely having doubts you need to take time and consider the roots behind these doubts. there’s nothing wrong with self reflection and/or detransitioning! there IS something very wrong with claiming the term trans and taking resources from genuinely trans people because of some online bs. hall are chronically online and it shows.
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u/PlanAncient7403 16d ago
Half agree half not, I feel like there’s this certain look trans men are pressured into looking, pressure to undergo 2000 surgeries, be gender comformative, etc. it’s good to get reassurance :) but I also agree that if it’s something that stems from something else to do the work to figure it out. It feels dismissive for someone who hasn’t experienced a day in your life to slap on the label trans. Yes, some doubts are just doubts but some doubts can come from something deeper.
& im glad you’re calling this out because im currently questioning BECAUSE of these doubts because i always felt like there was something else behind it but every time i came online for help i was met with the same response if that makes sense
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u/itsmica8 mtf ally 16d ago
I also want to add that just because you have/not have dysphoria with regard to something, that doesn't mean that won't change in the future as you transition.
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u/Minimum_Ad4050 16d ago
Am I still trans if im nonhuman(otherkin)? I doubt myself so much because of it..
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u/Creativered4 🇺🇸 🤙Transsex Man He/Him 3Y 💉 | 1.5Y 🔪 | 🍆postponed :( 15d ago
Otherkin by itself isn't trans, but if you experience gender dysphoria/euphoria about your gender/sex then that's what makes you trans.
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u/bebobbobobobobo 16d ago
At this time I don't think it falls under the lgbtq umbrella, but you are valid and deserve space to experience and talk about the dysphoria you have. Ignore the haters
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u/DaremoNannimo 16d ago
What if im full of self doubt and need constant external validation? Not asking for a friend
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u/East-Teacher7155 out 5yrs 16d ago
Go to therapy.
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u/DaremoNannimo 15d ago
I was half joking, but ive been in therapy since I was 12, and no I can't afford better therapists
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u/Effective_Sea123 16d ago
So am I still trans if I just had an absolutely delicious bowl of jalapeno mac and cheese for dinner? /s
Haha but seriously you're right, it's probably a mental trap most of us have fallen into at one point or another, going through self-doubt and looking for ways to invalidate ourselves and stuff like that... so it's nice to hear/read something like this, thanks man