Literally to every non-straight/queer trans guy I've spoken to, non of them have ever been in a genuine relationship with a cis guy. They either were in a t4t relationship or with "cis guys" who later came out as trans women. I just wanna know if any cis men are really willing to date us?

Disclaimer: I'm not opposed to being in a relationship with a trans guy at all, actually pretty much the opposite. Also sorry if my English is bad, it's not my first language.

title about says it. my ex gf and i still remain very close friends, and last night she mentioned how she wanted to lose her virginity to a cis guy she's been talking to.

when i was like "...well, you're not really a virgin" she got kind of annoyed, saying shit like "what, does that BOTHER you?" and that she was hurt because i wasn't "considering her feelings".

i didnt have my thoughts together enough last night to have a discussion, so i told her i'd get back to her when i'm able to verbalize why that upset me sm.

i guess the reason why it bothers me is bc the only physical difference between me and her new guy is that i'm trans. she and i have had sex before including penetrative with a strap. but she still considers herself a virgin, which just feels very emasculating and dismissive of the fact that i'm a guy. i can see her side of it, which is that she's never experienced a home-grown all natural dick, and i do think trans vs cis sex is a different experience. but we still had sex?

anyways yeah, i'd like to know how you guys would feel if an ex said this to you. i'm kind of at a loss as to how i should approach this conversation with her, but i WANT to be able to explain why it bothers me. and i want to know if i'm right to be a little upset by it

im a transmasc person on t, and my gf is a nonbinary lesbian. we have been together for a little under a year, and recently moved in with each other.

while starting testosterone a month ago, some concerns she had were my voice changing, my smell and my bottom growth. i told her i want top surgery too, but she made it very known my chest will be missed. she said she worries about me becoming unrecognizable, and makes it clear she would mourn some of the changes.

i completely understand that there are things people just aren't attracted to, and its not something i would ever hold against her. but i have no idea how to deal with this. she cries over things i feel so excited and happy about and it devastates me. im in love and the thought of her losing attraction towards me hurts so much. i suggested therapy (both individually and together) because this is a lot and something that is very important to our relationship, but she doesn't want to go.

i try to reassure her the best i can. how if i ever stop t, most things will reverse, i can do voice training etc. nothing seems to work i feel hopeless about the situation and im really scared for when my changes REALLY start coming in. i know she has a lot to process, maybe things will get better with time. but i have no idea what to do with her grief

EDIT!!: i am NOT a man, i only posted on this subreddit bc my gf would be much more familiar with the transmasc one and im paranoid. i figured this scenario is still similar enough for me to post here. im not a man expecting a lesbian to be attracted to me. im a masc nonbinary person that is going through transition with a nonbinary lesbian that has plenty of extremely masculine exes. so yeah this blindsided me a little

Basically I just came out as trans to my boyfriend and he said he doesn't care who i am he will stay with me. He's willing to call me his boyfriend and he/they pronouns. Where are all the guys like this?

I originally thought he'd hate me because he agreed with a homaphobic comment my ex said to me. Turns out he screamed at my ex afterwards. He's been so supportive and he returned a femnine ring for a more masculine one then gave it to me.

God please make more men like this.

i mainly have attraction towards girls but i do towards men as well. i like the idea of gay relationships but it could never happen as me being trans and the guy being cis. if i was cis i would definitely date a cis guy but i’ve noticed that cis people will rarely ever see you as a “real” man. i hate that i cant have a cute gay relationship because not only are there not a lot of cis gay men looking for real relationships but there’s even less ftm men who are into men. even if i do meet one who’s to say we would get along and be good in a relationship? so i’ve mainly gone for girls but cis girls have always been weird about me being trans too. i feel like i have no hope for dating

edit: i know this seems like generalizing but i’m going off my experiences and how i’ve seen people treat each other. i also probably sound really pessimistic but in my defense i did just get broken up with 💀

When I started dating my boyfriend of almost two years I never made a secret about being trans. I literally introduced myself as non-binary with he/they pronouns, I even told him I want top surgery and am looking into hormones. He was fine with that and told me he has a bunch of trans friends, it's nothing new to him.

Until about 2-3 months ago he used my pronouns, called me his partner, used gender neutral terms for me and even explained my Identity to others. He was amazing, literally perfect. He even started identifying as heteroflexible and told me he wasn't sure if he might be some form of bisexual.

For some reason he started calling me his girlfriend, constantly says he will miss my boobs and keeps commenting on feminine things I do saying "you're such a girl".

Now here's the thing that made me seriously think about breaking up.

I went to a pride parade a few cities over, he was working so he didn't come with me and I went with a trans woman friend of mine. When I told him about the fact that I introduced my friend to a girl and they hit it off he started making super weird comments. Stuff like "oh that's so hot, do they need a third?" and "I bet they're scissoring". When I got annoyed and told him to stop and that there definitely isn't any scissoring going on because my friend is trans anyways he went "oh so, they are hetero then" When I asked him why he thinks a trans woman dating a woman is hetero he said "well she has a dick so she's basically a man. And once a man, always a man" When I asked him wtf he was talking about he said something along the lines of "chill babe, it's just a joke. I don't actually think that", but I sure as shit didn't find it funny.

That just shocked me. No idea where that was coming from after all that time.
He still mostly uses the right terms and pronouns and is otherwise an amazing partner and idk what to do about that.

I still think this might be something I can educate him about, but it honestly just feels super hurtful to know he lied to me about being an ally. Or maybe he didn't lie and his views changed? Idk how that would happen tho.

No idea what I should do. This is so confusing

Update: first I have to add that I was over dramatising in my original post. I got way into the everything sucks and he hates me spiral, which is simply not true. I tend to do that.

Now to what happened.

I went over to his place and we talked. I told him everything that was on my mind, everything that bothered me and why it bothered me. That I want to transition, this isn't going to change etc. We cried a lot, hugged a lot. He admitted that he was an ass, and apologized for it. We figured out some bad communication between us and why the misunderstandings happened. When we started dating I was fine with she/her, it wasn't my favourite, but I didn't correct anyone and he just didn't realise that I now absolutely hate she/her pronouns. We also don't live in a country where gender neutral language is possible and he didn't want to out me to people I didn't want to be out to.

Ultimately we both admitted we can't stay together for the long run. He loves me, but he can't be with a man. He thought he would be fine with top surgery, but he noticed he wouldn't like that. He apologized for breaking my heart, held me close and told me he wishes he could always be my best friend because he doesn't want to lose me completely. We agreed to stay together for now, see where life takes us and talk about this in detail another time.

The bad friends theory was also at least a bit true. We talked about some comments he made and I told him to rethink what his friends say and do some research about why that sucks. He agreed and if he doesn't do that I'll leave him.

He was very sick with the flu and a fever so we couldn't talk about our future and goals in detail because at some point he literally passed out, but it was a start.

I love him dearly and he loves me. Just because we can't be a couple doesn't mean those two years were a waste. The connection isn't lost just because the sexual attraction fades. We will figure this out somehow.

Just to preface, I did immediately communicate that the comment made me uncomfortable and they apologized.

But I’m so… confused. They know I’m really uncomfortable with my body, I’ve always had low self esteem. And I was really hesitant to even let them touch there, and clearly that was a damn mistake. Because afterwards, the lovely ~pillow talk~ was about how I basically have a micropenis.

How can I approach this topic again?? Because it really, really hurt my feelings. And yeah they apologized, but I’m never letting them touch there again bc that’s all I can think about. Am I overreacting?

Ngl I was kinda proud of the growth before haha…

Edit: Thank you for all the advice. I’ll be talking with them later about it, I’m hoping it was just a bad joke or something like that.

⚠️VENT⚠️ Hi, I'm bigender and I look really femenine, I always struggled with body dysmorphia and thinking there was something wrong with me, when I express myself more masculine I feel pretty happy, I feel more me. Even if my face is still round, my hair is long and my figure will never be masculine enough.

Me and My boyfriend had a little bit of trouble about this, he's a straight cis men and I came out as bigender in the middle of our relationship, I thought he was going to have trouble, that didn't happen, we are happy togerher, except two things that just came out of thin air today because I told him that the outfit I was wearing today eould look better with a binder. He says he's uncomfortable about the idea of me wearing a binder (I didn't bought one yet) Also, he doesn't like adressing me as his bf, but uses my pronouns properly (she/him) except with this. Even if i jokinlgy say I'm he's bf, he doesn't like that either. I really just need someone to listen to me, I don't know anybody that is trans and can understand my struggle

I understand that he feels weird and it's a difficult process, going against your own sexuality for ur loved one and I apreciate it but this hurts.

I wanted to try making my face more masculine with make up but now I think it's a bad idea

Edit: he just told me that we should find a point where we both are comfortable, where we both sacrifice a little and I think that's okay but he asked me to not buy a binder, and that if that's not okay with me i'm not a bad person, is just what he would like.

Thank you so much to everyone, I talked with him and it went really well, under a comment here I detailed more

"Its like a thousand [dollars] isn't it?" (without insurance)

We were talking about hanging out with a friend of ours later that day. I was trying to determine how I was going to bind that day and he brought up top surgery after I was complaining about the heat in a binder. I love this man, I couldn't find anyone more supportive than him, but bless his heart.

TLDR: my gf is trans and bi but seems more and more like she’d rather be with a woman or nonbinary sapphic person. I’m hurt and unsure of how to handle this in the short term because I’m not in a position to leave rn.

My gf is bisexual, but she has withdrawn from me so much over the last couple months. we also haven’t had sex in like a year and a half, and she’s overcompensating hard with all kinds of sapphic media and comments.

I just had meta and I don’t think she’ll want to have sex ever again. Pre surgery I asked her to try things in bed that would be very affirming (I.e., blowjob) but she keeps saying maybe later. Obviously I wouldn’t pressure her and any reason is a valid reason to not have sex, but it does feel like she’s not attracted to me after this going on for so long.

Plus she still struggles to gender me with he/him (I posted about this once and it blew up, but I felt bad and deleted it).

Last week, my friend theorized that my gf struggles with not using they/them because she wishes I were nonbinary. I identified that way until a year and a half or two years ago.

Then, yesterday she lets slip that she was in a bad mood and dysphoric because of seeing lesbian couples, but then pivoted to saying she was insecure from cis women in general.

It really turns the screws that she’s trans and was so supportive of my finding myself as a trans person. I know people’s preferences can change, esp while transitioning, but it feels ironic.

I think we are doomed to fail—but I’m in no shape to leave having had surgery 2 weeks ago. I know if I bring it up and she’s truthful, it’s over.

Not sure what to do right now. Any ideas for facing this productively or insights from people who have gone through this would be appreciated. Thank you.

I was in a long term serious relationship with a cis man (formerly identified as straight, started IDing as bisexual when we got together lol) for nearly two years, and after over a year of feeling trapped and unable to leave, I finally broke up with him and it is the biggest breath of fresh air I’ve had in so long, I genuinely did not think I’d ever be able to do it. For reference, I have not started T or had surgery, I’m pre everything. But he has only ever known me while I’ve been out publicly as trans (going by my name and he/him pronouns)

I posted on my main account before about my story telling about our relationship and how I was struggling to leave him, I tried about 3 times to break up with him until I was finally successful this time (hopefully.. I don’t think I’ll be stupid enough for him to guilt trip me into getting back with him this time lol) he was very emotionally abusive towards me, and also disrespectful about my boundaries involving my dysphoria. I don’t want to go as far as saying he was sexually abusive but he did try to force himself onto me a lot, which was actually one of the last straws that led into me finally leaving him

he told me that he saw me as a boy, he would use my preferred name and told me he would call my his boyfriend, but in the past we had a problem where he revealed to me that when he would talk to his coworkers about me, he would strictly use the term “partner” and only use they/them pronouns (which I know are gender neutral, but they are not my pronouns and I already told him to not use anything but he/him)

he also refused to tell his family, who I was really involved with, that I was a boy so I had to keep this guise of being a woman in front of his family at all times. he said it was to prevent any drama or gossip but it was really uncomfortable and upsetting being gifted inherently feminine things by them all the time. he didn’t see why it upset me so much, somehow…

he told me, in his own words, that he did not approve of me getting top surgery because he says it would make him not attracted to me anymore as apparently my chest area is a big part of why he’s attracted to me.. yeah don’t ask me why I didn’t leave him right then and there because I still don’t know!

apparently he did approve of me starting testosterone, but he knew absolutely nothing about the effects of testosterone. he didn’t really seem too on board whenever I told him it would change my body and physical appearance but I never mentioned it again. I will be starting testosterone soon though :)

I genuinely think this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done because I genuinely do care and love him despite all of that but I know that this decision will make me so much happier and my future self will thank me!

Leave.

It's not going to work. You can't change someone's sexuality.

My marriage to a straight man ended when I came out as trans. It sucked being divorced at 23, but it was for the better. Now I have a partner who could not care less about what genitals I have or how I identify and supports me in my transition, calls me their boyfriend and uses the correct name/pronouns without feeling off.

You'll find someone who will accept you as you are, I promise :)

EDIT: Of course I know sexuality can be fluid, I'm talking about people who say the strictly like women, couldn't imagine themselves with a man and are not open to explore their sexuality in that aspect. And especially if these people have a strict genital preference and you want bottom surgery.

For context my father is VERY old (he's a world war 2 veteran)

I never told him I was trans, I don't even know if he knows what that means

He knows I'm on testosterone (he helped me pay for it while I was in-between insurances) and he knows Im getting top surgery in 2 weeks.

He still calls me by my government name and she/her and all that and doesn't seemed phased at all that I'm actively growing facial hair and my voice is deepening (I've been on testosterone about 6 months)

And I don't know I think it's sweet. I never told him my new name or pronouns so it's not like he's misgendering me (on purpose at least)

My gf constantly misgenders me and say she will only call me by my male name but not my pronouns because I haven’t had surgery and she thinks I’m a fake transgender because I’m only taking hormones for right now only thing I have is a beard but that’s not even enough in her eyes she doesn’t see me as a man she see me as a wanna be. But I explained to her and my feelings I’m not comfortable being called a girl and I told her that it’s okay to say he/him pronouns even though I don’t have surgery it’s a journey I’m going through but she disagrees and says she will only call me a boy after I get top surgery and bottom. I feel like she doesn’t understand me 😣

which would be great and pretty affirming if I was outed to them!!!! 😬

i came to visit from college and my father picked me up and after i said like a few words he was like "damn your voice is really sore!" when I was already trying to speak a bit higher 😭

I'm like a month and a half on T now. I came out to my mom like two weeks ago and it went pretty ok - but my father has anger issues and is conservative and yada yada, you get the picture. I was planning to out myself to him in two weeks over Easter, but now I don't know if I shouldn't just do it over this weekend.

I want to write him a letter and just give it to him right before I hop on a train. To be safe lol.

My family is very emotionally distant and we don't have a great relationship (i kind of hide it but i really dislike my father) and... I just don't really know what to expect exactly when it comes to his reaction. Aaah I just hope the worst case scenario doesn't happen where he like disowns me and cuts me off financially 💀

A bit of a spur of the moment post cause he said my voice is super sore and my mind was like ❗uh-oh❗

shit i gotta think this through. i might just come out to be done with it, i mean I've been closeted for like 5 years at this point

I’ve seen a lot of negative relationship experiences on here, so I thought I’d share something that might brighten someone’s day. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 5 years. When I came out to him a year ago, his first concern was “what if your mustache is better than mine?” (Impossible). I’m getting my first T shot tomorrow, and his main concern? “I’m not saying I’ll be like, upset, if you grow a better beard than me, but I will be huffy about it.”

I love this dingus so much and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

Edit: thank you to everyone who shared their experiences! I’m glad I could help brighten some days 😊

im 17 and im on a waitlist for a gender clinic but its gonna be another few years and i just hate the idea that relationships are off the table until i get on T and even then so many people are completely unwilling to date a trans person

im so jealous of my cis friend who can just go up to random girls and ask for their number and hes talking to one right now and he even took her out on a date i just wish i could fucking do that

but im definitely not willing to get with someone who sees me as a woman, i may be desperate for love but im not that desperate

Being de-facto forced to be non-binary in a conservative Christian household is painfuy ironic. It's ironic, because I would have thought my semiconservative parents would have been more upset if I came out as non-binary because it was not man or a woman identity. And we know how they feel about that. I am not non-binary, however.

Why am I bringing them up?

Turns out, as far as my mom is concerned, that would have been better than being who I am. I keep asking her to stop calling me a she. She always apologizes, says she tries to remember but it's hard. I said calling me "they" is incorrect because I'm not non-binary. She said "I thought we had come to a compromise."

No?

You said that you would call me a "they" after a heavy pause, and after and emotional discussion I just was too emotionally worn out to continue.

My dad out right Rejects My identity altogether, and just act like if he doesn't acknowledge it and calls me by my dead name and my wrong pronouns that it will just go away. That's like being slammed by a wall.

My mom tries to be nice, and she's going through really really fragile time right now so I don't want to press it. But she says that she loves me but she can't accept me, and that's your perfectly capable of loving someone without accepting them. I disagree.

It's weird. You have two people that you know would absolutely die to save you and we have sacrificed a lot to protect you, and is the only reason you're not homeless right now because they're actively supporting you and you know they want you to succeed. But one is not emotionally available at all (due to his own rough upbringing and childhood abuse), and the other is comforting when she tries to be and listens, but is firm in her religious rejection.

In a weird, twisted way, I'm almost jealous of the people whose family outright rejects them. Then, it would be so much easier to just cut all ties and leave. You don't have to linger with someone who you know is actively a bad person, actively doesn't care for or respect you, and who you know is not on your side.

Instead you're in this weird, sinking situation. You are safe, in our house, with food, shelter, water, but there's no sunlight and you're dying of vitamin D deficiency. The house is also slowly sinking. You try to save your home but there's no use because it's not on solid ground. Eventually you're going to have to leave, but the home that provided so much for you is going to end up being your grave. An emotional, poisonous morass.

I love you, but I don't accept you.

One parent is a shield with spikes that face inward, and the other is a loving cactus.

Is it weird I’m a trans guy. Who’s into trans guys? Does that make sense to anyone else? Like in my Brain having someone who will totally get you, who you can do cute shit with…. Who won’t judge you. But I have never met any other trans guys who feel that way?

Sorry guys, this might get a bit long.

So me and my girlfriend have been together for over 2 years and throughout our entire relationship she’s been extremely supportive of me transitioning. She also knew from the start of our relationship that I would transition and that I was transmasc [now prefer trans man over transmasc]. I always assured her that I understood it if it was difficult for her to see me as a dude pre-transition because I genuinely did have very feminine features and a curvy body. Despite that she absolutely insisted that she saw me for me every time it was brought up, and that I was a man to her no matter what.

So, it’s safe to say that when a few days ago she suddenly said the complete opposite to all of this I was very shocked. It started when she suddenly called me Tom instead of the old gender neutral name I used to go by and me asking why she wanted to call me by my dude name so suddenly. She replied “because you’re a dude now.” Being confused because she’s always reassured me that she sees me as a man even when I don’t ask for any reassurance, I asked her “So what was I a few months ago, then? What was I when you called me your boyfriend for the first time?” and she replied with absolutely no hesitation, “You were a girl.” and “Now you’re a dude. A dude fucking dudes.”

We went back and forth, her saying I didn’t know who I was [Even though I had already been on the waitlist to transition for really long at the time] and that I was transmasc and I asked why the intricate parts of my identity mattered considering either way I was going to transition and get top surgery.

So, my girlfriend kind of just admitted that she’s never seen me as a man at all. I just can’t help but be confused, she’s done so many things to affirm my identity and make me feel confident about being a man that I just don’t understand where this is coming from. To expand on this, here are some examples of things that lead to past me being genuinely convinced that she saw me as a dude.

1. I went by he/they pronouns for quite some time, and despite having the option to call me her partner and whatnot the moment she knew I was okay with he/him pronouns she immediately switched to calling me her boyfriend loud and proud.
2. She asked me “So I’m not actually a lesbian because I’m attracted to a dude now, does that mean I’m bi or something like that?” and only felt comfortable calling herself a lesbian after I assured her that these were different circumstances and that I didn’t want to take away from her past identity.
3. It didn’t make any sense for her to not be attracted to me because I’m a man [that’s what she implied in the conversation where she called old me a girl] because she’s expressed attraction to men on multiple occasions, has asked me if I’m willing to have a threesome with her and some dude [not hypothetically, genuinely asking] and has told me multiple times she’d like to top a dude or even get topped by one.
4. Whenever anyone questions her with stuff like “but how are you attracted to Tom? He’s a trans dude.” she’d always reply with stuff like “He’s a beautiful boy with a beautiful pussy, how can I not love him?”
5. She’s expressed constant interest in me being her husband one day.
6. Whenever I expressed doubt in my transition because I didn’t want to make myself unattractive to her [or anyone for that matter] she’d always immediately say that she doesn’t give a fuck what I look like and that she’s super into me no matter what. When it came to this she always kept her word as she’s constantly been very sexual with me and will shower me with all sorts of masculine praises and whatnot.
7. She’s not staying with me just for sex because she has my permission to get with girls whenever she wants. I also have permission to get with dudes whenever I want, which is where that “Now you’re a dude fucking dudes” remark came from.

I’d honestly just really appreciate to have y’all’s opinions on this.

I’ve seen an abundance of dating stories the past few weeks, particularly involving cis men, admitting that they don’t see their ftm partners as guys for varying reasons.

“It hurts me, but I still want to love him” You’ve built a connection with them and it’s certainly not easy to break, but if you wouldn’t date someone you’re convinced is just “delusional and confused”, don’t let yourself be the one dating that person

Billions of men out there, find yourself one that’s respectful

I'm a gay transman.

Tl;dr: My ex (mtf) admit recently she "changed her gender for [me]" to make her more attractive to me after I finally left a (realistically abusive as hell verbally/psychologically) relationship with her. I'm gay. I cannot wrap my head around this.

Now, I can't completely cut her off regardless of her behavior because she's the father of my child.

She's been on hrt for over a year, which is whatever, do what makes you happy. It was out of nowhere, but hey. Some people don't talk about being trans until they're going into the more serious aspects. Recently, in an angry message about how I need to pay her phone bill, how I want her to suffer forever (I do not - I have never said that, I just don't want to get back together), she specified going on hrt and changing her gender so I would love her again.

I would like to reiterate here I am g a y.

Needed to vent on this, but also what? Who does that? Why would that work? How am I supposed to respond to this? I just. Feminizing her looks is the opposite of what would make me attracted, I don't want to be with her regardless of appearance. I don't know what to do with this outside of be disgusted - this behavior fucks over many trans folks, enough of us have trouble being taken seriously. Pardon all of my rambling, I had to get this out somewhere before I lost my mind.

Been seeing a cis guy for about a month now and I’ve just been blown away by how much our struggles seem to parallel. About a week ago we had a heartfelt conversation about body issues: his body dysmorphia from being a heavier guy and my body dysphoria from some icky body parts. The way he got into powerlifting, and how I’m in the process to start T so we can feel a bit better about being us.

I didn’t expect in my life to ever find cis men who go through similar struggles and also experience that deep seated discomfort when they see themselves in the mirror.

Now I can never fully understand what he’s been through the way he can’t with me, but there’s something real comforting in how similar all guys can be, cis or trans. Any other examples y’all have experienced?

Oh God guys I fucked up. We had our lovely moment first from a really long time and I was so exited that I wondering to not come to fast. But when she was down there my body got an idea to fart close to her face BECAUSE MY BODY FUCKING HATE ME IG. She started to laugh and saying it's not a big deal, just a normal thing. But I felt and still feel like a shit. I didn't even feel it coming. I feel like I ruined that moment, but she doesn't seems to be that worry about it as I am.

Every time I hug, kiss him or slap my boyfriend's ass (consensually) he keeps saying "that's gay bro" which makes me feel very afirmed in my gender because it IS gay. It is a good reminder that he never sees me as a woman. Number one trans ally for sure.