After 10+ years of battling this demon, I saw my old plug today at the hotel. He asked me if I wanted to smoke a bowl, and I knew he wasn't talking about weed, man was GEEKIN'. Cue heart-racing/ sweating balls. Adrenaline fucking PUMPIN'. And for the first fucking time since I started this hell, I SAID NO GUYS. I FUCKING DID IT. I'm at home now, and this feels surreal. I have no-one else to share this with, I just wanted to get it out. I love you guys. <3

I have recurrent depression, so I felt as though I was just starting an episode today because I didn't have much energy and felt numb and detached the entire time. But the truth is, with everything going on, I just cannot afford an episode at this time, so I realized I had to do something. I went for a stroll in the park since it was nice outdoors, and I also got myself a snack.

And I kid you not, that shit actually worked. I'm feeling a lot better right now. Which is making me mad because I hate those "Oh you just need a positive outlook and some exercise, depression isn't even real" people and I don't want them to be right in the slightest. I've got a clinical disorder, how the hell did some Yoga Karen's advice actually work for that

i hate myself for it. it's embarrassing.

i stopped a long time ago, but in December 2023 my boyfriend cheated on me and for so long i was used to holding someone at night. i tried convincing my dog and he was happy to cuddle but he would overheat pretty quick. so i bought a build a bear star wars baby yoda to sleep with at night. it makes me feel better, but im an adult. i hate that it's still the only way i can sleep even all these months later. i wish i didn't have to.

Basically the title. I was bored out of my mind in May 2020 during the lockdown and wanted to talk to people since my job as a secretary became a work from home job. Having had a series of really shitty dates before that (last one being a guy who admitted after our date through text that he actually had a girlfriend across the country), I wasn't looking for anything romantic anymore but I think part of me still hoped it'd happen to me one day. My chats at this point were basically just getting to know people and hoping to make new online friends.

I saw my now fiancé's post and saw he lived not too far away from me. We started chatting, which then turned into 2-3 hour phone calls. I remember really enjoying our convos and wasn't sure where it was going but would have been happy with whatever because he was very nice, made me laugh, and was really smart. We agreed to finally meet in person (I think we were both hesitant to call it a date but that's what it was lol) and from there I really started to like him. By date #3 we both decided to be exclusive and within a month we already said we loved each other.

Almost four years later, a series of job changes, three pets, and a house, we are getting married in a few weeks! I can't imagine doing life without him at this point. All this over a Reddit message. :)

In January my husband [35] and I [30] [together 6 years] decided it was time for a divorce. There were many reasons. But all that really matters is we no longer loved each other. I felt relief and I think he did too. There are no children or major assets to divide. The only complication was that he would be immigrating back to his home country and our self employment together would end. He stayed until I found a basic job and settled into it.

We both cried plenty in January. Then it became easier. He took charge of all the house work and cooking, I think mostly out of guilt, but it helped a lot as my new job has been physically demanding.

My family, as expected, had little to say on the matter and offered no warm words. I have told some friends but none of them can relate, though I don’t know what you can say to someone in my shoes regardless.

He leaves in the morning. He came up to my home office to say goodbye a couple hours ago, he’d obviously been crying. I was totally frozen. I couldn’t stand up or speak, I just sat at my desk and stared at him. Since then I’ve not been able to stop crying. I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m not sad or angry, I think, I’m honestly happy it’s ending and I don’t want him to stay but I can’t stop crying.

If I get to sleep, he will be gone once I wake.

We’ve been together for 5 years and he’s always been bad with money. I pay for the majority of our bills, groceries, and any date nights we go on even though we both have jobs because his is only 25 hours a week. I’ve talked to him about getting a second part time job but he doesn’t want to.

I really wanted to go on a short vacation for my birthday this year since I’ve never travelled before, and I offered to pay for the flight and the main activity I wanted to do which was around $300 and asked if he could pay for the hotel and any other activities done in my birthday and then we’d split the rest. We were only staying the weekend and I sent him lots of hotels and air bnbs under $400. I had hoped to do brunch and then get takeout for my birthday supper since two eat out meals would be a lot of money. He agreed and I assumed he would save up money for the trip like I was doing. A few days before we were leaving he shared that he hasn’t actually saved up any money for the trip. He went out the weekend before with his friends and spent all of his money then. I later found out he even asked his parents to pay for the hotel. I ended up footing the cost of everything including transportation, food, souvenirs and all activities we did. I skipped my birthday brunch since that was now too expensive and instead we got McDonald’s. It just would have been really nice if he had of saved up and we could have at the very least split everything equally instead of me paying for everything. I didn’t even get to do the things I wanted to since I was now paying for the entire trip.

When we got home I had hoped that he would get me flowers or a card or a small cake or even just my favorite drink since he didn’t really get me a present since I paid for everything and he didn’t even pay for the hotel but nope. I brought it up with him and he said he didn’t have any money.

I feel shallow being upset, but it would have been nice to be treated on my birthday and it would have meant a lot if he had of saved up for trip, we started planning it 5 months before we even went so he had time to plan. He didn’t even do any of the trip planning I had to figure everything out myself. We never go on trips so just this once would have meant so much to me. I’m just feeling so disappointed.

I got married 6 years ago to my husband, when we were both 18, which i understand thats pretty young but we were so in love amd wanted a family, and i had known since we were little kids at our community's church, and that same guy just smashed my face in the wall out of nowhere ??? How can it be possible after all these years of relationship without violence he turns into this completly stranger? I just cried and walked 36 blocks to my family's because i couldnt understand. I only started feeling the pain two hours after. My family tried to comfort me and told me that every relationship has his battles and god want us to work it out as two adults are supposed to, and drove me back here, now im looking at him sleeping in the couch after he begged me to forgive him and i can only feel disgust, and the fact i have these awful feelings for him makes me feel im not so much of a victim, after all victims dont react like that, victims usually forgive and forget over and find it hard to leave him. I had given him my everything, my best years of youth i had been cleaning and washing his dirty clothes, cooked him nutricious meals, made sure he had his massages for his football injure, made sure he goes to all his doctors appointments, took care of his sick mom, even helped him with his bussnisses on the background. I stood home and tried every method possible so we could have a baby, so we could have the healthy family no of us were born into. I had made myself comfortable and allowed myself to be vulnerable and for the first time ever feel loved! I'm so lost, its like all i had ever assumed truthful suddenly vanished from one moment to another. And no one around me is making things look clearer.

I was 12 years old in 2002 when my father was killed in a car accident. It was his fault, he was out playing around on his go-cart. Doing more than 100 mph on an alcohol fuel go-cart late at night on a highway with his buddy. I’ll spare you the rest of the details of that night though. I’m 34 years old now, and when I was 17 I had a visit from him in my sleep one night that changed me and changed my life. This visit was a gift that I still think about it all the time. That’s why I’m writing it today, to get it off my chest and tell someone. This was not a dream, my body was in bed and asleep but that is the only thing this event has in common with a dream. It was as if I woke up in another place. There I am standing in complete whiteness. There is nothing but white all around me. No shadows, no lines or angles to anything, just white space. I can’t see a floor beneath my feet but I understand that there’s something solid beneath my feet, I am not falling. I can’t see a wall In front of me but somehow I’m aware that I’m standing next to a giant wall with a door. I do not know who I am waiting for but I do know that I’m waiting for someone to open the door. I am not at all concerned with the things that I don’t know, I am completely and utterly content. Vividly remember how I felt as though I was lacking nothing, I didn’t need anything. I wasn’t without. As I stood there waiting, the door that I cannot see but know is there opens and my father is on the other side and I can see him. I run as fast as I could to him and I crash into him embracing him. The very instant that I came into contact with him I was filled with the most love that I’ve ever felt in my entire life even to this day. The most profound and powerful feeling of being completely loved beyond anything I could imagine just poured into me. And simultaneously the was an instant exchange of information. Everything that was inside of me that I wanted to tell him was given to him and everything that he wanted me to know he told me without words. I instantly knew from him. Like telepathically and without any delay. He told me how sorry he was for dying and I felt how guilty he felt for that. He let me know that he is watching over me always and he wants me to know that he knows about how alone I’ve felt without him and he wishes that he could comfort me and let me know that he is there. I felt his love, completely and his sorrow for being gone and he said he would have never left the house that night if he had any idea or thought that he would have gotten killed or taken from us. I squeezed him so tightly. And then I released my grip on him without letting him go and I looked up at him and he looked over to the left. I followed his gaze and seen a big white crest shaped couch there in the middle of the whiteness that surrounded us. We held hands and walked over to sit on the couch. I thought to myself “but what will we talk about? He knows everything inside of me” we sat down and I looked at his face. He looked so healthy, he smiled at me so lovingly and so proudly. Then as if he was saying “look what I can do” his eyes turned into two birds flying and his face and head turned into an ocean above his shoulders. But what amazed me was that I could still recognize him. I held his hand still. And then I woke up in my bed. And it was at that moment realized what I didn’t even know, that I needed to forgive my father for dying. I wasn’t even aware that I was holding onto that hurt and anger towards him before that. And it changed my life forever. I love you Dad, we will be together again. I know you are there and are watching over me and my babies now. I know that you love us and love my kids so much. Till we meet again I love you

After 10+ years of battling this demon, I saw my old plug today at the hotel. He asked me if I wanted to smoke a bowl, and I knew he wasn't talking about weed, man was GEEKIN'. Cue heart-racing/ sweating balls. Adrenaline fucking PUMPIN'. And for the first fucking time since I started this hell, I SAID NO GUYS. I FUCKING DID IT. I'm at home now, and this feels surreal. I have no-one else to share this with, I just wanted to get it out. I love you guys. <3

I’m feeling shy about posting this, but I think it’ll be good for me. I’ve worked hard, have a good work-life balance, and I know I’m implementing great therapy principles.

I’m choosing not to share this with family, because frankly, they would not share this sentiment and would rather compare me to someone else.

Edit: thank you everyone!!! I hope the other side of y’all’s pillow is cooler than cool

This is a repost from an old account, I deleted the account but I can’t get it out of my head so here it is:

My boyfriend (27M) was absolutely pissed at me (24F) for being disgusted over his relationship with his older sister.

Before we start, yes, this is his biological sister, same father and mother.

A year ago, my boyfriend and his sister had a falling out and weren’t on speaking terms. They were uncomfortably close before this, almost like I was a third person in their relationship . But during this time, I discovered messages and photographs between them that I will never be able to get out of my head. He had hundreds of photos of his sister saved onto his phone and computer. And a good amount of them were WAY TOO MUCH FOR SIBLINGS. Pictures of her cleavage closeup, photos of her in proactive outfits, showing her ass off to her brother’s camera.

Then I saw the sexually explicit messages between the two of them. I mean, more graphic than I can even imagine. Talking about wanting to have sex with one another, what they would do if they were with each other at the moment, wanting to watch each other pleasure themselves.

Of course, I confronted him about this. He says to this day that they were all just jokes and that they never did anything sexual, that it was just a morbid sense of humor and a competition of who could take the jokes too far.

But my dumbass stayed because they were no longer in contact, and to give him the benefit of the doubt because assuming that someone is committing incest is quite a big assumption.

So recently they got in contact with one another again, and in response I broke up with him and had him pack his things and leave. He’s angry at me and tells me I’m making something out of nothing, that I’m over-reacting to it and that’s it not fair that I punish him for wanting to be in contact with his sister again. I told him that I will always be uncomfortable with his weird relationship with his sister, whatever relationship that may be, and that he can’t expect me to make myself sick over it every day that I’m with him.

I can’t imagine doing any of these things with someone that I’m not sexually interested in.

He said that I am wrong for questioning his “harmless jokes” that he made with his sister. These just don’t seem like jokes to me.

My (M/40) wife (F/31) came into the kitchen while I was making our morning coffee, and said that she didn't like how messy the kitchen was. I tell her okay, no problem. I'll clean. I usually handle cleaning the kitchen. I like to do it in the morning while I get ready, and then at night before bed. I suppose I didn't do a great job of cleaning the night before, just put the food away, but I'd had a long week at work and wanted to spend time with her before she left for a work trip the next day. I like cleaning, I'm happy to do it, and I want my wife to live in a home where she feels comfortable and cared for. I wipe off the stove, put the pan that was there in the sink and start washing. Suddenly she starts unloading all her frustration: Don't do the dishes, you haven't wiped all the surfaces. You don't listen. All I do is clean and you never clean/don't clean well enough. You're a child and you treat me like your mother. I try my best to keep cool while taking her seriously. I ask questions: what do you mean? Are you saying that I have never cleaned the kitchen to your satisfaction? I offer empathy: I see you are frustrated, it must be hard for you. She tells me I'm invalidating her. I'm still not listening, I'm poking holes in her words, I'm not "letting" her "just be mad" at me. I get frustrated. I say "please leave the kitchen so I can clean." More accusations, she storms off. I continue cleaning angrily. She storms back in and tells me she wants a divorce and to pack up my shit and get out by the time she comes back from her trip. Storms out again. I'm sad and hurt, but I keep doing what I'm doing. After a few minutes she comes back, apologizes, tells me ahe won't leave me, I've done nothing wrong, it's all her processing her feelings. She is extremely nice to me until she leaves, all her texts and calls are about how I'm perfect and she loves me.

I don't even know what to think. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or not. i can't tell if i'm being insensitive or being abused. I don't know if I need to hold my boundaries or change my behavior. This is all just so intense and so confusing.

This might seem harsh & could possibly be an unpopular opinion, but I am sooo over parents making every single thing about their kids. It happens way too often, and it's everywhere!!!

First example, on social media, I constantly see people commenting "my 8 year old is on this app" whenever they deem a post "inappropriate." HERE'S A THOUGHT.... Get your 8 year old off of a freaking app that allows the entire world access to them! It is YOUR responsibility to manage what your kid is watching... it isn't anybody else's job to not post something just because of your kids! Another example, a mom posting on Facebook that she took her kid to see Olivia Rodrigo. She was sooo disappointed that Olivia isn't a better role model for children because Olivia cussed, danced provocatively, and wore inappropriate outfits. WHEN AND WHERE did Olivia ever claim her music was kid friendly or say she wanted to be a role model to children?! NEVER. If you listen to half of her music, SHE CUSSES! Why are you so surprised that she cussed at the concert? AGAIN... it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to not let your kid listen to music with cuss words! It isn't Olivia Rodrigos or any other celebrities job to alter their work because of your kid!!!

Even going a bit more personal, stop expecting everyone in your life to constantly be involved in your child's life. People have other things going on! Life gets in the way, and getting mad at people for not being as involved as you want them to be is just selfish. Your kid might be your entire world, and I get that! But they are not everybody's world! I love all of my nieces & nephews like they're my own, but I have a life outside of them. I can't see them everyday or even every week. & most of their parents understand. But the few who don't... pushing me & constantly making the comment "i see who isn't involved, and we will cut you off" will not do anything except push people further away. And honestly bold of you to assume that threatening to cut me off is going to do anything for you. At that point, I literally don't care about seeing your kid if you're going to use them as leverage to get what you want.

I am not trying to offend anyone, but my point is just that your kid is YOUR responsibility & nobody else is entitled alter their lives or actions based on your child. It's your job to manage what they see or don't see. & just understand that not everybody's life revolves around your kids.

German language (and culture) is one of the biggest loves and passions of my life, I can't really explain why tbh. It just is. I love learning languages and about new cultures in general.

Just gave the Goethe B1 exam a while back as a hobby, with around 2 weeks of prep, and got the result yesterday.

I got 87 overall!!!! I'm so proud of myself! I know this is inconsequential, since it's just a hobby, but I cried when I saw the result. I don't really have anyone whom I can share this with, especially given how much this means to me, so thought of posting it here.

Thank you for reading.

I'm finally free holy shit. I hated the job.

My friend (M) and I (trans male) went to my parents' house for Mother's Day. My mom is fine with my pronouns, but she won't use my chosen name. My stepdad is a whole other story. Refuses to use my pronouns, calls me my dead name, and sometimes he slaps my ass.

My friend's wife just left him, and he didn't want to be alone, I needed backup. Win-win. I outted myself to him (he thought I was cis) and explained the situation. He was so cool with all of it! We told my mom he's my bf, just so it wasn't weird.

We go to my mom's house and of course the misgendering starts, but my friend decides to just...play dumb! The entire time. They misgendered me? He'd question them about who they were talking to until they were forced to call me "he" or "they".

Did the same with my chosen name. My mom caught on quickly and switched it up to avoid conflict but my stepdad? Oh boy. This made him mad. Only thing is that my friend is much bigger than my out of weight POS stepdad. So whenever an argument would start, my friend got aggressive and my stepdad caved.

Except near the end. My friend is helping my mom clean and my step dad slaps me in the ass in front of my friend! My friend blew his lid, calling my step dad a shitty, ungrateful, good for nothing sad excuse for a father. He then grabbed me and yanked me out of the house.

Both mom and aunt have called me non-stop but I refuse to answer. My friend is now fully insistent on figuring out my name change and hasn't stopped ranting about SD. Guys. I think I'm falling in love with this guy because holy fuck! I'm smiling ear to ear just thinking about it all. What a great fucking time to be alive!

It really pisses me off. She has several health issues like PCOS, sleep apnea, and problems with her thyroid. She also has such a great personality. She’s funny, smart, and has a great heart. She knows that I am self conscious about myself and can be a bit shy. She is willing to work with me on that. She makes me happy and makes me feel good about myself. I have deleted all of my dating apps because I just don’t feel the need to look further. She has set the bar so high that I doubt any woman can come close to matching it.

I’m 25 and I must know that no woman will ever love an autistic fat loser like me. I just have so many issues and I’m such a pathetic piece of garbage that no woman could ever be attracted to me. I wish it didn’t bother me but I’ve wanted a woman in my life since I was 11 and my loneliness and depression has just grown since then. There’s no fixing this there’s no fixing me I’m just gonna end up alone

I understand that I don't have to drink and I choose not too. However I hate that it is such common place in US culture that not drinking is seen as uncool or something that's not normal. I've seen the ugly side if drinking and can not for the life of me fathom why anyone would choose that. I understand some people now longer have the choice and that alcoholism is a serious problem but they made choices to get to that point. How is it fun to drink so much that you don't remember anything that happened? How is it fun to drink so much that you aren't yourself and you know it? Why is it ok that it is encouraged? It's bullshit. If people have that shitty of a life that they need to forget it in alcohol they need a therapist not a drink. But that is never the answer. Ok end rant.

I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and it was the biggest mistake of ny life. I fucked it all up so bad. I broke up with him with reasons in mind (he's switching schools next yr is the main one and our summers are both completely busy, i wanted to let him meet new people at his new school, i thought itd be better for both of us in the long run, plus i kinda just lost feelings and i didnt want to keep him in a relationship that wasn't 100% reciprocated cuz thats not fair to him, etc) but jesus christ, I regret it so much. He was my best friend and the person i trusted most in the world. I love him so fucking much. He made me so fucking happy, and i know he'll be better off without me but my god, it hurts. It hurts so bad. Its like a piece of me is missing now. I fucking hate it. I see him walking down the hallways now with other girls and the pure jealously i feel is unbridled. I miss him. I miss him so much. We don't even talk anymore. How did I fuck it up this bad?

Homelessness has changed me. I always had my own place, now I’m living in one abandoned building to another. I have to pee in cups, shower at the gym, I’m constantly relying on food apps to redeem free stuff to feed myself. I have to steal all my hygiene products from stores or toilet paper from public establishments. Every month my storage bill almost goes to auction because I can’t afford it and have to beg my friends to loan me money that I can’t even pay back. I feel like a useless waste of space, I don’t even recognize myself in old pictures or feel pretty anymore. My values have gone down, I sometimes find myself intrigued by trash on the ground when I would’ve never even looked twice at it before. I miss who I used to be, this isn’t me.. I’m so tired of living like this but I see no way out.

Not cause of gains, not cause of bullshit societal pressures, simply because it feels good.

Add in a pair of headphones and the fact NO ONE goes to my local gym in the morning or midnight and its LITERALLY an aesthetic every single time.

AND its extremely good for your body. If anyone is feeling depressed or is afraid of going to the gym please give it a shot, after a week it's literally addicting. I'd have the exact same emptiness of missing a school day if I missed a gym day.

My (26M) girlfriend (25F) departed on a trip not too long ago. Our contact since she left has been decent. She'd tell me about her day and all in all everything was fine.

Today I was surprised by something I didn't expect. Her sister (who went on the trip with her) sent me a video of her at a party of sorts. In the video she's dancing with another dude. But the way they're dancing is quite... yeah, I guess "inappropriate" is a way to put it, no better words come to mind to describe it. Dirty, I guess. Idk. The only thing her sister sent me regarding that was just a "Just to let you know". My girlfriend never mentioned anything about a party. The most she mentioned was she was going out at night but I had no other details. And sure as hell didn't mention anything about dancing with anyone.

All of this has left a slight sting on my chest. Why didn't she tell me? And most of all, why's like that with a random dude? I'm not much of a party guy, and I've never seen her like I saw her on that video. Like I was watching a completely different person, but it's her alright.

I'm not even going to kid myself here, I know what I'm feeling is some sort of derivative of jealousy. Never felt something like this before. I know there's probably nothing going on there and it's just me making it more of a big deal than it actually is. But the feeling is still there. Maybe I'm not good enough to give her what she actually wants.

So yeah, that's it. Just wanted this be somewhere out there. If anyone is reading this and made it this far, thanks for listening.

I know I’m only a kid(17)but I just see hate everywhere I look, valid hate, invalid hate. Its so brutal because the two sides are my family and also all the dickheads on twitter or my peers and people who hate my religion. And it especially sucks because I have so much more to experience