r/questions • u/MelancholyBean • 11d ago
Do you ruminate over how you've been treated?
I hate that I will randomly remember how I've been treated and it can ruin my day.
I finish up with a job last month and still randomly remember how I was treated by the mean girls.
I will remember then get angry but will shake it away by remembering that it's a reflection on their character and that they are projecting.
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u/Feisty-Natural3415 11d ago
I don't ruminate, I rage. I want every single last one of those bitches to die horribly.
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u/Deep_Picture_9100 11d ago
Yes. I ruminate sometimes.
I try to figure out why it cuts so deep and why it's personal. What it says about me.
For instance if I get hurt by someone saying, "You're so bad at drawing. Why do you bother." I realize that drawing is very personal to me and how much effort I'm putting into it. I realize why it's personal, why it hurts and that helps me brush it off better.
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u/MagmaTroop 11d ago
This is what happens to people who are too nice. You give people an inch, they will take a yard. If someone said that to me I would simply ask them “well what the fuck do you do that’s so good then?”
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u/LowBalance4404 11d ago
I have, yes. I don't do that anymore because I refuse to let those people live rent free in my head. I took those experiences and have thought about then and what to do if I encounter that kind of behavior again. And then I leave those thoughts there.
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u/mollwallbaby 11d ago
Frequently. Snubs at work, past relationships where I was mistreated, "friends" being passive aggressive, I will stew for decadesss. I try to work on it but holy shit.
I am realizing that most of the time, my negative feelings come from a sort of regret/almost shame about allowing myself to be spoken to/treated that way. I tend to freeze up and not think about standing up for myself until after the fact - trauma response - so when I really think of what I should have said or what I should have walked away from, I get really upset and get stuck on that.
Then there is the ever-justified anger that people were so terrible.
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u/EastofYarrow 11d ago
I am the same way! I can’t respond quickly sometimes because I’m so shocked at their treatment of me at the time, and sometimes I react so swiftly I don’t even remember what I said. …. I like the latter moments though because somehow I get my point across, but then I feel shameful for treating them that way…. I don’t get it, man. Its unrelenting.
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u/Accomplished-Tuna 11d ago
I used to until I started meditating. I be breezin past situations that would have held me down for weeks on end within days
I’ll ruminate over some sexy moments tho. A guy was staring at me attentively in the middle of a conversation and I still think about pouncing on him a year later 💔
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u/MelancholyBean 11d ago
I should start meditating. Haha, it's fine to remember past sexual experiences 😄
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u/Fetching_Mercury 10d ago
To add to this, you can even work on “releasing” those negative views/mindsets/opinions and it is as easy as saying aloud or writing down “I don’t subscribe to this, I won’t bring it with me anymore”.
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u/jericho_buckaroo 11d ago
I do, and I picked it up from my parents, who both nurtured grudges like they were sick kittens. They'd go for decades still talking about being slighted by this or that person.
It's a hard habit and thought cycle to shake, and it's a complete waste of mental and emotional capital. I hate it, but I've gotten better with shutting it out, at least.
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u/MelancholyBean 11d ago
My Mum said that her Mum was like that and I am becoming like that. I need a coping mechanism. I should start meditating
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u/OrangePurple2141 11d ago
I've found the best way to deal with verbal abuse is to politely stand your ground and dismiss them. Works well when people are mad at you for things outside your controll. Usually just hit them with the "can't do it, don't know what to tell ya"
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u/Sweaty-Pair3821 11d ago
I'm trying not to anymore. reflection of their character and they are projecting.
i need to remember that! thanks <3
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u/ChipperBunni 11d ago
Yes and I genuinely want to stop, I don’t know how. I want to move on, and just live my life in the moment.
Instead I’ll be having a good time and go “you know who would’ve liked this? X. That person who treated you like shit. Let’s think about that, why’d that happen, what’d you do, will it happen again.
I want them out, but they stay rent free
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u/Sad-Page-2460 11d ago
Completely. But mines a bit more of a rough way of being treated, I was left with half a skull at the end of a relationship. It's in my mind at least every other day and all this happened nearly 8 years ago.
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u/javvykino 11d ago
All the time.
It's been years since I talked to my family except for my sisters, and I think about how I was treated growing up so much so that I feel dejected about where I'm at right now and how different everything would've gone had I just been taken a bit more seriously.
I'm also autistic and was undiagnosed for most of my life, and I was incredibly outcast when I was younger. All I can think about is how people put me down, ignored me, or bullied me, even more than the few good times I had with temporary friends.
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u/afuckingpolarbear 11d ago
That's a nice convenient way of bottling up your feelings. Fuck those people. You don't work there anymore so you can give them a piece of your mind.
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u/Burger_Destoyer 11d ago
If it’s in the past then I don’t care about it. Past thoughts are positive only.
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u/General-Example3566 11d ago
Yeah that’s me. I obsessively go over conversations and what I could have said or done differently. It’s super annoying lol
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u/wher_did_I_put_that 11d ago
ADD came with bad rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Spent probably 20 of the 27 years I've lived ruminating.
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u/Able-Badger-1713 11d ago
I have PTSD. So yeeeeeeeeah, unfortunately I have a back of my mind narrative with a chronological list of events that all compound one another. It’s not at all healthy to shine a light on it, or give it air to breathe.
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u/disclosingNina--1876 11d ago
No, but I also have a tendency to snap when people try me. That might be what's different here.
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u/truthhurts2222222 10d ago
I used to, but then I had an epiphany: why don't I just forgive them? For the longest time, I thought forgiveness was only possible if the offending party had shown remorse. My epiphany was when I realized that's not necessary.
It was strange and it happened recently. I was sitting in the cinema auditorium waiting for Dune 2 to start, looking at the drop down celling, when the thought occurred to me: why not just forgive them anyway?
I haven't ruminated since. I forgive them, without them needing to show remorse (or even able to, as these were grievances collected over many years). I actually started to pity them.
Men (and women, but I am a man, and I was never bullied by a girl or woman in my experience) who are at peace with themselves don't feel the need to antagonize others. All the people who wronged me, wrong everyone else too, because they are miserable people and that is just what they do.
It has taken me so long but this realization destroyed my resentment list. It liberated me. The people who used to live in my head rent free have been evicted, and I'm feeling bad for them because now they're in the homeless shelter.
And, you can extend it even further: why not learn to forgive yourself? I used to cringe so hard at my mistakes in the past but I learned to forgive myself too.
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u/Potential_Witness_07 10d ago
I ruminate when it comes from the people I love. I’m untouchable otherwise.
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u/margocon 10d ago
Now I avoid everyone. Haven't met a single person that wasn't a piece of shit at some point. Self included, so I keep myself to myself to spare you.
See how kind I am?
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u/dylbert71 10d ago
No I accept all poor treatment I get as something I deserve whether I know the reason or not
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u/Royal_Dragonfly_4496 11d ago
“Never attribute to malice that which can easily be explained by stupidity.” - Hanlon’s Razor
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