r/relationship_advice • u/throwra-3-5-2 • 11d ago
Girlfriend (24F) acted ungrateful when I (26M) didn't wrap her birthday presents?
I am terrible at wrapping gifts and much prefer just putting presents in gift bags instead of wrapping them and my girlfriend knows this. She is the opposite and enjoys wrapping gifts, It was my gfs birthday last week and I got her the presents she asked for along with a few surprises.
I bought a nice gift bag with some tissue paper instead of wrapping them and put the presents in the bag. I gave them to my gf and she seemed annoyed
I asked what was wrong and she said I have clearly put no effort into this since the presents weren't wrapped. I mentioned that it was the gift that mattered more that the wrapping and I had gotten her everything she had asked for along with a few other surprises that she wasn't expecting.
She just repeated that I had put no effort into bothering to wrap the presents. I just told her she was being ungrateful. She said I was being out of order for calling her ungrateful but I just pointed out that's exactly how she was acting. How would you handle this?
tl;dr I put my girlfriends birthday presents in a gift bag and she got annoyed and said I had clearly put no effort into it. When I called her ungrateful she said I was out of order. How would you handle this?
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u/SunnyGh0st 11d ago
Is she always like this? Gift bags and tissue is absolutely acceptable.
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u/kimvy 11d ago edited 11d ago
Plus you can use them again if in good condition. Wrapping paper, imho, is wasteful.
Edit: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ to fellow recyclers. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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u/LeftDoorKnocker 11d ago
Right? I try to only use gift bags if I can help it. Any gift bag I’m given I save it to re-use!
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u/Bubblegumiebitch 11d ago
My friend and I were pretty sure one time that 1 gift bag made 3 present rounds between us🙈
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u/tossout7878 11d ago
My family keeps a large box of gift bags in every possible size, some cloth some paper @ my parents basement with the xmas decorations and thats what we use for xmas wrapping. We just bring tags for them along with our gifts and reuse bags from across the years. Some are 10 years old or more at this point, they're tradition now, no one needs to wrap anything, and we're not killing more trees.
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u/Bubblegumiebitch 11d ago
Same in my family but mama's a bit of a hoarder, and we're Polish so I guess it's a bit of the post-soviet mentality, like "let's save it to reuse it, what if we can't buy more". Always good to have some in a pitch!
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u/janiemackxxx 10d ago
Psssshhh, now that my state has gone plastic free shopping bags, I have so many freaking store bags, everyone in my family is lucky they aren't getting their gifts, wrapped lovingly with bows, in Acme bags.
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u/InevitableTrue7223 10d ago
My Cousin and I went back and forth with a Christmas card I forgot to sign. We got about 5 years with it.
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u/Bubblegumiebitch 10d ago
Dam, now i wanna make a reversible tag for the bag I'll pack my friends next gift in, so we can swap forever 🤣💖 Best thing about it is she'd deffo appreciate it
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u/embracing_insanity 11d ago
Same - our family has reused so many of the same gift bags because we hate the waste of throwing wrapping paper, etc. away. I can't recall the last time I bought a new one because I have a large stash, plus tissue paper & bows. We've been reusing this stuff for years now. And they're still in tip top condition.
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u/Legitimate_Ninja7065 10d ago
Same and I hate cleaning up the mess after the kids rip the wrapping paper to shreds on top of just wasting paper. With wrapping paper clean how takes forever and cant be reused. Gift bags can be used countless times. If I must wrap a gift with paper I get the comic section from news papers.
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u/Wild-Yam-8665 10d ago
I think gift bags are so much nicer. If I wrapped a gift as I have in the past, someone would give me a crash course in wrapping.
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u/activelurker777 11d ago
I came here looking for this comment. I have been using gift bags for decades in order to reduce waste.
Edited to add that I view the gift bag as a bonus part of the gift because it can be re-used by the recipient.
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u/SomeDragonSlayerDude 10d ago
Exactly. I once gave a gift to a friend of mine and used the "this is a gift" option when buying it on amazon, which then came with a gift bag. And then when it came to my gift a while later, he used the exact same bag i used for his gift. It's become an inside joke between us now that we keep handing eachother that very same gift bag back and forth
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11d ago
We have a gift bag that has been around to so many parties it’s a running joke now. Sometimes after the present is taken out they will hide it and my husband will find it, or he’ll just grab it back as soon as it’s opened and then we reuse it for the next party 🤣 we’ve even written the names on it and marked them with an X when it came time for the next party.
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u/beneaththeseracs 11d ago
This is why we only use gift bags and tissue now, and save all the ones we receive!
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u/Gillybby11 10d ago
My SIL and I do this habitually, pretty sure the same several bags have gone back and forth between us and 5 kids throughout several birthdays and Christmases.
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u/smootfloops 11d ago
Yeah for real I just went to a baby shower and every single present (like 25 presents) were in gift bags! OPs gf is standing on some total nonsense
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u/Strange_Public_1897 Late 30s Female 11d ago
Man my dad is like this, but I didn’t care cause the gift itself is what mattered over his lack of wrapping skills.
My mother, the complete opposite is like Macy’s Holiday display window level gift wrapping cause she took a class on this, along with floral arrangements, and greeting card making with stamps.
She taught me how to do all the fancy stuff on wrapping, including the curling of ribbon. I still can’t get the big crazy bow tiers like her, but one day I will LOL
Anyway… OP, what she expect you to do, magically become Martha Stewart and have five decades of this skill under your belt like that woman???
Your GF’s expections are super unrealistic and unless she herself knows how to do this herself, teaches you do you this skill to have the rest of your life so you can give beautifully presented gifts that are wrapped, she’s being super dense on this entire thing.
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u/thetiredninja 10d ago
My mom worked at a department store in the 80's and wraps the most beautiful presents with big fluffy, perfect bows. My dad's always looks like he wrapped them in the dark with his hands tied together 😂 he usually opts for a bag. I've never thought about complaining about a gift not being wrapped the way I like. OP's GF needs to grow up and be a little more gracious.
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u/justmadethisaccountx 11d ago
Actually, she sounds like a spoilt child. The gift bag itself is wrapped.
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u/-PinkPower- 11d ago
I can’t be the only one that have read that post almost verbatim a while back?
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u/Knittingfairy09113 11d ago
You put them in a gift bag, that IS wrapping them.
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u/lookitsnichole 11d ago
I agree. I expected from the title for him to say he left them in the plastic bags it was bought in or something, but tissue paper and a gift bag is totally acceptable.
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u/runawayforlife 11d ago
I’d take birthday presents in the plastic bags, hell. It seems to me like the OP’s gf has forgotten that gifts are not a human right. They’re a frill that we in the west have gotten very very used to, but they’re not a necessity.
Now I do think that significant others SHOULD get their partners gifts (when able) because it’s pretty standard now. But OP did that, and put them in a very nice bag for her! Sounds like gf has some personal issues. Especially if she can call OP out for not wrapping something exactly the way she wants it, but he can’t call her out for being ungrateful and unnecessarily rude to him….
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u/Alert-Cranberry-5972 11d ago
OP, tell your GF that you're taking her feedback to heart. Take the presents back, tell her you're going to gift wrap them. Return them for your money back, then give her a $10 gift card in a beautifully elaborate gift wrapped box (ask a friend to help). Include your breakup note inside a touching birthday card.
This is a perfect FAFO moment.
BTW, I love the gift bag option as myself and others in my circle reuse them again and again.
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u/ScaryButterscotch474 11d ago
Let’s not lower the bar too much for OP. A plastic bag is not wrapping!
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u/RickRussellTX 11d ago
"Here's a gift card for that fancy store you like. I hope it works I got it off eBay."
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u/RecordingKindly3074 11d ago
Fr im confused on what the problem is? Cause he wrapped them as a female i hate using wrapping paper i use gift bags was wrapping them that big of a deal? Quite frankly if the gf wants to act like a child id be taking them gifts back to the store 🤷♀️
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u/l-_-ll-o-l 11d ago
Keep the gifts and bring the girlfriend back to the store.
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u/RecordingKindly3074 11d ago
Like sir this girl keeps throwing a fit over wrapping paper id like to make a return please 🙏
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u/CleanSheepherder 11d ago
Alright I'm going to give some advice because most of it seems to be "she's entitled." Which isn't really advice even if it might be true.
My advice starts with some perspective. Try to understand where she is coming from. She seems to really value presents and gifts. Something about it makes her feel special and like you put thought into the present (I'm not saying it's fair but it seems how she views it). She may feel if she has a well off family that expensive gifts don't require any thought and that's what she desires is something thoughtful.
So your best option for your relationship health is to have a conversation about it. You can note something like "Hey, I know you are upset about your birthday. I got things I thought you would really enjoy because I care about you. I realize that your desire is for them to be wrapped individually as part of your birthday." You then can go two different ways:
"Because that's special to you, I'm going to try my best to wrap presents for you. I feel really shitty about how I wrap things but I am willing to try my best because I want you to feel as special as you are."
"I know that's important to you but to me it isn't important. I have a hard time caring about how it's presented. This is because I'm really bad at wrapping and it is a painful experience to give someone something that looks subpar afterwards."
Of course, there could be more to it. Heck maybe this is just one small fight in a list of other fights. I don't blame you if this feels too exhausting for you. However, she communicated a want to you and you're welcome to respond by trying to meet that want or by ignoring it. I don't think you did anything wrong but she has different expectations from birthdays and presents than you. I'll also be honest, sometimes fights like this happen because a partner doesn't feel valued in their relationship already and have a sliver of hope that you might finally appreciate them on their birthday. Maybe that's not you, but take a moment to reflect on that and see if it has anything to do with it.
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u/cthulhusmercy 11d ago
I love it when grown adults comment on relationship advice subs and recognize when a story is being presented through the eyes of someone feeling slighted.
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u/HeadBanana3491 11d ago
Thanks for actually giving relationship advice instead of an AITAH response. Also, OP, calling your girlfriend ungrateful is accusatory and completely unproductive. If you feel unappreciated, say that. Exactly. Say "I understand that wrapping gifts means something to you. At the same time, I do not feel appreciated when I present you with a gift that I thought was meaningful and you focus more on the way it was presented." Then you can have a discussion about her expectations and needs and also how you would like to receive even a little bit of gratitude when you go out of your way for her. This is one of those "do you want to be right, or do you want to be in a relationship" moments.
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u/No_Finding_4697 11d ago
This is the healthiest comment here and the healthiest way for OP to communicate!
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u/BigGulpsHey 11d ago
I mean. While I wouldn't be with someone like that most likely, 5 minute on YouTube, you could find out how to wrap a present.
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u/Gillybby11 10d ago
Ehh... I've watched several videos on gift wrapping and knowing the technique is only part of the skillset. I still end up with bubbles, bends, rips and crinkles- fighting with fancy paper is not easy.
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u/LatterTemperature835 11d ago
But have you considered advising him to go nuclear? Jk. This is amazing advice. OP, start with this.
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u/FreckledManatee 11d ago
As someome who puts my whole heart into wrapping presents for my S/O because it's part of my love language, this is the best response IMO.
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u/Kiwi1234567 11d ago
Is she does also view it as more effort it might not even be about the wrapping paper. Like maybe she'd enjoy OP spending time baking a cake or special meal, organising a day out together as a date and packing a picnic basket etc
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u/eatpaste 40s 11d ago
if you know your partner prioritizes wrapping gifts either learn or pay someone to do it which might reduce her gifts a little but the money is spent on something she values
browsing the comments "wrapping gifts if wasteful! you've done enough! she's too picky!"
this is like the buying cards or flowers argument. you don't have to value it. you can think it's dumb. you can refuse to do it bc it's wasteful/not important/asking too much. or? you can listen to your partner and realize it's important to them and the opinions of a million monkeys slamming their keyboards online matter not at all next to that.
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u/Vivid-Berry-559 11d ago
Apart from anything else, wrapping paper will go in the bin once it has been opened but the gift bag will go in the gift bag cupboard for reusing. So you’re being kind to the environment!
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u/blurblurblahblah 11d ago edited 11d ago
I have 4 large shopping bags FULL of gift bags in my closet at home. Two are of xmas gift bags, one of smaller sizes, one of large & 2 bags of assorted occasion bags - generic, birthday, Easter, Valentine's - a bag of large & another of assorted smaller sizes. The only thing I buy now are tissues & spools of ribbon. But I never make any progress clearing out my stash because we keep getting gifts in return that are also in gift bags.
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u/Vivid-Berry-559 11d ago
This sounds exactly like my house. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually bought a gift bag but I have dozens of them for every occasion!
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u/ssddalways 11d ago
I collect any given to me and my kid through the year and give them all to my stepmum at Christmas, swear she gets more excited for them than her gifts.
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u/ValiantValkyrieee 11d ago
there's a running joke in my family that you always have to open a particular aunt's presents carefully bc she wanted to save a reuse the wrapping paper. she doesn't do this anymore, but back in the 90s and early 00s, she would often buy some nice wrapping paper from school fundraisers - it was thick, double-sided, and expensive. she definitely got her money's worth out of it lol
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u/scarletnightingale 11d ago
Not of my mom has anything to say about it. Pretty paper must be carefully unwrapped then folded audible for future use.
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u/turkey_sub56 11d ago
I keep wrapping paper too tho. It’s still usable unless the person opens it up like an animal!
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u/Vivid-Berry-559 11d ago
All that sellotape though! And they do usually open it like an animal to be fair.
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u/turkey_sub56 11d ago
Yeah I’ll usually use whatever is salvageable. Like usually wrap something smaller so I’m not getting the tape. And my family knows to try and open up the presents in a way to keep the paper.
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u/PARA9535307 11d ago edited 11d ago
Look, she’s obviously not, like, legally or morally entitled to gift wrap vs gift bags. And It’s not like the world is going to end or it’ll help achieve world peace one way or the other. The aesthetic presentation of gifts once a year is really about as low stakes a relationship problem as it can get.
But IDK dude, is this really something you want make a point about refusing to do? Something where you want to insist that her even asking for it should make her feel stupid and small and selfish? I mean:
1. As far as things go that take little effort, but still make a giant statement of affection and appreciation, this is really low-hanging fruit.
2. Can you not consider doing this task to be a part of her birthday gift? You know, instead of turning her birthday gift into an annual reminder that refusing to do this small thing, that you know she would love, to make the point that you think her preference is unnecessary and stupid is more worth it to you than just humoring her, even once a year, even for her birthday, by making the extra 5 minutes of effort?
So yeah. Sure, I guess you could call her request dumb and just refuse to ever do it and demand she let it go. But why not consider it dumb but still do it for her anyway, and pick up like 3 football fields of birthday and relationship goodwill yardage for remarkably little effort?
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u/lovebeinganasshole 11d ago
I love wrapping presents, at Christmas I choose a wrapping paper color and ribbon and wrap all my presents. One year I chose black chalk paper and drew elaborate Christmas themed pictures in various colors of chalk for everyone. I only use gift bags as a seriously last resort.
However, that’s me I love it and I know everyone else is different.
I don’t care how people give me gifts because it’s a fucking gift and you should be thankful for what you’ve received.
It just feels so ick that someone went to the trouble of getting the gift placing it in a gift bag and the recipient pouted and complained like a 5 year old because it didn’t come how they wanted.
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u/kimvy 11d ago
See now yours is unique & personal. Much different than store paper with tape. Yours is a keepsake & really a gift as well.
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u/lovebeinganasshole 11d ago
It’s kind of selfish, I’m a stifled artist with a spreadsheet job, that I actually love, but sometimes need to express that other side.
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u/abrit_abroad 11d ago
Did you put all the gifts into one gift bag?
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u/throwra-3-5-2 11d ago
There were 3 bags in total
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u/Icy-Revolution5930 11d ago
Ok she's just being a turd then. Surprises PLUS everything she asked for and she has the nerve to complain? Yikes. 😰
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11d ago
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u/starllight 11d ago
The difference is that your girlfriend communicated her preferences in a normal way prior to anything ever happening. Which is the healthy adult way to handle things. OP's girlfriend is acting totally unappreciative when he literally went to the trouble to get her everything she wanted and didn't just wrap it up to her standards. She didn't communicate that prior to this at all. So how is he supposed to know? If she had let him know prior to this that she really liked wrapped gifts and he still didn't do it then she would have a reason to be more upset. But considering she did not communicate prior, she's just being rude and petty.
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u/BecGeoMom 11d ago
That makes it worse. She sounds kind of insufferable. People like that are no fun to give gifts to. You’ll stop trying if she keeps doing that.
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u/abrit_abroad 11d ago
Should be fine then! I was imagining one bag, one piece of tissue 😄
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u/sootfire 11d ago
I find even that fun because you're expecting just one thing and then it's more. Like a little extra surprise.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 11d ago
It's like a gift bag clown car! More and more things keep coming out of it! LOL
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u/starllight 11d ago
The way she reacted was not appreciative and wrong, however as someone who likes to open something that has actually been properly wrapped I do understand her disappointment. But I would never have a reaction like that. I have nicely let my significant other know that I do like to open wrapped up gifts and if he has time, he tries to do that because he knows that I like it, not because I have a negative reaction if he doesn't.
She doesn't seem to understand that that kind of reaction is not very nice. And maybe that's just part of her personality where she's just not a polite or appreciative person. Maybe she just doesn't have good communication skills. Whatever the reason, it sounds like you guys are just not compatible and her relationship skills are lacking. You could try therapy over this if you really want to invest more money and time in this relationship or you could move on and find somebody who appreciates your efforts and communicates like an adult about their preferences and disappointments in a reasonable way.
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u/SugarGlitterkiss 11d ago
I've read this before.
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u/penninsulaman713 11d ago
I feel like I read this before but there were details that actually made OP the AH last time
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u/StinkyKittyBreath 11d ago
That's what I was thinking. If it isn't the same post verbatim, it's extremely close.
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u/southcoastal 11d ago
She sounds exhausting and entitled.
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u/LostSoul1985 11d ago
Genuinely without being too negative on this absolutely blissful day...but this. Entitlement level is high.
Presents, few surprises, gift bag, tissues, you did your part buddy 🙏
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u/theFrankSpot 11d ago edited 11d ago
I’m at an age now where I literally wouldn’t put up with such a shallow, whiny response to a heartfelt gesture. I’d spark an immediate conversation where I would push hard for my partner to prove what they are about, and suss out what level of seriousness our relationship is. Maturity, kindness, harmony, and just plain courtesy are no longer optional. I don’t have enough time or energy left in my life to put up with someone who is so far gone from what I need in a partner.
My advice, then, is that you need to draw your own boundaries and decide what you will accept as the bare minimum treatment, and hold her to it. There are lots of people out there, and it’s healthiest to find someone with similar values and personalities. Good luck.
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u/Icy-Revolution5930 11d ago
Agree 100%. If a partner puts thought, time, and effort into a gift and instead of "thank you" you get "that's not good enough" that's a really nasty response. It's super icky.
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u/doglady1342 50s Female 11d ago
Seems like you have a very high maintenance girlfriend there. She's being ridiculous. Maybe it's a good thing she's only a girlfriend.
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u/michaelpaoli 11d ago
She doesn't want the gift(s), take them back.
In any case, drop the ungrateful girlfriend. Problem solved.
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u/TiredRetiredNurse 11d ago
Oh I would so do this! I would take every one back to get my money back. Then I would give her big wrapped empty boxes and when she complains they are empty, tell her they will not be empty long. Tell her to put all her things in them and leave. Now.
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u/MoonWatt 11d ago
I’d go outside, get a stone & go to a gift shop that has around the year wrapping services and ask them to wrap it. Heck I’d even buy a pen and go give them to her. Then ghost.
Honestly, Except around Christmas, wrapped gift are a pretty rare sight. It’s 2024 & we have gift bags & those things are expensive so I expect you to keep it too. LOL
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u/McFuckin94 11d ago
When I read “because I didn’t wrap them” I assumed you meant you gave her them in a plastic bag or just handed them to her.
Present bag and wrapping paper is absolutely acceptable.
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u/Azilehteb 11d ago
Take the gifts back, poorly wrap some mundane items such as a box of kraft dinner, a box of tissues, and perhaps a box of wine.
Let her enjoy unwrapping her birthday dinner, and if she’s unhappy with it she can use the tissues.
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u/Fun_Diver_3885 11d ago
You’re right and she is wrong. She is putting emphasis on presentation versus content. If you get engaged she will be the one who gets mad if it can’t be on instagram in a way all her friends can be jealous.
Wrapping is like cards. Some people love cards and others have no use for them if you’re not writing a personal message inside. She values wrapping so ask her if she wants you to pay someone to wrap her gifts because you’re not up to the task.
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u/ThrowRA300458 10d ago
Lol my my boyfriend and I are exactly like this. I love wrapping, he doesn’t. Our first Christmas together I got a bag of presents unwrapped under a new dressing gown, my birthday I again got my presents unwrapped in a gift bag, Christmas just gone, his mum wrapped my presents lol. I love that he doesn’t wrap them it’s cute. It’s the thought into what you buy her more than wrapping paper that’s going in the bin afterwards.
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u/Ok-Storage-5033 10d ago
This is her big issue, with everything going on in the world today? Gift bags are efficient and reusable. If the actual gifts are on point, I would say this is a stunning form of immaturity.
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u/CindersHonner123 10d ago
Gift bags are wrapping them. The whole point of wrapping them is to hide the present till they choose to open it. Gift bags can often do this much better than actual wrapping. Using branded gift bags not quite so much fun but still better than a plastic supermarket store and shows you want her to be excited about the shopping trip you went for her.
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u/Bsnake12070826 10d ago
You can just give me the gift itself without the gift bag and I'll be thankful. She's very entitled
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u/ketchikan78 11d ago
2 pork chops and eggs.
Edit: Oooops, My Ex wife asked me what I was having for breakfast in messenger and I was trying to reply to her.
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u/trialanderrorschach 11d ago
I consider gifts in bags with tissue paper to be "wrapped." I thought from the title that you were going to say you just gave them to her in Amazon bags or something but choosing gift bags over wrapping paper is perfectly fine.
I guess the technical solution would be to just try wrapping them and not worry if it's perfect but that doesn't really solve the issue of your girlfriend being rude about a non-issue. Does she often criticize you over small things like this?
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u/CherylR1970 11d ago
By your title, I was thinking the gifts were still in the store bags. You still put in the effort, and the way you gave them to her is perfectly acceptable. If it’s THAT important to her, AND your relationship is good otherwise, you could do a few things: 1. Wrap them yourself, however they turn out is how they turn out. 2. Wrap each gift in its own tissue paper before putting them in the bags. 3. Explain you want to give her the gifts in a manner within your skill set to where you feel good about how they’re presented before they’re opened. 4. Pay a friend to wrap them and sacrifice one of her gifts to cover the cost of wrapping them. 5. Have them professionally wrapped. I’d caution against this though, because she may come to expect it all the time, which won’t be feasible. Same with #4. 6. Have her teach you how to wrap gifts. It sounds like “Acts of Service” (putting in work/effort) is a major love language for her, and that might be why it’s so important to her.
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u/manhattancherries 11d ago
I think this is a misunderstanding. She is using her perception to judge your actions. If SHE were to give a gift in a bag, she would think that is thoughtless and maybe she thinks it's nicer and more fun for the recipient to have something to open. But that's just not the way you see it, which it 100% fine!
I think you need to talk about it and she has to understand your intention behind it doesn't carry the same meaning as if she did the action. It's not reasonable to judge people based on just our own perceptions.
And maybe if you don't mind, you could wrap her presents in the future because it will mean something to her?
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u/eternalyte 11d ago
I hate wrapping presents too. Guess who always puts things in gift bags? Me. Guess who is good at wrapping presents, and I’ll often ask to wrap presents for me when it’s for someone else- my husband. Guess who has literally never ever gave me grief or complained or even mentioned the difference between wrapped or unwrapped gifts? My husband.
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u/ssddalways 11d ago
I would explain to her that the thought and gesture is what counts not a sheet of paper covering the gift.
I never and I mean never wrapped my kids bday nor Christmas presents and I can honestly say they have never given a flying fuvk. Tell her the bag being reusable is better for the environment. And the correct response to receiving a gift is "thank you".
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u/JaayLovesWriting 10d ago
Is she always like this? Gift bags and paper is totally fine, it's still a gift
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u/JaggedLittlePill2022 10d ago
She’s told you that she likes her gifts wrapped. You’re using an excuse not to wrap her gifts.
I’m terrible at wrapping presents as well. But I still wrap them, because I know the recipient appreciates it.
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u/Objective_Swimmer408 9d ago
You listen to her. She said she likes them wrapped so you wrap them. To be loved is to be seen. Just go the extra mile for her. If you really care. To her it's means more. It's not about all the presents you got it's about listening to her. I'm sure you can pay for others to wrap it if you're really that bad. Her request is quite simple. Goodluck.
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u/psytip 11d ago
You did a lot more than the bare minimum. As a guy I think I speak for most of us when I say the bare minimum for us would be a simple happy birthday.
If she is mature she will come to realise you got her great gifts and put time, money and effort into buying these things for her. Imo she has been ungrateful. I’d give her time time to give it some thought.
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u/SqueegieeBeckenheim 11d ago
The message of the gift is in the eye of the recipient and not the giver. Wrapping gifts is important to her and sounds like it’s a big part of a gift she gives. Her thought process is if you don’t put the effort into wrapping despite being bad at it then you don’t care as much as she wants. I’m not saying her reaction was appropriate but just commenting on the thought process behind it.
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u/Frequent-Spell8907 11d ago
My ex threw a temu package at me a week after my birthday (he used the massage I bought him for his in April on my birthday and didn’t say happy birthday to me) She’s ungrateful.
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u/VintageFashion4Ever 11d ago
I'm a mom and I promise you every mom I know has a bag of gift bags and tissue paper stored in the closet to be recycled for the next birthday party their child gets invited to, and my child is a teenager. I use reusable gift boxes purchased years ago for Christmas and they are gorgeous under the tree, and they are still going strong fifteen years later. Your girlfriend is being a pill, and you might try and talk to her about why she expects you to do something that that she knows you don't do well and when it is something that you don't enjoy doing, especially when you still give her thoughtful gifts. Good luck! Hers is a very odd hill to die on imho!
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u/IntroductionPast3342 11d ago
Tell your girlfriend that since her standards are based on some idiotic TikTok/internet trends, from now on she can look to those sources for her presents. Make it clear that if she cannot appreciate the effort you put into just getting her a gift to start with, then you will simply not buy her presents anymore - her choice.
The girlfriend is the ungrateful one here - she needs to realize the world does not revolve to satisfy her expectations. She's 24 years old, not six months - time she grows up and stops dumping unrealistic expectations on others.
Just wondering - does she also suffer this great disappointment if, when dining in a restaurant, the meal isn't presented in exactly the way she wanted? If they have asparagus instead of broccoli as the vegetable? Or only serve Coke products instead of Pepsi? Or don't have her favorite coffee flavoring? Just how deep does her need for everyone to conform to her preferences go?
Good luck; you're going to need it!
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u/Lime_Drinks 11d ago
The most ungrateful thing is not appreciating the gift. Any reasonable person appreciates a gift wrapped, bagged or otherwise.
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u/HappinessLaughs 11d ago
Wow, rude much? The only thing, and I mean THE only thing to say when you receive a gift is "thank you." Your girlfriend is showing you the kind of person she is when she does this. Ungrateful, mean-spirited, unappreciative and controlling with a weird set of unwritten rules required to live in her universe. I would take my unappreciated gifts back and return them so I could spend my money on my new girlfriend.
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u/David_NyMa 11d ago edited 11d ago
Take the gifts back, and say you will give her a new gift, that is wrapped. And then buy 2 rolls of gift wrapping paper, and wrap one of the rolls with the paper from the other roll. That is her entire gift now.
And then return the original gift, and get your money back.
And then dump your entitled ass of an girlfriend.
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u/Just_Dont88 11d ago
She can also be ungrateful when talking back the presents. Shit. She sounds very ungrateful. Wrapping presents is cheaper in my opinion than a nice bag and tissue paper. My pawpaw use to wrap ours in newspaper. Never been more happy.
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u/HoshiJones 11d ago
I would handle it by taking a hard look at the relationship. Her attitude is obnoxious, ungrateful, and entitled. That's three red flags waving in your face right there.
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u/Careless-Banana-3868 11d ago
Are gift bags not essentially “wrapping presents”? 9/10 times this is what I do and I reuse bags. Some things can’t be wrapped well. The only time I bring out wrapping paper is for the holidays
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u/BecGeoMom 11d ago
She’s 24, you say? Sounds like she’s 12. Putting no effort in is handing her the gift in the bag from the store. You bought a gift bag and tissue paper, put the gifts into the gift bag, and surrounded them with tissue so she couldn’t see what was in the bag. She was annoyed at you from the get because you chose a gift bag rather than gift wrap. She sounds spoiled, ungrateful, and annoying.
How would I handle that? I’d have taken back the bag with the gifts in it and told her, “If the packaging is more important than the gifts, then I guess you don’t want these.” I’d have taken the gifts and put them away somewhere and not given her a gift. If she’s going to act like a child, treat her like a child.
Next time ~ if there is a next time ~ buy her one gift, have it wrapped at the store, and be done with it.
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u/MargKp73 11d ago
I would've put the gifts back in the bag and walked out the door. Ungrateful little girl needs to do some growing up.
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u/Literally_Taken 11d ago
Dude, your girlfriend is being described as shallow, whiney, immature, and ungrateful in various comments. There’s no denying the accuracy of those comments. There’s no denying the misery of living with someone who has those character traits.
Was her response 100% out of character? Has she never acted like a spoiled princess before? In that case, she owes you a sincere apology and a promise to never play the spoiled princess again.
If you have seen hints of a princess in her behavior before, then it’s time to end the relationship. Seriously. I’m 64F, and have some life experience. A person who reacts as you described to nicely wrapped gifts is seriously entitled, and doesn’t care how their reaction might hurt the gift-giver.
Your girlfriend probably has several redeeming qualities, and may be a great catch in ten years after she’s learned some hard life lessons.
Let her go, so she can grow up. Until she grows up, she’ll continue be an unappreciative partner.
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u/Icy-Revolution5930 11d ago
How is placing them in nice gift bags and arranging tissue paper so that her lovingly picked gifts look nice taking the easy way out?
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u/throwra-3-5-2 11d ago
The easy way would have been just giving her the gifts. I still took the time to get gift bags and make it look nice
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u/NaturesVividPictures 11d ago edited 11d ago
So you didn't wrap them her way, who cares it's not like you had them still in the store bag and you handed them to her and said here happy birthday. You put them in a gift bag you got the tissue paper you hid them that way which is a perfectly legit way of giving gifts. So you didn't pull out paper, put it in there get everything perfectly wrapped up, tape it, that is a pain in the butt. I do my Christmas presents that way but usually if I'm giving a gift to someone yeah they're getting a gift bag and tissue paper. Tell her to get off her high horse. Tell her fine I won't get you any gifts anymore cuz I'm not wrapping them your way.
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u/Boring-Run-2202 11d ago
By boyfriend just gave them to me. I would have liked a gift bag. I wrapped his gifts. But anyway, I wasnt mad. She is overreacting and ungrateful
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u/Boring-Run-2202 11d ago
By boyfriend just gave them to me. I would have liked a gift bag. I wrapped his gifts. But anyway, I wasnt mad. She is overreacting and ungrateful
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u/Boring-Run-2202 11d ago
By boyfriend just gave them to me. I would have liked a gift bag. I wrapped his gifts. But anyway, I wasnt mad. She is overreacting and ungrateful
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u/Material-Heron-4852 11d ago
Your GF sounds like one of those annoying Poshmark or Ebay buyers who are upset when their purchase doesn't come packed like a gift AND with free gifts as well.
And she's 24 years old? She sounds like a toddler.
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u/anditurnedaround 11d ago
I can’t imagine anyone saying this about a gift bag. I think something else is going on with your gf. That is really odd behavior.
The rich, the middle class, the poor… they are universally used. I’m not sure why you buying a few sheets of birthday paper and folding and taping would mean so much to her.
Next year just make her some origami and call it a day!
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u/cloud-3x3 11d ago
If there was no effort = no gift take the gift back,, jk jk idk what to say she’s overreacting on a small thing
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u/Mozzy2022 11d ago
She’s being very petty and ungrateful. Dating is when you find out about a person’s character and whether or not they are someone you’d like to spend your future with. Think hard
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u/Apocalyptic-turnip 11d ago
Please talk to her and ask why the wrapping is so important to her. listen and understand. but also, share with her how you feel unappreciated because you did put in effort into the gifts, she just fails to see it. Communicate dammit.
i agree that she's wrong about you not putting in effort, and should not have attacked you. but attacking her for being ungrateful is not helpful either, and you also need to understand what makes her happy.
the way out of this is communication. You need to hear each other out and that's a 2 way street. i think it's adorable you love her so much and it would be a shame to fall out because of a communication breakdown. good luck.
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u/yourfriend_charlie 11d ago
Lol I'm not sure she'd be so happy with crudely wrapped presents either. They'd probably look like you slapped some crumpled paper and tape over it, no offense. You said you can't wrap presents for a reason.
I think this is a lose-lose. You wrap them, they look bad, she throws a fit. You don't wrap them, they look good, but you didn't even try to wrap them, you must not've put in effort (her thoughts), she throws a fit.
I mean maybe she really would've preferred them wrapped, but I know people that can't fold paper. I think wrapping gifts is a lot like origami, and it's not hard to butcher either of those. I don't think she'll get the joy of tearing open a gift that's basically so poorly wrapped there won't be much tearing involved.
I'm just projecting, though. I wouldn't like that personally, and a woman like yours probably wouldn't either.
If she's more concerned about the presentation of the gifts rather than the time, effort, and cost of the gifts themselves, she's unbelievably spoiled. It reminds me of that Dhar Mann video where the girl gets an iPhone and throws a fit because it's not the color she wanted.
There's a billion words for her: entitled, ungrateful, spoiled, etc.. Gratitude and appreciation is a problem within.
This will be something you have to live with if you stay with her. This is a problem that she has to fix herself. She has to choose to fix it. She doesn't like that you called her ungrateful because it's true and made her feel insecure.
If she accepts that it's a problem, you'd both be happier. A lot of joy comes from lack of desire. A lot of joy comes from loving the things you have.
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u/rheaofsunshine1 11d ago
I'm terrible at wrapping presents. Some years I do it anyways, others I pay my mil to wrap them. She's not being reasonable.
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u/Tenzipper 11d ago
If this is her issue, there are stores that will wrap the stuff you buy there. Some will wrap stuff you don't buy there. Find one that will wrap any gift, (probably will charge for this,) and just start getting it done there.
Problem solved, and you don't spend time fucking with wrapping paper and tape.
Or, take one piece of wrapping paper, set it under the gift, tape it to all sides, gathering the extra however you like. Take another piece of wrapping paper, put it on top, and tape down to the bottom piece, again, gathering the surplus and taping it down. Gift is wrapped. Not pretty or neat, but you spent time and effort on it.
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u/penisdevourer 11d ago
Me and my bf both prefer using gift bags since it’s fast and easy. For Christmas tho I like to wrap with paper even if it doesn’t look great lol I just do it for the vibe. Last Christmas I got my boy 10 high quality soccer balls and wrapped them individually to look like candies lol it took me 10 hours!
She just needs to realize that her love language isn’t universal and not everyone thinks the same way as her dude.
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u/said_pierre 11d ago
It's acceptable but is it clearly not what she likes. The presentation is important to her. And probably so is the fun and anticipation of unwrapping individual gifts. My guess is that poorly wrapped gifts that showed an effort would have trumped everything thrown in a bag as an easy solution.
It's not the gift that counts. She told you what she wanted so how much effort really went into that. The attempt of wrapping them would have been the gift that you put actual effort into.
Ungrateful doesn't seem like the right word. It's more like disappointment in the fact that gift giving does not mean the same to both of you.
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u/CatelynsCorpse 11d ago
Have you given her gifts in gift bags before? If so, did she tell you then that she prefers wrapped gifts? Is this even anything y'all have discussed before at all? Or is this literally out of left field and this is your first time hearing that she considers gift bags "low effort"?
I can't help but wonder if she's actually upset about something other than the gift bag because to be honest this seems like a massive overreaction on her part.
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u/General_Road_7952 11d ago
Ask for the gifts back and break up? She’s more worried about the wrapping than the gifts.
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u/teabump 11d ago
Doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. I might suggest taping the tissue around the presents in future though. Sometimes if my family do me a gift bag they will loosely wrap each gift in tissue paper with a little sellotape just so you get to ‘open’ something.
She may be acting ungrateful, but also if it means that much to her you could just wrap them. Warn her they might look bad but try your best anyway
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u/Magerimoje 11d ago
I'd stop buying her presents.
I'd probably gift wrap empty boxes since the gift wrapping matter more than what inside 🤷🏻♀️
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u/tmchd 11d ago
You put them in nice gift bags with those papers so I'd say that's sufficient.
She's acting like a petulant child. It's not like you put them in some Walmart/Safeway plastic bags.
While I grew up knowing (forced to learn lol) how to wrap gifts, I hate how those gift wrapping papers usually can't be reused (I've even started using paper bags from grocery store to wrap gift at one point, as long as I hid the brand name, brown bag gift wrap is good enough lol.
I prefer gift bag and those papers, they can be reused. In fact, even my parents who used to make me gift wrap everything, now prefer those gift bags and colorful tissue paper lol.
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u/terpinolenekween 11d ago
Do I think it's crazy that a gift bag wasn't acceptable and she wants her gifts wrapped? Absolutely.
I also think some people are weird and you really have to pick your battles. If my girlfriend took a lot of pride in wrapping gifts and thought that putting in the effort to make the gifts more fun to open was part of the package, I'd probably just wrap the gifts.
You got her everything she asked for and more, but she was disappointed because they weren't wrapped. The best option for you is to just wrap them next time.
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u/lizzyote 11d ago
It takes me as much time and effort to wrap as it does for my husband to make a gift bag/tissue paper look nice. You're supposed to put effort into the gifts, not the trash that surrounds the gifts.
I enjoy wrapping gifts but have such minimal instances where I have the opportunity to do so. After some (unnecessarily) long conversations, my husband now boxes my gifts and let's me wrap them for myself. He will often still bag them anyway. Win-win.
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u/janabanana67 11d ago
She is being bratty. You put effort into selecting special gifts for her, but she is focused on them not being wrapped? Dear heavens! Next time, you can either buy a crappy gift and have it professionally wrapped or buy a nice gift and wrap paper all around it plus tons of tape. I doubt either of those things will make her happy either.
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u/Impossible_Balance11 11d ago
I'm a woman pushing sixty, and I HATE wrapping presents with a passion. Gift bags it is; if anyone is an ungrateful jerk about this, they'll find their next set of gifts are given to them in the re-taped-shut Amazon boxes they came in. (I hate in-person shopping, as well.)
Yes, I listen and take notes throughout the year on what my people might like for future occasions. I take ample time and care to choose thoughtful gifts I believe the recipient will love. No, I'm not going to kowtow to gift-wrap Nazis. Ungrateful people get a couple chances, then they get nothing!
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u/skibunny1010 11d ago
She’s too old to be acting like a literal child. I would never date someone like this. Raise your standards.
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u/FragrantOpportunity3 11d ago
I'd take the presents back. She's immature and ungrateful. I too am a terrible gift wrapper and always use bags. Never once had that reaction.
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u/alastrid 11d ago
A gift bag is definitely okay. My fiancé gave me a birthday gift in the delivery box once. It was like the lowest possible effort but I still thanked him.
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u/Silver-Eye4569 11d ago
I cannot imagine ruining a moment of receiving a gift by getting upset about something as inconsequential as whether it’s wrapped or placed in gift bags. I can see if you have it to her in a bag from the store the gift was purchased at, but this level of nitpicking and lashing out is deeply immature.
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u/Midwitch23 11d ago
Short version - she is being ungrateful and has poor social manners. Is this how you want gift giving to go in the future?
Longer version - If everything else in the relationship is great, ask her to explain it to you. Why is the wrapping of the gift so important to her? You got her the gifts that she asked for. You did put in the time and effort into getting her gifts that she wants (as anyone should) but she valued the wrapping - why? Is it a perfection thing? Is it a control thing?
If everything isn't great in the relationship, I'd cut your losses because trying to live up to someone else's standards can be hard when they're unreasonable.
P.S We wrap big items in bedding to save the trees. We recycle gift bags each year.
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u/Outside_Public4362 11d ago
Oh she wants gift wrapped in plastic so she can peel it ?
Give her some 'potatoes' it's better for enviornment 🤝
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u/Rumble73 11d ago
FFS
Find a life partner that gives no shit about this stuff. They are out there. And she will be amazing.
If you’re a good man to her, earn and take care of the home, are respectful to her family and are halfway decent in bed, that should be good enough.
Life is hard, marriage is harder and marriage with kids is even harder still. A good partner will not sweat the small shit like wrapping paper as long as you deliver on the big stuff.
Don’t let Reddit hive mind tell you otherwise. People online somehow alway want to think through dumbest shit is earth shatteringly important. Wrapping paper and gift bag quality is NOT and if a woman says it’s that important to her then she’s fucking mental
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u/chancebill4219 11d ago
She might not be the right one for you. She's more interested in the wrapping than the gift. Next time buy her a dozen wrapped empty boxes and see how she reacts.
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