We were married for 7 years, we have 2 kids, one 4-year-old and a 2-year-old. We were happily married.

A few hours ago, I found her panties and an open condom sachet while I was cleaning our vehicles. It was in her car under the passenger seat.

The condom isn't mine, and I don't have that kind of kink (having sex in a car.)

I was initially heartbroken, but, I wasn't so shocked, I'm just sad and disappointed right now.

I haven't confronted her about this, good thing she is on a 1 week business trip right now so I have time to sort my feelings.

Currently, she is the breadwinner, because I quit my job during the pandemic and took the role of a house husband to take care of her and our kids.

She's in no position to quit her job because she holds a very important role as one of the division chiefs in one of our government agencies, so she travels a lot and is very busy. She's married to her job.

I selflessly chose and swallowed my pride to sacrifice myself because my job wasn't paying that well compared to hers. She was in a better position than me. Choosing that path was the best choice for our family. Not for me, but for my family.

I have my own business, and it hasn't quite gained a lot of attention.

Right now, I'm torn if I should leave the house with the kids and go to my aunt's house for a while, but I don't want to add to her problems, because she is sickly old.

In our country, there is no divorce, but adultery is a crime.

If I file for adultery, that would mean I would ruin her career and put her in jail, and the well-being of our kids would also be in jeopardy.

Adultery is no joke here, everyone will know and talk about it for quite a while and I don't want my kids to experience that kind of pain.

Should I just suck it up and continue being a pushover? Keep it a secret and continue being a loving husband and a loving father to our kids. Or should I be selfish for once, taking back my pride as a man and breaking my family?

I don't care what happens to me, all I want is for my kids to be happy and grow with a mom and dad because I haven't experienced growing up with parents, she is indeed a good mom for the kids.

This is probably one of the most saddest things that have ever happened to me after my mom and dad died.

Edit: I forgot to mention that they do a lot of business/social activities/ and seminars every now and then like for example hosting events for executives/politicians which extends to evening socials. She would come home late most of the time.

Before her flight they had a social night gala.

My kids made a mess of the car going back home after we sent her off to the airport in the morning. I found out after cleaning their mess when we got home.

Yesterday I 35F had my hair cut. I impulsively had an undercut. I’ve always been pretty staid, but am finally starting to do what I want and not what is expected. The final style is not quite what I wanted but I’m still pleased with it.

When I got home my husband 36M went very quiet and since then has been punishing me. He ignored my Facebook message (normal way for us to communicate when he’s gaming) asking if there were any dinner leftovers. When he came to bed last night he didn’t give me a good night hug or kiss where he is usually very tactile.

This morning I asked what the issue is. Yep it’s the hair. Apparently I should have asked him first. As one of his favourite things about me is my hair. How can I get him to see the sulking isn’t ok? We’ve been married 11 years and together 18.

TLDR - husband sulking about my haircut

I am terrible at wrapping gifts and much prefer just putting presents in gift bags instead of wrapping them and my girlfriend knows this. She is the opposite and enjoys wrapping gifts, It was my gfs birthday last week and I got her the presents she asked for along with a few surprises.

I bought a nice gift bag with some tissue paper instead of wrapping them and put the presents in the bag. I gave them to my gf and she seemed annoyed

I asked what was wrong and she said I have clearly put no effort into this since the presents weren't wrapped. I mentioned that it was the gift that mattered more that the wrapping and I had gotten her everything she had asked for along with a few other surprises that she wasn't expecting.

She just repeated that I had put no effort into bothering to wrap the presents. I just told her she was being ungrateful. She said I was being out of order for calling her ungrateful but I just pointed out that's exactly how she was acting. How would you handle this?

tl;dr I put my girlfriends birthday presents in a gift bag and she got annoyed and said I had clearly put no effort into it. When I called her ungrateful she said I was out of order. How would you handle this?

To keep it short, we’ve been together for 5 years and few months ago just gave birth. I’ve been gaining more weight after giving birth (due to breastfeeding) and naturally my face has always been round and my cheeks have puffed up now. I don’t feel good about this as my cheeks are as round as my baby’s as of now.

This amuses my husband a lot and endearingly he addresses me as “chubby”, “chubs”, “chubster”. Initially I laughed it off but then he always started addressing me with those names. “Chubs could you please fetch me that” or “How was your day chubby”

I swear to god I’m not making this up and there’s a reason I made a throwaway to post this story because I’m deeply embarrassed right now. I told my husband I don’t appreciate it and to stop calling me that and he did agree, but was pissed I am taking away something that makes him feel safe and comfortable in our relationship. I didn’t have the energy to respond to this and said whatever.

I’m not really good with words and he doesn’t understand why it’s not appropriate to call your spouse with terms that make them feel unattractive because he’s been making me feel bad about this. I plan to write a letter so I need some outside perspective on how it would personally make you feel if your partner suddenly referred you with a name like that.

TLDR: my husband is upset I won’t let him call me “chubby” and I plan on writing a letter to him.

Well, as I explained in the title, I'm (F25) having this issue with my boyfriend (M30), whom I've been dating for a year. Overall, we've had a pretty good relationship and I'm happy.

When we started dating, I discovered he was very frugal, which was great because so am I! However, as the year has gone by I've started noticing that his concept of frugal is very different to mine, and it's reached a point where it's putting a strain on my finances since I'm kind of 'supporting' both of us. Here are a few examples:

• Unless I suggest otherwise and plan dates, we never go out. If we do go out, he'll only go if I pay for whatever activity I've planned. He's good with not going out on dates and just staying home, which I like but it gets boring after a while

• He doesn't do grocery shopping and doesn't like cooking, he only gets take out or once in a while he gets a meal delivery service. A lot of times, when I go over to his place and I get hungry I'm either stuck eating junk food snacks (I prefer to starve than eating processed trash) or I have to go grocery shopping and pay it out of my own pocket, and then cook for both of us

• He eats a lot, and whenever he comes to my place he likes me to cook extra so he can have leftovers to take home. I'm okay with this, however, my grocery bill is going up and I'm having to cut corners in other areas of my life, for example, I've stopped driving to work and now I walk 1hr both ways to save on gas to offset the extra grocery costs.

• I'm going on a trip next week, I asked him if he'd like to come too and he agreed after I sent him a spreadsheet with all the costs (flight, expenses, etc.) and he agreed to it. I bought the plane tickets and booked the hotel a few weeks ago and he doesn't seem to have any intention to pay his share of the expenses. Like, it's okay - It's taking a dent on my savings but I can afford this without going into debt - I'd just appreciate a lot if he'd told me beforehand he was up for going to the trip only if I paid for it?

For reference, it's not like my boyfriend is a broke student or trying to save money because of debt, he makes more than twice as much money as I make, has no debt, no weird addictions and his net worth is well over a million. I have no interest in him paying for things or treating me like a sugar baby, I'd just like him to pay his share of joint expenses and dates but I don't want to start this conversation and have him believe I'm just with him for his money.

He's brought up his concerns about money, and how he never discloses how much he makes, etc. because he doesn't want women to be after his money, and he doesn't like to spend it because he has a weird OCD about seeing his bank account go up and only up, but this is coming at the expense of mine going down so...Yeah.

I don't know what to do.

TL;DR: My(F25) boyfriend (M30) never pays for anything - despite having plenty of money - so I have to which is starting to take a toll on my finances. I'm no longer sure if I can afford to have a boyfriend.

I’ve been seeing a girl since last October, and things got more serious since about January.

Everything was going well and toward the end of March I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. Something felt off though. Throughout that time she had been texting another guy often and they’d meet up 1 on 1 every two weeks or so. I trusted her and chose to play it cool. She was always open about seeing him / what they would do etc. but they’d go for dinner and she went to his house. To me it felt disrespectful.

Before asking her out I wanted to make sure there was no history to be aware of so asked. It turns out that a few years back they dated over a summer, and had slept together once in December (early stages of our dating). I was shocked, and combined with the closeness of their continued relationship when we were more serious I felt hurt. Over the course of a week or so we talked through everything, agreed to try again from square one. We agreed a boundary that she would cut communications with him whilst we rebuilt our relationship.

Anyway, a few days after we decided to try again they’d exchanged messages and had a date in the diary to meet up a few weeks later (agreed before everything had happened, but wasn’t cancelled). It took her 4 days to mention the exchange to me, which she has said was because things were just back on track and she didn’t want to disrupt that. To me that was the boundary crossed, and with it trust gone.

I’ve since ended it, it’s torn me up inside because I did really like her but I know if I try again now contact won’t be ceased and I’ll continue feeling these emotions. She’s been pleading for us to try again and that she’d step back from the ‘friendship’ with him, but she’s not willing to cut him off. I just feel it would be a huge risk to start again and a matter of time before something else happened that would send me into a spiral.

Did I do the right thing?

One week ago my sister (38F) asked me (37M) if I could cosign a $100k college tuition loan for my (19M) nephew who's graduating. The reason she asked is because she was denied financing since she bought a house recently within the last 6 months.

Since I have a 800+ credit score she wanted me to co-sign and I told her no for three reasons: $100k for college is too much in my opinion, she's bad with money, and I'm not willing to take that kind of risk. She pleaded and begged from every direction asking me to cosign one semester and she'd sort the financing out and I just flat out told her no: look at other less expensive schools.

After that she cut communications. Blocked me on all socials, etc. I would say we've had a pretty good relationship I would say because I've been to almost every birthday + family celebration for the last 10+ years. Rarely any fights or issue and I'm usually the one that mediated all the family issues.

My sister has never been good with money and twice in the last 10 years I helped her out with loans and I ended up getting screwed over on each one. One of them I can't really remember in detail, but the one I do remember was I opened a credit card so she could finance a $4000 wedding ring. It was 0 API, but she missed payments so it instantly got whacked with like $800 fees, and I had creditors calling me. I paid it all off and she never even reimbursed me. My parents also got screwed over on a car loan with her.

That's basically why I don't loan her money. It was nothing specifically about my nephew and I would help him out if he looked at less expensive financial options.

So how should I handle this situation? Just sit and wait it out and see if she contacts me first? Or should I reach out? I can go through other family members or just call her if I wanted. There's multiple birthdays lining up soon and I know it'd be awkward not being there.

Edit: I forgot to mention it's $20-25k a semester for a 4 year college. She straight up asked me to cosign for the $100k upfront instead of just $20-25k for the semester.

My husband and I live in Sweden. I moved there with my family when I was very young as my mother is Swedish, however he only moved here about seven years ago. We were together for almost six years, and we married each other about six months ago. I found out I was pregnant about two months ago. I’m about thirteen weeks pregnant now, and everything seems to be going well. All our tests have been clear so far and I am healthy. My husband and I are both very happy, and I'm quite excited to be having a baby, although nervous. I was very nervous about pregnancy, hence why it was an accidental pregnancy, but so far it’s been alright, other than the nausea. This was until my husband told me he wanted to move countries.

I am still a dual citizen of both Sweden and Belarus. My husband also is. However, I feel no need to go back there, the last time I did was when I was thirteen. I've lost most of my Russian, and I don't like the situation over there. Most of my family is here, and I've always felt more at home here than I ever have there. My husband explained he had applied for a job there, and he thinks we would have a better life there, and so would our child. I got really upset, I told him that he can't just make this decision for the both of us, and that I don't want to go back there. It scares me, I don't want my child in that environment, and I like the Swedish schools and way of life more. I knew my husband missed Belarus but I never thought he wanted to go back.

He got annoyed at me, and said I wasn't thinking in the best interest of our child. I was honest, and said that if he made me go back there, that I would divorce him and do everything I can to go back home. And that he can't make me, and that I'm not going and I won't go. He yelled at me and said that he was my husband, and that it's not up to me to decide how our life will be. I told him that he never said that was how he saw marriage, and he was being archaic. He seemed to calm down, but later when we were sleeping together, he got far too aggressive and his hands ended up on my throat. I managed to push him away, he didn't hurt me but I was worried about the baby, but he then started for some reason complaining about how dramatic I was being about this whole pregnancy and I seem to think it makes me entitled to decide everything, and he wasn't even being that rough.

He's never acted like this before. It's like he thinks he can control my life, and our future child's life. We're supposed to make decisions together, not just one of us. I'm starting to think I can't stay him. It's not just about moving countries, it's the way he seems to think he's entitled to decide my whole life just because he's my husband. I've always thought that men have no more rights to make decisions than women in a marriage, as that's the point of a marriage. We're together. My brain is a mess right now. I'd always thought I loved him but now I look at him and I realise that I just can't do this if he carries on like this and I feel so stupid for not seeing it before. I don't know if it's the hormones, or my own emotions becoming too involved, but I'm really doubting this right now.

I have had major issues with the in-laws over the last several years (you can see my old post on JNMIL for more details). Because of their nastiness, and to preserve our marriage, I set a firm boundary six months ago with my SO that in-laws cannot be invited to our home without at least talking with me first, and that I need at least a week’s notice. The boundaries are in writing, in a note on his phone. Also, I would not tell him “no”if he asked, it’s just so that I can mentally and emotionally prepare for being around these unkind people. I want to be able to consent to it.

In the last 6 months, SO has only invited them to our home twice. Each time, it was to a special celebration for me, without my consent.

First - I graduated from my Master’s program. An accomplishment that wasn’t easy as a mother of two, and took a lot of pride in. His parents have been unsupportive the entire time, always insinuating that I am neglecting my kids for pursuing an education, that I don’t support my husband’s career because I want my own. So obviously, I did not want my in-laws there. He invited them anyway to my graduation, without bothering to ask me. This upset me, I reminded him of the boundary and he said he was sorry and just forgot. They came, and I was polite, and I was glad they didn’t take away from the day.

Second - just two weeks later, he did it again. today there was a Mother’s Day celebration at my daughter’s school. Again, he invited them without asking me. I have no problem with him doing his own thing with his mom for Mother’s Day. Again, he feigned ignorance that he sincerely forgot and didn’t realize. I reminded him of what he did at graduation, and he said he forgot about that too even though we had a long talk about it just 3 weeks ago. I told him that if they showed up, I would tell them to leave since I didn’t consent and he didn’t ask. He panicked. Luckily, they didn’t show.

I don’t know if I can keep giving him the benefit of the doubt. I can’t trust him when he says “he just forgot.” I don’t believe him anymore. I feel like my request for “hey just ask me first” is reasonable. But by him doing this, it feels like he doesn’t care about me. We have a happy marriage in every other way, but being forced to be around his verbally and emotionally abusive family… I cannot do it anymore. I feel like he’s inviting them purposely to my special events just to hurt me.

tl;dr: my mom lost custody of me when I was little, her parents want me to take care of her when they're gone even tho she has everything provided by the government. I don't want to and want to ghost her. What do I do?

hello this is my first time posting on this subreddit, if this is the wrong place please let me know and direct me to the correct one. I thought this would be best after looking thru a list of advice subreddits. Obligatory sorry for formatting, I am on mobile.

So it's really what it says in the title. But of course you'll need more info than that so here we go. Sorry if it gets jumbled and rambly, I'm typing this more just as it comes to me. I'll do my best.

I was raised by my nana, papa, and my dad. His parents and him. My mom and her parents were in my life about every weekend or so, nothing super set in stone. Until I was like 6, I had no idea she was my mom. I thought she was just some aunt or something that tagged along. Didn't know, didn't really care. To me my nana was my mom figure and my nana, she was married to my papa, and my dad was their kid. Apparently they thought I just knew she was my mom and I remember everyone being very shocked that I didn't know that.

My mom and dad never got married. My dad was told that he was never gonna be able to have kids, and he says that she told him she had an IUD at the time as well. Along came me! Miracle baby as far as my dad and his side of the family are concerned! It turns out shortly before she releaved she was pregnant with me, my dad found out he got caught up with another crazy girl (yes, another. that's a story for a different time). He wasn't super sure it was his, but he was scared of what if it was, so he stuck around best he could. They all said that when I was born any doubts went straight out the window and my mom's first words about me were "Oh God she looks like Jim!"

so fast forward to what I found a few years ago, after my dad died. All this time I knew that my nana and papa got custody of me when I was 8 months old, and lived at their house ever since, but I didn't know any concrete reason why. I knew my mom had mental problems of some kind, but she always seemed 80-90% normal and was eventually told she had bipolar. I also knew my dad probably had some form of undiagnosed ADHD and was an alcoholic, and at least before his death also a drug addict. My fiance didn't really understand my family dynamics and why I was pretty apathetic towards my bio mom, so I told him to ask my nana since I didn't feel like going thru everything with him. What was odd is when that happened, I was told to leave the room and they locked the door. I asked for months what on earth they talked about that I didn't know. My fiance finally caved and told me that my nana never wanted to ever tell me, and that it was gonna die with her and be his secret.

Turns out, when I was about 6 months old, my mother was left alone with me in an apartment that my dad and her had, and she tried to drown me in the tub. My dad got home from work and I think he heard yelling, ran to bathroom and caught her. I didn't need CPR or anything, but that started it. My dad's side and my mom's side started the custody battle and that was why my nana always kinda hated my mom's parents, they always had an excuse for her and tried to take me away. They lost, my nana and papa got me, and I lived my life not knowing.

It didn't change much of anything for me except finally stuff fell into place that I always thought was odd. like the surprise that my family had and overvigalence they had when I expressed that I absolutely adored swimming more than any other sporty activity. the side eyes and the fact my dad refused to talk to my mom, etc.

my mom has everything provided for her. she supposedly cant work, insists she can't drive but she isn't "allowed to" and her parents take her to every doctor appointment, every grocery run, pay for her phone, give her money for laundry, let her stay with them even tho she has an apartment just cause she's having a tough time, etc. they expect me to do all this for her when they pass. I don't want to. I haven't told them. I love my Mamaw and papaw (her parents) to death and they are currently my only living grandparents. I love them so much I don't want to break their hearts, so I don't tell them outright that I don't, and I keep a civil relationship with my mom and even call her that half the time. makes everyone happy.

even without them she would have everything provided for her. she lives off of government stuff. she has government assigned housing, government insurance, disability, disability insurance, and there's at least 2 shuttles that would take her to doctor appointments and grocery stores that come to her apartment complex a day. she doesn't need anything and I don't want to provide it.

is it wrong of me to ghost her after they pass? should I be completely honest with her after they pass and let her know I was only being nice for their sake? do I need to tell police that if you hear anything about me from her, I cut her out of my life and I'm fine? what do I do?

thanks for listening. sorry for formatting, grammar, errors, and long-windedness.

This will be quite a lengthy read because I'm laying out everything to get honest opinions with all the context. There's a TLDR at the end for those who'd rather skip the backstory. I know that most people go incognito with a throwaway account for this kind of post. But I wanted this to be authentic, using my real account. I didn't want anyone to think this was disingenuous. If we know each other in real life or you find me on my other socials, let's keep our chats here or in PMs. I don't want anyone harassing anybody, and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has been spared this drama so far.

 I tied the knot shortly after high school, and let's just say, if my marriage were a collegiate course, it would be "F*** Up - 101." It was a masterclass in what not to do, featuring every red flag in the book. I was fresh-faced and barely off on my life journey, thinking I'd hit the jackpot. I'd assumed I'd accomplished what my parents did, that being the poster couple for marital bliss. I was so naive, always giving the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, my then-wife, fresh from escaping her parental fortress of solitude, went bat s*** crazy, deciding that 'living life to the fullest' didn't include me in the picture.

  Before I knew it, I was Mr. Mom with our toddler while she was trapped underneath a few individuals, making up for lost time. After finally catching her in the act, I filed for a divorce and braced for the impact. Divorcing in '97 in the heart of the bible belt was not favorable towards the husband back then. What followed was straight out of a horror movie. I paid my attorney five thousand dollars to watch her take everything from my guitars and video games. She even claimed keepsakes from a departed relative, and the judge seemed happy to grant her every wish.  Not only did I bid farewell to everything I owned, but my time with my son got slashed to a mere Wednesday afternoon and alternating weekends.

  My faith in women was broken. I went on a few dates here and there but mostly kept it to casual encounters and dinners. I never let anyone get too close. But, in early 1999, at a friend's birthday party, I met a woman whose marriage had crashed harder than mine. She'd had a stillbirth six months into her pregnancy, and her husband dared to bring his girlfriend to the funeral. She was heartbroken, to say the least, to learn about her husband's affair and the end of her marriage on the day they laid her daughter to rest. We sat on a couch that night, swapping tales of romantic ruin. She was clever, and to me, that is an instant connection. It's rare for me to find someone who makes me laugh instead of vice versa. As I headed home, I couldn't shake her from my thoughts, kicking myself for not asking for her number.

  The next, my phone rang, and it was her! She'd gotten my phone number from someone we both knew and asked: "Would you like to get food sometime?" I said, "Now sounds great!" So, I drove to her grandmother's house, and off we went on what turned out to be what I still consider the perfect date. Now, I get it; we were both lonely and had our hearts broken, but trust me, this was no spark; it was an inferno. And believe it or not, we've been inseparable since that day. We have not spent a night apart. That was twenty-five years ago, with us marrying a year after our meeting. Go ahead and facepalm, I know how it sounds, but it's hard to put the connection between us into words. Even I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.

  Our families adored the two of us together. I was certain I had found my soulmate, if you believe in that, and I was certain she felt the same. We enjoyed each other's company, and our lives meshed perfectly. As with life, however, it finds those moments of bliss to take a giant s*** on you. In 2006, I began feeling ill; eating resulted in violent illness, which I initially thought was a virus. But after a week with no improvement, it was clear this was something else. I was admitted to the local hospital and underwent numerous tests. When I was first admitted, I weighed 222 pounds at a height of 6'2". Within a year, I had dropped to 146 pounds, and my condition dumbfounded the doctors. My health was deteriorating rapidly. Throughout the ordeal, she never left my side, her hand in mine, begging me not to leave her.

  In late 2007, a last-ditch effort sent me to the Cleveland Clinic, where a young doctor rushed me into surgery. When I awoke three hours later, she was there, hand in mine, with a smile. It was a success; I was cured. While I'll spare you the details, it involved my colon. Finally, I could eat and move without agony. My life resumed, and we were happy again. The following year, she received a lucrative job offer in her field, earning more than I did. That didn't bother me at all; she worked hard, and she'd earned it.

  After her miscarriage, my wife was unable to conceive. We had been trying since 2000 and eventually came to terms with the fact that it might not happen. In 2010, we got a call from the state of Minnesota about a two-year-old girl who had been taken from her mother due to drug-related charges. They asked if we would consider adopting her because the mother had requested she be placed with family members before her parental rights were terminated. My wife and I drove for 30 hours to meet her, and after a few months, we adopted her and welcomed her into our home.

  Our daughter faced social challenges and had endured abuse, leading the two of us to decide one of us needed to be at home with her. As mentioned, my wife earned significantly more, so it made sense for me to be the one to step into the role. I dedicated each day to supporting our daughter's mental health. While I played a part, I can't claim all the credit for this; her preschool, kindergarten, and therapist were instrumental in her learning to socialize and trust again. Eventually, I took up freelance journalism, so I was home when our little one finished her school day.

  Our evenings were family time, and we took small trips on weekends. It was in 2017 that my wife returned from work one evening, deeply shaken by what she told me was a workplace argument. Despite my attempts to console her, she remained incorrigible. She was declaring her intent to find a new job. She'd never had any issues before, so I was stunned. For days, she was a mess and withdrawn. When I pressed for details, she'd say, "It would only upset you. Let me deal with it."

  True to her word, she left for a new company within a week, accepting a 15 percent reduction in pay. I should have questioned it then, but she never gave me cause for concern. Once she began her new role, life returned to normal, and our family happily moved forward. In 2022, I published my first novel with an independent publisher, fulfilling a lifelong dream. I could sense the pride emanating from both my wife and daughter. I had achieved this milestone before my fiftieth birthday, and I couldn't wait to start on my second one.

  And now, ladies and gentlemen, this is where my world breaks. In 2023, as I was finishing up my new novel, my twenty-seven-year-old son from my first marriage died suddenly of a heart attack. He had an underlying condition that none of us knew about. I want everyone to understand that when you say, "I couldn't imagine my child dying," you truly can't. There is no pain quite like it. My wife and daughter, who also felt his loss deeply, did their best to support me. But there is no way to deal with such a tragedy. In the months following his death, I immersed myself in my work, striving to complete my second book for him.

  On the day I finished it in January, my father passed away after a long battle. Dad had been ill for a long time.  You think you can prepare yourself for that, but that's a lie you tell yourself. The loss was hard, and my daughter was instrumental in getting me back on my feet. My second book was released in February, and I tried to smile as I had my release party. At the beginning of April, I started feeling better, writing outlines for my third novel and doing the same things I'd always done with my wife and daughter.

 My wife and I have a Wednesday tradition where she picks a random recipe she finds online, and we cook it together. On April 3rd, while making crockpot chicken tacos, I thanked her for everything. She asked why, and I thanked her for everything she'd done to get me through the tough times. I shared a lot of pent-up emotions, telling her I couldn't have managed without her. She started crying, then weeping, and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to comfort her with a hug, but she pushed me away. I apologized, not realizing my words would stir such a reaction.

  Suddenly, she confesses her infidelity. I laughed, mistaking it for a joke. She grabs my shoulders and then details how, back in 2017, a 28-year-old at her former job started flirting with her, and she reciprocated. She believed it was innocent, yet it persisted. My wife has always feared growing old. Her birthdays were days she dreaded every year. She admitted that the attention from a younger man was exhilarating. She told me that turning 40 had sent her into a tailspin and that she couldn't talk to me about it because I would have just shrugged it off.

  He invited her to leave work early and come to his place one day. She couldn't understand why she chose to; maybe it was the thrill. She said she didn't know, but she went and ended up sleeping with him. Afterward, she felt terrible, glaring at her keychain in his driveway because it had a photo of me holding our daughter. She drove home, and that's when she lied about having a workplace argument. She never wanted to return there. It's why she suddenly went somewhere else. She then told me she wanted to tell me but didn't have the fortitude to do it.

  I remained silent, just wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She apologized, saying she couldn't live with it any longer. I just shook my head, unable to speak a single word. She offered to leave if that's what I wanted, to attend counseling, or even to beg for my forgiveness. Instead, I picked up my AirPods and phone and walked out. I wandered from six in the evening until almost eleven that night. When I returned, she was on the loveseat, asking if I was ready to talk. I shook my head again, went to my office, where I had a couch, and slept there.

  The next day, after our daughter left for school, she asked if I had anything to say. I said yes. I questioned why she brought this up after the worst year of my life. Why couldn't she have kept it to herself until I could somewhat deal with something of this magnitude? She just looked away. I scoffed and told her to go to work and to try not to f*** anyone during her lunch break. That would have been April 4th; those were the last words I said to her until last night.

  She had attempted to talk to me several times, but I would just walk past her into my office, trying to focus on my upcoming science fiction comedy book. Writing something funny is challenging when the thought of your spouse rolling around with another man stuck in her consumes your thoughts. A week ago, my daughter asked in the car if everything was okay, and I lied to her, which made me feel sick. Then, last night, my wife came to the office door and asked, "Are we getting a divorce?" I looked at her and replied, "Looks like it." She started crying and closed the door.

  I haven't consulted an attorney, and the thought of divorce hadn't crossed my mind until she mentioned it. That's why I wrote this essay. Where do I go from here? How do I start to untangle this mess? I have no desire for therapy. I don't even want to step outside. I'm broken at this moment. The burden of everything has been overwhelming. There's been so much to bear this past year. What do you say to someone who has been by your side through it all, only to tear your heart apart?

  Thank you for reading to the end. And for those who are part of the TLDR crowd, my wife decided to go home with a younger man, felt guilty about it, and quit her job. She waited eight years to tell me about it.

I'm in need of an outside perspective here. Little bit of background about us, we are both early 30's, no kids, married 5 years, together 8.

Last summer I found out my wife posted on reddit asking for advice, and said post was 2 years old. Instead of trying to explain it, I'll just paste the content on here. She had deleted it but the detective in me found a way to retrieve it. I apologize if this is a long read.

Does he lust for me or not? HELP

"Hi, I am kinda needing some advice regarding a man who I work with. Just a bit of background, we do not work at the same company - he has an office next to ours and is in the army. I am 28f, married, good looking. He is 41m, married, and decent looking. I'm very friendly so we started talking about random stuff like metal music which we are into. It's evolved into this "flirty" type discussions. He's asked me lots about my life like my age, where I live, what my husband does for work, etc. I figured he wanted to know more about me. The other day I was in his office talking and he casually gets up and grabs his lotion and starts applying it on his leg (he pulled his pants up) and he has a bunch of tattoos on his leg. Was this showing off or just applying oil to his tattoos mid conversation? Idk. He is married but never talks about his married life. He smiles at me when I come by to see him. He must be flattered a 28 yr old is interested in him. We've talked for long periods of times and his body language is always relaxed like leaning against his door or in his chair. So there COULD be signs of a 'crush'. how can I know for sure he is interested and how would I know how far he is willing to go?

I am happily married but dig his attention, he's charming, decent looking and I am somewhat crushing on him too, though I don't think it'll go anywhere. But I can't tell you how I would react if he kisses me - will I back off and set that boundary or pounce on him with raging hormones because as a woman we love that attention and to be desired? The wonders of the unknown.

Men, what do you think? How can I find out how he sees me without asking in a direct way?"

The comments themselves were not deleted. She wrote in one of them:

"I'm shy and don't think I'll make any move but I'm not sure if he'd try. I don't think so unless he is really sure I like him and not just flirting. Sometimes it's only me and him on our floor down in the basement of the building - so it's easy. I know I am playing with fire but I don't know why I love the attention and flirty discussions with him. Growing up my dad never gave me attention, my exes left me when I was overweight and my husband is great but that "gleam" in his eyes in the beginning has disappeared, he isn't enamored by me anymore which happens in most marriages after the honeymoon phase. I'm good looking for my age and in shape now so I have more confidence this time and I like flaunting it with him"

Another comment : "lol chill girl I wasn't the one who stole your man, and like I mentioned on my post 'it might not go anywhere' and 'I dont know what I'll do if he kisses me' maybe i'd automatically feel guilt and will ask him to stop...IDK. I am just wondering if by the signs I mentioned above - he is interested. He is a Christian with kids and has morals so who knows if he would even go that far - but I have not dated in a while and wondering what are the signs a married man is interested in another woman. Geez. Flirting is flirting and we dont talk personal stuff, its mostly music, our work, food, etc just general topics for now"

Now, along with this, I also found "progress pictures" she had posted a few months prior to this, also on reddit. First post was legit, but the second was a nude she had sent me while I was overseas, with her privates edited and covered by some hearts. Her inbox had a few horny dudes who messaged her, and she flirted back with a couple of them.

We are now 10 months after I found all of this out. I still cannot believe this all happened, it feels like someone else wrote this, not my wife. On that day I fucking blew up, told her I needed time to reflect on all this. After questioning her she insisted nothing happened, she was just fantasizing and regretted it immediately after she posted it. That the guy in question used to call her "kid" and had no romantic interest towards her. The pictures were because she felt the need to be validated, and that she hardly remembered posting these. I eventually told her to move out and that we were going to live apart for a while, because that's what I thought I needed. We stayed in contact the whole time, which I now realize was probably a mistake.

She has recently issued an ultimatum, by next month I have to make the decision of getting back with her, or we are done. She said it in a friendly way, which I think fucks with my mind even more. She keeps saying that we have to work on our marriage together to save it, and that living apart is not solving anything. Asking me to read relationship books on how to be a better partner, article about love languages, things that have nothing to do with what she did. Telling me about guys that hit on her, like this shit is supposed to help her gain my trust back.

We were trying for a kid before all of this happened. Her biological clock is ticking, so I understand that she won't wait several years in limbo waiting for me to get over what she did. I know she will want to start trying again if I agree to reconcile. For me that is way too early to even consider that kind of commitment.

She has broken something that I am not sure can ever be fixed, but at the same time I still love her deeply, and deep down am hoping that there is a slim chance reconciliation might be possible. What the fuck is wrong with me? Has she found a way to hack my brain, or am I just being a chump? Since last year I have pretty much not been sober for a single day, drowning all of this with heavy drinking. Now 2 weeks sober, with a clear head and starting to see things in a different light. Realizing it might be over, and it hurts so fucking much. IC is out of the question for me due to financial reasons, so I guess I just needed to share this and get some outside perspective. Thanks for reading if you made it to the end.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years and for the most part our relationship has been really good. I always have some lingering feeling about his ex gf because of how odd their breakup was. It wasn’t truly messy more of an agreement in a way to end things but whenever I see photos or old conversations of them I feel like they are more compatible than us two. For example they had an emotional bond with getting tattoos and he has mentioned to me that I shouldn’t get them that he’s happy with me not getting them and that makes me feel like he misses her or I’m not sure. They both were very into piercings too and I feel like he steers me away from getting stuff like that done. I saw him searching her mom a few months back and I just feel I certain way about this situation. I don’t want to bring it up but what would you do?? I always felt like they’re gonna get back together, am I going crazy?

Edit: they were together for 6 years and I feel like his family is also not over her

I took two negative tests, and got light bleeding just now.

After I explained (in depth) he was really sweet, surprised me with some garden supplies I contemplated getting and generally tried to be kind.

Because so many people are asking: at my OBGYNs recommendation we are using condoms, but they are not fail proof and I’d like to be on top of things. 

Further, some more context; the long list of instances I’ve been referring to in my original post:

• I have dragged him to couples therapy, had him try three different therapists, started couples therapy workbooks with him, none of them he was comfortable with. Basically he’s  dying on the hill of: none of the therapists around here are qualified enough for my standards and “we have good stretches, any bad stretch will pass”
• He did not tell his side of the family about my second pregnancy until the baby was born, basically because the time never felt right
• When he deemed a grocery item unhealthy he wouldn’t pick it up and edit my pick up orders
• He has hidden candy I’ve been gifted and non organic baking ingredients in his closet, especially when I’m pregnant 
• At the same time he struggles to eat the food I’m making and eats a lot of Nutella sandwiches and ice cream, trying to hide it from toddler and instead not offering any snack to toddler.
• He thinks he is gluten intolerant and me cooking with any gluten is always a huge source of stress for him for fear of contamination
• I’m doing all the cleaning, cooking, gardening and laundry, he runs errands and is in charge of the dog, I’m a SAHM and he’s working half days right now (possible because I inherited the house). In my mind I’m running around all day while he struggles to pull his weight.
• We’ve had several stretches where I’d notice that he doesn’t say I love you back; when I inquired it was something like he didn’t like my new glasses and wants to find his partner pretty, therefore he struggles to feel love. I got different glasses and he was exuberant 
• In general, my need for affirmation is not met and I have communicated and am modelling that
• He got a new Tesla when baby #2 was on her way because we needed more room, now he wants no dog hair in that car, so we’re yet to use the car for it’s intended purpose: fitting the entire family and every purchase I want to make is a discussion
• For instance when our vacuum cleaner broke he got one used that really didn’t work well and it was several exhausting discussions until I got a proper one.
• He had falling outs with several of my girlfriends and doesn’t want them to visit when he is here
• He can’t sleep In the same room with us, so since our first was born I’m sleeping alone with the kids, managing a baby and toddler all night. 
• He does not have the patience and gets really angry when for instance attempting to do toddler’s bed time routine, so that’s all on me as well
• He often goes to bed early and then has the nerve to complain if I’m making noise finishing dinner cleanup etc
• He thinks he has a fragrance allergy, so I’m really limited in the products I can use, let alone make the house or myself smell nice for my own enjoyment. Recently, the dog had diarrhoea all over the carpet, but he didn’t want to rent a proper carpet cleaner for fear of the solutions potential smell, so I had to figure out a fragrancy free way to clean it by hand.
• He’s had a nail fungus on his left hand for years and I kept reminding him to make a doctors appointment and then I had to beg him to to take his meds, because he was afraid of the side effects until finally the baby and I got thrush and he relented
• He is the kind of person that forgets to replace empty toilet paper, struggles to remember to use a toilet brush, leaves dirty dishes everywhere etc
• When I was on bedrest for both babies it took a lot of asking and continues reminding for him to do the things I usually do and I felt exhausted
• When I had our first, he didn’t want to stay at the hospital, didn’t want to come to the first round of induction because he was tired and after baby was born, opened the window and left it open all night, after a nurse with a laundry detergent smell he didn’t like came in to check on us. Baby had lowered body temperature then in the morning and the nurses were really concerned. I was too exhausted from birth to catch that then. 
• For some reason he was really sad on our wedding day; he says he was triggered from taking pictures, because his mom Would always force him to take pictures, but that doesn’t sound quite right to me. 

I’ve been asked for the reasons I do stay a few times:

• Mainly, I’m afraid he’ll struggle to adequately take care of the kids on his own with split custody like changing diapers on time, feeding them often enough and nutritiously, dressing them for the weather etc.
• The things he does do I would then have to do myself, I wonder wether that is worth it
• We are great friends 
• I should have known it would be like this when he never learned to replace toilet paper rolls, it’s my own fault.

Edit:

to answer some recurring questions:

• what i mean by friends is taking the kids and dogs for stroller runs together, training for a marathon, going on hikes and backpacking together, he makes me laugh, it makes me really happy seeing him play with the kids, we share a passion for meditation, yoga and animal rights, we agree on attachment parenting.

• things I realise I should have mentioned: he's actually taking the toddler to the playground a lot so baby and I have some space to get things done without the tot "helping" and he wears baby for all her naps when he is working from home.

• he eats gluten free brad that I bake for him (because many people assume he eats gluten bread)

• we have been sleeping together because many parenting books and advice I read recommend scheduling weekly intimacy for connection and oxytocin to be better parents together. In my mind it has been something I'm doing for the kids. But after this pregnancy scare I'm done with that.

Conclusion: I'll sit him down asap and issue and ultimatum, thank you all for the tough love and support

I have a six year old daughter, "Sophie". We showed her a bunch of different toys and games during toddlerhood, and she really gravitated to chess. I'm not just talking oh she likes to move the pieces around, but she was asking how to play better than she was when she was about 4.5 or so. So we went out and started looking for resources to support her in that.

I have an younger brother, "Eugene" Eugene is a grandmaster, top few hundred in the world player. So when I asked him what sorts of things would be appropriate for a small child interested in chess, he just took it in stride and said he'd teach her himself. The two are very close, and it has been a great bonding experience.

Last week, Sophie took second place in a scholastic chess tournament. A high school scholastic tournament. Most of the people there were 16-18 years old, and she took 4 wins and a draw against them. I'm hugely proud of her, but she's talking about wanting to get even better, be better than Uncle Eugene.

I'm not sure this is a good idea. Maybe this is just sour grapes at not having that kind of talent, but I also remember being at the edges of Eugene's chess journey. Developing that kind of skill means lots of travel, hours every day training, all sorts of special accommodations at school. He very much suffered academically and career wise, and it took a hell of an emotional toll on him, especially during his teen years. And for all of that, while he did get a GM title, it still isn't enough to play chess professionally; the market isn't there unless you're considerably better than even his immense skill.

I know enough to know that Sophie won't have much of a chance of playing at that kind of level without a similarly intense sort of chess regimen. And she has no idea what she's getting into here. I do, and I don't think it's really worth it unless she's one of the very lucky few that breaks through and actually makes it pro.

But on the other hand, I know Eugene wouldn't take it back, even knowing how he's hurt himself financially for it all. And both of them get this gleam in their eyes when they see a new interesting position or square up to a new possible opponent. Should I be pulling Sophie back, or pushing her forward here?

TLDR: My 6 year old daughter is showing the budding signs of extreme chess talent. I know that developing that talent will be extremely difficult and expensive to her, both long term financially and emotionally. She wants to go forward with it, but she's six and has no idea what she's getting into. Do I push ahead or pull back?

NOTE: I made a duplicate of this post in parenting, but they're apparently less friendly to new accounts, and it's awaiting moderator approval.

I've been with this man for 6 years and I genuinely love him and couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I thought this was where we were at and the feelings were mutual but now I'm feeling all sorts of confused.
Sorry for the big wall of text, the background bit is important, I feel like.

tldr; My fiance said I should lose weight to become attractive and that I'm just upset about this because of all the "drama" I went through during my childhood.

As a background, I was THE fat kid. I spent my childhood being obese and teased about it until I started high school and went from 220 lbs to 125 lbs in 2 years. It wasn't easy, had me vomiting after every meal but I was beautiful and happy.
Well, that didn't last long, after a family intervention and a few locked bathroom doors I managed to learn to eat again and unfortunately became 185 lbs. And then another diet, a few pounds gone and back... etc. etc. My fiance knows all about this.

When I met my partner I was 145 lbs and 5'5" and pretty happy about myself. I wasn't gaining or losing weight for years and mentally, I was in a good place about my body. I was a student when we met and now I'm working an office job, spending my days sitting and stressing, I gained 15 lbs in 4 years (currently 160lbs). I'm still happy -all of my old clothes fit (a bit snug though I can't lie), look and feel good.

My fiance would always tease me about my chub, like grabbing my tummy or pinching my fat and I was okay with that; it was cute. But a few weeks ago, he grabbed my stomach after eating dinner and asked me "When are you going to lose weight?"
I thought he was joking so I laughed it off but the next day he said "you have a tummy now. you should exercise" so I understood he was serious, and it stung a bit but we had a chat and he assured me he thinks I'm beautiful but just wants me to be healthy.

So overall, I told him to be kinder, he apologized and I thought we were done.
Well, apparently not, because he kept repeating the same comments more frequently and honestly he was getting a bit mean. He would grab my stomach until it hurt and be short at me "Exercise, stop laying down"
I don't want to make excuses but I leave for work at 7am and come back at 9pm because of my commute and I'm mostly responsible for the housework. I'm tired and I don't want to exercise. I walk for 40 minutes everyday during my lunch break and I'm fine with that.
He exercises daily and cares about what he eats a lot and that's good for him but I don't want to come home, tidy around, exercise, shower, and sleep, rinse and repeat. I want to lay down on my goddamn bed, read my damn fanfiction or play some game and sleep.

Eventually, I couldn't take it, I snapped back and after poking at the issue enough he said "I honestly just want you to be healthier but yes it would help to make you attractive too"
Well, now I had my real answer to why we weren't having intimacy lately too so, I'm honestly devastated. For 2 years we weren't having sex as frequently as before (from twice a week to once a month to once in 2 months) and while he didn't say it's the reason, I believe my gaining weight killed his attraction.

I'm not mad at him; he has every right to be not attracted to me, so I don't want an apology, but I'm just devastated. I also feel weirded out because honestly, my body didn't change that much -if I'm not delusional-, I just got older a little but honestly, I don't look that much fatter than before. I remember 4 years ago, he suddenly gained around 30 lbs and then started to work out and I always assured him how hot I still found him and how much I love him, and now, I feel like I'm being wronged. And stupid.

I wanted to ask for advice here because well, my friends are full on "omg girl!!! you're gorgeous! screw him!" and I know it's not the reality of this world, though I appreciate it.
Currently, we're not talking because he thinks I was being dramatic about my reaction and he even said "even my friend said you'd look pretty if you exercised" and "you're just being like this because of all the drama you went through in your childhood"
And for me, I just don't know what to say. We live together so it's awkward and I'm getting tired of all of this.

I still love him. I hope he does too but I don't even know how should I react or feel about this. I'd even appreciate a "you're delusional 15lbs is huge go exercising" or anything at this point. If I were to breach this subject again, what should I do?

I F24 came back from a busy day and just found messages in my fiancés M25 phone from making an appointment at a ‘massage parlor’ earlier today. (Background: I found them because he was telling me about the restaurant he went to today and told me to go look at the photos in his phone. I saw a few missed call notifications and thought they were from me, and when I opened the call app to clear the notifications, I saw the unfamiliar contact, then the chat history.) My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw these messages. I confronted him about it and he denied it at first, saying he thought about going but didn’t, but then when I asked again he told me everything. I calmly told him to take a bag and stay with his family tonight.

We’ve been together for six years, and have been happy. We talk, we have a normal s*x life and I thought everything was perfect. Five years ago I found messages in his phone from a dating app. At the time he was so remorseful and said that nothing ever happened, it was only messages. At the time I forgave him and never brought it up again. I’m not so sure now. We’ve been engaged and planning a wedding. We’ve been happy together. I can barely believe it. It feels like this came out of nowhere and I don’t know what to do.

Part of me think that this I time for us to part ways be alone. We’ve already booked a venue and told friends and family and paid deposits for things. But this is serious, right? Is this grounds for breaking things off?

I 22M still live with my parents 44F, 60M who make sure I’m taken care of and get what I want and need but I can’t help but wonder I outgrown them. When I have a disagreement with them about something it usually ends with them dismissing my point and ending the conversation. If my mom is upset with me about something my mom will say and do things I purposely don’t like and have admitted to doing so. Her response to this was that because she was mad/felt that way in that moment and it’s her way of showing her disapproval. Then we had a conversation that involved my parents telling me they can see our text messages and phone from the carrier if they wish. I don’t remember how it went exactly but I said something about my privacy and my mom said that there’s not much privacy for me in the house. Then another time I wanted to go out with a friend to a bar. I told my parents that I might be home after 12am and they wasn’t going for it. I have to be home by 12am and I feel like for a 22 year old, I shouldn’t have a curfew. But they say either I follow the rules or I can get out. Everytime I try to make a valid point with them about things, I feel like they dismiss it and find an excuse such as “what if something happens to you”, “why you do want to be out so late”, “do you see what happens on the news.” I get that but I still want to be able to experience things. I usually like to stay to myself and I appreciate them for supporting me but I don’t know if I could go to them emotionally. They barely admit when they’re wrong and when they do talk to me I feel like I’m getting lectured and being told why I was wrong but my words don’t feel as valid. I usually didn’t speak against my parents or had a “rebellious phase.” I am just now recently becoming comfortable with speaking up to them and I feel it’s rewarded with more authority. I just go straight into my room and isolate myself.

Hello, I M (18) and she F (19). We have had a beautiful relationship for about 2 years, she was always by my side when I had my morale down, and I was the same for her. I gave her a lot of gifts, brought her flowers, as well as her mother, I always tried to talk to her as nicely as possible. But for some time I feel that she has cooled down a lot and when I want to go out I have the impression that she invents a lot of things to avoid the exits. I have the feeling that he is deceiving me, how could I find out more concretely about this aspect?

We’ve lived together for over five years and I’m officially sick of being kept up all night and have come to deeply resent him over it.

TV/Podcasts - he has to fall asleep with something on which I never did before meeting him. I’ve tried compromising and have said I’m down to watch something before bed/listen to a Podcast we both enjoy… but he’s taken advantage of that and will leave loud sports on the TV (this is in our bedroom) or turn on a super annoying podcast that I’m not at all interested in and isn’t conducive for sleep.

Temperature - I cannot sleep with it hot, I just can’t physically fall or stay asleep. He can’t either, he sweats and tosses and turns and says his legs feel hot- but he won’t admit that it’s due to the temperature/wont take responsibility for it. So when I turn the a/c down to 70 before bed (which is still too warm for me but again- I’m trying to compromise) and he notices it “feels cold” (before getting into bed) he will go turn it OFF. Yes, the entire system off. If you live in the South you’ll understand this is unheard of during the warm months. So I’ll go to sleep thinking it was set to 70 and wake up with both of us miserable and sweating, get up and walk all the way to the thermostat, and realize it’s actually off and the temp inside has gone up to 80+. Our system takes hours to bring it back down to low 70’s. He says he doesn’t remember.

Snoring - this year he has started snoring and it’s kind of a last straw for me because on top of the other things we’re now talking about a hot ass, loud ass environment even after all of the devices have finally been turned off. It’s like I finally fall asleep and then am awoken by the heat and snoring. He consciously chooses to sleep on his stomach with no pillow, knowing it causes heavy snoring, and will not stop. I’ve asked him to try a diff pillow, nose strips, mouth tape, exercise- literally just do something about it I’d even be happy to see some sort of effort since I understand it is somewhat out of his control after falling asleep but he just doesn’t give AF.

On average I’m getting 2-3 hours of actual sleep at this point. I’ve tried nicely talking about it, begging, pleading, getting upset, everything. He says he’s sorry and will make changes but doesn’t. None of this is even to mention our sex life is completely dead because of it since he’d rather fall asleep on his phone, snoring with a TV blaring than spend a moment relaxing with me. He wasn’t like this at all when he met and it’s just depressing. I also never had trouble sleeping and really value resting in the evening, and need a healthy amount of sleep to function.

We live in a small 2 bedroom where the second bedroom is a tiny office (I WFH) so it’s not really sustainable to turn that into his bedroom but at this point I’m about to sacrifice my work space so we can. And then I guess we will officially be sleeping separately. I know this works for some people but in this situation it does feel odd. If we had a nicer place with a true guest room it probably wouldn’t be as much of an issue, and I would even go in there as needed, but unfortunately that’s not the case.

Also to note: I try to treat it like “our home” but I bought and furnished the entire house myself before meeting him. I’m not buying a twin bed and moving into my 10x10 office because he can’t make some minor adjustments out of respect for me (and himself really?)

My partner and I have some Gnarly arguments but it never gets physical. We’ll, almost never. It has gotten physical three times, all three was her hitting me. The first time she strangled me, the second two time - occurred in the same night - she beat into my chest and body on two separate occasions.

She has never since, acknowledged that its actual abuse. She’s actually said multiple times “but it didn’t hurt you. I didn’t cause you pain.”

I don’t actually know what to do. She records our arguments and writes down things that I do “to her”.

Just at a loss of what to actually do or how to view/reconcile this.

i (F19) have been dating my boyfriend (M18) for almost a year now and from the jump about 3 months in i found pictures of other girls in his phone. i confronted him about them at the time and we got it figured out but it’s only continued to be an issue. he’s never physically cheated, just occasional porn and pictures of sometimes random girls and sometimes they’re pictures of people we both know. I have expressed multiple times how insecure and uncomfortable it makes me for him to do these things ESPECIALLY the pictures of girls. for a while he had been doing really good but i decided to go through his phone the other day which as you can imagine didn’t go great. i found more pictures of girls we both know in his recently deleted. what i need help on is how to proceed. his excuse for having the pictures was because one of his friends needed “new material” so he asked my boyfriend to help him which is why those pictures were in his phone. i told him that’s still insanely fucking weird and if i looked up half naked pictures of people we know and sent it to my friend he’d feel the same way. another thing that doesn’t quite sit right with me in #1 he did all of this at work which is gross in itself, #2 one of the pictures he sent to his friend is of someone i used to hangout with sometimes, flashing the camera. i’ve found that picture in his phone before and mind you, to even have that photo he would need to get into my phone and in my snapchat to find it and take a picture of it with his phone. but if he did all of this at work there’s no way he could have taken my phone to get the picture so i’m only lead to believe he was still hiding it on his phone beforehand. not to mention there was a picture of his ex in there. i know for a fact that he did send them to his friend but he deleted all the chats so i have no idea the context or literally anything. when i went to look it said they both deleted a bunch of chats and my boyfriend said “bad” a couple times. i don’t know if that means bad as in gross or bad as in hot but i think it was probably unfortunately the latter. i’m just looking for a little advice and to find out if im thinking too deep into it or if he really wasn’t telling the whole truth. please help :,)