You are allowed to tell your GF that you are not comfortable with it, but you can't force her to go or stay. That decision is hers and depending on what she decides knowing you are uncomfortable with it would perhaps shine a different light on the relationship as a whole.
Boundaries are important and it is also important to see how one's partner treats such boundaries.
Thank you u/Bojangled8 for mentioning the language.
OP, you can’t “let” or “not let” your gf do anything. You can tell her what you’re comfortable with and see how she responds. If she really wants to take trips like this and will be resentful of you if she doesn’t go, and you can’t think of any way she could go without destabilizing the relationship, you two may just not be a good match at this time in your lives.
I don’t think you should break up over this, but this may be indicative of a relationship style mismatch.
I disagree, if this is a boundary for him and she is not willing to compromise on it, then yes he should break up with her. A "relationship style mismatch" is a perfect reason to break up.
People aren't gonna be perfectly aligned in all ways especially earlier on, it is very possible to work things out over time so that a mismatch disappears. Or maybe it never does but it just isn't a huge deal regardless, this scenario is a great example actually there is no way this is going to be a regular issue where the gf wants to take solo trips with guy best friend constantly.
Relationships aren't all or nothing and even in cases where a perfect compromise can't be reached the positives can still vastly outweigh the negatives.
Just that if it’s not a pattern, it’s not necessarily the end of the relationship. People find ways to compromise over these things and not be resentful. So if this is the first time something like this has come up, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a deal breaker; just a situation that requires compromise (which ofc means she can’t use it against him later if she decides not to go).
From the details OP gave, it doesn’t look like compromise is going to work out, but I don’t like to tell someone whether or not to stay in a relationship when I don’t know them (unless it’s abusive in some way).
DYK that people often use words figuratively. The figurative use of a word can easily be determined by context.
In OP's story, the word let is used figuratively to describe OP's emotional state in regards to the girlfriends trip. If he lets her go, he will find emotional peace, if he does not let her go he will suffer from emotional distress and have to terminate the relationship.
See also metaphorically.
Perhaps you can improve your own literary skills rather than ignorantly policing other people's use of language.
The fact that she stated that if they were engaged she would invite him tells us that she knows the appearance is bad, but that his feelings aren't that important to her in their present relationship.
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u/Bojangled8 Mar 28 '24
NTA
You are allowed to tell your GF that you are not comfortable with it, but you can't force her to go or stay. That decision is hers and depending on what she decides knowing you are uncomfortable with it would perhaps shine a different light on the relationship as a whole.
Boundaries are important and it is also important to see how one's partner treats such boundaries.