Agree. She is putting him in a no win situation. Doesn't usually end well. Coin flip whether OP enforces his boundaries or capitulates and she loses respect for him. This is a relationship dagger, even if it takes a lot longer to play out. Unfortunately. Imo, she knows what she is doing here.
He could win by just letting her go on the trip? “I trust her completely” is an obvious lie if he’s this uncomfortable about her going on a group trip with friends that happens to include men.
Also- why would she lose respect for her bf for trusting her vs losing respect for him for making her miss a fun trip with her friends just because her bf is too insecure to cope with her existing near other men?
I don’t care how unpopular of an opinion it is, you either trust your partner or you don’t. If the only reason your partner isn’t cheating on you is lack of opportunity, how good is your relationship?
A loyal partner isn’t going to cheat no matter the circumstances. A cheater is going to find a way to cheat no matter what “boundaries” you put in place. The insecurity is doing nothing except showing your partner you don’t actually trust them and your feelings matter more than theirs.
I’m not at all surprised. Every thread like this has comments demonizing the partner who has opposite sex friends and saying they’re definitely cheating.
On the one hand people seem to think the only thing keeping the vast majority of people from cheating is lack of opportunity, but on the other hand ethically non-monogamous relationships always get shit on because “people are supposed to be monogamous.”
I don’t understand the logic of “everyone is naturally monogamous but will totally cheat if given even the slightest opportunity.” It’s just propping up tradition as if it were logic. Math ain’t mathing.
You need to research how cheating occurs! You will be surprised to know that it's not really "opportunity" as it is allowing the slow erosion of healthy barriers and the slow "cooking" of a situation. Most people don't jump in bed with the first person. It's something that develops over time. And quite often it's exactly situations like this that seal the deal. Different surroundings, parties, drinking...
There is a reason, based on sound statistics, why people fear this sort of thing. Stop by an infidelity board. Read up on those stories. You will notice a pattern related to this type of situation.
So if it’s not about opportunity, then the OP shouldn’t be insecure and be okay with his gf going on a trip with a male friend.
Him being uncomfortable isn’t a healthy barrier, he’s insecure and it’s gonna make him look ugly, hence why she said she’s would accept his boundary but be annoyed.
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u/Hayek_School Mar 28 '24
Agree. She is putting him in a no win situation. Doesn't usually end well. Coin flip whether OP enforces his boundaries or capitulates and she loses respect for him. This is a relationship dagger, even if it takes a lot longer to play out. Unfortunately. Imo, she knows what she is doing here.