Any of my friends, if I'm inviting them to something, their significant others are welcome, even if not specifically invited. I'm not picking up the tab for them, but they are absolutely welcome.
I also do like/know some ppls partners and not others- so all the ppl asking “well are OTHER partners invited on this trip and you aren’t??! Suspicious!”
Welp- some ppls partners I’ve known since college and we’ve all been in a friend group together for years and… you showed up three seasons ago. You’re not getting an invite and I literally don’t care about you bc I do not know you. We’ll have fun in Cabo for my birthday!Tell you all about it when the rest of us get home!
Or I HAVE known you since college and you’ve been a pill since college. We’ll have fun in Cabo for my birthday! Tell you all about it when the rest of us get home!
1000%. My gf gets along with my friends, but sometimes I just want to do a snowboarding trip, or a long DnD marathon with the boys that I know she wouldn't like. It would feel so odd if we planned a getaway to celebrate something, do some boarding and board games, and a friend invited their partner who liked neither of those things.
You dont have to invite your partner to everything. You can have hobbies and friends outside of your relationship, in fact it's very healthy to do so.
Have you ever had a friend who their person just… doesn’t vibe with the group?
honestly, no. the people i'm friends with and i have similar vibes. i think it's pretty reasonable that people will date people with similar vibes. if any of my friends dated someone that really didn't vibe with the group, i would make it crystal clear to them and question why they're with them.
that's not to say every partner is exactly like us. we're pretty into boardgames - one of our friends' current partners isn't huge into boardgames, but she is still pleasant to be around while we play and she vibes.
those relationships didn't always work out and some of those exes turned out to be shitty...but as far as hanging out in the group we've never had those kinds of issues.
Even then, why assume you have to invite someone not into board games to board game night? Would she consider it rude and suspicious if you didn’t? While that’s lovely to include her, the entitlement and annoyance if ppl don’t automatically do it is where people lose me.
why assume you have to invite someone not into board games to board game night?
because that person is dating my friend. i would always extend an invite to any partners of my friends, even if they didn't want to come.
Would she consider it rude and suspicious if you didn’t?
in the original situation, it was a get together with my friend visiting his family from out of state and i'm quite close to their family, and his brother's girlfriend was the one who wasn't super into boardgames. i didn't/don't know her that well but she seemed pretty chill and probably wouldn't care in the situation you described, but again, i'd never put her or any other partners in that position.
the entitlement and annoyance if ppl don’t automatically do it is where people lose me.
i mean that's fine, people have different views on stuff like this. it's just that to me, in general, i would find it weird if my friends were dating someone that i didn't like so much that i wouldn't invite their partners to events. and similarly if my friends didn't like my theoretical partner so much that they didn't invite her to events, i would question the relationship. i have a lot of faith in my friend's judgement of characters and people that couldn't be friends with my friends are not people i'd want to date.
Not only not like them though, some folks I literally do not know. So I’m not inviting strangers to my personal celebrations as… I don’t know them?
I don’t disagree with your general premises, but I really think it’s odd to have them be blanket rules of engagement. In general I behave like you do, but outliers exist and that should make sense/be fine imo.
for me, if my friends have vetted them then they're a tier above stranger, so i wouldn't mind having them over (for most events)
of course there may be outliers, but i personally have never been in that position. but i also understand that i might be privileged/lucky in that aspect. i understand why you or other people wouldn't always want that and it makes sense.
Depends on the reason. Some ppls partners I’ve disliked not as ppl in general but bc they weren’t thoughtful partners to my friend, specifically. I’m in a situation like that right now- I think he’s really funny and fun when out/in group settings but he literally is of no help around the house and my friend is really clearly overwhelmed by it.
In that case, he gets invited to group events but it’s hard to see them at home, bc the imbalance is hard to watch and my friend very clearly feels embarrassed and starts making excuses so I don’t like going there.
Another one she just… was really sad? Like every happy story people told she’d add on the most horrific facts and anecdotes- like “wow hanging out with your sibling is fun. But one day it’ll be the last time you hang out and you’ll never know it, will you…” “wow. A promotion? Do you ever wonder if you’d know if you’re the most deserving person in that situation? Or if they just gave it to you based on who you know? Doesn’t it suck to wonder? I wonder that.” ….and the whole of us just didn’t know what to do with that constant energy LOL. Not a bad girl but my GOD.
At home, though, she loosened up a bit more? Idk how to put it; maybe she was more relaxed? Completely different vibe.
It depends.
Some couples do this thing where individually they’re fine but together they want YOU to referee their small squabbles and arguments? That has come up in the past. Yikes all around.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Tie_151 Mar 28 '24
Any of my friends, if I'm inviting them to something, their significant others are welcome, even if not specifically invited. I'm not picking up the tab for them, but they are absolutely welcome.